Chapter Twenty: Guarded

(Songs: Sandi Thom – What If I'm Right)

Having lessons with Blaine was an incredibly odd experience.

Kurt couldn't exactly figure out whether they were a good or bad one.

On the one hand, just to be near enough to him, for their shoulders to be millimetres apart, if not touching, sent sparks shooting through him. Being able to constantly steal glances at him through the corners of his eyes was enough to fill his heart with content as he saw Blaine's own head bent low in concentration - Well, that or staring out of the window, bored out of his mind.

But when he was focused, Blaine's expression was adorable, along with the way that he chewed on the tip of his quill and tapped his finger rhythmically on his knee and stared up at the ceiling while he tried to formulate an answer or remember a fact.

On the other hand, all of these things were extremely distracting.

Especially as he was not full of these pensive expressions all of the time, and the view from the window only appeared to occupy his attention for a short space of time… He got restless.

This particular aspect of Blaine's character, which Kurt had newly discovered, came with problems.

Such as in History of Magic that week, Blaine seemed to tire of writing notes after the first five or ten minutes of the subject and instead –since on this specific occasion Mercedes had made a bee-line for the seat directly beside Kurt – the older Gryffindor had decided to dedicate his time to bewitching a tiny piece of folded paper to fly over and land upon Kurt's desk once Binn's back was turned.

Kurt caught the note, ignoring the light kick from Mercedes as she snickered, and opened it:

B: Please tell me that you are as bored out of your brilliant mind as I am…

Kurt's eyes darted up to the ghost-teacher before scribbling down a neat reply and zooming it back over to the (impatiently) waiting Chaser:

K: To be fair, you are listening to the same lecture for the second time; it is bound to be tiresome.

B: Okay, please don't tell me that you are finding it interesting, even as new information?

K: No, but unlike you, I don't already have notes on this… so quit pestering me and let me get back to my work!

B: Come on, I'll lend you my notes. They're super fun.

… Study with me this evening?

K: What on earth are we going to be studying if you persist in making me lose concentration through every class?

B: Sorry, you're right.

So…. Wizard's Chess?

K: … I don't think you are quite grasping the point here… Anyway, I can't even play regular chess.

B: I would be happy to teach you

K: I shall talk to you AFTER class. Now, get to work!

B: Yes Sir!

And once he received the last one he stole a quick glance at Blaine, who offered him a mock military salute as he did so.

He supposed that the years of classroom antics with Wes, David and Trent would have made his own leniency towards mischief-making inevitable, even if he had seemed one of the more sensible members of the group. Perhaps Kurt had been mistaken in that evaluation…

Kurt didn't particularly mind, partly because History of Magic was indeed dull as a Doxy and the majority of the information could be easily accessed from their textbooks anyhow, but mostly because he could feel himself melt a little every time that playful grin or troublesome wink flitted across Blaine's features, directed towards the countertenor.

Besides, it was not as though these lapses in concentration ever maintained much of a hindrance to his learning overall, since he had always been a very diligent worker. He had also started to build upon the ability of drawing a line with Blaine, when the vocalist caused to be too much of a distraction, which often ended with sincere apologies on his part when Kurt got touchy.

As well of this, having been forced to swallow the study materials two years in a row now, Blaine was actually a very apt study partner (when he wasn't challenging him to games of Exploding Snap) as well as having a fair amount of intelligence to boot.

Kurt loved it when Blaine found himself going off on a tangent about all things that made him grow passionate. He would often find it very difficult to sit still when such times consumed his being, and he insisted upon pacing the length of the Library, Owlery or Common Room - wherever they happened to be situated.

He would make avid hand gestures when he got fired up, and his face would become so animated that it became quite compelling viewing, with Kurt's mixture of awed and amused responses.

Blaine's voice would heighten in pitch – though not quite to the same extent of Kurt's own octave-range — and he made a habit of running his hand through his dark curls, replacing any feeling Kurt would have at that moment with an almost painful impulse to perform the same action himself. Then he would be forced to wrench his mind out of the gutter.

He waited for a time when he would tire of the would-be 7th Year's company, but it seemed as though that day would never dawn. Every new side to his character; every new trait or mannerism he noticed; every new topic of discussion opened up another door for Kurt to follow through in pure amazement to add to his admiration and feeling of luck that he associated with knowing Blaine at all.

Though, of course, he was lucky to know Kurt too.

