Chapter 21

Kathryn looked around her as she made her way to the doorstep of Takayla's house.

The snow had melted since she had last stood in that very same spot, and though it was still crisp, there was something of spring in the scent of the wind blowing across the plateau. But now she remembered what Chakotay had told her, that it was warmer where they were going. She looked out in the distance, as if she could see beyond the horizon. It was a clear, beautiful day, and she noticed for the first time the dark outline of mountains in the distance. Even though it was her second time here, she was still struck by the rough majesty of the landscape around her.

When she reached the doorstep, she paused, gathering her nerves. As she stood there, she couldn't help but compare her current nervousness with the feelings she had felt a few weeks ago.

At the time she had been nervous to be standing there too. She'd been deeply worried about her reception here, and about Chakotay's fate. She had been confused about his relationship with Seven and his words that it had been doomed to fail.

But the nervousness that Kathryn felt now was entirely different. It was born of anticipation and impatience and excitement. And though the independent and the admittedly rusty part of her that had grown used to being in a relationship was still skittish at the thought of exposing herself so completely to someone else, to take that step and lay her heart out, it wasn't all-encompassing anymore. The knowledge that Chakotay still had feelings for her, that he may well have never stopped having feelings for her, that they would be in this together, helped her get over any doubts she might have had.

The sound of footfalls crunching against gravelly ground behind her made Kathryn pause and look over her shoulder.

Chakotay paused mid-step where he stood a short distance away, evidently surprised to find her standing on the paved path to the house. "Hi," he greeted while he recovered. His breath came out in a white puff of mist. He was dressed for the weather, and his cheeks and ears were a little rosy from the cold. Then his face brightened into a wide smile. Dimple and white teeth and twinkly eyes, this smile had it all.

Grinning, Kathryn dropped her bag and lunged forward, retracing her steps toward him, her eyes locked with his. He stepped forward to meet her halfway, pulling on his gloves to free his hands as he strode forward.

Good, because Kathryn had a sudden urge to feel his touch on her skin.

She didn't slow down when she reached him, but instead threw herself against him and her arms around his neck. She had dreamed of doing that ever since he'd been escorted off Voyager – a lifetime ago it seemed – and she was determined to make up for missed opportunities. He actually staggered back from the impact and Kathryn felt him chuckle as he secured his footing. Then his arms went around her too, holding her tightly against him. She breathed him in, burying her face in his collar. His warmth and scent surrounded her and she couldn't quite hold in a sigh. How could she have ever thought she only felt friendship for this man, when it was clear that she could barely bear being separated from him even for a few days?

He touched her hair and Kathryn pulled back to look into his eyes. She wanted to kiss him. Desperately.

His lips twisted in his trademark teasing smirk. "So I take it that you finally got-"

She didn't let him finish whatever mischief had been about to pass those lips. Instead she pulled him down to her and kissed him hungrily, with all the pent-up passion that she'd accumulated recently. His skin and his nose were cold against hers, but his breath and his lips were warm and seductive against hers, and then against her chin. Her hand came up to touch his cool cheek, enjoying the beginning of stubble she found there, and they pulled back.

His eyes were like embers, dark but shimmering with a strange spark, pulling her in. He tightened his hold on her briefly before they pulled back. "I thought I'd be picking you up from the terminal. Was your trip okay?" He asked, some serious concern seeping into his tone.

She smiled at his thoughtfulness. "We got in early so I decided to surprise you. The trip was fine. Remarkably uneventful. I was even able to get some sleep at last!"

"Good," he acknowledged as his warm gaze traveled over her face, "you never got enough rest, when we were on Voyager." He fell silent, and Kathryn wondered whether he was thinking about the fact that he wouldn't set foot on the ship again. She certainly was. He shook his head, his smile returning, as he tugged on her hand. "Let's go inside, it seems I haven't quite re-acclimated to the cold yet. And I know Takayla and Nimkotay are eager to see you."

Over the next few hours, Kathryn was pampered with attention from Chakotay and his family. They gave her coffee and food and a warm fire to sit by as they conversed about what they'd been up to since they'd last seen each other. It was good to see them again. Takayla was a changed woman from the first day they had met – she still had a sarcastic sense of humor, but her eyes now twinkled with lively wit and happiness. Hours into their conversation, they all had dinner together. Kathryn would often meet Chakotay's eyes across the table, seeing how pleased he was that they could all sit like this. The subdued gravity that had slouched his shoulders slightly since his arrest and trial was now replaced with quiet merriment and… peace. Warmth suffused inside her at the sight of him looking so at ease. She had always found him attractive, but there was something about him now, as he smiled, teased and laughed, that enthralled her. It was in the twinkle of his eyes, in the dimpled smiles, in the way the candlelight turned his skin into bronze, and in the deep looks he sent her way whenever he felt her gaze on him.

