A/N: Just some clarifications from last chapter. It was a long jump in terms of the events that unfolded, so I'm pretty sure the questions were expected.
First of, Bella isn't going to find out about Edward's feelings towards her. She's 14 now so I don't think it's too early. She'll be dancing in his arms, gazing lovingly at him, in two years time after all. Plus, he's Edward. He'll need at least 2 years to get used to the idea, mull things over, get jealous then finally make a move. So no, no definite ExB being a couple until Bella's 16 and in Forks.
Secondly, I know they acted like he cheated on Bella but the entire family minus Edward and Bella had been counting on ExB for, what, seven years now?? It wasn't fair because neither knew, Bella's still too young, and it's not the right time, but they're still disappointed. And Edward's all upset because Bella's upset, and he's starting to realize (when he panicked after the kitchen incident) that there might be something more to Bella's and his relationship. So that combination, plus learning about the vision, freaked him out. Bella's just being Bella. It's Edward after all. She would feel like she's losing him. Tanya looked pretty cozy with him when she found them. And yes, technically he doesn't have a mate which is why Tanya advanced on him. Plus I think she's demented. But I might be bias.
Disclaimer: SM owns it all.
POVs: Jasper, Edward, Bella, Rosalie
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Jasper's POV
Edward had been running for the past fifteen minutes. He knew I was following him and he had tried to dodge me. I was a military man, however. I can't be swayed. Finally, at some point, he had given up trying to shake me off, and now he was just running to get away from the house. As far as he could get.
We made it all the way to Canada. We were headed towards the Torngat Mountains. I knew we would be safe there if Edward decided to stop. We had hunted there previously, and we didn't come across humans all that often. And even if we did, we moved too fast for their eyes to see.
Sure enough, Edward stopped in the middle of the rocky mountains, and dropped to his hands and knees. I did a quick sweep with my eyes to check that no human was around. Edward could've probably heard their thoughts but I wasn't taking any chances. He was too distraught.
I held back and watched him warily. He was shaking slightly, and his emotions were enough to drive me crazy.
Anger, confusion, grief, guilt…I could understand the confusion, maybe even the anger. We had, after all, kept this from him for a long time. But I couldn't understand the grief or the guilt.
I sighed inwardly. I might have more than once thought how wonderful it would be not to feel what everyone else feels all the time. It could get slightly disconcerting, painful even. But I've come to terms with my gift for the most part.
And at times like these, I wish I could understand where these emotions come from. Why people feel the way they do. I could only feel, I don't necessarily know why.
Something sweet tickled my nose, and my head snapped towards my right. Edward must have smelled it, too, because he took off again. We came into contact with our prey-caribou. Edward crouched into a lethal position and attacked. I followed suit. Edward had gone through four when I was just done with two.
I shook my head as we disposed of the carcasses.
I knew this was a lot to take in. Bella had been a part of the family since she was six. Edward had seen her tiny and running around asking for chocolate milk, playing Pocahontas with Emmett and tripping over everything. Alright, she's still doing that last one. A lot.
But did he really have to react this way? All he had to do was calm down and talk to me about it. I didn't come here for fun. I came here to make sure he was alright. It was killing me not knowing what was going on. The way Alice had seen those visions…The way she described them to me…All of us had been waiting anxiously for Bella to grow older, and for Edward and Bella to get together.
I hoped they didn't drift apart now. I hoped Edward wouldn't pull one of his typically Edward stunts and stay away from her.
"Of course I have to do that!" Edward snapped.
I jumped, then glanced sheepishly at him. He'd read my mind. Naturally. I'd forgotten for a moment that he could-I'd been too absorbed with my thoughts.
At that, Edward rolled his eyes.
Then I sighed. It'll crush her to have you stay away from her.
"She'll live."
And what's the point, Edward? Think about it. Rationally. This is Bella we're talking about. She's going to be changed before she turns eighteen. She'll have eternity. And you're willing, honestly willing, to let her go? To see her meet someone and be their mate?
I saw him wince, but he turned away from me. The conflicting emotions in him was making me more and more confused each second. I didn't understand it.
Why the guilt? Why the sorrow, Edward?
He sighed, and took off. I rolled my eyes and followed. He stopped and sat down on a boulder. I sat next to him and waited patiently for him to start.
"I can't help feeling like it's my fault," he whispered, looking distantly out at the mountain ranges. My eyebrows drew together. How was this his fault, of all things? "I should've insisted we left her when we found her. I should've stayed away. I should've…" He drew in a shaky breath.
I chuckled slightly and he shot me a dark look. "You really think the others would have listened to you, Edward?" I raised an eyebrow. Rosalie? Esme? Even Emmett? Get real, Edward. They fell in love with her the moment they laid eyes on her. "As did you," I teased.
Edward scowled and stood up. I was ready to dart after him but he just started pacing back and forth in front of me. "This isn't funny, Jasper," he growled. "The girl has already gone through so much…And my mate, Jazz?" he made a face.
"I've known her for seven years! She…She was a little girl, for God's sake!" he threw his hands in the air. "Don't you find that a little…Demented?" he asked, his voice almost pleading.
It took everything in me not to laugh at his paranoia. Maybe it was a little weird, like I said before, but it was meant to be. She was human when we met her. She still was. But she won't be for long.
Edward snarled at the direction my thoughts were headed, but I ignored him. "Edward, it's inevitable," I pointed out.