And even though the pair spent vast amounts of time together, there were still times they spent apart, which he endured with a sad heart. Such as Quidditch practice or when Blaine attended Herbology or Muggle Studies (one of the subjects that spurred Blaine onto his heated rants about equality, and yet Kurt had never thought relevant for himself to take, seeing as he had grown up in the muggle world until Hogwarts and still had to go back to it in the holidays), and then Kurt would have Care of Magical Creatures and Divination - the latter that he continued without any real reasoning for doing so other than the fact that he was fairly good at it.

Also, there were the times when Kurt went to go and sneak into the girl's dormitory to hang out with Rachel and Mercedes, those moments were sacred. He also gave Blaine space to spend time alone with his 7th Year friends, even though Kurt was beginning to get along fairly well with Wes, Trent and David, who spent a lot of time with his own friends all together, but he still respected the fact that Blaine should get some time to himself with them, even if it meant less time that he could spend with the precious boy who he would be perfectly happy living through every waking second with.

However, a trouble arose one day at a time when he was separated from Blaine, and an opportunity was singled out and seized by one particular Slytherin boy two weeks into the school year.

"Kurt!"

The sound of his name called out by this voice still sent a shiver down the Gryffindor's spine. His mind raced over the possible reasons why his name would be called by it at all, and why it was fast approaching down the stone steps of the Divination Tower.

So, his instinct was to walk faster in the opposite direction.

"Kurt, please," The voice was close behind him now, despite his efforts, keeping the volume down to a hiss so as not to attract attention to the fact that he was trying to engage him in conversation.

Obviously, this hadn't been the first time the pair had run into each other, seeing as they both shared classes now just as he and Blaine did. However, they had never interacted past a brief flash of wary eye-contact, which Kurt had still found unfavourable, let alone having Karofsky now deliberately track him down.

Kurt hastily reached the bottom of the stairs, hugging his books tightly to his chest, his eyes snapping around disapprovingly as a few students filed past to stand as witnesses. This was a comforting observation.

"Kurt-" On the third time his name was spoken a hand reached out to grab his shoulder, and as though it were a knee-jerk reaction, Kurt span around, drawing his wand at the ready and holding it by his side tightly.

"Don't touch me," He said curtly, eyes blazing and leaving a stunned Karofsky in their path.

He bowed his head slightly, averting his own eyes away from the furious boy before him; "I suppose I deserve that."

"Yes, you do," Kurt said venomously, sparing no sympathy.

Karofsky's expression was littered with disdain.

"Please, Kurt, I won't hurt you… I just want to talk."

"I think that you and I are way past ever having pleasant conversations, thank you very much." Kurt said, trying to move away, but Karofsky blocked him off.

"Can't we just be civil to one another for a moment?"

Kurt almost choked on his indignation.

"Really? Did you honestly just ask me that?" He spat. "Do you even know the meaning of civility, Karofsky? You seemed to have a warped concept of it last year. Why is it that you've cornered me now - because Blaine isn't here? Funny, I thought that you would have been waiting to strike up a re-match. Don't you find that kind of activity far more appealing than idle chit-chat?"

Karofsky's eyes flashed at the mention of the Gryffindor Chaser but he squirmed at the words that Kurt spoke, biting into him.

"Okay, yeah, I wanted to speak to you without him, -" He said the word in contempt, "-butting in, satisfied?"

"No, not really." Kurt said sharply. "Now if you would just get out of my way-"

Karofsky held firm, eyes strained and mouth pursed as he tried to find the words.

"Kurt I-"

"There's nothing you can say to me, Karofsky," Kurt interrupted before he had a chance to explain anything. "You terrorised me all of last year and I know all about the foul words you speak, the brutal way you act and your capability to deliver death threats." His own personal one reverberated around the walls of his mind, leaving an unpleasant twist in the pit of his stomach. "So no, I do not wish to speak to you and I shall only say this once: Stay away from me."

And with that he turned on his heel and carried along his path towards his next lesson, hardly being able to contain the anger from swelling up inside of him and bursting from every inch of his body like the confinement of a blood-curdling scream.

"You're going to have to talk to us about it sometime," Santana said, the three girls were sat in the corner of The Three Broomsticks, Brittany's head rested on her hands, which lay on the table, while Santana sat back, arms folded and looking at the third member of the party.

Quinn did not reply, but stared resolutely out of the window whilst her hands encased her baby bump protectively.

"We're like… worried about you," Brittany added, glancing up at her friend whose expression did not waver.

