Chapter 21
"A confession?" I stood up and adjusted my clothing . . . I couldn't believe that Jasper was going to hand me the information I wanted on a silver platter. I hoped however he didn't think that him, telling me the truth would save his life because I still planned to kill him or fuck him up so horribly that his dear sweet Alice would even recognize him. "Well don't let me stop you confess away." I sat back and waited for him to start telling the tale that I already knew.
"First of let me say I hate you Leah. Well I hated you . . . I thought that you not only ruined Edward's marriage but you ruined mine . . ." He paused and sent me a straight glare of hate and rage. "Alice used to be different . . . sweet, kind, she never would never joyfully hurt someone. Then Bella's marriage fell apart and she blamed you for the whole thing she became obsessed with getting Bella back with my brother. She promised me that she wouldn't get me involved but then the little favors started. She would ask me how Edward felt about Bella and then how he felt about you. Then she would ask me to make him want Bella just a little bit . . . and I refused just once because I didn't want to be involved in Edward's shit and she became outraged so I compromised my brother's mind and happiness to keep my own marriage intact. I did however tell her the truth, that I knew that Edward's love for you is real. She was always looking for a loop hole or a justification anything to fuel her new obsession, she'd ask how strong is it, his love for you, and I say I couldn't define it, then she ask me to judge on a scale of one to ten . . . you can see where I'm going with this she cared more about Bella's situation than her own she doesn't even realize that she's putting her own marriage in jeopardy and that in her own way she is using me just as Maria did years ago. My wife's actions are starting to disgust me almost to the point of me hating her . . . but maybe she feels the same way too, she did send me over here to try and kill you." I went to speak but he kept talking. "She told me that maybe I'd have a chance if I caught you off guard but we both know what your kind is capable of, Rozene showed us when we first met her. I guess I came over here to commit suicide because I knew I wouldn't be able to beat you and I couldn't live with Alice's obsession anymore." He got up from the floor and eased himself onto the couch beside me.
"I'm not going to kill you Jasper. I hate you so much I won't give you the satisfaction of copping out of your eternal damnation through my hands you married the psycho deal with it." I laughed darkly.
"I know that you know that I've been manipulating his mind. That should be enough ammo for you in itself. Do you know how hard it has been to keep Edward focused on Bella? I'm mentally drained I didn't know it was possible for me to have a headache until dealing with this for the past two almost three weeks." He covered his head with his hands.
"You poor baby," I said sarcastically, "I would offer you an aspirin but I'm sure it wouldn't work. What do you want from me Jasper . . . I'm not going to kill and I'm damn sure not going to feel sorry for you so your time here was pretty much wasted."
"No it wasn't. It gave me the quiet and mental clarity to come to some final conclusions on this mess that my wife and her best friend have made, starting tonight I will no longer be using my abilities on Edward. The guilt alone has been tearing me up inside. I wanted you to know first . . . also I'm sorry about your breaking up your engagement if I had known that the two you had made those steps to be together I would have never even agreed to manipulate his emotional activity." We sat for a moment in silence and then he turned to me confused. "Leah is something wrong with your heart?" He asked I could tell he was still focusing in on what he was hearing so I made a point to start talking and cut on the television.
"No I'm perfectly fine. You can leave . . . like now." I said rolling my eyes and heading toward the door to open it. He got up, cut my television back off, and stood his ground his focus on the noise he thought he heard.
"You're with child aren't you?" He eyes widen he seemed horrified. "If you are, you're baby is in grave danger my wife will not allow this baby to be born. Does anybody else know about it?" He actually seemed concerned so I was truthful.
"Rosalie, Taima, and Rebecca but that's it. I told them to respect my privacy and not tell anyone." I closed the door and stood in front of it.
"When are you due?" He asked which I guess was a normal question but since the baby was no normal baby I honestly didn't know.
"Bella was pregnant for about a month before Ness forced her way out of her I have known about the pregnancy for about two weeks so I guess I'm about half way there." I shrugged I was a little uncomfortable telling him this information for fear he would give it to the wrong person. "Oh and Jasper just so you know if word of this gets back to your wifey I will dismember the both of you and make the two of you live out the rest of eternity as nubs got it." He smirked slightly and nodded.
