Ahh, it's been so long since I enjoyed writing this story! The last chapter was dreadful to write. Two months! Two whole months!
Thank you to all the lovely reviewers and patient readers – that chapter was, as I say, an absolute pain to write. It was just so damned awkward… hopefully although there are awkward bits in this they'll be more fun than monotonous.
No dare this chapter; sorry. Sometimes it just doesn't fit!!
Also, I know there's been a lot of Sirius and Remus in this… sorry about that! It was originally just going to be Lily and James, but then the story sort of wavered a bit – you know how it is.
Eye luff the Joker.
Props to Elliot Minor for 'Running Away' when I was writing the awkward bits in this chapter… let's face it, there are lots of them. Also, props to Sanctus Real for the chapter title. It's slightly unorthodox given my usual title template, but in my eyes it fits, especially because it says 'can we'!. The lyrics are from their 'The Fight Song'; I love that song!
Chapter Twenty-One
For saying his transformation would occur in just a few days, Remus awoke in the morning absolutely content and unafraid of it, even before he heard the patter of Sirius-sounding feet on the floor of the dormitory. For once, Remus gathered, he was trying to be quiet, but it wasn't really working very well. Perhaps the times he'd learned to sneak around had all been when he was in the company of those far too drunk to listen. Even Auguste was staring out from his quilts in that dopey stage between sleep and consciousness. "Sirius," he droned, "qu'est-ce que tu fait?"
From many nights of Auguste's drunken misunderstandings of what on earth he was up to, Sirius knew this meant that he wanted to know what he was doing. "Setting the music thingy up."
"Sirius, it's half seven in the morning." Remus rolled over in the covers to wipe the sleep from his eyes with a hand and then faced his boyfriend with a smile, which was mirrored as soon as the chaser looked up.
"You're awake."
"So I gather."
"Well, then, good morning, sweetheart."
"Spare me," said James, wandering in through the door in his old black dressing gown over his school trousers and closing it quietly behind him. He looked relatively enthusiastic about his visit given what he said next. "Just nipping in for a shirt; all of mine are practically unwearable."
It went without saying that this was directed towards Sirius, who nodded without turning around, seemingly fixated on finishing what he'd started. "Scruffy bugger." They were beyond asking for and giving permission; over the years they'd borrowed each other's clothes so often it hardly seemed worthwhile not to assume that they had a shared wardrobe. "Get one from the bottom; they're actually folded up down there."
"Thanks."
A few moments later, the sounds of James rustling through Sirius' trunk, Remus shuffling in the covers, Peter snoring quietly and Auguste's yawning were drowned out with the blaring introduction to Come Fly With Me by Frank Sinatra. This drew an appreciative humming sound from James but a light groan from Bastien.
"Oh, turn it off… he is awful."
"Do you really think so?" Remus replied, smiling shyly at Sirius. "I think he's very talented."
"I second that." This was from James, and came as no surprise to the werewolf after his rendition of Fly Me To The Moon for the dare earlier in the year. He'd never known how into jazz his friend really was; then again, now he thought of it, he was always humming something by Sinatra. Clearly, however, he, unlike a troubled-looking Bastien, hadn't noticed that Remus wasn't really referring to the musician. Instead, he stood up with a wide, eager smile on his face. "Don't you want to know why I've really trekked all the way over here wearing only my dressing gown?"
Suddenly, everyone ignored the music to listen to what James had to say; usually he was still miles away in fields of white flowers at this time, so this news had to be something worth it. Sirius turned around far too quickly and accidentally kicked the foot of the bed on his way to sitting down next to Remus, but he was far too interested in what his friend had to say to pay any attention to this or the pain – though the boy he sat next to winced for him. "Do tell."
Now that he knew they would listen, the head boy sank to sit on Remus' bed, which had remained unoccupied for a few days in a row now and was looking quite rumpled from where people had started to use it as nothing more than a chair. Apart from those who were asleep, he had the dorm's full attention, which pleased him a little bit more than he liked. "Well, Lily woke me up this morning really early; well, early for me. Not so much for her. But she was really flustered, and it turned out she'd lost her ring."