He shook his head, stubborn. "No," he said firmly. "I'll find a way to get her out of this." I opened my mouth to protest but he was talking again already. "And when I do, we'll leave."
I raised an eyebrow. My heart would be hammering a mile a minute if I were still alive. "Edward, you can't be serious," I whispered. He raised an eyebrow, as if challenging me to think otherwise. "It'll kill her."
"No, we'll kill her, if she stays with us. Don't you see that? If she stays, she'll have to be changed. I'll…Fall in love with her. Her life would be taken from her-I can't do that to her," he said brokenly.
I started to get angry. I've never felt this much anger in my life before. Maybe I needed to be around more adolescent humans-I've heard they carry a lot of angst in them.
You're only thinking of yourself.
He stopped pacing and turned to face me, his eyes blazing. I didn't care. All I wanted was for him to see how incredibly selfish it was for him to stay away, for him to do his best to keep her a human.
She wants this, Edward. Can't you get that through your head? She wants to stay with us. She wants to be immortal. She wants to be with you. She's only fourteen, so yeah, she doesn't know. But it's there. For both of you. I'm the empath here, I know. I can feel it. The trust, the need to stay by each other's sides, the understanding and compassion. Sooner or later, all of that is going to turn into passion. It's just a matter of time, Edward. And right now? Leaving isn't even a choice.
"There's always a choice," he growled at me.
I shook my head. Think about it. Really think about it. Imagine being without her. Imagine not seeing her, not hearing her voice, not knowing how her day was. Imagine letting her go, letting her be on her own. Imagine her on her own out there, with no one to protect her, no one to confide in or help her in her times of need. Can you do that, Edward? Can you leave her? Can you see your life without her?
He trembled again, and made his way shakily to the boulder. He sat down and cradled his head in his hands. If I didn't know any better, I would say he was crying. This was a man in pain. A broken, lost soul.
I sighed again and shot him some calming, soothing waves. I felt him start to relax slightly. "Thank you," he whispered.
I snorted. "Hey, I didn't do it for you. Your emotions were killing me-it was survival instinct," I joked.
Edward chuckled slightly, though I could hear the underlying tension underneath his normally smooth voice. "Yes, well." He grew quiet, and we just sat there for God knows how long. The sun was already setting, the sky darkening further and further.
I didn't mind the silence. Even as Edward's emotions raged through me, I could still find the peace of sitting here in the mountains. It was one of the better things of being a vampire.
"There are a shortage of those, you know," he said quietly.
I turned to look at him. "Of what?" I asked, confused. Were we in a conversation? Did I miss something.
He shot me an amused look. "Of the better things of being a vampire," he explained. Realization dawned on me.
"She would have to be a killer. She'd have to drink blood. And there would be times, especially as a newborn, when she would slip up and end up hurting people. Killing them," he flinched. I almost did the same. "Could you watch that then, Jazz? Your baby sister, the killer?"
I couldn't stop the growl in my chest. Edward heard it of course, and threw me a knowing look.
I sighed, and rubbed my temple. Talking to him at times like these was like hitting my head with granite repeatedly. It's no wonder I'm the one they asked to do this-they must have thought, as an empath, I had more patience.
Well, it was wearing off.
Fast.
Edward read my thoughts and grinned slightly. It wasn't one of his cocky grins, or one of those natural 'I'm-incredibly-happy' grins he kept sporting over the last seven years. It was one of those 'I'm-smiling-to-keep-from-falling-apart' grins.
Don't do this to her. As much as it would hurt you, it would hurt her more.
His smile flickered, and slipped. His lips formed a frown. "She wouldn't have it in her. The capacity to feel as much as I do," he said, though I could see the uncertainty in him.
How wrong you are, my brother. "Because she's a human, and feels so much about you, it'll hurt her more. She isn't as strong as you, Edward," I reminded him.
He dropped his head to his hands again. "So what do I do? I'm so confused…I don't understand."
I thought about it. What should he do? Well, Bella was barely fourteen now. And I don't think she even realized the feelings she was having lately towards Edward would grow over time, and become a beautiful love. Hell, even Edward needed to think this over fully, and let things run naturally.
"The time will come," I said finally. "When the two of you will be ready. Now isn't it, Edward. Right now, it's just starting."
He didn't move, and he didn't speak. I thought he was just going to lapse into silent thinking once more, when he spoke. "When did Alice see it happening?"
I didn't know if I should tell him. Alice always said that things should happen in their own time. That if we interfered, things wouldn't work out the way they were supposed to.
Edward exhaled loudly. "I only want to know, Jazz. I need to prepare myself. It isn't easy bearing this information, you know?" he said. He finally straightened up, but only to glare at me.
I rolled my eyes. My brother, the drama king, ladies and gentlemen. "When she's sixteen. You'll get together by the time she's seventeen."
He looked pained all of a sudden, and sadness overwhelmed both him and I. I gave him some serenity and raised my eyebrows questioningly. "She'll have less than a year to be human by then," he muttered.
You can't feel guilty about that, Edward, I thought grimly.
In reality, we all felt guilty. The thought that we could have maybe fought harder have crossed our minds plenty of times. But I was a military man-I'd gone over the entire fight over and over again in my head. There wasn't a chance in hell that it could've gone any other way than it had.
Maybe in our fantasies, it would've gone better. Maybe Aro wouldn't even had come. Maybe Connor hadn't happened. But this was reality. It did happen. We were ambushed. We were the weaker ones.