She longed for some moments alone with him, but Kathryn was happy to rein in her impatience if it meant spending another hour listening to Chakotay's banter with his sister. The two made for a remarkable duo, and Kathryn smiled to herself imagining what it must have been like when they were children.

Kathryn had expected that they'd all have a quiet night in, so she was surprised when Chakotay announced he had plans for the two of them, that he was taking her somewhere – that is if she wasn't too tired from her journey. Now burning with curiosity, Kathryn had reassured him that she was fine, so he had tactfully suggested that she changed into something more formal – but no Starfleet uniform. So Kathryn had gone to change in the guest room where he'd dropped her bags earlier. Honestly, she hadn't brought any formal wear (weren't they supposed to go camping?) so she pulled out the nicest dress she had with her. She freshened up and applied a touch of makeup to her face. It would have to do.

When they met again in the living room, Chakotay had changed as well, and was now wearing a dark suit. He smiled when he saw her, then offered his arm.

As they made their way, Kathryn was bursting with curiosity. She asked him countless times where it was he was taking her, but he didn't budge, grinning at her instead, greatly enjoying her torment. At last they entered into some sort of theater in the heart of the largest agglomeration near his childhood home. He had her close her eyes before they went any further, and even covered her eyes with his hands as he carefully led her forward. He led her down a set of wide steps, and eventually had her settle down into a chair. There were people all around her, chatting and laughing. Was that Italian she was hearing?

"Can I open my eyes now?" She asked again, grinning in excitement.

"Not quite yet," she felt his breath against her cheek and she turned into him instinctively.

And then the brightness dimmed, the voices hushed, and Chakotay removed his hand from her eyes. Kathryn opened them.

And gasped.

They weren't in just any theater, but sitting in the box of a richly furnished and old-fashioned concert hall or opera house, lit only by candlelight and a large chandelier that hung low from the ceiling. Below them, between the first rows and the stage, the orchestra musicians tuned their instruments, there was a pause, and then…

The sound of trumpets playing the first poignant notes of Giuseppe Verdi's Nabucco traveled to her ears – and straight into her heart.

Chakotay was watching her expression intently, as if trying to decipher what she made of his surprise. She stared at him in wonder, then looked around her. Everyone was dressed beautifully – if rather old fashionably – while the splendor of the opera house caught her unawares.

"Where are we?" She whispered into his ear to be heard amid the notes of grand overture.

He grinned, pleased with her reaction. "La Scala, Milan, 1842. The world premiere of this opera. Well," he corrected with a small rueful shrug, "a holographic representation, at least."

Her heart swelled and she grasped his hand tightly, lacing their fingers as she returned her attention to the stage.

The performance was magical, just as the premiere of this opera in Milan must have been, back in 1842. And though it was a holodeck program, Kathryn got so into it that she stood to applause with the rest of the holographic crowd at the end, tears of emotion pooling in her eyes. Kathryn was touched beyond reason when they exited the room and walked back into the lobby. Chakotay went to speak to the holoprogramer, shaking his hand, before he returned to her side.

"You did all this," Kathryn stated as she took his arm again, staring up at his profile in wonder.

"Well, not single-handedly. Did you enjoy it?"

"Did I enjoy it?" She repeated emotionally. "Chakotay that was- it was beautiful. Thank you." She threw a look over her shoulder as they exited through the main doors. "I didn't realize you had a holodeck, here," she commented.

"Oh yes. We have electricity too, you know."

She slapped his arm affectionately and he chuckled good-humoredly in response. "It's not what I meant."

"I know. Actually, for many years during the war this holodeck was mostly used as a training facility. Let's just say that, when I asked the technicians about putting together a 19th-century opera performance, they were a little rusty on programing something so… non-lethal."

Kathryn grinned as she snuggled into his side more closely. "Well it was wonderful, I never would have guessed."

"Good."

They discussed the performance some more as they made their way back to Takayla's house, sharing their favorite moments, and speculating on whether there was any historical truth to the 19th-century Italians using the Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves as a symbol of independence in the face of the Austrian empire.

Everything was quiet back at the house by the time they returned, so Chakotay and Kathryn settled in the living room, enjoying the warmth and hypnotizing dance of the fire in the fireplace. At last she was able to tell him about her visit with her family, and he told her about how humbled he'd been to see so many of the community members come to welcome him home. She told him about her brief reunion with Mark, and though he tensed slightly when she first mentioned her ex-fiancé's name, she quickly told him every detail of the conversation, as well as her impressions of it, to assuage any of his concerns. Because this was where she belonged now. Sitting snuggly next to him. She asked him about his childhood favorite spots, and he promised to take her there in the morning, on their way to the foot of the mountains.

It was the last thing she heard before she fell asleep, tucked against his side.