There followed a distinct lack of enthusiasm, which James didn't like much. "You know… the Transfiguration one?" He wiggled the fingers on his right hand to show off the silver band that he and Lily had designed together for the project. Recognition flashed in Sirius' eyes and he nodded, understanding the significance James saw now. Moments later, Remus had a smile on his face that showed that he, too, had cottoned on; none of the French students – save perhaps for Bastien, but even he would need an explanation – stood a chance of getting it, and all wore blank expressions. James decided he couldn't really be bothered to enlighten them, and his gaze hovering momentarily on Peter's bed with its curtains still drawn, he continued. "We looked for it for a bit – even tried summoning it – but no joy, and she started apologising over and over again… looked like she was about to cry. Obviously I told her not to worry, that we'd find it, but it wasn't losing it she was worried about."
He paused at this, and Sirius wasn't feeling patient enough to wait. "And?" he prompted, calming down his tone reluctantly for his second admission at a light touch on the arm from Remus. "What was she worried about?" James was laughing as soon as he'd finished speaking, however, and this brought on one of Sirius' rather ridiculous pouts. "What?"
"You're such a puppy; look at you." The pillow hit his head seconds later, and amidst a couple more dying bells of laughter he held his hands up in surrender. "Alright. Sorry. You're just… you're really different today. It's weird." Clearly, something had happened between him and Remus, and James would have to worm it out of him, but Sirius looked as though he'd happily turn James into a worm, so for now the head boy left teasing him about his newfound soft side for later. "She said she was worried I'd be upset she'd lost it."
If Remus hadn't been under Sirius' watchful doe-eyes, he might have aww-ed. James had been hankering after Lily for so long, and it hardly seemed fair that he have to wait until now for her to start showing that she liked him back. James was, when it came down to it, a genuinely nice person, and now that Lily had begun to see that he'd lost a lot of the arrogance of two years ago it seemed she was finding that out for herself. "That's really sweet." Auguste, surprisingly managing to understand this so early in the morning, snorted at this, but silenced himself at a glare from Sirius.
James, on the other hand, had a grin on his face that suggested he was oblivious to any negativity surrounding his news. "I told her it was alright; and I was kidding around, trying to cheer her up – obviously I didn't want her to cry, I hate it when she's upset…" It seemed that he couldn't help but ramble now he had reached the crux of what he was trying to say, and he had even begun to blush slightly at the tips of his ears. "Well yeah, I was just joking around, and I said that she didn't need the ring to keep up with the contract and go out with me… and she blushed, and said that she doesn't need the contract at all."
Even Sirius couldn't hide how pleased he was at this, bearing his teeth in an eager smile that was decidedly canine. "Aw, Prongs, that's great! What did you say?"
The smile dropped a bit. "I, er… I said that was very sweet of her."
There was a long pause as they waited for James to finish until they realised that he already had. Remus was unwilling to ask, but his companion wasn't. "Is that it?"
"Well, she could have been kidding, I didn't want to piss her off…" His reasoning fell away as he looked up to meet their disbelieving expressions.
Sirius groaned and fell back onto the bed. "You stupid, stupid wanker. You absolute moron." The trail of insults continued in his mind, but they may as well have been aloud given the extent to which they were obvious. James looked abashed; clearly he knew that his response to her blatant confession was pathetic. At the time, he'd been trying desperately not to put his foot in it by making assumptions and had inadvertently gone the other way. "Idiot." Sirius finished, still in his laid-back position.
"Yeah, I know," he admitted. "Do you think it's too late to say anything?"
"Well, the moment's gone." Remus mused in a gentle tone, trying not to tear up James' good mood. In his opinion, the chance hadn't died quiet yet. "I'm sure you could bring it up again, though."