And Bella had sacrificed her human life to save us. But she would have eighteen years of humanity with her. And she would have eternity of happiness waiting for her.
Don't take it away from her, Edward. You know better than anyone she deserves it. She deserves to be happy with us, and with you. Don't doubt it's what she wants. You might not be able to read her mind, but I could read her emotions. She wants it.
Edward sighed once more, and tilted his heads up to look at the starless night sky. "I just need to think this through," he murmured, almost to himself.
On the bright side, you have two years to do that.
For some reason, I don't think this comforted him all that much.
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Rosalie's POV
I was in hysterics, and I knew it. Emmett couldn't have calmed me down if he had Jasper's gift.
My baby had gone off, upset. I'd tried calling her several times but she kept her phone shut off. She had left a message on the answering machine in the house-apparently, she'd called when Jasper and Emmett were gone, Alice and Esme were out, and Emmett and I were hyperventilating at our hunting ground.
I didn't want to be so upset. I told myself to stay calm, and to be reasonable. When Bella gets back, we can talk it out. I knew she went over to Danielle's house for a sleepover. I'd thought of going to get her but Alice had seen the outcome and it wasn't pretty. I didn't want to upset Bella more, so I'd left it at that. She would be back tomorrow morning anyway.
I couldn't believe Tanya. That woman had thrown herself at Edward even when he'd told her plenty of times that he didn't want her, that he wasn't interested. Was she deaf or just plain daft?
I knew it was irrational to be mad at her for hurting Bella. She didn't know that my baby was supposed to be the one that gets Edward. He didn't even know that. But Alice had insisted we didn't tell them sooner.
For one, it was too weird. Even I myself couldn't imagine seventeen-year-old-looking Edward staring at a seven year old Bella with the kind of love of a mate. It was too creepy.
For another, Edward would freak out and run. He was just like that. He would think it was his fault or something like that, and stay away from Bella. Stupid, but that's him. If he could only see that he would make Bella so happy…He wanted it too, according to Alice. Even Jasper said that recently, their feelings towards each other were changing. It was a slight shift, he'd said, but it was there.
Honestly, as much as I hated the thought that Bella would become someone else's, I couldn't help but be happy for her.
I'd spent the last seven years being her mother. I'd held her when she cried, helped her when she needed to escape Alice, made her eat her vegetables, brushed her hair and played with her.
But Bella was thirteen years old now. She wasn't a small child anymore. In a few months, she would be fourteen. Alice was already planning her birthday party.
My baby was growing up.
She would be fourteen and in her last year of middle school. Then she would be fifteen and on her way to Forks High-we would have to be moving again since we'd stayed in Alaska for a few years already.
Then she'd continue growing up. Boys, college, life. And of course, her change.
I felt guilty and so upset that Bella would have to go through that. I wanted her by my side forever. Even when she's older, I wanted her with me. No matter how old she would get, I would always see her as that six year old who clung to me, and smiled at me and called me 'mommy'. She doesn't do that very often anymore-especially when we're in public.
But we have our moments.
The thing was, I still wanted her to have everything I was deprived off when Royce did what he did to me.
I wanted her to be happy, to have a normal life. I wanted her to grow up, find that someone special, marry and have children. I wanted her to be able to grow old, have laugh lines and watch her own children have kids.
I wanted her to be happy.
But she gave it all up to save us, to save me. I didn't know if I should be happy or angry about it, but I definitely felt guilty. Especially when that tiny little voice inside my head would rise to the surface every now and then and ask me if I wasn't even a little bit happy that I would have my daughter with me forever.
I was. I was extremely happy. I was never going to lose her. The thought that I would have to continue on with eternity without Bella was unbearable. I knew the others felt it too.
For seven years, every happiness that came with being with Bella had a hint of sadness in it because we knew we would have to give her up at some point. Alice refused to believe it-she'd seen it in her vision, that Edward would love her, that he would take her as his.
But we knew Edward. We knew his stubborn side. We knew that if he found out, he'd run. He'd stay away. He'd protect her. I loved him for it, but now I hated him for it as well.
Bella deserved to be happy. Her future was set in stone now. There was no escaping the Volturi. It was either this life or death for Bella. I loved my daughter. And if death was the only other alternative, then I'd gladly bring her into our world, truly and completely.
All things considered, it was a good thing that Bella would be with us forever. Think about it. Bella. Our family. Edward and Bella. Bella Hale Cullen.
She had made our family so complete. And she had the chance to make it even more beautiful. If only Edward would allow it.
Now my baby was off in another person's house, upset because another vampire had come into our house and ruined something we'd all been waiting for since Alice had those visions years ago, and Edward was off doing God knows what as he blew off steam.
Yes, I wanted Bella to be happy. But if this was what made her happy, if being a vampire and living with us and being with Edward for all eternity was what made her happy…Then who was I to object?
My only worry was that Edward would do something stupid. He had always wanted to protect Bella. Since the very beginning, he wanted her to be safe and away from us. He knew that what we were would only come back to haunt us. He was afraid that Bella would get hurt one day because of what we were.
But now everything has already been decided. Bella would become one of us before her eighteenth birthday. She had less than five years left to be human.
I felt a pang of sadness and panic in my heart as I hunted. I hadn't put it that way. I hadn't exactly thought of her deadline. Five years seemed so short, so inadequate.
I took a deep breath and lunged at the elk. I sank my teeth, breaking the soft skin. I felt the warm, familiar, feel of blood flowing in my mouth and drank deeply.