~~0~~

When Kathryn next opened her eyes, she found herself in an unfamiliar bed, staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. She blinked, and then recalled that she was in Takayla's guest room. She was still fully dressed, and Kathryn smiled ruefully as she realized Chakotay must have carried her here last night. It was a miracle that she hadn't woken up at all – or a testament to how safe and carefree she felt here, with him. It occurred to her that he never would have done something like that as her first officer. Though it felt natural and familiar to get closer to him, they were truly entering uncharted territory here. The explorer in her felt a thrill of excitement at the thought.

After taking care of her morning routine, Kathryn followed the sound of soft voices to the kitchen. She found Chakotay standing behind the counter and Nim sitting across from him.

"Safety kit," Nimkotay said, reading from a list.

"Check," Chakotay replied as he put a small box inside a larger crate.

"Water replicator."

"Got it."

Kathryn smiled at the picture they were making, and Chakotay looked up at the sound of her feet against the tiles. He smiled in greeting and watched as Kathryn went to sit next to Nim at the counter, not wanting to interrupt their task.

"Coffee," Nim listed before he gave Kathryn a smile.

Chakotay winked at her as he grabbed the coffee and put it into the crate. "Check. Wouldn't want to forget that one."

"Plates, cups and utensils."

"Check."

"That's it, Uncle," Nim declared as he looked up from the list. He stood to his feet and went to hug Chakotay's side briefly. "Have a nice trip!"

"Thanks for your help, Nim. Now you better run off because your mom will have my head if I make you late for school."

Nimkotay nodded, grinning, as he hurried to pick up his bag from the floor. "Bye Captain!"

"Bye Nim!" Smiling, Kathryn returned her attention to Chakotay as he closed the crate and put it on the floor. When he straightened he leaned over the counter to meet her eyes, a twinkle of happiness in his eyes. It was an enthralling sight. "Good morning."

"Good morning," Kathryn replied, unable to tear her eyes away from his, loving the way his hair was a little ruffled, as if he'd just woken up.

With a quick smile, he leaned closer and Kathryn met him halfway for a gentle kiss. It was chaste enough, and yet it still managed to curl her toes.

"I slept in," she commented, incredulous – and a little guiltily.

"You did," he agreed, smiling.

"It felt as wonderful as I remembered, but you could have woken me up."

He shook his head. "No need, we're not in a hurry, are we?"

"I suppose not. It's strange, not having that constant tug in my stomach, urging me to find a way to get home. It's strange not having anything specific to do at all," she admitted.

Chakotay smiled as he pushed himself off the counter. "You do know that is the definition of a vacation, right?"

She chuckled. "It's been so long, I guess I must have forgotten!"

He grinned. "Breakfast?"

He set to work. Kathryn enjoyed watching him work around the kitchen as they talked about unimportant things, like how well she slept, or the plans for the day. They had agreed that night they had sat together in San Francisco that they would start by driving to the foothills to set up camp, and then, weather permitting, they would go exploring the river with kayaks. They would bring food with them to eat on the way, and they would then return to their base camp before dark.

When they were done with breakfast and coffee, they packed the rover and Chakotay made sure the trailer with the kayaks was secure. At that point Takayla exited the house to go to work and she checked Chakotay's work before giving them a mischievous smile. "Have fun, and do try not to get the captain lost, Chak," she teased.

"Very funny." Chakotay replied.

And then Chakotay and Kathryn drove off. Kathryn sent him a teasing glance from the passenger seat. "You do know where we're going, right?"

He smiled, his eyes twinkling as he briefly looked away from the road to glance at her. Yet Kathryn's breath hitched in her throat at the seriousness behind his teasing expression when he spoke. "The only thing I know is where I'd like us to be, Kathryn… but as for finding the road to get there, I don't think it's something I can or should do on my own. Not without a copilot."

Kathryn smiled at his innuendo, knowing full well that he wasn't talking about the road, but about their future. She reached out to touch his shoulder and neck. "Well then, better set a course, Chakotay. I'm told I'm actually decent at finding my way home."

He grinned, and shifted gears.

~~0~~

"Chakotay, look!"

Chakotay stopped paddling, letting his kayak drift with the current, as he looked in the direction Kathryn was pointing at. A stag-like creature was peacefully drinking from the river a few meters downstream from their position.

Chakotay smiled at the expression of wonder on Kathryn's face. She had stopped paddling her kayak as well, her double paddle resting across her knees. This had been a great idea, Chakotay decided. It was a beautiful sunny day, and as expected, the weather was much warmer here, and the natural beauties of his childhood home seemed to come and greet them as they paddled their way down the river. And Kathryn seemed to be enjoying herself, adjusting to the relaxed tempo of their exploration much better than he'd expected for someone so used to being busy all the time, and to doing things on a schedule.

"It's such a… proud-looking animal." She turned her head to look at him. "Are there many of them on the planet?"