Completely unable to understand, Auguste started up a conversation in fast French with Oscar, and unwillingly tearing his eyes away from how close Sirius and Remus were sitting, Bastien joined them; Jerome was still hopelessly lost to dreams of his girlfriend at home in France, who he was beginning to miss terribly now. Luckily for him, there was only a week left before they'd return to Beauxbatons. With the exceptions of Delia and Oscar and Bastien, who just couldn't get enough of each other and Sirius respectively, everyone was more or less ready to have everything back to normal again. Auguste hadn't enjoyed meeting back up with Sirius as he thought he would, and the feeling was entirely mutual. Sirius also wanted to distance himself from Bastien, understandably now that he'd discovered the way he really felt about Remus and the way poor Bastien felt about him. Guilt had registered within him stronger than it ever had before and he knew that until he was away from the French boy it would continue to ache inside him.
An hour later, everybody was ready but had been talking non-stop since their conversations had started. From what Remus could pick up, the French boys had been talking about the twins. The fact that Oscar and Delia had gotten together was common knowledge, but it seemed that the details weren't. What he heard was that Oscar was refusing to divulge all the particulars about what had happened when he and Delia had gone out for a walk the previous evening, and about the Quidditch game they'd arranged to see later today. That was nice, at least… Remus would probably have expected him to spill everything the moment he was asked, but it seemed he deserved more credit than that.
They all went down to breakfast together, still wrapped up in their own conversations and Peter wrapped up in his own mind. Nobody noticed when Snape appeared out of the shadows and took his wrist, pulling him away from them all, and they didn't even notice that he never returned – perhaps proof that they wouldn't have deserved to stop him from going in the first place. Breakfast itself was an interesting affair with shy glances and small smiles passing between James and Lily in abundance. Sirius and Remus had, surprisingly, forgotten about their own relationship so that they could be amused and pleased by their best friend's finally flowering one.
A few seats away, however, things weren't quite as rosy. Charlie Dawson looked as though she was about to burst into tears or hit somebody. Whoever they were, however, that lucky somebody had been rescued by her twin sister, who seemed to have some sadistic wish to step into the line of fire. "Just cheer up, will you?"
"For God's sake, Delia, I've said I'm fine. Leave me alone."
"Well, then, eat something." The blonde twin pushed her plate of toast in front of her sister, only to have it pushed straight back. "Why not?"
"I'm not hungry! Stop fussing!"
"Then stop refusing!"
By now their voices were raised enough for the others to break from their rosy trance and bounce back down to earth. It wasn't loud enough for the rest of the Great Hall to stop eating but quite a few heads were turning. The Dawson sisters seemed to be oblivious to this, however, as they continued their argument that seemed to be increasing in scale by the second. They rarely fought, but from the last time they had James had learned not to try and interrupt. The slap mark had remained on his cheek for days, no matter how he and Sirius tried to make it go down.
"You're so annoying."
Delia snorted. "Look who's talking." She seemed to soften slightly, though not enough to lose the argument. "Seriously, what's up with you?" By accident, Charlie's eyes drifted to Oscar and then back again. She tried to cover up her mistake by looking at everybody but the damage was already done. The softness in the blonde twin disappeared. "Is this about me and Oscar?"
All of a sudden, the brunette seemed to snap in a different direction. "You're taking it so seriously so quickly. How stupid can you get? You're going to end up with your heart broken and I'm going to have to pick up all the pieces – as usual – because you haven't listened to me – as usual!"
"Oh, I understand what's going on."
"I don't think you do understand what's going on, Delia! That's the point!"
"You're lonely."
There was a stung silence in which Charlie tried to compose herself again, and although she managed to talk without a quiver in her voice, she didn't completely succeed. "I'm what?"
"Lonely."
"You're mad."
"Mad and right. I can tell – look at you, you're just moping around! You're a mess; you've got to pull yourself together!"
"I'm a mess? I'm not the one who's getting up to Merlin knows what with a French boy I started going out with yesterday in the grounds!"
"Are you calling me a whore?"
Both their eyes narrowed slightly. "I'm calling you whatever you are for letting a boy do whatever he wants with you at the drop of a hat – ha, or a cold!"