Santana sighed loudly and slapped her hand on the table, leaning forward and demanding focus:

"Look, Brit and I have been patient enough for the past couple of weeks. We stayed out of your way, we tried not to force you into saying anything, but we've had enough, okay? We get that you're all bent out of shape about all of this baby crap, it kind of sucks or whatever, but that doesn't mean you get to do us out of an explanation. I mean Christ, Queen of Celibacy, since when did you lose it anyway?"

Santana finally took a breath, but Quinn remained fixed in her position when she offered a reply: "Although your concern is touching, - " She said with a sarcastic note, " – I do not have to tell you anything, and I would prefer to keep it that way."

"Well, you kind of do because it's sort of obvious what's wrong with you…" Brittany said innocently, looking up at Quinn's stomach. "You can't expect us to ignore it…"

"Yeah, and you're blatantly on the verge of popping since you look like an illustration for a Yo Mamma So Fat joke." Santana finished with a comment on Quinn's size.

She decided to pass over this particular statement: "I'm fine. It'll come out; I'll get rid of it. End of story."

"Jesus, that is so not the end of the story. Will you please get over yourself and just tell us?"

"Surely it's the beginning of the story we should be filled in on anyway…" Brittany said, her face scrunched up in light confusion.

"Exactly! Now we get to the good stuff: who is the guy that removed that well-fastened chastity belt and-"

"Just lay off, okay!"

Quinn had finally snapped.

She turned to the pair of them ferociously, Brittany wide-eyed in shock as she lifted her head from the table and recoiled slightly, Santana keeping her steely expression, arms still hugged tightly to her chest as she returned the Ravenclaw's glare.

"I get why you're curious and everything, but this is my life, my problem and my baby. So I am going to deal with it how I like, because that is the only thing I get to control right about now. I didn't choose to get burdened with this, but it happened and from here on out I'm the one who gets to decide. And if that leaves you out in the cold in terms of idle gossip, then I am sorry, but that will just be something that you'll have to get used to."

With that the beautiful blonde girl stood up abruptly, one hand on her stomach.

"We don't want to know for idle gossip; we want to know that you're okay." Brittany insisted.

"I don't know; since she's being such a stuck up cow, I wouldn't say that my motivations are wholly pure." Santana said spitefully.

"Santana!" Brittany scolded, turning to the Hispanic girl and causing her to be silenced.

If Quinn hadn't been fuming she may have noticed this peculiar new power that Brittany held over the bitchy Slytherin.

She sighed; "I'm not asking you to understand why I am doing this, but please, just respect it."

And with that she left the pub and her two friends alone.

Santana stood up also, a perplexing expression laid across her face now as she avoided Brittany's gaze.

"Santana-" The Hufflepuff began.

"I have to go," The girl beside her retorted, she made her way towards the door at lightening pace, but stopped just prior to leaving when a saddened voice behind her asked a question:

"Why do you keep avoiding me lately?" Brittany asked, her eyes downcast and fixed on the table.

Santana froze, fingertips just grazing upon the door handle.

Brittany looked up and their eyes met for a long while.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Santana pursed her lips. "No I…. I just have to go."

She wrenched her eyes away from her best friend and went through the door, leaving the bewildered blonde girl behind her.

Santana stepped out into the cool air, wind whipping her sleek black hair in various directions as she tried to look around past the tears, which burned hotly in her eyes.

She wiped them away angrily with the back of her sleeve and carried on walking up the path which led towards the castle.

Guilt flooded through her, hammering at her heart and pummelling her stomach raw until she felt as though she had been left bruised all over.

It wasn't her fault; Brittany was the most caring person she had ever known. She was the sweetest girl and she had her own unique intelligence that was rarely realised by anyone else other than the girl who now strode through the darkened paths of Hogsmeade.

In a way, Santana could see a future with Brittany in her mind's eye as she walked. She knew it was possible; she knew that Brittany could love her; she knew it could be perfect.

But she also knew that it might not be. That her love might not be returned and that the troubles that would face the both of them if they were ever to have an official relationship could damage them both entirely. It was not so simple, or at least it didn't seem to be. Santana couldn't help but be scared, after all her cut-throat remarks and confident outpourings, she was just as insecure as anyone else who walked the halls of Hogwarts, and she couldn't help but let those negative thoughts overwhelm her. She wrapped her arms around torso and breathed in deeply.

You'll take me on a journey

And be there till the end

It won't be an uphill struggle

On you I can depend

You promised me a dream home

With roses round the door

You'll cover me in diamonds

There's nothing I want more

And

You'll be strong

And you'll turn me on

But I've got my doubts and what if I'm right?