Five years.
I would make it the best five years of Bella's life. She might not remember it all that well when she's changed. She might only have a few memories. But I wanted it to be the best memories that she held on to.
I knew she couldn't forego school, and I didn't want her to. Education was incredibly important. I wanted her to be in school while she was still human, no matter how many times she'd have to repeat high school throughout eternity.
I would do absolutely anything and everything to make my baby happy. And that meant that I would not allow Edward to make stupid mistakes. Bella might not realize her feelings for Edward yet. Her emotions might not coalesce into the passion of a lover yet. But it would get there. And that was what would give her happiness. Edward would not take that away from her.
Tanya would not take that away from her.
No one would.
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Bella's POV
I felt incredibly stupid.
I didn't know why I was so upset over this. Tanya…She was beautiful, there was no denying that. She might be annoying and silly and, at times, just plain absurd. But if Edward liked her then it wasn't my place to say anything.
He was my best friend, I get that. Being with Tanya-I don't know if it'll take him away from me. I don't know if he'll forget me or be away from me too much.
It'll hurt to not see him as much. I knew I was always complaining that he was too protective, but it would hurt for him not to be that way with me anymore.
I liked it that he was protective-it showed me that he cared. I liked that he was always overly anxious over the simplest matter because it showed me that he wanted me safe.
And even though we've never actually said 'I love you' out loud to one another, I knew that he did. And I knew that he understood I loved him, too.
I had said it to every single one of the Cullens but Edward. You would think it would be a little less awkward to say it since he was my best friend, but it wasn't. It just made it all the more uncomfortable.
I didn't know why exactly. I just knew that it wasn't the right time to say it.
Which made me confused.
When would be the right time to say it? Under what circumstances?
I sighed, as I tried to concentrate on the movie. We had gone back to Danielle's house after picking up Val and Nina. Danielle's cousin was already at her house. Instead of going to the theater, we'd rented a few movies instead. Danielle was a romantic, so we'd gotten a few romantic comedies.
It was fine by me considering I hated watching horror movies. They gave me nightmares. Emmett dared me to watch the Exorcist once…I wouldn't go anywhere alone. Even the bathroom.
I was aware that my feelings for Edward had grown considerably since I was little.
When I was younger, I looked at him as my protector. And he really was. He'd never let a fly hurt me. It became ridiculous some times, the lengths he would go to just to ensure I was safe. I was touched by his gestures, but it still made me feel like I was a porcelain doll.
And then he wasn't just my protector. He was my best friend. We did everything together. He taught me how to play the piano, he taught me about music and art. He watched movies with me-especially horror movies because I wanted to watch them but I just couldn't do it alone.
He was my shoulder to cry on every time I had a fight with a friend or if I got a bad grade or if I just had a terrible day.
He was someone I turned to and confided in.
Now I wasn't sure what he was.
He was still my protector, still my best friend…But it felt like he was more. Like he was my life. It sounded ludicrous, I know. It's just that I couldn't imagine my life without him. Not that I could imagine my life without any of the Cullens, but still.
We had just gotten so close throughout the years. It just felt like he was a part of me somehow. Was there such a thing? To have a friend so close to you that you felt like your whole world revolved around him? How was this even possible?
I knew Jasper could feel what I feel, so I had decided to ask him. It was easier since I didn't have to explain. I couldn't have put it into words if I tried. But he had only smiled at me and told me that I'd figure it out when it was time. That I had to understand on my own, in my own time.
Whatever that meant.
Alice wouldn't tell me either. None of them would.
And Edward didn't know. I was too embarrassed to ask him. Alice said I shouldn't rush things and be nosy-a habit I'd picked up from Emmett. We were both too impatient with secrets. We snooped until we found out. Of course, there wasn't anything to snoop around for since I didn't know what on earth I was looking for.
I could feel my eyelids getting droopy. It was way past one in the morning. Val had already succumbed to slumber next to me. I yawned and rested my head on my pillow. I could hear Adam Sandler's voice in the background, but it was getting fainter.
I'll talk to Rosalie tomorrow. She must be worried out of her mind that I shut off my phone. I just didn't want to talk to anyone.
But I realize I was being stupid. What happened in Edward's personal life wasn't any of my business. I only wanted him happy.
Tanya was my last choice for him, but if she was who he wanted…It wasn't my place to be upset.
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I showered and changed into fresh clothes in Danielle's house. Her sister was taking us out for breakfast before sending us back home. Danielle was happy enough that I went for her sleepover. I was happy, too.
I learnt a long time ago that I shouldn't be upset about leaving people behind. It wouldn't get easier. But I should just accept the time I have with them, and be happy.
After breakfast, Danielle and her sister sent us home. I was the last one they dropped off, after Val and Nina. Danielle was still a little upset that I'd be gone from Denali for five weeks, but I couldn't be more excited.
As resolved as I was to put my feelings about Tanya aside and just be happy for Edward, I couldn't wait to get away from her.
Unless Edward invited her to come along with us…In which case I'd gladly fling myself off of a cliff. Or beg until Esme allowed me to go to Texas with Danielle and her family. Whichever hurt less.
The moment I entered the house, I was knocked to the floor. As I regained my sight after the shock of the fall, I started to laugh. Emmett, Rosalie and Alice had flung themselves at me. They had mostly kept their weight off of me, but I was still running out of breath.
"Guys," I choked out. "I need to breathe…And I think you just cracked my rib," I joked.