"You know nothing like that happened, so stop making me sound like a slut!"
"Why not if that's what you are?"
There was no hesitation between the end of this comment, the beginnings of the furious tears beginning to drip down Delia's cheeks and her outraged snarl of, "You're just jealous because you know no boys would ever like you for anything more than that!" A painful silence occurred. Nobody wanted to say aloud that the line had been crossed or that this needed to stop here. Charlie was crying too by the time she'd stood up from her seat. Knowing fine well who Delia meant when she spoke next, she didn't stop to see that her sister was pointing at Sirius (who was looking away guiltily) when she called out for the last time. "Just ask him!"
Oscar had arrived at Delia's side to quieten her down by the time the doors of the Great Hall had banged shut again. The hush that had gradually been created died off as people began to speak again, but Delia herself quietened to sob with the blonde French boy's arms around her. He was whispering things to her; she couldn't understand the words but she understood the sentiment and that was enough. Oscar met Auguste's eyes as he left the Great Hall after the other twin, and nodded to confirm he was doing the right thing.
Nobody dared say anything with Delia still in earshot – though Professor McGonagall tried to talk to them about it – so breakfast continued as normally as it could after the unexpected rage of tongues only moments before.
--
Auguste would normally have hidden from the rain as best he could, but today his only thoughts were those of catching up with Charlie and making sure she was alright. It was quite literally pouring now – it had only been spitting earlier in the morning – and he supposed they were both going to catch their deaths out here unless they went back inside as soon as possible. His first target was therefore to get her into the castle; beyond that, however, the rain was lost on him.
As he reached the end of the pathway that led to the open grounds, he caught sight of her running into the trees. Apparently her sister had hit the nail on the head; or at least, she had in Charlie's eyes. Auguste was no psychology expert, but he had understood enough of the 'discussion' to comprehend what they had been saying to each other. The last thing Delia had said rang a bell; he remembered being told something about Sirius and Charlie together. It had never been serious to Sirius, but the oldest Dawson twin had fallen quite heavily for him. It had ended badly, and though they were friends now it seemed she'd never really gotten over the idea that she was useful for nothing but satisfying the one thing that – stereotypically – all boys were after. It wasn't the truth. Auguste himself could vouch for that, and he realised now he should have done so much earlier in the game.
He caught up to her after a minute or so, but frankly, a little too late - they were both already soaked to the bone. Trying to lighten the mood, the first thing he said in his heavily accented voice when she turned around to face him, defeated, was, "Ridiculous English weather." She laughed softly, her tears catching in her throat, and the moment's amusement was over. "Look," he said, focusing as much as he could on speaking decent English. "Delia is angry."
"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed."
"Please, don't… you know what I mean. She meant nothing she said."
Charlie seemed very loath to believe this, and shook her head. Water cascaded down her hair and face, dripping from her nose as she faced the floor. She felt worse than she believed she ever had before. Her own sister… the worst thing was that she had been right. That was exactly what Charlie was jealous of, and now everybody knew it. "She should have, because it's true."
"No, it isn't."
"Come off it, Auguste; you have no idea what we were saying. Anglais. Unless you were provided with a translation after I left – I wouldn't be surprised, honestly." Her voice was slightly bitter, and he found himself with a strange aching feeling in his chest as he heard it. That was weird. It wasn't something he'd felt before – but right now he couldn't think about that. He had to focus.
"My English has improved, being here." This was true; in school he hadn't cared but being at Hogwarts had made him want to be able to communicate. The practice had helped his language skills immeasurably. Even his vocabulary seemed to have inexplicably increased. He surprised himself with his flair for it. The accent had remained a permanent thing, however. "I know what she said, and I know that if she did mean it, she is wrong."
She was curious at this. He could tell; her head tilted up and her eyebrows furrowed slightly. It made him want to smile, but he reined himself in. This wasn't the time for admiring how beautiful she was. Beautiful, even in this rain. Beautiful to him, at least, and that was all he thought mattered. Somewhere in his boyish mind it registered that he was turning into a sap, but the objecting voice was squashed. He didn't care. All he cared about was what she had to say. "Oh? What makes you think that?"