"You need to tell Carlisle." He said bluntly.
"Why?" He dared to give me a look that read as though he thought I was mad.
"Who else do you propose will deliver the child?" He did have a point; there were no human doctors that would that I knew of that would be jumping for joy at the chance to birth a hybrid vampire.
"I'm surprised that Carlisle hasn't picked up on it already I have been working constantly I would have thought he would have heard the heartbeat like you did." I said picking at my fingers. I tried not to touch the bump on my stomach but Jasper did approach me and reached his hand out hesitantly. I watched his expression carefully he seemed . . . remorseful, which concerned me. Was he remorseful for ripping what could have been our happy family apart or was he remorseful because he had to run back to Alice and like a little bitch deliver all of this information.
"The sound is very faint I almost thought it was simply a flutter in your own heart. I almost thought you were ill . . . disregarding your new abilities. Now as for Carlisle with all of the sounds that come with being in the hospital he probably didn't sense it, Edward as a norm is really in tune to your body but with my influence over him all he could focus on is Bella and obtaining her love," He sighed, "but that all stops tonight."
"Wait! I'm glad that you're taking your Emo wave off Edward . . . but I don't want him told about me, I'll do that in my own time!" He nodded in understanding.
"I will respect your wishes but you better say something soon because as the baby grows its heart grows stronger it will be easier to detect plus it will start moving and as carefully as Edward watches you he will be able to detect it. I think it's weird that you barely show . . . do you eat enough?" I laughed like he had told the funniest joke in the world, he was lucky I hadn't raided the fridge while he was here I was pretty much starved now and when he left I planned to throw down on some left over chicken.
"Yeah I eat . . .," I sighed.
"He will tell as soon as he sees you with fresh eyes, Edward knows your body." He said driving home the fact that I had tell him soon and by soon he meant tomorrow.
"I was just with him today and he didn't." I countered.
"He was still confused by the mixture of feelings he was feeling. When I left I took the shield off and he probably was more focused on the fact that he had feelings for you again not that you stomach has a little bump." He smirked. Jasper got up and walked toward the door finally deciding it was time for him to leave. I headed toward the kitchen as he made his exit but then it dawned on me.
"Jasper," he turned and looked at me, "don't tell your wife that you plan stop doing what you doing and don't tell Edward anything. I will tell Edward that too and I'll make sure he knows that you're not to blame. I just think it will be so much fun if this catches Alice and Bella off guard." I smirked devilishly.
"As you wish . . . but don't play with this too much Edward is a nut about honesty he will think that you lied just as the rest of us did. You're playing with fire." With that he left and I plopped down on the couch the house was again empty and cold, I looked down at my stomach.
"You may be able to live with your father after all, now all I have to do is get over the fact that been fucking his wife and remember that he really doesn't want her." The thought them on that couch went through my head again and again I threw up. After hurling and revisiting my breakfast and lunch I held my stomach. If I was truly half way through my pregnancy I should look like a human that was about four months in, I looked no where near the size I should be.
"Why aren't you growing little one? I eat enough to feed an army . . . I'm pretty sure that Carlisle can't do an ultrasound. I just have to trust you're alright." I kicked my feet up on the couch and cut the television back on. Just as I did a commercial for blood donations came on and I felt like an idiot. "You're half vampire . . . and I'm half idiot but don't worry that part is not hereditary." I got up and called Rose I was going to need her help.
"So tonight I take you hunting?" Rosalie stood in front of my admission cubicle. She was actually excited that I wanted to come. When Bella was pregnant they brought her blood because she was so weak. I wanted to know how to hunt so if necessary I would be able to show my child. The thought still lingered in my mind that Edward wouldn't come back to me, maybe he had comfortable where he was and decided that a life with me wasn't worth the conflict.
"Yep gotta feed my nugget." I tapped my stomach and her eyes widened I took her hand and put it on my belly, I knew it was hard for her but she seemed appreciative of my action. She snatched her hand away quickly we both had smelled it both Edward and his shadow aka his wife were coming this way.
"Hey Rosalie!" Bella greeted her cheerfully still wanting Rosalie to become social with her again, Rosalie greeted her with a big albeit fake smile.