Immediately they were off of me, helping me to my feet and apologizing profusely. Carlisle dashed to my sight at the speed of light and was inspecting me. I rolled my eyes.
"I was joking, dad," I complained, trying to bat his hands away. He just glared at me and continued to see if I had actually injured myself in any way. When he was satisfied that I hadn't, he stepped back.
"Honey, you had us all worried!" Esme said, coming forward to hug me. Her heart-shaped face was grimacing in anxiety, and I felt guilt wash over me. I shouldn't have turned off my cell phone the way I did. I should've at least called and talked to someone, to let them know I was fine.
"I'm sorry, mom," I said, repentant. I felt Jasper giving me a boost of calmness and I gave him a grateful smile. "I just…It's a sleepover," I said weakly, knowing that they could see right through my lie. That made me blush. I still didn't understand why I overreacted the way I did.
"It's alright," Alice smiled. "I told them where you were."
Esme still hugged me to her side as she ran her fingers through my hair lovingly. "Do you want anything to eat?" I shook my head no and told her that I'd already had my breakfast. "Anything to drink?" Again, I shook my head.
"If you don't mind…I'd just rather go up to my room," I said, not meeting any of their gazes. I could feel the sympathy looks on their faces. I could see they were confused and bewildered by my actions. I didn't want to stick around to endure those silent looks, or get interrogated by them.
Esme nodded understandingly, which was worse in my opinion, and I excused myself.
I went up to my room and flung my overnight bag to the side. It hit the wall and sagged to the floor. I barely looked at it. I closed the door behind me and took off my shoes. No doubt Alice had already packed my bags for our vacation. Sure enough, propped against the wall next to my vanity, was five suitcases, each one big enough to fit all of the clothes in my wardrobe. I didn't know if I should throw something or cry. Alice and her clothing obsessions.
"Maybe I should read a book," I muttered to myself, eyes darting to the desk at the far end of my room. There wasn't anything else that I could do for the moment anyway.
A musical voice behind me startled me. "I pray to God you aren't going to read Wuthering Heights again."
I yelped in surprise and spun around. That, of course, was a terrible thing to do if you were as clumsy as I was. I ended up tripping over the air and falling backwards. Before I could hit my head on the vanity, though, Edward had caught me around the waist and pulled me back to my feet.
My heart was hammering away, but I hoped Edward took that to mean that I was just startled by him and the fall.
Well, of course he'd take it to mean that. What else could it mean?
Not for the first time, I found myself thanking whatever higher power there was that Edward couldn't read my mind.
He was chuckling as he withdrew his arm from my waist, but there was an underlying anxiety in his voice. I could even see it in his eyes, in the way he clenched his jaw and stared at me. Edward was never good at hiding from me. I might as well have Jasper's gift when I was around him.
But Edward would tell me what it was when it came up. And I had a sinking suspicion that it had something to do with what happened yesterday. Not something I wanted to talk about.
So I narrowed my eyes at him, and poked his chest with my finger. I doubted he even felt it. "That. Is. Not. Funny," I glowered.
He stifled his laughter, and smiled at me. "No, of course not." His voice was still teasing, though, and his smile spread across his face. Some of the tension left his body, and I was glad I could at least do that. I didn't like to see him suffering.
I turned away from him and walked over to my desk. "Wuthering Heights happen to be a very compelling novel," I informed him. "It's captivating."
Edward reached the desk before me, and I scowled. Stupid vampire speed. He crossed his arms and leaned against the desk. "Yes, but there are other compelling novels out there, you know," he grinned. "Besides, I fail to see the intrigue of it."
I stared at him. Was he serious? I sighed. Of course he was. I'd tried to sway him on the subject over the years, but he wouldn't listen to me.
Wuthering Heights was one of my favorite books. Right up there with Romeo and Juliet. I found Heathcliff extremely interesting. His love for Catherine was so strong but he was too stubborn to see it clearly or fight for it. Instead, he ran off without knowing the full story, settled for Isabella Linton and became a tyrant. Despite it all, his love for Catherine still survived in his heart. And deep down, he wanted nothing more than to be with her. If they were reunited, he wouldn't have been the dark soul that he was.
I don't know-maybe it was just me. I had no idea why I was so obsessed with star crossed lovers. The stories didn't have happy endings, but I loved the tragic loves.
Maybe it was because I could use my overactive imagination and think of what it would be like if those characters haven't lost their love to death or something else. People who had suffered through a tragic love would never waste a single breath if they were given a second chance with their significant other. I think that's what attracted me to it.
Edward's smile disappeared, and my heartbeat accelerated. Oh, no, here it comes. He could hear my heartbeat, of course, but instead of the smile that graced his lips every time he heard it, his frown deepened.
"Bella, I have to discuss something with you," he said softly.
I think my heart was going to explode out of my chest.
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Edward's POV
As soon as Jasper and I reached home, I was attacked by everyone. Well, almost. Jasper and Carlisle held back while Rosalie, Alice and Emmett yelled at me. Even Esme was having trouble controlling herself-she was much too worried about Bella.
Apparently, Bella hadn't returned any of their phone calls. She had left one measly message on the answering machine, saying that she was fine and would return home the next day. She was at Danielle's for the day, taking her up on the sleepover offer.
I felt terrible, of course, but not one of them cared. I wouldn't have asked them to. I had upset Bella.
But why?
That one question had haunted my mind since she'd run off.