"Because…" Despite the changes that he'd felt within him, Auguste still found himself with a natural aversion to discussing his feelings, but it was one that he was trying to curb for now. "Because I really like you, Charlie."
She was silent for a moment, and once she'd decided on what she was going to say and exactly how she was going to say it, allowed herself to speak. "Really?"
"Oui."
Saying 'Oh,' again would have been ridiculous in Charlie's eyes, so she didn't. Staying quiet was good enough for now. The laughter in his eyes was enough to keep her mind on track as she looked up into them. She'd seen so many sides to this boy since he'd arrived at Hogwarts; the cheeky side, the competitive side, drunken side and violent side all rolled into one, the flirty side… and now this considerate side which was so alien to her. If she didn't know better she'd mistake that twinkle for affection; adoration, even. Clearly this was wishful thinking on her behalf, though… wasn't it? Or were his lips really moving ever so gradually closer to hers, and were they now really meeting in the middle with a gentle brush and protective, warming hands the side of her face and her neck?
The rain tumbled down all around them, soaking their clothes, hair, tentatively but lovingly interlocked lips and bare skin more than it could be fathomed was possible, but there was nothing in the world that could force Charlie Dawson's lips away from Auguste's, and there was no rain heavy enough to extinguish the fire she had found inside herself once again. Eventually, of course, he demanded she allow him to take her inside lest she freeze to death in the sleeveless top she was wearing but this was a request anybody would have found hard to deny. He said he wouldn't carry her, but deliberately didn't promise, and as he ran through the downpour with her in his arms, her squealing and protesting half-heartedly all the way, it was difficult to muster thoughts of a girl that deserved this more than the eldest Dawson twin, who it seemed had finally found her doting Prince Charming to rescue her from the pain she'd been suffering from for so long.
--
It never took very long for the twins to make up again after an argument and this time was no different. Neither was dry-eyed as they swore never to say anything like that to each other ever again – though they both knew if they lost their tempers they just might, it was the thought that counted – and as such it wasn't exactly comfortable to watch for outsiders. Twins were a mysterious business, even to someone such as Sirius who claimed to have 'tried a few pairs on for size… sometimes at the same time' over the years, and the bond between Charlie and Delia was something that neither Lily nor James pretended to understand.
"It's sweet," Lily mused after they'd been sitting together in silence for five minutes or so, as everybody talked around them, "how they can just make up again after such a fierce argument."
"It is." He nodded, black hair falling into his eyes, but he didn't move a hand to correct it; he didn't even notice. "I can't even begin to get it… if I argued with Sirius like that, it would take us ages to talk to each other again, and they're hugging and all sorts!"
"You're boys; you're naturally as stubborn as pigs."
"Oh, thanks!"
They both grinned at each other, and James was struck by the perfection of the moment. The nerves didn't sound as apparent in his voice as he might have thought; his mind was wracked with them. "Hey, er; would you mind coming up to our common room with me? I just want to talk to you about something."
She looked pleased and a little nervous too, but not surprised. James was perceptive, but he had come to learn that Lily was just as perceptive too. He shook his head, frustrated at Sirius who was waggling his tongue in his mouth – what if Lily caught sight of that? – and he was certain that Beatrice had winked at the head girl before she left, but he tried to push these pressuring thoughts out of his mind as they walked to the dormitory, making light and companionable chatter about absolutely nothing at all.
As soon as they were in there they both sat down, realising the weight of the situation. James tried to choose his words very carefully, but as usual they didn't come out quite as he'd planned anyway. "So, er, you know you said earlier that the, er, contract… that you didn't need the contract to, er…"
"Go out with you," she prompted kindly, and he nodded with a fond smile on his face that she'd managed to provoke just by being who she was. He knew he loved her, with every fibre of his being, and he wasn't afraid to accept that, especially now that he was pretty certain she at least liked him back. This moment mattered so much and he was terrified of spoiling it all, but the small, encouraging smile she wore on her lips – just for him – helped him onwards. She didn't care what he said, really.