"Bella I'm surprised to see you here," she said in a sarcastic tone, "what were you afraid Edward wouldn't be able to find his way to work?"
"Actually I'm going to be volunteering in the flower shop for a little while just so that Edward and I can be close. Now that we've reconnected I just can't seem to get enough of him." She squeezed him tighter and he laughed a little but seemed uncomfortable which meant that Jasper must be holding up his side of the deal. He looked up at me and then his stare quickly shifted down to the floor.
"So being at home with him isn't enough, you have to stalk him at work too?" I smirked slightly her actions were a little desperate but every thing Bella did was so this was no real surprise.
"Are you in admissions today too?" I asked Edward he quickly refocused his stare to meet mine while Bella examined our every action.
"Yeah I'm at 22. Where are you?" I sat down at cubicle 20 answering his question without talking. He looked as if he wanted to say something and then decided against it.
"I don't know why they have the both of us down here," I said logging onto the computer, "we'll be bored for the most of the day . . . there's not enough work for the both of us." I said making small talk.
"I could see if I could move somewhere else if it would be more comfortable for you?" He sounded cold so much so that I had to look up and make sure I was reading his tone correctly. He seemed solemn to the point of being sad.
"I didn't say that . . . I was just saying that its weird that they scheduled us both here." I murmured looking back the screen and logged into the software I needed to perform my job. I looked around the lobby only two people were sitting on the couch and the patient had already been signed in, the day was already off to a boring start.
"Well I'm going to go. I'll see you tonight?" Rosalie said as if it was a question.
"Yeah I'll meet you at your house." She smiled and then passed Bella issuing her an evil glare, "You should leave them to work." Bella just rolled her eyes.
"I'll see you at lunch," she pushed herself on him forcing her tongue down his throat when she finally came up for air she wiped his bottom lip gently, "I'll be thinking about you while I'm gone." She blew him a kiss and then I upchucked in the nearest trash can.
"Are you ill?" He asked as he wiped his mouth with purpose.
"Must've been something I ate . . . or saw" he went to touch my shoulder when Bethany came in she was sniffling and trying to hold back tears. She sat at cubicle 21 separating us she sat upright trying to be proper and professional while holding back her sobs. "Are you alright?" I asked she looked as if she was on the verge of snapping, as soon as I allowed the words to come out she started sobbing so violently her whole body shook.
"He . . . he . . . broke up with me." She finally got the words out and started to wail again. "I don't know what I did wrong." I groaned slightly I hated when women did this, mainly because I found myself doing it with Sam.
"It's not you it's him," I turned and looked at her, Bethany wasn't necessary my best friend or anything I rarely talked to her for that matter, something about the twang of her voice pinched a nerve, but she seemed sweet enough for the most part always trying make the patients smile and brighten what is normally thought of as a horrible experience, "don't give him any power by giving him your tears. Think of it as if he did you a favor imagine if you had married the bastard only for him to leave stranded with a whole bunch of empty memories that didn't mean anything to him." I sighed and realized that my last statement was more about me. That's how I had tried to think about Edward, that he saved me from trusting him and loving him so deeply only to have him decided he was bored and go back to Bella.
"You're so right his lost," she said trying to collect herself, "I am a good decent woman he would have been lucky to have me." She smiled at me with her sad eyes, I could tell she wasn't over it I really wouldn't expect her to be. However when I was heartbroken everyone seemed to think I could get over it in 24 hours the grieving process has seven stages and can last over a year and they just expected me to wake up the next morning and be better. I sighed and shoved my stuff around I was still pissed with everyone about that, why did they think I was being bitter anyway did they seriously think it was about them that I want to cause them pain intentionally? Did they really think that I deserved the pain that I had endured and that I should have to mask it? Yeah it was better for me to separate from these people because I simply cannot follow their logic. I looked back at the girl who had collected herself enough not to cry but her face still held the telltale signed of her heartbreak.
"You should go fix your face and get ready for the day to start don't you think?" I said in an extra nice voice, Edward always said that my "extra nice" voice sounded fake, and maybe it was a little bit, I mean I'd be lying if having this conversation after everything that happened to me was easy but I didn't want to sit beside a devastated crying Bethany. She pulled out her compact and took one look at herself and ran to the bathroom. Edward glanced across the way and frowned at me.
