Some time in December

I wrote another poem about Edward. Unlike the last one, I never sent it and it had a much different vibe going on.

It should be you here comforting me, hugging me

I shouldn't have to scream into a pillow and cry myself to sleep as a way to get comfort

Where are you?

I trusted you and you did exactly what you said you would never do

You hurt me more than anyone else

If I didn't love you, I would hate you

If I didn't need you, I would punch you and push you away

I was losing everything; hope, patience and Edward.

Having no contact for weeks or months apart was beginning to feel like the normal thing for Edward's and my relationship. It was pissing me off. I wanted things back to the way they once were.

I went back to twitter when Edward did not bother to contact me or reply to my last email.

December 3rd

Day 29 screaming inside, cursing your name from my lips.

Why do u hurt me so and think nothing of it?

December 8th

It has been 2 weeks since I last heard a peep from E. I wouldn't feel so shitty if I knew I wasn't alone in this because right now I do.

December 9th

Edward where the heck are u?

December 14th

Not being able to voice/ be heard by THAT special person is one of the worst and most frustrating feelings in the world.

Though I was feeling crappy and very much alone I couldn't stay mad at Edward. I don't know what it was but Edward had some kind of magically pull over me.

I was afraid to be stay mad at him, afraid I would push him away.

I was good at pushing people away.

I wanted to keep Edward in my life. I wanted him to want to be a part of my life.

It was frustrating wanting to fix things between Edward and I and no having a clue how to.

Truth was, I couldn't do anything more than I had already done. The ball was in Edward's court.

It was all up to him to make us work and find a way out of his money dilemma.

With Christmas coming up, I wanted Edward and I to work things out before the holidays hit. I would be so depressing and incomplete without him.

I wasn't sure if it was the thought of spending the holidays alone or the thought of better days but I sent Edward yet another email, hoping to hear back.

December 21st

Hey stranger,

You probably won't get this but I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and I hope you get what you wanted. ;)