"Yeah. Sorry – I'm a bit out of practice at this now." They both laughed but in their nerves it didn't last long, and he paused, thinking of what to say next, and then gave another short burst of nervous laughter. "Sorry, I'm over-dramatising this so much but I just don't want to get it wrong."
"It's alright." Lily adopted the same soothing tone as before, trying to make it as easy as she could for him. She knew fine well that as much as she wanted to help and just tell him he didn't have to say it all, he would want to, and she wasn't about to stop him just because she could feel how awkward it was for him. Subconsciously, she shuffled a few centimetres towards him, and very consciously James did the same, taking a deep breath in through his nose.
"Alright, then." He paused for what he wanted to make the last time and set off on the road to happiness or what would feel like eternal damnation. The latter route didn't seem so likely now but it still existed, choking him as he tried to speak. "Lily, I really really like… no, just… sorry, there's no point in me lying now. I love you." She'd flushed, but she had a wide smile on her face too, green eyes flashing and happier than he'd ever seen her before. "So… not revolted? Annoyed? Murderous?"
"Not really."
"Oh, good." He eyed her, pretending to scrutinise her features – of course, to him, they were perfect. "Are you sure? You're not going to just… jump up and attack me at any moment?"
"I honestly doubt it, James."
His hand rising shakily to her face seemed to take a lifetime to reach its destination, but the wait was worth it when his palm made contact with her skin. They melted at the same time, both eagerly anticipating what was to come next, and with what felt like electricity jumping through them and kicking their hearts out of beat every couple of seconds, they leaned together and after bumping noses and a light bout of giggling from the redhead, the lips of the head boy finally met those of the head girl, irrevocably binding them together. They both felt it; that light tug on their heartstrings they'd been denying for so long this year, and allowed the feeling to be taken as a cue, the start gun, the red flag – James could feel the blush running into her skin almost more acutely than he could feel it in his own as lips began to move and press against each other. Everything was gentle but also filled with everything they'd ever wanted to say and never had. So much seemed to happen, irreversibly, in the short seconds it occurred in before Lily pulled away with a sharp breath, jolting his hand away from her face.
Naturally, his first instinct was to check what was amiss – "Lily, are you alright? Have I done something wrong?" – but she wouldn't let his comforting hands anywhere near her. She didn't want to be held or touched. This was going to change everything and she'd been so happy just being beside him, never mind kissing him. Lust, as Charlie and Delia had proved today, could kill it all. Tears sprang to her eyes but she fought them back, standing up after trying and failing to get out of his tender reach.
"James, no. No." She had escaped the wetness in her eyes but not in her throat and he heard the croakiness the need to cry had caused.
"Lily, please-" he started, but he couldn't finish.
"Don't, James. I'm sorry, but just… leave me alone."
"Lily!" She looked up to catch the unrepressed pain and confusion in his eyes. He was unable to fathom what had gone wrong, convinced he'd hurt her or crossed the line in some way. She didn't want him to think it would be his fault, but how could she possibly explain? She couldn't. Lily had lived with her own pain before and she could live with James' now… couldn't she?
As she left the common room through the portrait, though, guilty thoughts resonated through her mind. She'd been right moments earlier – she hadn't attacked him. No; but she'd done something so, so much worse. She'd risen his hopes and led him on just on an emotional whim of hers, and had allowed her feelings to get the better of her before she could get them in check and think logically again. Of course she didn't love James Potter… and now she'd gone and broken his heart.
She didn't want any company. She held back the majority of what she assumed to be guilt until she had found her way into the room of requirement, but the minute she'd stepped inside and closed the door all the things she'd felt and done poured out of her at once. Back in the common room, both Charlie and Delia were sitting with their perfectly imperfect French boyfriends, laughing unstoppably at Sirius' one-man rendition of their argument earlier. Beatrice and Rachel were there, too, unaffected by all the romance flinging itself around the place and undeniably happy. A head-over-heels Remus sat with his head in his hands, staring with unhidden, unbidden love in his eyes at the performer afore him, who returned the glance as soon as he caught it. None of them had any idea that their head girl was crying her heart out in the room of requirement, nor that James Potter, convinced he'd harmed the love of his life, was staring out of the window, sole tears working their way out of his eyes every now and again when he just couldn't prevent them any longer.