"What? I know you want to say something so just spit it out." I said turning to him and his eyes widened momentarily as if he had to adjust to something.
"Nobody expected you to heal quickly Leah they just wished that you wouldn't have snapped and become so hateful." He said quietly. "But I agree they were harder on you than they should've been."
"I don't want to talk about the past. It's not important nothing from the past is." A few patients had come into the waiting room and we were both handed a couple of files after we had finished with the patients, I realized that Bethany still wasn't back yet. "She shouldn't have come in today." Edward nodded.
"You took a whole week off to get away from me." He said bluntly.
"I wasn't avoiding you, I was healing myself from your stupidity and I really don't want to talk about this so this is when you're supposed to shut the hell up." I growled slightly and he backed off.
"Fine let's talk about yesterday . . ." He said pulling my chair toward him and forcing me to look at him.
"What about it?"
"We kissed Leah. I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to cheat on anyone anymore I want to be a faithful man but I can't seem to get it right. Yesterday I wanted you so badly . . . much like the way I want you right now." I sighed uncomfortably and pushed my seat back.
"We should not be talking about this now." I said trying to be professional.
"Why should we be professional, there is nobody here at the moment and I seriously need answers. I thought I was falling back in love with Bella but obviously I was wrong. All the intense feelings I had felt seemed to vanish with the sunrise." I arched my eyebrow and staring at him deciding what to say next. I knew that he was telling the truth but something in me couldn't get over seeing the betrayal something about seeing it made it stick to me and made the hurt so much worse. "Leah yesterday was . . ."
"The past Edward and it's not important." I whispered as the interns walked past us.
"It was to me it made realize how much I still love you Leah . . . I do . . . and it is important. You liked yesterday as much as I did and under different circumstances we would have ended up making love. All morning that was all I could think about making love to you, being close to you, and making you my wife." My heart went straight to mush as looked in his eyes. He went to touch my face but I grabbed his hand before he could finish the task.
"We aren't together anymore . . . we aren't engaged." I sighed.
"I wish we were." We heard Bethany as she came back to her seat she began gathering her things.
"I'm going to head home I let my supervisor know I just know I can't give service this way but I am feeling a little better thanks to you." She hugged me tightly. "Thanks for helping me."
"No problem feel better eat lots of chocolate it gives of endorphins, it makes you happy." She smiled and nodded and headed out the door. I wished she had stayed for my own selfish reasons. I looked over to Edward who smirked at me.
"Now you are stuck with me." He laughed he moved over to her seat and logged into her computer. "Your view on the past is flawed . . . the past is what makes us who we are the people we've known the things we've experienced." I rolled my eyes at him of course he was right and of course I knew that but I don't think he was understanding where I was coming from.
"I here what you're saying Cullen I know that people have to suffer hurt to learn and grow. I get that but after they receive the lesson from particular incidents in life it becomes the past and you have to let go or else everyone would be crazy or suicidal." I sighed and he looked at me concerned.
"Were you ever suicidal?" He focused in on my face.
"Hell no, there were times when I felt like I was dying but I never wanted to kill myself." I looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "I know you almost did over Bella."
"How was I to know that years later I would fall out of love with Bella at the time she was my reason for living. Now my focus has changed."
"For the moment," I went to file my papers away and he followed me.
"Forever . . . Leah I love you. I love you! I'm sorry that I hurt you I would do anything to take you pain away." I laughed and shook my head.
"If you are so sorry then why did you come into this hospital with Bella latched onto you like some damned leech!" One of the nurses walked past she had obviously been listened her eyes glued to us. He took my hand and led me away from our assigned area.
"Claire can you do me a favor?" She nodded at him with wide goo goo eyes. "Can you watch admissions? We need to have a word."
"Sure no problem it's dead in here anyway." He pulled me down the hallway toward Carlisle's office.
"Stop it!" I pulled away from him and started back to my desk.
"Leah please trust me this one time," I paused, "I promise you won't regret it." He extended his hand for mine and I gave it to him.
Instead of going into Carlisle office like I had thought we head toward the flower shop. Bella was assisting a customer when we entered and Edward had not let go of my hand, this was the first thing that Bella had noticed. "What's wrong?" She said immediately trying to create a gap between Edward and me; he in return tightened the grip on my hand and moved her to his other side.