I knew that I was supposed to fall in love with her. I already had, in a different way of course, since the moment I laid eyes on her.
I'd loved her as my best friend, my little companion who could see right through my facades as easily as though I'd written it all down on a neon sign above my head. And she made me feel a lot better than I ever had in my existence-she saw me as a person, as a whole being. Not a monster. Even after knowing what I was, she wanted to be my friend. She wanted to be right next to me, and join me and my family forever.
That in itself was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. Amazing, and frightening at the same time.
But I was, in due time, to fall in love with her. To view her as someone I'd have in my life as a mate. In just two years, those feelings would surface according to Alice. And everybody knew you don't bet against Alice.
But why was she so upset? Was it because it was Tanya? Because she despised her? Because Tanya was always around to annoy her?
Or was it something else? No, it couldn't be. Bella was too young. Of course not.
After enduring the yells and the screams and the 'what-were-you-thinking' comments, I'd managed to slip through their Vulcan grip and went upstairs. I went into my room and paced, thinking.
Fall in love. With Bella. My Bella.
Of all the things…Were my family insane? (At this, Alice yelled "You're the crazy one!" from the living room). Sure, Bella was an integral part of my life. It felt like my existence was fueled by hers, not by the blood that I required to sustain me. If Bella were hurt or killed-I would cease to be, too.
But surely that was how the rest of the family felt? Don't they, too, felt that their lives revolved around Bella? I knew how much they loved her-it was on their thoughts constantly, daily. They would crumble and fall apart at the seams if something happened to her.
So yes, they felt the same way. Then how on earth was I, of all people, to fall in love with her? Maybe Alice was wrong this time. Maybe she was getting a vision of something else and this was just…Fantasy? Or something else?
My mind drifted back to the visions Alice had shown me.
Bella and I dancing. She was about sixteen or seventeen years old. She was wearing the same midnight blue dress she wore in that first vision of her at this age. The first one she had allowed me to see, anyway. That coy smile was still on her lips. It was for me. That smile, the hello, the sparkling eyes…It was all for me. I remembered the part of the vision where she looked at me so lovingly. Where her eyes traced my features. They looked so beautiful that all I wanted was to lean down and kiss her.
I think I started hyperventilating.
And then I thought back to the second vision. The one where we were kissing. We pulled away. Bella's creamy skin looked as if it was glowing. Her smile was contagious. She looked older, much older than she was now, obviously. Mature. Endearing. Beautiful. We had declared our love for each other in each other's embrace. I wondered how many times we'd said it by then.
My eyes snapped open and I shook myself out of the memories. I still felt odd about this. How could Bella and I fall in love? What could possibly happen to make that a reality? This was so strange. I'd known her since she was a child. And in just two years, we'd be lovers?
I sank down on my bed, sitting down wearily. A vampire, tired. Well, there was a first time for everything.
I couldn't exactly think straight or concentrate on anything. Thinking in a million different directions wasn't helping the situation, either.
I stood up and walked out of my door. Before I even realized what I was doing, I had entered Bella's empty room. Her lingering scent enveloped me, and I closed my eyes, breathing it in.
More than once, her scent had triggered the monster in me. Fire would rage in my throat, burning me, tempting me. It was why no matter what Bella said, I would still believe that I was a monster. I just never said it in front of her-it made her upset and angry for some reason.
But this happened less and less. Even though her scent was intoxicating, and it grew more prominent as she grew older, I was slowly becoming desensitized by it. Even Jasper was slowly getting used to it.
More often than not, her scent calmed me. Freesia was mouthwatering, but it soothed me from time to time. I didn't know how on earth that was possible-that something that smelled so good to me could be so calming at the same time.
I sat at the edge of her bed and looked around her room. It was almost identical to the one she had back in London. Everything was the same except for her play area. It had been replaced by a mahogany study desk and bookshelves for Bella's favorite books. Among these are Romeo and Juliet and, of course, Wuthering Heights. Bella seemed to have a liking for stories concerning star crossed lovers. I thought the stories were too depressing, too horrendous. Wouldn't a sweet angel like Bella herself like a more uplifting story? One with a happy ending? Apparently not.
The only toy she had kept for herself was the bear, Coco, that she had gotten strangely attached to as a child. She kept it on the bed, and I snatched it up. Emmett would never let me live it down if he knew I was hugging Bella's bear, but I didn't care.
I needed to think and my head was clearer now that I was in Bella's room. Strange.
Something soft brushed against my leg and I almost jumped, startled. I looked down to see the orange cat I'd given Bella when she was only seven. It's been six years-almost seven-since then. The cat had gotten quite old, but Lilly still followed Bella around all the time. Her big eyes looked up at me, and she gave a small meow. It sounded like a whimper. Lilly missed Bella.
I chuckled to myself. Honestly. The girl bonded with vampires and animals more than she did with humans.
"Yeah, I miss her too, Lilly," I murmured, reaching down to stroke her fur.
I didn't know what to do with Bella, how to act around her, or what to say. I knew I needed to apologize. I wanted to. I should've seen it coming-even with Tanya blocking her mind the way she did, I should've anticipated it and moved off to find Esme or help Rosalie in the garage. Maybe if someone else was with me, she wouldn't have done that, and Bella wouldn't be mad at me.
But after I apologized, I didn't know what I should do. I knew I should at least attempt to dissuade the vision Alice had from becoming a reality. That meant avoiding her at all costs, putting up pretenses and acting like I was straying away.
