Thank you to all for your patience - my only excuse for the delay is that I just don't make any money from writing (yet lol) which forces me to have a full time job in order to put the roof over my head and food on the table (how's that for drama? *grin*)

For those of you who love angst (and you know it had to be coming...we can't have too much fluff in our couple's life, because that just wouldn't be fair to the rest of us!) you should enjoy this chapter. For those of you who don't...know that it was necessary in the story but we know there's a happy ending eventually!

Thank you again for all of your kind reviews and faithful following of the story. I do promise to try to be more timely in the posts, but I want it to be done right too - and sometimes that takes me longer.

Enjoy!

P.S. Some of you may recognize a few lines towards the end as being from the new "Eclipse" movie. I did snag a couple lines as I thought they were incredibly poignant and very appropriate for this chapter...so I thank Stephanie Meyer (or the screenwriter, whoever that may be) and give them credit as it is due.

Chapter 21: Sometimes Love Just Isn't Enough

Scene: New Year's Day – Year 3

Clarisse took Joseph's hand as he led her out onto the dance floor. The music of the "wango" filled the air and infused their souls. It was their song – their dance. As they moved in time to the music, she felt herself getting more and more lost in him. Every fiber of her being cried out to feel his skin against hers; his lips paying homage to her body; his strength surrounding her. She spun around and back into his embrace, her lips mere centimeters from his face. The music had stopped and the only sound in the room was their breathing…in and out, give and take. Finally, she could take no more. She tilted her head and whispered into his ear.

Her heart leapt at his nod of acceptance. He took her hand and they walked in silence to her suite. There was no guard at the door as she was not expected in her rooms at the present time. They continued into the bedroom, locking the door behind them. The tenderness he showed as he slowly undressed her was almost her undoing. She loved him with her entire being and felt as though she had waited a lifetime for this moment. She watched as he disrobed and swallowed hard as his entire body was revealed to her for the first time.

She gasped as he stepped closer providing their first full skin to skin contact. "Joseph…"

It was as though all the years of restrained passion were unleashed as his lips met hers. Hands sought to touch and explore, bringing to life nerve endings that were long forgotten. No longer able to stand, they tumbled to the bed…arms and legs continually moving, increasing the contact as the inability to think clearly dissipated as tendrils of smoke in the air.

Her eyes closed as the sensations threatened to overwhelm her. She had wanted slow – had thought that's the way it should be between them…especially their first time. Now that the moment was upon her…she wanted all of him…needed all of him now. "Please…" she whispered, not knowing how else to voice her request.

She felt his hands clasp hers and pull them above her head, holding her captive. His voice sounded deeper than she remembered, more menacing. His words sent chills down her spine. "I knew you had a secret…and now I will use it to claim the throne of Genovia all for myself."

Her eyes flew open to see Arthur Mabrey over her, his eyes gleaming with a predatory satisfaction. He had won…he had finally been able to snatch the throne of Genovia from her tentative grip.

Clarisse sat up in bed, her body glistening with a sheen of perspiration from the nightmare she had just experienced. She looked at the clock on the bedside table…4 a.m. She took the bottle of water she always kept next to her bed at night and tried to open it with visibly shaking hands. She had always believed that dreams were your mind's way of telling you things and pulling out the fears you had hidden in your subconscious. There was only one thing that dream could mean…she had to slow things down with Joseph.

"Happy New Year, Your Majesty." Joseph greeted her as he stepped into her suite. He made a move to kiss her, but the look on her face gave him pause. "What's wrong?"

Her expression was one of longing and sadness mixed together, dulling her usually bright blue eyes. "I think we should…slow things down."

Joseph was shocked by the statement that seemed to come from nowhere. It was New Year's Day – a day of new beginnings, potential for dreams to be realized and hopes to be fulfilled. As such, he couldn't help the frustrated sound that escaped his lips. "I'm not certain how we could go much slower, Clarisse. We basically do what teenagers consider making out. I would suspect that most teenagers have gone further than we have."

She started to argue, but she knew he was right. Instead she offered a weary, "We have more responsibilities than teenagers, Joseph. We cannot succumb to our physical desires and have a casual affair."

Anger flared and Joseph stepped closer to her. He fought to keep his voice at a controlled level. "Let me be very clear, Clarisse Renaldi, the feelings I have for you are anything but casual and, if you think that all I want from this relationship is an affair…then you don't know me at all."

He turned and started out of her suite. Not even two seconds later, he felt her hand on his arm. "Joseph…please."

Clarisse came up short in order to avoid running headlong into Joseph when he stopped and quickly turned. She could feel the heat emanating from his body, the breath being forcefully expelled from his lungs as he fought to control his emotion, and the rigid stance of his body.

"Please what, Clarisse?" What was it she expected from him? To be content with feeling her hand through the crook of his arm as he walked her to her suite; to limit his touches to the small of her back as he guided her through crowds; or his kisses to the back of her hand?