Chakotay nodded, bending forward a little to rest his arm on his knees. "Thousands, I would say. Folks in town hunt them." At her horrified expression he clarified. "For food, mostly."

"Of course I understand, but it always makes me sad to think about that." She tilted her head as she lifted her paddle again. "Have you ever hunted them?"

"My father used to take me when I was a kid, but I've always hated it. I think that's what made me into a vegetarian." Chakotay straightened and resumed paddling.

There was a pause.

"A vegetarian? Now you wait a second!"

Chakotay grinned to himself, but kept on going, forcing her to catch up to him.

"Since when have you been a vegetarian, Chakotay?" She asked from behind him.

"Oh I'd say 30 years, at least." Chakotay bit back his grin as he twisted in his kayak to look at her. She looked mortified.

"So, all these times I cooked you a roast… you decided it was a good idea not to say anything."

"You were my captain, I wasn't about to criticize your cooking. Especially not the one thing you could actually make." He tilted his head as he considered it. "Well, when you didn't burn it, that is." She made a face at his teasing, and he grinned. "Besides," he added as he paused so she could catch up to him. "It was replicated, I knew no animal had been killed in the process."

She shook her head incredulously as she studied him. "What else haven't you been telling me, all those years? We've already covered the dancing, anything else you'd like to get off your chest?"

In spite of her joking tone, Chakotay couldn't help it, his grin faltered. He looked away to recover. The river current had started to increase somewhat, he knew they were close to the spot he'd been wanting to show her.

"Chakotay."

He sighed before looking at her. Her expression had lost its teasing edge as well, and she was looking at him with that vulnerable expression that had always gripped at his heart.

"Why didn't you tell me about you and Seven?" She asked, her voice just loud enough to carry over the sound of flowing water.

Chakotay sighed again. "Cowardice?" He suggested before he shook his head. "I suppose I dreaded your reaction. And I suppose, I felt guilty."

She frowned. "Why? You have every right to be happy. If being with Seven had made you happy, I would have understood. Or tried to."

Chakotay shook his head. "But it didn't. I fooled myself into believing I was happy for a while, but it didn't last very long. And I felt guilty, because… Because I've loved you for as long as I can remember, Kathryn, and even though I never expected you to return my feelings, a part of me felt I was betraying you. Betraying both of us. And I was terrified of seeing that look on your face." Chakotay let out a humorless chuckle. "The one that's on your face right now."

She shook her head as if to shake off her pained expression and looked down at her lap. Chakotay bit his lips, searching for the words that would take them back to the easy camaraderie and light flirting that had characterized their interactions so far. Chakotay directed his kayak nearer to the bank. This would be a good spot to disembark.

"Well," she started again, suddenly, and Chakotay was surprised to find a small smile tug at one corner of her mouth. She threw him a look as her kayak glided next to his. "I suppose you weren't the only one hiding things."

Chakotay frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"My feelings for you. I never told you I love you either."

Chakotay smiled, locking eyes with hers. "No. You sure didn't."

While he was distracted his kayak hit the sandy riverbank and screeched to an abrupt halt, almost making Chakotay topple sideways. When he looked up at Kathryn again – as she slid her kayak gracefully next to his and disembarked – she looked all too pleased with herself, and he grinned. And just like that, they were back.

"Why are we stopping?" She asked as they pulled their kayaks further up the riverbank. He grabbed the bags with their food with one hand and interlaced her fingers with the other.

"You'll see."

"Is that another one of your surprises?"

"You could say that," Chakotay replied mysteriously as he led her along the river.

He could still recall her expression when he'd shown her the first of his "surprises" earlier. Every time they had spoken about this camping trip, he had purposefully downplayed the level of comfort of their accommodations – to enhance the surprise – so she definitely had not expected that their "camping" would in fact entail sleeping within the comforts of his family's cabin, with a view on the river.

So Chakotay had been delighted to see the look of pure delight as he'd given her a quick tour of the place. He had worked on it a little over the last few days to make sure everything was in working order. And Kathryn had looked pleased (and more than a little relieved when she saw it had all the conveniences of a house). Chakotay had seen the hunger and anticipation in her eyes, but he'd playfully ignored it, reminding her of their plans to explore the river before dark just as she'd been about to kiss him. It had taken every ounce of willpower to tear his gaze away, and the knowledge that she wanted him had made it very hard for him to concentrate on anything else. But he wanted to take his time. He wanted to seduce her, not just her body, but her mind too. He had waited a long time for moments like these, for just the simple opportunities of spending uninterrupted time with her, and he wanted to enjoy it all.

As the path took them a little inland and into the woods, Kathryn pestered him with questions about their destination. You can't stand it, can you? You're like a little kid, wiggling. Chakotay grinned at the memory. At last their path curved toward the river again, and Chakotay helped her down as they climbed down suddenly steeper terrain. The roar of water was the first hint, but it was only when they reached the edge of the river and the vegetation cleared that Kathryn stopped before the view, and beamed.