It would hurt Bella, because I was her best friend. But it would hurt me more because I would be the one inflicting pain on her. Even though it wasn't physical, it was still harsh.
I heard Alice gasp from the living room. I knew she must have had a vision of my decision. Edward Cullen! I heard her shriek in her head. Don't you dare! Don't you dare do this to Bella! She-
I was saved from further screaming from Alice's thoughts when Bella came in through the door. For that I was grateful. Alice might be tiny, but she could put Emmett in his place when she was angry. Besides, her voice was shrill when she yelled like that. My head actually felt like it was pounding.
I heard Bella apologize for her behavior and my guilt tripled. I was the one who had been reckless around Tanya and allowed her to do what she did. If I hadn't been quicker, Bella would have walked in on a much uglier sight.
I stopped breathing when I heard Bella's footsteps go up the stairs.
Edward, be nice to her. It's not the time for one of your 'I'll-leave-to-make-it-better' moments.
Oh, my poor baby…Wait 'til I get my hands on that wretched witch.
I wonder if she really did break her ribs…No, no. I checked. I've enough experience to know. Still, it would make me feel infinitely better if she were to get an x-ray…She would never go to the hospital willingly. Maybe I could trick her.
Man, Edward, you better fix this. I swear to God I'll break your bones if you don't.
I should take her shopping to take her mind off things! She'd be happier if we went shopping… We are going to two fashion capitals of the world in two days. Oh, I can't wait! Bella and I will have SO much fun!
Oh, the emotions! I need to spend some time alone in the woods somewhere. I'll take Alice with me-
Jasper's thoughts took an interesting turn. One that I didn't care to listen to, so I tuned him out. I focused instead on Bella coming in through the door.
She didn't notice me sitting on her bed. It was quite comical whenever she moved at human speed and I don't, even when I'm just sitting down. I feel like I'm watching a scene in slow motion.
She threw her bag to the side of the room where it hit a wall. I winced. Maybe she was still angry with me after all. Bella took off her shoes and glanced dejectedly at the five suitcases Alice had packed for her.
I grinned.
Knowing Alice, that was the least amount of clothes she wanted to pack for Bella. God only knows why she wanted to bring so much when her main goal for the vacation was to shop, anyway, but Alice was Alice. No one could understand the workings of her mind. Not even me.
Bella sighed and glanced at the desk at the far end of her room. "Maybe I should read a book," she mused to herself.
I snorted. I knew the exact book she would pick up the moment she reached her bookshelves. "I pray to God you aren't going to read Wuthering Heights again," I said.
Apparently, this startled her, and she yelped in surprise. She turned around quickly and almost ended up flying into her vanity. I rolled my eyes and caught her before it even happened. Thank God for vampire speed. Why on earth was she so clumsy? It was hilarious to see the situations she got herself into, though. Emmett would agree with me.
I started laughing, but Bella simply narrowed her eyes at me as I gently put her down on her feet. She poked my chest with her finger. It tickled a little, but I barely felt it. "That. Is. Not. Funny," she hissed.
She was glaring at me, her hands on her hips now. I controlled my laughter, but I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. "No, of course not," I said, merely to pacify her.
Her heart was still beating a mile a minute. I frowned at it. Really, you would think she would be used to falling by now. I wondered why her heart still reacted to tripping the way it did. It was funny to hear, soothing a little. I liked hearing her heart beating. It reminded me that she was still human, still safe and innocent. I wouldn't be able to hear it much longer-unless I came up with a foolproof plan, of course.
But surely beating this fast wasn't a good thing? It was like she was having a mini panic attack.
Bella turned away from me and my frown deepened. Was she trying to avoid me? Was she that angry at me? "Wuthering Heights happen to be a very compelling novel," she said, walking over to her desk. "It's captivating."
I used my full speed and reached her desk before she did. I crossed my arms across my chest and leaned against the mahogany table. Bella scowled when she saw me. Yes, she was definitely angry. And she had reason to be, too.
"Yes, but there are other compelling novels out there, you know?" I teased her, hoping to get her to lighten up before I spoke. I didn't want to be on her bad side when she started ranting or have a temper. I think Rose and Alice rubbed off on her-she could easily scare Emmett on her worse day. "Besides, I fail to see the intrigue of it."
Bella simply stared at me, as if she couldn't believe what I just said. I waited to see a smile, or hear her comeback-Lord only knows she was full of them-or a sarcastic remark. But she just stared.
I sighed inwardly, as my smile slipped off my lips. "Bella," I said softly. "I have something to discuss with you."
I heard her heartbeat accelerate-a reflex to any sort of stress, as far as I knew. I took her hand and gently guided her back to her bed. I placed my hands on her shoulders and pushed so she sat on the edge of it. I sat next to her.
I turned my body slightly so that I was facing her. Her big brown eyes stared back at me, curious and anxious. I took a deep breath and began.
"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered. "I didn't know…She just attacked me out of nowhere. I didn't have the chance to move out of the way."
Bella shook her head, holding up a hand to stop me. "It's not my place, Edward," she said. Her voice was that firm one, the voice she always used whenever she wanted to be strong so that she could break down later. The one she used so that the other person wouldn't think of her as weak.
My heart broke. She had never used it in front of me before. She had always come to me for comfort. She had always looked to me to be there for her while she let it all out. That's changed now.
"If this is what makes you happy, then so be it. I'm just a friend, Edward, you don't have to explain anything to me…I was just surprised to see it," she admitted, looking away.