She sighed and stepped backwards slightly to give them space. Her eyes found his and pleaded with them for understanding and for patience. "I don't know, Joseph…I just know that I can't risk everything to fulfill the desire of my body and of my heart." Her hand reached out to touch his heart, remained there for a moment before slowly slipping down his body pulling away inches above his belt, remembering how the muscles felt and looked beneath her hands the night she gave him the massage. "No matter how strong those desires may be."

His tentative control snapped and he pulled her into an embrace, plundering her mouth with a heated kiss, moving her backwards until her body was caught between his and the unyielding marble wall. His hands clasped and fingers intertwined with hers, bringing them to rest on his hips. Joseph wanted to run his hands over her body and to prove to her that her desire for him was too strong to be put on a back burner for two days, much less two years; but he feared if her hands were free, she would push him away…and that he could not bear.

Clarisse felt her body's intense reaction to Joseph's kiss and, more importantly, to the intimate way his body was now pressed against hers. His tongue demanded entrance and her mouth complied as though it were the most natural thing in the entire universe. Rivulets of sensation poured through her body causing shivers of pleasure and murmurs of delight to betray the words she had spoken mere moments before.

Joseph continued his assault on her senses, mindless of the fact that someone could walk in on them, proving her very point of the necessity of issuing a cease and desist order on their physical relationship. He had no idea, though, when he would be allowed to touch her, to kiss her like this and he couldn't stop – wouldn't stop until she made him. She needed something to remember him by as well. Her taste was intoxicating and there was no doubt that she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. The body didn't lie. Words could be spoken that the heart dictated and the mind believed necessary; but the body...yes, body language spoke volumes.

Finally, it was the dampness he felt on his cheek and jaw that stopped him. He pulled back and found tears streaming down her face. "Oh god, Clarisse…" he released her hands and pulled her into a gentle embrace. "I'm so sorry…"

Clarisse let the tears flow freely now. There had been a battle going on within her from the moments she felt the fervent touch of Joseph's lips against hers. Her body sang with joy as the pleasure mounted, spiraling to the farthest reaches of her body igniting flames of desire that continued to melt the icy walls she kept trying to build around herself. Her soul rejoiced as it felt the connection with its other half and for a moment had experienced the utter bliss that washes over you when you know you are with the one with whom you were destined to spend forever. Her mind, though, had been the enemy that morning. Dredging up the nightmare and telling her she was risking it all…everything she had worked her entire life for – in order to satisfy her own personal needs – needs that had been pushed aside for so long, they no longer warranted priority in her life. The result had been a loss of control over her emotions and the tears had amassesd until they streamed down her cheeks, mindless of the moment they were destroying.

Finally, she pulled back, her blue eyes watery with the remnants of her tears. "It is I who am sorry, Joseph."

"Just tell me why. Help me understand."

Clarisse sat on the sofa, exhaustion from the restless sleep and the uncustomary outpouring of emotion taking its toll. "I can't jeopardize the throne."

Joseph came and sat beside her, but was careful not to sit too close. "I'm afraid that doesn't quite explain your proclamation this morning. How is today different than yesterday? Less than twenty four hours ago, you were fine with the nature of our relationship. Now you hesitate."

Her thoughts went back to her nightmare and Arthur Mabrey's voice was heard inside of her head. "I know your secret…I will claim the throne of Genovia all for myself." A shudder tore through her body at the image of a Mabrey sitting on the throne, his trite laughter and arrogant posturing filling the room. She could envision the prosperity that Rupert and all of his predecessors had worked so hard to give to Genovia slipping away as a darkness settled over the land.

"Clarisse?"

"Clarisse!" Joseph was more than a little concerned at her lack of response and the look of fear in her eyes.

"Joseph." She finally replied.

"What is wrong?"

"I truly don't want to discuss it, Joseph. Not right now. Please…"

Joseph exhaled slowly and rubbed his forehead. He remembered back to a time when he pleaded with Clarisse for understanding without explanation. She had tried to be patient with him. He owed her no less. "Alright, I will let the discussion drop for now – despite my better judgment."

"Thank you."

"But Clarisse?"

"Yes."

"You can't expect me to spend my off time alone with you. I'm flesh and blood and the feelings I have for you run too strong and too deep to be with you and not be able to touch you, hold you, or kiss you. Before I didn't know fully what I was missing; but now that I have had the privilege of your touch, it will be difficult to now be without it. It is not my intention to make this harder for you; but I have to put some distance between us if I am to honor your request."

Clarisse nodded her head but could not force herself to look into his eyes, knowing the pain she would see there. She also knew he would see how deeply his words had hurt her. "I understand." And she truly did; but that didn't mean she liked it.

Her gaze remained solidly fixed on the pattern of her skirt as one hand held the other still. "You know I love you."

Joseph's eyes closed at her admission. He knew she did and he loved her. Unfortunately, today, it was not enough to overcome their obstacles. "And you know how much I wish that was enough."

He knelt down in front of her and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I love you too. I will be waiting for you when you are ready to put action to those words."

Clarisse waited for the door to close before allowing tears to fall once again. She leaned her head against the back of the couch and cursed the day she had ever met Arthur Mabrey.

She could only pray that this year improved as time droned on.

**C/J**