"Oh, this is beautiful."

The waterfall was a few meters high, but very wide, and the water gathered into a series of turquoise pools at its feet. Little rainbows sparkled in the mist created by the rising of water particles into the air, and colorful insects buzzed around the tall grasses and flowers along the edges.

"What are you doing?"

Chakotay flashed her a grin as he finished removing his boots and socks, rolled up his pants, then pulled his shirt over his head. He bit back a smirk as her eyes fell to his chest before she averted her eyes. When he was ready, he grabbed their bags of provisions and stepped carefully onto a submerged, flat, stone. The water was cold around his feet, but not numbing. It was like he'd remembered it.

He extended his hand. She looked at it for one long second, and Chakotay wiggled his fingers teasingly.

"Is that part of your surprise, too?" She drawled.

Chakotay just raised his eyebrows, challenging, his hand still reaching out for her to take.

"It's too cold, what if we get hypothermia?"

He chuckled. "I'll build us a fire afterwards," he countered. Besides, he'd made sure she'd brought a change of clothes precisely for this occasion. Though if all went well she wouldn't even get her clothes wet.

"Yes, but will you be able to start it?" She deadpanned.

"Ouch," he replied in mock pain at the reference, and she chuckled. He could tell she was starting to sway.

"There's gotta be lots of leech-like creatures in there!" She argued, still chuckling, her last attempt.

"Only little ones," it was Chakotay's turn to deadpan, straight-faced. Her expression was priceless, and he couldn't hold the laughter back. "And you call yourself an explorer."

"Fine!" The way she was fighting a smile belied her reluctant tone. She removed her shoes, socks, rolled up her pants to her knees, and removed her long-sleeved shirt and used the sleeves to tie it around her waist. Chakotay tried not to stare at the sight of her barefoot and in a tank top (he'd failed to account for the fact that two could play that game…). She took his hand at last and Chakotay gripped it securely. He didn't want her to fall or injure herself on the slippery rocks.

He led her on a path of submerged stones leading directly toward the waterfall. He felt her pause when they neared the rushing wall of water, but he tugged on her hand reassuringly. And just like that she kept on following him, trusting him. On the last stone before they hit the rocky wall of the waterfall he paused and turned to help her step onto it. This brought her close, infinitely close, and his breath caught in his throat as their eyes met. She was giving him that hungry look again and her cool hands came to rest at his waist. Chakotay swallowed against the rush of excitement that coursed through him. But instead of giving in, he smiled and stepped back as much as the stone allowed and reached out his arm through the water, making it splash against his face, searching for…

Yes! The setup he had built a long time ago was still in place. He pulled on the rope and a sturdy plank of wood appeared from behind the water curtain, diverting the water and creating a dry passage underneath the waterfall. Behind it was a large cave, and Kathryn gave him an astounded look before he urged her along. He stepped in first then turned to help her up. It was cool and dry inside and he quickly rubbed his arm and hair to get dry as best he could. He grinned at Kathryn's surprised expression while he put his shirt back on.

"How did you know this was here?"

Chakotay set the bags down and knelt to pull out their food items, laying them out on the piece of cloth he had brought. "I used to come here before I joined the Academy. It was the only place I felt comfortable reading all those Starfleet manuals. It was here I prepared for the entrance tests, away from anyone who disapproved." Including his father.

Kathryn nodded as she walked around, reaching out a hand to touch the rocky walls, as if she could touch history itself. His history.

"When I was in that cell," Chakotay said as he opened a bottle of a local fermented beverage, forcing his tone to be conversational, cheerful, even, to show that he had started moving on from that experience, "uncertain whether I would ever see the light of day again, I couldn't shake away those two regrets..."

Kathryn listened with a curious smile, though it had a hint of sadness too.

"The first one was that I would never see this place again," he said as he looked around, smiling fondly at the way the sunlight filtering through made the water curtain glimmer, or the way the reflected light bounced on the dark walls of the cave and across Kathryn's face and hair. "I've never shown it to anyone before."

"No one?" She asked, her incredulity hiding some deeper emotion.

He held her gaze. "No." He cocked his head. "Well, aside from a girl or two." She gave him an exasperated look and he grinned, pulling on the bottle stopper to open it. "I'm joking. This was my fortress of solitude. No girl was allowed here," he went on, straight-faced, as if it was too obvious to even mention.

"Clearly you've changed your mind. I'm honored," she replied in amusement.

"Oh I'm bending the rules, here, Kathryn. Just for you," he continued teasingly, enjoying her smile. "You've always had that power over me, you see," he explained as he poured them both glasses. "To make me want to improve myself. To be worthy of your approval, and your friendship. When I first met you, I remember thinking, 'if we ever make it back, I'll show Captain Janeway my cave.' That's how long I've known you were special, that you would have a central role to play in my life. And here we are."