--
Moments between Sirius and Remus weren't quite as catastrophic and dramatic as those which had occurred between James and Lily, and once Sirius had absorbed his fill of the limelight for the evening he had taken to persuading the werewolf to sit on his lap in the progressively emptying common room and accept his playful kisses without complaining; it was a task he didn't find as difficult as Remus might have liked. After ten minutes or so of messing around and the mildest play-fighting Sirius had ever encountered they sat in silence, the only contact remaining a long, lanky arm lying nonchalantly around Remus' neck. They'd been silent for a while until the chaser finally spoke into the near-emptiness of the room. "Are you happy?"
The question had caught Remus very off-guard. "This seems rather out of the blue."
"Mm."
"Is something wrong?" Pale, unhealthily slender fingers weaved up between Sirius'. He didn't say anything else, knowing the other boy didn't like to be badgered, but perhaps he should have; Sirius only shook his head. He gave another meek attempt. "Are you sure?"
"Everything's fine… more than fine, actually. I was just wondering; that's all."
"Wondering…?"
"Yeah," said Sirius, completely missing the prompt, and Remus decided that he'd best give up. He was getting nowhere, and it was getting later every second.
"I'm off to bed now… we've got classes tomorrow, don't forget." He removed himself gently from Sirius' grip, which didn't take much, and leaned down to press his lips against the other boy's momentarily. "Night."
"Night," responded Sirius after a short pause, clearly rather distracted. He wasn't upset or angry so much as lost in thought, however, so Remus didn't think much of leaving him there to think on his own as he went upstairs to get ready for bed. He passed Charlie and Delia sitting on the stairs, talking animatedly about the Quidditch match they'd been to – Oscar and Delia had invited the other Dawson twin and Auguste along with them. Of course, the conversation wasn't so much about the match itself as the boys they'd seen it with. He smiled at them both, in a good mood, and this seemed to bring them back to the real world; they both stood up and waved goodnight to him, returning to their own dormitory. Of course, it didn't register in Remus' mind that the only two people left in the common room were Sirius and Bastien.
There was a silence for a few minutes after everybody else had left, and Bastien didn't turn from his position standing in front of the fire. Sirius heard the hiss of pain when the fangs forced their way out but he, like Bastien himself, ignored it, or rather didn't acknowledge it. After so long, the French boy turned around and walked over to take the seat across the table from Sirius. His accent was stronger than usual, perhaps because he was concentrating on controlling himself more than speaking in English. "So."
The dark-haired marauder did not beat about the bush. "Listen, I'm really sorry; I never meant for anything like this to happen."
"I realise that." His tone was cold and unfriendly, but like a fire that had very nearly died out and was hidden beneath burnt wood, although he couldn't see it Sirius could feel a little of the warmth emanating from the vampire. There was another long pause. "Well, go ahead. Say it."
"Bastien…"
"I don't want to wait to hear it any longer!"
They were staying quiet for the sake of protecting their privacy, but it was clear that if they were somewhere they wouldn't be heard, Bastien would have exploded already. He was frustrated, but beyond that there was an uncharacteristic sense of injustice. A part of him longed for the impossible to happen, for Sirius to tell him that it was all an act with Remus and that he was truly, madly, deeply, unquestionably in love with Bastien. Even as Sirius opened his mouth to speak his hopes were as high as a kite, and that only made the fall feel far worse. "I don't love you. I love Remus, and I can't do this with you anymore. It's not right."
"It wasn't in the first place but you let it happen."
"I know, and I'm sorry I did."
Bastien hadn't been expecting Sirius to take the blame for what had happened, even though he'd tried to force it on him. He had to hand to the boy that he was being far more mature than he'd expected. Suddenly, he felt guilty for acting so childishly, and nodded. "It's not all your fault."
