EPIC PANTS TIME (are you kidding me, all the time is pants time)
EPISODE: What else could go wrong?
One more day now, Jack had kindly reminded them all that morning, one more day of freedom before his parents descended on them like hungry vultures and ruined all the 'fun'. Roger thought to himself that he really wouldn't mind all that much. Maybe under the vigilance of Jack's over-protective parents, the dorm would calm down a little. Heck, they might even clean up a bit at this rate.
"Hey, guys." Jack called over, "I gotta go to work today and we need milk. Do you think you could run down to the grocery store before I get back?" As he said this, he walked in and began tying a tie, much too tight. It seemed he was already preparing himself for criticism.
"Why do you assume we're going together?" Roger sneered pointedly. Clearly, in just one day, he'd healed well enough to gain his snarkiness back.
"Because you'd never leave Ralph in the dorm alone." Jack responded.
Roger narrowed his eyes. "Touche."
"Why can't I stay home by myself?!" Ralph whined from the floor; where he sat, nearly buried in dirty laundry.
"Flashback time?" Jack offered to Roger.
"No." Roger shot down.
"Aw..." Ralph sighed, "But I like those."
Roger rolled his red eyes and crossed his arms, sinking further into the tacky-colored futon. "Let's just go to the freaking grocery store and get this over with."
…...
The grocery store was a familiarity for the boys, seeing as how Roger worked there, they went there often to get discounts on everyday things. Over all it was quite a nifty place. IT sold everything that anyone could think of. From groceries, of course, to camping supplies. Normally, Roger would have no problem with running a few errands. It gave him an opportunity to get out of the dorm and get some fresh air into his system instead of whatever they were currently breathing inside their dorm room.
Shopping with Ralph, however, was a whole other matter. Roger could never seem to keep track of him for more than five seconds, he was always wandering off, always dragging Roger to random aisles with things they didn't need, always throwing something else in the cart, always pointlessly screwing about. Which is why, about three seconds after they got in the door, Roger just stopped caring all together and left the blonde to his own devices.
He would learn later that this was quite possibly the biggest mistake he'd ever made.
But, for now, he was caught up in the sweet, amazingly distracting scent of alone-ness. Roger utilized the shopping cart to glide around through out the aisles, swerving it with one foot and keeping it going with the other, alternating as needed, feeling rather like a kid in a candy shop. Not because he was shopping; but simply because he was going solo.
This was the reason he'd broken up with Clover the night before as well. The relationship had been grating on his nerves anyway.
Roger hummed to himself as he scanned the dairy products for what they needed. Soon enough he found it and could navigate back to the front register. Hey, he thought to himself, maybe someone he didn't utterly hate with all of his being was working today, maybe they could strike up some interesting conversation.
Then he remembered that he hated everyone, even himself, and threw the pointless thought of smalltalk away.
Everything was going great, and would continue to go great. By the time Roger was finished packing everything into the small trunk of his car, Ralph had already made his appearance in the passenger seat. It was almost as if he had just appeared there. He was looking rather...eager? No, that wasn't the word. Roger stuck the keys in the ignition and started the car, trying to think of something better to describe the blonde's nearly-strange jumpiness at the moment. Ralph was normally jittery...but this was different. Finally, the terrible reality of it hit Roger like a sack of bricks lathered in butter and hand soap.
Wait. What?
"Ralph, what did you do?" He accused flatly.
Ralph looked away and pressed his lips into an unforgiving line. "nothing."
"Seriously," Roger growled, "I know that look. You gave me that look after you painted out bathroom to look like the unicorn forest from that stupid-ass movie you made us all watch...what was it? Like, The Fast Unicorn or some shit."
"No." Ralph corrected pointedly, "It was actually The Last Unicorn. And that movie is the best movie I've ever wasted my life on."
"You've watched it almost a hundred times."
"Yeah." Ralph sighed, "I love that movie."
"I know." Roger grimaced, "Every single damn time I get ready for classes in the morning I'm reminded of that fact."
Ralph just laughed nervously as Roger put the car in gear and backed out of the parking space, making the dreary trip back home more interesting with an onslaught of mad shreds, courtesy of Dragonforce, that blared through the speakers. Through the Fire and the Flames we carry on, yo.
The song hadn't even ended, in fact, when they arrived once more at the dorms. For some reason, Ralph stayed behind in the car as Roger unloaded the groceries, still to the tune of Dragonforce.
*another guitar solo*
When the job was finished entirely, and the groceries were even put away in the proper cabinets, Roger couldn't help but feel suspicious and tap on the window of the mustang.
Oh my God.
There was a dog in the car.
And it wasn't even Ralph.
"DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, WHY IS THERE A DAMN DOG IN MY CAR!" Roger shouted through the window. Ralph turned around in the passenger seat, where he had been trying to shush the massive canine. By Roger's best guesses, it was most likely a golden retriever or something like that. And it was slobbering everywhere.
Ralph popped the door open and the thing leaped from the mustang and onto the pavement. Roger stood back, cringing a bit. He'd had bad experiences with dogs before.
"It's just a puppy, Rogerkinz." Ralph laughed, throwing his arms around the mutt, "She's so soft and fluffy. Here, pet her!"
"Eeugh..." Roger grimaced.
"Aw, come on!" Ralph pushed the dog forward.
"We're getting rid of that thing." Roger scolded, "right now. OR I'm killing it and serving it for dinner."
"Oh man, but I love her!" Ralph whined, "Please, Roger, please!"
"Jack's parents are coming over soon!"
"But they have THREE puppies!"
"You have to take care of it!"
"I will! I promise!"
"It can't come in the bedroom! You have to keep it in the guest room or living room!" Roger continued, "If it barks, it's gone and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is she to come within five feet of me or the couch!"
"I promise!" The blonde grinned back. The dog stared up at Roger with its big, hazel eyes, its tongue lolling out and its head turned to the side. Roger shivered and swallowed a growl.
"Fine." He admitted through gritted teeth, "But if I have to take care of the damn thing, I'm eating it, understand?"
"Yes!" Ralph cheered, "Just wait until Jack sees this! He's gonna die!"
"He's gonna die alright." Roger rolled his eyes and slammed the passenger seat closed, turning to go back into the dorm.
"Hey, wait!" Ralph called after him, dragging the dog behind himself as he followed Roger persistently, "What do you want to name it!?"
"Fuck you."
"That's a great name!"
And that's how Roger, Ralph, and Jack, ended up owning a dog. Named Fuck-u.
Yup.
…...
HEY. Okay, so I;m sorry to IMINROGERSPANTS for telling you that this was going to be up by friday. I completely forgot that the talent show and improv group was on Friday at my school. Sigh...but at least its up.
Like last week, I'll be updating by request throughout this weekend. If something needs updated in your opinion, shoot me a PM or review.
So, yeah, I decided to boot Clover from the cast.
She was never supposed to be a re-occuring character anyway...but...I DO think she's going to come back towards the end. We'll see. Also, I think this fic is nearly done as well. Only seven or so chapters left.
Sad.
HOWEVER, I think you guys will like my next comedy I have lined up. I'm really looking forward to it. Like, A lot! So, :)
Yup.
THANKS FOR READING! PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU HAVE TIME! WRITE YOU LATER!