"Here we are." She agreed, her smile a little watery, as she took the proffered glass. "And the second regret?"

He studied her for a moment, the curve of her eyebrows, the beautiful blue of her eyes, the lock of hair that refused to stay behind her ear, and the small smudge of dirt on her cheek that made her look all the more endearing because – just like he'd told his sister – this was just Kathryn. Not Captain Janeway, but Kathryn. Chakotay reached out to gently wipe it away with the pad of his thumb. "That I never told you how I felt. Back in the cell, all I could think about was what a mess I'd made of things. With the whole Maquis thing, but also with Seven. I'm deeply sorry that I hurt you. You're not supposed to hurt those you love."

She let out a small sigh, her brows furrowed in a pained expression. "It did hurt at first, I can't deny that. But mostly because I didn't understand." She raised her eyes to his again. "But I would have tried to let you go. If you'd asked me to."

Chakotay let a wry smile touch his lips. "Somehow I don't think I was ever in danger of doing that." Shifting so he was facing her, he raised his glass. "Here's to you not giving up on me."

She replied with a smile of her own. "Here's to you not asking me to."

He chuckled softly and they clinked.

"Which reminds me," he started again after they'd taken a sip, "I've been meaning to give this back to you." He set down his glass to rummage through his bag. "I should have given it to you before I left, but I forgot," he explained as he handed her the book.

Dante's Divine Comedy.

She met his eyes again briefly before taking it. She smiled as she opened it and her fingers slid over random pages.

"I've kept your note," he told her, a little sheepishly.

Her smile widened. "I intended you to. I hope the book was of some comfort to you," she added as her hand caressed the creases on the cover.

He exhaled. "It was. To know that you were out there, trying to get me out of that mess…." He smiled. "My very own Beatrice, showing me the way out of hell and into heaven."

She shook her head at his teasing, either to dismiss the compliment or to shake the memory of his trial away he couldn't tell. She put the book into her bag distractedly. "The thought of you being taken away from me…" She shook her head again. "I couldn't fathom it. It was beyond my ability to bear."

Chakotay was moved by her disclosure, but he forced a teasing smile to his lips. "I believe it, you were ready to drop me off on some planet!"

She snorted and chuckled, then gave him an apologetic look. "Not my finest hour."

Chakotay grinned, genuinely this time. "Oh I disagree, it was quite touching."

She laughed and Chakotay resumed laying out their picnic on the cloth he'd brought to that effect. After a while of watching him work, she looked at him again.

"By the way, I did as you suggested. I've stepped away from Larks' investigation. You were right," she continued as she swirled the contents of her glass distractedly. "I've done my part. Now it's up to Starfleet to decide what will happen to him."

"Good. How did it feel? To let that go?"

She gave a lopsided grin as she considered. "Pretty damn good, actually. Liberating. I hadn't realized how much it weighed on me until you said it."

Chakotay's lips tugged upward. "I believe you, I can practically feel those tensions leave you even from here!" He teased. Though he really had noticed how she had slowly relaxed over the last 24 hours. She had slept so soundly last night that she hadn't even stirred when he had carried her to the guest room.

"That's too bad," she retorted, straight-faced, but her eyes lighting up with her typical teasing expression, "I was rather hoping you'd give me one of those legendary shoulder rubs."

Chakotay almost spilled his glass of wine when his hand suddenly misjudged the distance to his plate. He threw her an embarrassed glance to check whether she had noticed.

Obviously she had. She leaned closer and patted his shoulder teasingly. "That's payback," she told him archly. "For the shirt." Her hand stilled against his shoulder, suddenly reminding them both of how easily desire seemed to spark between them now that they allowed it. He met her eyes as her fingers trailed down from his shoulder to his arm, her touch feather light, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

Chakotay caught her hand, his eyes locking with hers. The intense look in her eyes pulled him in despite of his best intentions, and he found himself glancing at her parted lips. And then something opened up inside him and he bridged the distance to kiss her hungrily, the kind of kiss that they had been building up to since their first kiss; a kiss born out of years of unacknowledged desire. She responded with a moan and Chakotay kneeled up to better pull her closer. She matched his position, and wound her arms around his neck as her lips opened to his. He was lost in her taste and her scent and the feel of her. Of their own volition, his hands trailed down her sides to wander beneath the hem of her tank top and her shiver rippled through her so powerfully he felt it. In retaliation, with her mouth still caressing and teasing his, her hand suddenly moved down his chest to work on the first button of his shirt. He pulled back to catch her hand before it traveled any further.

Despite the voice that shouted to him he was the stupidest man that had ever lived to stop her now, this was not how he wanted their first time to go. So, panting heavily, he met her eyes, dark and dazed with desire, and smiled. "Not here. Cabin."