You'll be true and be faithful too

But I've got my doubts and what if I'm right?

What if I'm right?

'cos if the rain starts falling

You'll protect me with your coat

And you'll always tape the football

And let me watch my soap

You'll always be as handsome

And your weight will never gain

And when I give birth to our children

I will feel no pain

And

You'll bring me flowers

And you'll run me showers

But I've got my doubts and what if I'm right?

You'll say I'm thin and bring the washing in

But I've got my doubts and what if I'm right?

What if I'm right?

You'll always keep the magic

The tender love and care

And when you need to change the light bulb

You wont hand me the chair

And when we're tired of the city

And we find a country home

You'll sell your vinyl records

And go get us a loan

You'll be my sympathetic lover

And won't steal the covers

But I've got my doubts and what if I'm right?

You won't forsake me

Your mother won't hate me

But I've got my doubts and what if I'm right?

You'll be strong

And you'll turn me on

But I've got my doubts and what if I'm right?

You'll be true

And be faithful too

But I've got my doubts and what if I'm right?

What if I'm right?

Kurt and Finn sat together in the library, trying to cram in some last minute studying before having to return to the common room where any form of revision would be rendered impossible by bustling Gryffindor's who disapproved of their designated bed time.

"I don't understand this!" Kurt exclaimed, irritated as he chucked his quill across the room.

"Accio," Finn murmured so that it flew back to them as Kurt buried his head under his hands, forehead laying on the desk.

"Do you get this?" He asked, exasperated.

Finn snorted. "If you don't understand it, how am I supposed to?"

Kurt propped himself up on his elbow and rolled his eyes spitefully at his homework. "Good. Let's give up on it then. Common room?"

He wanted to go and find Blaine. He had been pulled off by Wes, David and Trent earlier but he would probably have returned to the dormitory by now…

"Kurt, I need to talk to you about something," Finn said with a suddenly serious edge to his voice.

Kurt looked up from his wistful stares to the bookcase opposite to frown at his brother, since he could not fathom the intention behind his desired discussion.

Finn returned his gaze warily and this told Kurt instantly that he would not like the topic of conversation that was about to arise.

"Do you promise not to be angry with me?" He said, sounding so anxious by his question that Kurt felt guilty already before he'd even said anything.

He took a deep breath, "That depends, is it something I'd have a valid reason to be angry about?"

Finn looked skywards and twisted his mouth thoughtfully, "Well, you were the last time I brought it up."

And Kurt instantly knew what his brother was angling to discuss. His face fell and crumpled as he looked up at the Gryffindor Keeper in despair.

"Can we not?" He pleaded. "I really, really don't want to talk about it."

Finn pursed his lips, but shook his head relentlessly. "You can't expect me to ignore it… or any of us to for that matter. It was pretty damn hard to miss it when you walked through that portrait completely pulverised."

Kurt swallowed and looked down at his study materials, thinking that even another Herbology lesson would have been a more welcome circumstance than this conversation.

"You promised me that you would tell Burt."

And there was the guilt he had predicted, rising to his throat as he exhaled deeply.

"I… I tried."

"When?" Finn said, the question sounding more like a demand as he gained a new vigour to his side of the interrogation.

Kurt licked his lips and shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.

"A couple times."

His brother sighed. "Could you try and respect me enough not to lie to my face, Kurt?"

The bitterness to his voice was impossible to misinterpret now and Kurt looked up at the taller boy, a grimace set on his face.

"Sorry," He whispered.

Finn seemed to feel a little guilty himself now, as he looked into those sorrowful eyes; "It's okay… I still want an explanation though."

"I was afraid to tell him… and of what he might have done had he heard about it." Kurt admitted, twisting his fingers together in his lap.

"Why? You usually trust your Dad with this sort of thing, don't you?" Finn asked, sitting back and surveying the suddenly very quiet boy before him – an uncharacteristic trait amongst his usually exuberant personality.

"I know… it's not so much an issue of trust. It's more that I just didn't want to upset him… and I don't really want to talk about anything to do with… him anymore." Kurt didn't even want to speak his name; he wanted to forget it along with his face; his voice; his crushing fists…

Finn placed his hand on Kurt's shoulder tentatively, not very well adjusted to affectionate gestures; "I realise that this has been really tough on you, Kurt, I get that. I do. But don't you think it would be easier to talk about it?"

"I do talk about it," Kurt said instantly. "Or at least I did."

"Maybe to someone besides Blaine?" Finn suggested.