Sirius shrugged, clearly having already decided to take it all on his own shoulders. His facial expression was apologetic for once. "I'm sorry I've acted like such an idiot to you, Bastien."
"That's alright." The smile the French boy wore was a sad one, but it was genuine. "It doesn't stop me from being crazy about you." Sirius shook his head and opened his mouth to protest against these feelings but Bastien shook his in response before he could say anything. "Then this is goodbye."
"I suppose so." There was a short, awkward pause as Bastien leaned across the table and leaning back slightly but unable to avoid the touch of the vampire's lips against his, Sirius could only hope it would be enough to wash away any bad blood between them. A hand finding his chest for balance and a moment's uncomfortable contact were enough, though – a light gasp was enough to tell Sirius that the unthinkable had happened. Bastien's timing was dreadful. He pushed the other boy off and turned to see that Remus hadn't walked away – though he didn't know whether to be thankful for this or horrified by it. "Remus, it isn't what you think; we were breaking up…"
"Breaking up?" The werewolf's voice, given his due, was not quivering or croaky despite the hurt in it. Sirius' eyes creased, thinking of what he could possibly say to make it better. "Don't bother, Sirius, it's alright. I'll leave you two to it."
"No! I…"
"Sirius, I said don't bother." He turned away to go straight back into the dormitory, but turned back again after a second and began walking over to the desk that Bastien had now, decently, retreated back from. "Forgot my book," he muttered, trying his best to look away and hide the tears brimming up in his eyes.
"Oh, Remus…"
"Don't you 'oh, Remus' me. I realise I'm not the most difficult person to deceive but that doesn't mean you should try it." He couldn't keep a lid on it all now – the tears hadn't quite started falling yet but the emotion was contorting his voice at last. As he reached the staircase he looked around, seeming disgusted with himself, and directed one last remark at Sirius. "You're a very good liar, you know that? But you didn't have to say it first."
Bastien looked confused at this, but unfortunately the dark-haired chaser knew exactly what his friend – and something more no longer, it seemed – was talking about. "I wasn't… that was… Rem!"
Of course, the werewolf had no intention of hearing any more from the boy he thought was lying to him, and was already up the first flight of stairs and on his way into their dormitory and his own bed again. He flung his diary to the foot of his bed, in no fit state to write it anymore, and started sobbing far too much to be able to croak out a charm to lock his curtains in place. Thankfully for both him and the other tenants of the dormitory, he was past making any noise but his breath kept catching in his throat and the tears simply wouldn't stop soaking into his pillow. Pathetic.
Downstairs, Sirius felt similar, and refused to accept any apologies from the boy opposite – they were fast and thick despite this, of course. After thirty seconds or so he just couldn't stand it anymore. "Bastien, just… go away, will you?"
Without any words spilling from his hurt lips, the vampire obeyed, leaving the animagus to sit and stare into the fire as he reminisced about the few moments that had led to his world crashing around him so suddenly. Sirius was not the type to cry and tonight was no exception, but for once in his life he truly wished he could.
--
When Lily finally returned to the heads' dormitory late in the evening, she half-expected James to have gone to stay in the Gryffindor dorms with the other boys but upon opening the door to the bedroom – quietly, just in case – she found him tucked up in his bed, turned on one side in a sort of half-baked foetal position as usual. As the unsuspecting guardian portrait had found upon asking her, "Why so serious?", Lily was quite incapable of smiling at the moment, guilt weighing down the corners of her mouth, but the sight warmed her. He looked so peaceful in his sleep.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, and taking her pyjamas from the bottom of her bed, stepped into her bed and locked the door behind her.
As soon as she'd gone, the head boy's eyes opened sorrowfully to stare into the dark, seeing nothing but the sparkling green of her eyes, the wild beauty of her hair and the pure happiness of a smile he remembered. He couldn't help but be in love with her, but it seemed that she just couldn't help but not be in love with him. "Me too."