Breathing just as hard as he was, she grinned at his lack of eloquence, but nodded. With more willpower than he knew he had, he stood and helped her up. He couldn't help stealing another kiss before he pulled back to gather their things hurriedly. Chuckling now, she bent down to help him and they shared a look as they threw the rest of their food back into their bags. When they were done, Chakotay helped her out of the cave and they retraced their steps as quickly as they dared on the slippery stones. At one point Chakotay almost slipped, but he recovered his balance when she caught his arm with both her hands. They shared another look (half-amused half-annoyed with the slow pace) before moving on. It wasn't long before they reached their kayaks, and still laughing at the silliness of their situation, they jumped into their respective embarkations.

Chakotay had never paddled so fast in his life, and though going upstream slowed them down a bit, they still made it back to the cabin in half the time it had taken them to reach the waterfall.

When they were done pulling the kayaks up the small landing area, they gravitated toward each other again, and their lips clashed as soon as they were within reach. They picked up where they had left off and Chakotay groaned when her cool and slightly wet fingers resumed working on his buttons.

"Are you trying to keep me from taking this inside on purpose?" He chuckled, but then he groaned again when their lips parted just long enough for her to push his shirt off his arms. Chakotay started walking backward, their locked lips pulling her along with him.

A low chuckle passed her lips and reverberated through her chest. "I don't know, am I?" She panted, her breath hot against his chin just before her lips left his to trail down to his neck.

"I guess you're about to find out," he croaked as he pulled back long enough to bend down and fling her over his shoulder like a potato sack. She yelped in surprise and laughed as Chakotay bridged the last few meters to the porch and made his way up the stairs and through the door, grinning.

As soon as they were inside the cabin, he set her down gently and pulled her to him again. Still grinning in exhilaration, she raised her hands to touch his head, digging her fingers into his hair.

"Good thing I'm not your captain anymore, I could have had you walk the plank for such impropriety," she teased.

He grinned, though he felt the truth of her statement – the first part of it, in any case. "Good thing, indeed."

"Very good thing," she whispered. And then she kissed him again.

ooooOoooo

Kathryn found Chakotay outside, already dressed and standing on the cabin porch, his back to the door and his shoulder leaning against the beam in a relaxed stance. The sunrise was amazingly beautiful, and she understood why he'd left the warmth of their bed to come and greet it.

Quietly leaning against the doorframe, wearing her robe against the morning chill, she took a sip of her coffee, just watching him watch the sunrise.

To think that just a few days ago she had known nothing of the deep sense of peace that being with Chakotay could bring her. As his captain she had barely allowed herself to fantasize, so it was only recently, as she had realized the depth of her feelings and they had grown closer, that she had really started to really wonder what it would be like to break down those barriers. The fun, exhilaration and satisfaction parts – she had expected. But never in her wildest dream could she have imagined such fulfillment, too. Not only physical fulfillment, but spiritual too. Sex with Chakotay felt like a communion, a way for their souls or their spirits – or whatever you wanted to call that part of their consciousness– to communicate beyond words. Even now, as she studied the backlit outline of his silhouette, she could feel the tug inside her, as if they were now linked together by an invisible bond. Never in a million years could the pragmatist and scientist in her have imagined that something like this was even possible. And she wanted to spend the rest of her life continuing that conversation, that journey toward discovery, with him. She wondered how in the world, how in the universe, she had not recognized his true worth and the depth of their connection before. Though, all things considered, her ignorance had probably been a blessing back on Voyager.

But how the hell was she going to cope with being away from him when she returned to Voyager and he was forced to stay behind? She sighed softly.

"Trying to stop the sun from rising with your mind, are you?" She teased quietly as she pushed herself from the doorway to join him. Just a few hours before, he had said something about a part of him not wanting their trip to end. She had agreed wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, she was already expected back on Earth. And though she cherished every moment she spent here with Chakotay, away from her worries, she knew she couldn't avoid them forever. Besides, a part of her was still eager to recover Voyager from Simon Stedvak.

Chakotay chuckled, the soft sound diffusing warmth all over her heart. He sent her a sly look as she stepped next to him. "You know, there is someone with the power to do just that, and he happens to owe you a couple of favors, as I recall."

She raised her hand to stop him. "Ah! Don't say his name out loud," she warned teasingly and she leaned her head toward him to lower her voice, "he might actually show up, like some wicked, magical creature that appears when its name is spoken. I don't want him anywhere near this," she added as she gestured between the two of them.

He chuckled again as his arm went around her to pull her closer into his side. "Fair enough." He shifted to better face her. "In that case, I guess we'll just have to accept the coming of dawn as mere mortals do." He leaned down to kiss her lips softly.

She raised an eyebrow when they pulled back. "Not bad at all for mere mortals." She returned her gaze to the landscape, the yellow sunrays bouncing off the surface of the river, the slight mist that lingered along the river's edges.