Kurt frowned and looked back to his brother once more; "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," Finn said quickly. "I mean, it's good that he was there to vent to, but don't you think it would be better if you could talk to someone who could…you know… do something about it?"

Kurt hesitated for a moment, contemplating these words, before shaking his head. "What, so you want me to tell my Dad so that he can charge into this school, guns blazing and shout down every teacher or Slytherin who crosses his path, only to end up collapsing on the floor because of his condition?"

Even Kurt winced at his own description. "No thanks."

"A teacher then," Finn insisted, a desperate edge to his voice as he bounced the balls of his feet, trying to convince his new sibling.

"They won't listen," Kurt said glumly.

"Hogwarts teachers aren't like the ones at our old schools, Kurt, they actually give a damn about what happens to us here, I'm sure that if you just-"

"Please, Finn," Kurt's voice sounded slightly broken as he resorted to pleading with his brother; "I really… I just can't - not right now. I can't talk about it."

"You talked to Blaine, you said it yourself." Finn said, not giving up just yet. He had seen over the course of last year, the effect the Karofsky situation had had on his brother, had seen it takes its toll and pull him apart, stretching him think like a sheet of cellophane. It had been horrific to watch and he wanted him to finish it. To be able to completely put it behind him and move on, to feel safe and at ease within the halls of Hogwarts again. All though Kurt claimed to feel no fear of the Slytherin since returning this year, Finn saw it differently. He may be dense on a lot of things, but he could tell that each time Kurt turned a corner he braced himself, that he was forever wary of walking on his own when it got dark or staying out too late into the night time. The past events had corrupted his enjoyment of the castle when everything about it should fill him with hope and comfort.

And Finn couldn't deal with him keeping the secret from Burt most of all, because sometimes people just needed to step up and reveal some dark truths to those who needed to hear it. The problem was that the ones who had to hear such things the most were often the ones that the person would be most frightened to tell. That was why the secrets were reigned in, and that is exactly what drove the tall Gryffindor crazy.

He'd had enough of secrets, especially those that he was forced to keep.

"I used to talk to Blaine… we haven't discussed it in a while and I would prefer to keep it that way." Kurt said with an edge of melancholia to his tone, his eyes downcast and the shadows of his eyelashes falling across his face.

"Why?" Finn asked again, but this time genuinely confused by the conclusions of the boy who sat beside him, shoulders hunched and breathing sharp.

"Because look where involving him in the situation led. Do you not see how bringing him into the middle of everything almost endangered his position within Hogwarts? He could have been expelled Finn. Then what would he do with himself? I just…"

"Kurt, that wasn't your fault!" Finn exclaimed, jutting his head forward as he gaped at him, having not expected such a grim answer.

"How? How was that not my fault? I told him about…Karofsky-" He finally said the name reluctantly "-the way he treated me led Blaine to try and defend me, and that meant that Karofsky then attacked him and almost drove him out of the castle for good."

Finn just gave him a blank stare. "You know you're reading way too much into this, right?"

Kurt pursed his lips.

He didn't get it.

He loved his new-found brother, but he just didn't understand the link between him and Blaine, the pain he felt over any kind of responsibility he had over the entire affair. The hatred he had in his heart for the Slytherin, and the love he held in it for the Gryffindor. He wanted those two things forever separated, and since he wanted Blaine in his life as much as possible, he also wanted Karofsky out of it to the same extent.

Finn sighed.

"I still think you need to tell someone. You need to report it."

Kurt was getting nowhere with this discussion; it only went in full circle and he was tired. He did not want to argue with Finn. He wanted to go and bury his head under his pillow.

"I'll think about it." He said, and Finn knew this was going to be the best answer he could pull from the countertenor, since he did not want to anger Kurt himself.

Hello Readers!

Did you miss me?

Okay, maybe not me, but the story! I know that I have been stingy on you for the last few days, but I have an excuse: I got my A Level results yesterday, and guess what?

I'M GOING TO UNIVERSITY TO STUDY ENGLISH!

I know many of you may not care, but I just love saying it, so here I am doing so :D

Anyway, I have left you here with some lovely Furt times before the next chapter. Okay, maybe not particularly 'lovely' Furt times, but the sentiment of brotherly love and the need to protect one another is still there.

Oh, I have a feeling some of you will get angry with me for the next chapter, but hold tight and bear with me for just a little while longer.

Sorry, am I being cryptic again?

Thank you all again for reviewing thus far! I hope that you have not tired of me yet and continue to read this, because I have been writing some super fun future chapters that I am so looking forward to showing you all!

Love to you all!