"Bella, Leah I am sorry that I have been playing with your emotion trust me it is not my intent to play games with anyone's heart. I know that I'm not in love with you Bella and it would be wrong of me to play with your affections. I am in love with Leah and right now I know she may not want to take me back, matter of fact she may hate me and compare the way I hurt her to the pain Sam caused, but the difference between him and me is that I realize what a horrible mistake I've made and will tell anyone who will listen. Leah I love you and for me to be with anyone else is a sin so if you won't have me, then I will have no one." He kissed my hand that he had been holding so tightly the released it.
"That was just . . . wow!" And older lady stood with her bouquet in hand and tears in her eyes. "I'd take him back."
"Edward you don't know what you are saying." Bella seemed panicked and her eyes darted back and forth. "Listen you love me and we are about to get remarried you just have cold feet is all." She went to hug him and he rejected her.
"I have cold everything." He whispered. "I don't want to marry you. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but I want to be clear. Whatever warped feeling I had for you I don't feel that way anymore." He walked away from her, she grabbed for his arm again, and again he rejected her. He stopped by the flower shop door. "Are you coming?" He extended his hand to me I hesitantly walked toward him but rejected his hand. As we walked down the hallway back to admissions assessed what had just happened.
"You didn't have to do that." I stopped him before we made went back into the lobby.
"What?" He seemed seriously confused.
"You didn't have to break up with Bella for me?" He rolled his eyes dramatically, looked both ways, and the pushed me into vacant handicap bathroom.
"I didn't do it for you. I love you and I thought this would make it clear to both of you what I want. I know that something has been going on. I've been around for a while and believe it or not I'm not a stupid leech like you may think. I don't know the details . . . I think you do."
"I look don't put me into Bella's shit if she did something you need to talk to her." I sighed.
"I know you are still getting over actually seeing Bella and me that way. I wish there was something I could do to erase the memory from you mind so that it would be easier for you to take me back." His eyes were locked in on mind trying to force me into a trance. I looked away and crossed my arms in a defensive stance. "Hey," he placed both of his hands on either side of my face and the cool sensation was comforting, I know it's sappy but it felt like I was home, "I don't ever want to leave you or hurt you again. I can't make you any promises . . . but I can tell you I will try my damnest to make sure that we never apart again. If you can take me back?"
"God can we talk about this later," I grumbled and dropped down to the ceramic floor and covered my face with my hands, "all I wanted to do today was have a nice peaceful day at work and you are fucking it up!" He smirked and sat beside me.
"If you just answer the question we won't have to have this conversation again . . . unless?" He scooted closer to me and I leaned away. "You want another reason to see me again. Leah dear you ever need a reason you know that?"
"Please Cullen get off you own dick." I shook my head at his stupidity.
"I will if you promise to hop on?" He countered I couldn't help but smile. "I knew you'd like that one."
"Whatever," I was weakening I had to get out of here with Cullen before this hospital becomes very x-rated.
"I've never had made love in a hospital bathroom . . . I wonder which positions would work best?" He moved my hair to the side and maneuvered his lips within kissing range of my neck, the coolness of his breath cause a familiar twinge to hit my spine.
"That girl . . . um Claire, is probably looking for us." I stood up, he grabbed my waist and I quickly pulled away from him. "We should relieve her." I said between staggered breaths.
"We should relieve ourselves." He pulled his face to mine and then the door opened.
"Son, I need a word with Leah." Edward held me in place, which was easy for him because I was still enjoying his touch.
"Can it wait?" He grumbled slightly.
"I'm afraid not." Edward looked at me with regret in his eyes and then seemed puzzled by something.
"We are not finished."
"I didn't think we were." I arched my eyebrow seductively; he seemed intrigued by my response which was exactly what I wanted. After Edward left I was ready to take on yet another male leech.
"Okay, what's up Carlisle?" I said playfully. "What'd you want to talk about?" He never smiled his looked stayed kind of grim and quiet.
"I know Leah . . . about your baby."
Author's Note:
Okay that's it I hope you liked it! I know that Leah's tone changed slightly in regard to Edward. It is based on being cautious over his feelings for Bella. Please read and review.