"What were you thinking about just now?" She asked curiously as she peered up at his profile, the tattoo that had become such an integral part of his identity.

"Just taking it all in, I guess. It feels good to be back here. As a kid I would have much preferred to stay at home and look at my well-used books about Earth's space exploration program than come out here. But now I'm glad I was able to make my peace with this place." He turned his face to look at her. "You being here has made it all so much easier."

A cold hand of fear touched her heart for a moment. "Have you decided what you want to do?" She asked, unable to keep her sudden concern that he would want to stay here from making her voice shake slightly. Over the last few days, Chakotay had been silent about his thoughts on his future, and Kathryn had refrained from asking, not wanting to pester or pressure him. But now that the day of her return to Earth was upon them, she had to know.

"As a matter of fact, I have." He stepped aside to half-sit against the porch wooden railing so that he could face her. "In fact my mind's been made up for a while. I'm going back to Earth with you."

Kathryn fought the urge to sigh at the wave of relief that coursed through her.

"Before you joined me here," he went on seriously, "I sent out my application for exoarchaeology programs in most of the higher education centers in San Francisco. With my past and my discharge from Starfleet I expect some difficulties getting in, but I've already garnered Admiral Hayes' promise of a good reference, should I need it to get admitted."

Kathryn raised her eyebrows in surprise as she processed his words. "Admitted? You want to attend as a student?"

He gave a nod, his expression serious. That's when she realized that he hadn't told her sooner because he had been dreading her reaction. As if that would change anything of her feelings, or her wishes for the future! As if that could make her think any less of him! It was actually quite the opposite!

"If I really want to be an archaeologist and a teacher," he explained, "I have to get some professional training first. Hopefully I can speed through the program, what with my experience in the Delta Quadrant and the credits I accumulated when I was at the Academy."

Kathryn stared at him in wonder, impressed by his bravery. To start over…! "If they could see even half of what I've always seen in you, Chakotay, they'd be idiots not to take you in, with or without a reference."

"Thank you." He cocked his head to study her curiously. "You're not weirded out by this?"

She let out a small chuckle. "No." She stepped up to him. With him sitting she had to tilt her head down slightly to meet his eyes. "In fact, how many Starfleet captains can boast they're dating a college student?"

He laughed as he pulled her closer with his hands on her waist, his fingers hooking under the sash of her robe in a promise (or a delightful threat?) to untie it soon. "I didn't realize that was something worth boasting about," he teased as he tilted back his head to better meet her eyes. He pulled gently on her sash to bring her closer. "Does it follow that I get to boast of dating a Starfleet captain?"

"That would only be fair," she replied good-naturedly, enjoying this banter.

His expression shifted ever so slightly, becoming almost shy when he next spoke. "And how about if that same student, hypothetically speaking, boasted of being married to a Starfleet captain? Would that be something the captain in question would be willing to consider?"

Her eyes widened slightly, but her mischievous smile only deepened. She knew he wasn't proposing, not really, not yet, and admittedly she was grateful that he asked for her opinion before actually landing the question. That way it wasn't a unilateral decision on his part, but something they would work out together. When the time was right.

"Oh I'd say the odds are high," she replied.

"Yeah?" His eyes twinkled.

"Very high." She cocked her head in feigned consideration. "But then again, if the couple in question were to wait for a bit, he might even get to boast of being married to an admiral."

"That does sound so much more impressive," he agreed in the same tone, straight-faced. He slowly pushed himself off the railing and stood, stepping closer to her as he did.

"But until then…" She started again, her voice raspy to her own ears as she felt the warmth and strength of his body against hers, his fingers as they made slow work of her sash, and his breath against her chin. "And before we leave this place, isn't there one last thing we've been meaning to explore a little more?"

He seemed a little confused – intrigued, but confused. "Was there?"

She nodded emphatically. "Oh yes. I believe it's in the bedroom," she told him with a pointed look.

His eyes flashed with a hunger she now knew very well. "I guess it couldn't hurt to gather a little more data before we leave," he agreed in the same tone. "It helps to be thorough."

"Precisely." Never leaving her eyes he took her hand, and she followed him inside.

ooooOoooo

A/N: Finally! ;-)

As a side note, I always thought it funny that Kathryn kept "burning the roast" for her weekly dinners with Chakotay, even though Neelix once told Harry that Chakotay was a vegetarian! In fact one of my favorite J/C scenes in the whole series is when Chakotay finds Kathryn sitting on the floor with her replicator taken apart in Shattered (incidentally my favorite episode), and her line about once calling the replicator a glorified toaster... Anyway, it's probably one of those small inconsistencies that often creep through in long-running series, especially one with so many changes in the writing and executive producing teams, but I thought I would use it to my advantage here and have some fun with it!