This chapter takes us up until the events at the end of The Order of the Phoenix (the start of the summer of 1996.) A reminder that at the end of the The Order of the Phoenix that Tonks ends up in St Mungo's with minor injuries after the battle at the Ministry, where Bellatrix kills Sirius.
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December 11, 1995
Dear Molly,
Oh, no it's fine! We're just friends these days, honestly. I mean, we've always been friends, and I just think of us as friends now.
Love,
Dora
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March 3, 1996
Remus,
Well, I've been to Grimmauld Place and your cottage and you're not at either. You can't just avoid me for the rest of your life, though you have tried before.
It wasn't the ideal place for a declaration like that, while we're huddled outside Nott's dingy house with wet feet at three in the morning, but I couldn't believe how stupid you were being. Yes, Sirius is still handsome after all those years in Azkaban, but me in love with him? It's perfectly obvious who I love and you'd know it if you'd stopped feeling sorry for yourself.
You have pulled away and pulled away from me over the years because you are afraid of what I might find out about you. But I've seen everything now, remember? You've got nothing else to hide. I fell in love with you such a long time ago. Before you were professor at Hogwarts, though how happy it made me seeing you there, so fulfilled and content. Before we started running together and I saw what a wild, magnificent creature you are. Before poor Charlie Weasley tried to hold my hand coming back from Care of Magical Creatures. My heart had already been filled up by the kind, courageous and funny man who took pity on a poor Hufflepuff who was afraid of the Sorting Hat.
Do you know what my happy memory is, the one I use to summon my Patronus? It was that day in Hogsmeade, my birthday, when you fastened a little rabbit charm to my bracelet and you looked at me like you were seeing me for the first time.
I've waited so long, Remus. It's always been you.
Yours,
Dora
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March 4, 1996
Dora,
Will you meet me tonight, the Leaky Cauldron at eight?
Remus
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March 6, 1996
Dear Molly,
I lied, I lied, I lied. Of course I'm still in love with him. Please don't be angry with me. I need to tell someone about what has happened because I feel like it will drown me unless I get it out.
A few nights ago Remus and I were paired up to stake out Nott's house and he spouted some bitter nonsense about me being in love with Sirius. When I told him I loved him it seemed to make things worse. He couldn't even look at me.
He asked me to meet him at the Leaky Cauldron to talk. He was very gentle. Very kind. He told me, 'I would have taken myself off somewhere far away if it wasn't for this war. You deserve someone who is young and whole, not half a beast.'
I didn't want him to be gentle and kind. I wasn't feeling very gentle myself. 'But I don't care what you are! I have never cared.'
Molly, I don't know how many other ways I could have shown him over the years that I don't care. Finally, I said, 'Tell me the memory you use for your Patronus. Tell me truthfully, and if it's not what I think it is I will never speak of this again.'
He sighed deeply and looked at the glass of firewhiskey in his hands. He didn't want to tell me but I badgered him over and over to speak, calling him a coward. Calling him all the worst names I could think of. Finally, after knocking back the rest of his drink he said in a low voice, 'You, just as you are, nestled close against a huge, hairy werewolf, fast asleep. I don't think I slept at all night. I just watched you.'
When he looked up his eyes were bleak. 'But it doesn't make any difference. The difference in our ages … my means … I can barely support myself. I can never be a father and I won't deny you children.'
I was crying silently by then, my hand clamped over my mouth and tears running into my sleeves. He got up from the table and left.
All the colour has faded from my hair, Molly. I don't think it shall ever return.
Dora
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March 7, 1996
Dora, my poor girl. I've been so afraid something like this was going to happen. Of course you still love him, anyone can see it in your face when the two of you are together. He is being foolish making you both so unhappy.
I remember when you were so young and you were at Hogwarts and I encouraged you to write to him because I thought he needed a friend. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I should never have done that.
Love,
Molly
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March 9, 1996
Dear Molly,
Remus and I have come together and fallen apart many times over the years. Don't feel bad. You sending one letter ten years ago is neither here nor there. I think, maybe, we have fallen apart forever now.
Molly, tell me again how you and Arthur eloped together during the last war.
Dora
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March 10, 1996
Dear Dora,
I will not. I'm not going to give you another reason to lie down and cry. Go and wash your face and eat something, and I want to see you at the Burrow in the next three days. If you don't appear I'm telling Dumbledore to not give you any more assignments.
Love,
Molly
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June 2, 1996
Dear Dora,
Molly told me not to write to you while you were in St Mungo's but I can't not speak to you after what has happened. At least this way you can cast Incendio on my letter as soon as you see my handwriting if you wish. I'll understand.
We've lost our dear friend Sirius, for good this time. How he managed to come back to us at all after twelve years in Azkaban I'll never know, but I'll always be grateful for this time we had with him.
You fought bravely at the Ministry. Sirius was so proud of you.
Always, your friend,
Remus
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June 4, 1996
Mad-Eye,
When I get out of St Mungo's I need to be posted somewhere else. I can't be at Grimmauld Place anymore. Put me near Hogwarts – you've said that Harry should have protection close at hand. Please don't ask me why.
Tonks
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Well that was a sad chapter wasn't it. Inspiration for the scene at Nott's came from the Remus character outline on Pottermore. It's a beautiful, heartbreaking read.