CHAPTER 21
[meanwhile, in prison…]
ZUKO: y'know… now that I'm free from these idiots TOPH and IROH, I can think of something wonderous and productive to do with my life… like rot in prison.
*beat*
ZUKO: I reckon that's a stupid idea. And I know it's bad when I start sounding like TOPH. I've got to keep it together. Someone has to be sane here.
DAI LI #16: hey! Aren't you ZUKO?
ZUKO: how did you get the key to my cell?
DAI LI #16: your door was wide open and there was a huge sign that read "ZUKO IS IN HERE" outside.
ZUKO: oh. Well what do you want?
DAI LI #16: I'm here to get you out of here and help you to freedom.
ZUKO: I want to stay here. I put myself here on purpose.
DAI LI #16: WHAT! YOU FAKED A CRIME! SUCH THING IS PUNISHABLE BY… UHH… CONSEQUENCES.
ZUKO: o… kay…? *5 minutes later, he is in front of OZAI*
DAI LI #16: my Lord OZAI! We found this man pretending to commit a crime for the sole purpose of being sent to prison. This compromises the integrity of the entire series!
OZAI: does this involve pudding in any way, shape or form?
ZUKO: OZAI THIS IS ABOUT JUSTICE!
OZAI: oh right! ZUKO, you are hereby banished from ever going to prison again.
ZUKO: WHAT? That doesn't even make any sense!
DAI LI #16: you say that like this story is supposed to ever make sense.
OZAI: you are compromising the integrity of "The Boiling Rock" series by wanting to go to prison without any particular purpose. The original premise of this story was that you, TOPH, and IROH were supposed to always be on the run and always try to get out of prison. By going back INTO prison, you are thus destroying any and all premise this story might have had.
ZUKO: I am not getting paid enough to do this. OZAI, there isn't even any story to be had here!
OZAI: SILENCE! YOU FOOL! *suddenly YUE, TOPH, and IROH burst in*
IROH: we're here to save the daaaaaay!
YUE: and look awesome while we do. *puts on sunglasses*
ZUKO: how did you find us?
TOPH: oh please, ZUKO. With my reality-sensor on, I can detect you from anywhere on the globe.
IROH: *puts his arm around ZUKO's shoulder* we're glad you're back, son.
YUE: so does this mean I can leave?
TOPH: what ever happened to loyalty?
YUE: you all knew that I was only in it for the money. Remember? [flashback…]
TOPH: Why do you want to join our gang?
YUE: The money. Duh. [end Flashback..]
TOPH: oh well okay. Have fun. *YUE leaves*
ZUKO: now, I have a proposition to make!
OZAI: does this involve compromising the integrity of this story?
ZUKO: it would, but I haven't saved enough of these miserably small paychecks for that just yet.
IROH: so what is this master plan?
ZUKO: I propose we make some sense in this story…
TOPH/IROH/OZAI/DAI LI#14/DAI LI#16: OH HELLZ NO!
ZUKO: by becoming criminals!
OZAI: yes! You should!
ZUKO: *whispers* he fell for it. Now we steal his pudding.
TOPH: excuse me good sir, but could you direct us to your pudding chamber?
OZAI: you don't intend to harm my pudding do you?
TOPH: naw, we're just going to steal it.
OZAI: oh okie, it's down the hall, take a right and it's the 6th door on your left.
TOPH: Thanks! *whispers* sucker.
*a few minutes later, ZUKO, TOPH, and IROH* have stolen OZAI's pudding*
OZAI: well, what to do, what to do…
DAI LI #9: OZAI! The criminals have stolen your pudding!
OZAI: WHAT! HOW DARE THEY! SEND OUT THE DAI LI! SEND THE POLICE!
DAI LI #9: OZAI, you told them the directions on how to find your pudding chamber, and they WALKED RIGHT PAST YOU on their way out. You even petitioned for TOPH to get a raise.
TOPH: speaking of which, thanks for that, OZAI. Now I might be able to take that trip past Cheyenne after all. *grins*
OZAI: shut up NO PUDDING FOR YOU!"
DAI LI #16: it would really help if you stopped using the same trite lines, OZAI.
OZAI: SILENCE! YOU FOOL!
DAI LI #16: *facepalm* [meanwhile, with the criminals…]
IROH: so now what? Do we eat the pudding?
ZUKO: NO! That would compromise the integrity of this—oh wait…
TOPH: sounds like a yes enough to me. WOOHOO!
*and so, they eat OZAI's pudding*
ZUKO: watch. He will come out of nowhere and something bad will happen.
*nothing happens and IROH and TOPH just stare at ZUKO*
ZUKO: Logic has just died yet again. *police sirens go off*
POLICE: THIS IS THE POLICE (as if it wasn't obvious enough) STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
TOPH: hey JUNE can we borrow your van?
JUNE: sure, just this once. *the criminals all pile into the van and speed off*
IROH: no ZUKO! Let TOPH drive! If you fight with the out-of-character logic in this story it will only get worse, and you know it!
ZUKO: *grumbles* fine. You're right. TOPH TAKE THE WHEEL WE'RE GONNA DIE!
*she doesn't take it, and they die*
*just kidding. She takes the wheel and they are now in a high-speed chase*
TOPH: I reckon… THIS IS AWESOME!
But how awesome? Who knows, and who ever thinks we'll find out?