If things weren't so dire, I would have laughed. She thought I wanted Tanya? She thought I enjoyed her embrace? If I hadn't been so torn apart and confused by what had transpired, I would've torn Tanya to shreds.
"Bella," I called out, stunned. She didn't look at me, or answer me. I placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face gently. I wanted to look into her eyes so she would see the sincerity behind mine. I wanted her to see the honesty of my words.
"I don't want it," I told her. "I never did. She came out of nowhere. I only had time to move my head," I explained.
Bella's dark eyes lightened slightly, and a hint of a smile showed on her lips.
"I just wanted you to know…I'd never do that. I'm sorry, Bella. I-I hate that you're angry at me," I confessed, searching her brown orbs for a hint of forgiveness.
Bella sighed and dropped her eyes though her face was still tilted towards mine due to my finger. I dropped my hand. "I'm not angry at you, Edward," she said finally. "Like I said, I was just surprised. It's not up to me who you choose. I just…" She blushed suddenly.
I gazed at the crimson color of her cheeks, and wondered. Why on earth would she be embarrassed? What was it that was on her mind at this point? I was beyond curious. Her answer would be like that first drops of water for a dying man in the middle of a desert. "What is it?" I asked softly.
Bella shrugged and didn't answer. "Won't you tell me?" I asked, leaning forward. Bella looked up and her eyes widened at the sight of me so close. "Please?"
For some odd reason, her heartbeat grew faster. I frowned a little. Her eyes glazed over and her mouth hung open slightly. Was she alright?
Then it came to me. I was a vampire. I just breathed my venom at her-it would've enticed her, the way a prey would be enticed by its predator before its survival instincts kicked in. Of course, in Bella's case, she had no survival instinct.
So I leaned back.
She caught herself and flushed a darker shade of crimson. "I just…" She sighed, resigned to telling me the truth. She looked up at me and her eyes took on a defiant glint, as if daring me to make fun of her for telling me what was on her mind. I waited patiently.
"I just thought that if you and Tanya would get together, you'd end up staying in Denali forever." Tanya and her clan didn't venture into civilization very often. They didn't maintain the kind of appearances us Cullens do. "I was just upset that I would never see you around a lot or anything like that."
I didn't have it in my heart to laugh at her. She wouldn't be seeing me around a lot. Not because of Tanya. I couldn't even bring myself to use her. It would be morally repugnant. Not to mention it would hurt Bella too much. I wasn't out to hurt her the most. I just wanted to keep my distance as best as I could.
"Bella," my voice broke. I cleared my throat discreetly so that I could speak without betraying my emotions. I reached out and placed my hands on either side of her face. "You would always be my best friend. No matter what. I want-no, I need you to remember that. Promise me?"
Bella's eyes widened as she took in the gravity of my tone. She searched my face for any sign as to why I was acting so serious. But my face was devoid of any emotion, devoid of any reason. I had gotten good at that throughout my existence. I had to, due to what I am. "I promise," she whispered, blinking.
I nodded my head and smiled at her a little to show her we were alright. Then I leaned forward, dipped her head slightly and kissed her forehead. I felt the skin underneath my lips heating up as Bella blushed. I smiled wider and pulled back, releasing her.
"I'll leave you to it," I waved around the room aimlessly. Bella nodded her head, still blushing, and picked at the fabric of her shirt.
I stood up and walked out of the room, forcing myself to not look back even once. When I was safely in the confines of my own room, I sighed heavily and plopped down on my black couch ungracefully.
Keeping away from Bella. I squeezed my eyes shut and placed a hand over them as if I was tired.
This was going to be painful and practically impossible.
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Okay, so there it was. Chapter 21. I'll post the next one in a few hours since I won't be able to post anything during the night. I'll start again on Monday, though, so don't worry.
The Cullens would be going on vacation soon to NYC and Paris. Tell me if you want to see their family bonding a little, or if you'd prefer to skip their vacation altogether and have more drama back in Denali. Or if you want Tanya to somehow tag along on their family vacation. LOL. That's just evil, but yeah. I'd love the opinions.
More than 1000 reviews now!!! Wow, I can't believe it. Thank you so much to everyone who have read and reviewed and gave me your opinions on a myriad of matters. I appreciate it all, and I hope you continue as I keep writing this story.
P.S. Don't worry, Edward will get over his stupid idea of keeping Bella safe soon. I have a plot for that. It involved Tanya and an incredibly pissed off Bella. Wait to see what happens! I'm giddy with excitement just thinking of it.
Eddielover101, If Edward were here, he'd wring my neck. I can't believe I forgot 'Masen'! Ugh! Thanks for reminding me…
Bri285536, I'm glad you decided to give my story a chance. I hope that you wouldn't regret it.
Capella85, LOL. Thank you, friend. I appreciate it.
Tigermoonlight67, the Cullens would be desensitized by it. They would smell if of course. But they're mostly unaffected since they've all been around her for years. And as for Jasper, he would have control problems, but he keeps remembering the time when he almost attacked Bella (after Connor bit her) and it keeps him from doing the same thing.
Some of you still think that Bella's too young but I think it's just right. Bella's almost 14. It'll be two years before ExB start realizing and working towards being together. Edward needs the time and Bella needs to grow mentally, physically, emotionally. It'll also be good to see Edward get jealous of other boys and think 'MINE', especially when Bella gets her first boyfriend.
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. Thank you so much.
Juliet.