Disclaimer: Not mine…
A/N: Ooh…sorry for the cliffy! I know ajenc sure wasn't happy with me! :-P (just kidding!) Trust me, the drama is necessary.
Emily, please tell me you didn't read the whole story in one sitting??? Damn girl! Thank you! :- ) I was re-reading to go over things I had already written and I didn't even make it three chapters before stopping! Thank you for your review.
Okay, onward. I wonder who the letter is from…
Whatcha got if you ain't got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith
Cuz sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small
-Carrie Underwood, "So Small"
Chapter 20: So Small
My blood was boiling as I read through the whole letter. After all these years, he had to come back into her life, just when we were getting things back together. I could feel myself losing my temper.
"I can't believe this!" I roared, crumpling the letter in my hands.
"Edward!" My father shouted.
The whimper of my son and his little arms squeezing my neck tighter, calmed me, though only marginally. He was already scared enough as it is, and I didn't want to add to it by letting my temper get the better of me. I apologized softly in his ear and ran my hands down his back. His whimpers were getting quieter and Esme came to our side and smoothed my hair back.
"I have to go find Bella," I whispered. E.J.'s arms tightened around my neck again.
"Daddy!" he wailed, "Don't leave me! Please don't leave me!"
My heart was breaking again. He thought I was going to leave him too, but I needed to find Bella. I know where she would be. She was going to see him, that bastard who left her the letter. I knew if I left now, I could catch up to her and calm her down.
"Son, I have to go get Mommy. I promise, we're coming back."
"Daddy…" E.J. whimpered.
"Son, I know you're scared," I whispered, "but I PROMISE you, your Mommy and I are coming back."
E.J. pulled back and looked at me, little tears falling down his cheeks. I reached up and wiped them away slowly.
"You promise Daddy?" He whispered.
"I promise. Swear it on my life."
"Okay…" he said softly. My mother offered to take him and led him into the kitchen for some breakfast. My father remained with Emmett and Rosalie.
"What's going on Edward? You know where Bella went?" My father asked.
"I know exactly where she went," I said as I shrugged on my coat.
"How?" My father asked again. I thrust the note into his hands. My father unfolded it and his eyes went wide as he read it.
"How did he…who left it in the mailbox?"
"I don't know," I growled as I snatched my mother's keys off the wall, noticing the keys to the Volvo were gone, "All I know is she's going to see him."
"Bring her back Edward," Emmett whispered,
I nodded and headed out to the car. How did anyone even know Bella and I were here? I drove quickly through the town to where I knew they would be. There were a few people out and about and I tried my best to ignore their stares and pointing. I sure didn't make a great impression on the town the last time I was here. The parking lot was empty other than the Volvo when I arrived and I quickly parked in the space next to it.
It was cold and there was a light drizzle as I ran to where I knew they would be. When I felt the hood of the Volvo, it was still hot so I knew that Bella had just arrived not long ago. The ground was slippery and I prayed she wouldn't have a clumsy moment. I had no doubt in my mind she was probably crying and was even more thankful that she had made it here without getting into an accident.
I paused by the large pine tree that was about 20 feet away. I didn't want to listen in on Bella, but I had to make sure that she was okay. She was standing in front of him breathing hard. I was thankful she had her coat on and her boots. I decided to stay back. As mad as I was when I read the letter and was driving over here, I realized Bella had to get things off her chest and this would be cathartic for her.
"How could you do this to me?!" She screamed and I was surprised when I saw her slam her fist down on the hard stone, "Why now?! Why Charlie?!"
She sunk down onto her knees and buried her face into her hands. I could hear her sobs and saw her shoulders shaking. I longed to run over there and comfort her, but I knew she had to do this. I would be here for her when she was done.
When she lifted her head again, I saw the tears pouring down her cheeks. She wiped her hand across her face before she started speaking again.
"How could you do this to Sue? How could you make her hang on to that letter?"
Bella shook her head as she looked down again.
"If you knew where I was all this time, where Edward was all this time, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you try to contact me sooner?"
Sue Clearwater. Of course she knew Bella and I were coming back to Forks. We were meeting her on Saturday to get the keys to Charlie's house. I remembered Charlie Swan was a proud man, it must've taken a lot to get him to ask Sue to do this for him. While a heart attack may have killed him, he was also dying of cancer. He had maybe a year left. It was what he wrote in the letter. I was surprised that he wrote down my address in the letter and was telling Bella to go find me. He also wrote that he was wrong. That he knew that Bella and I had always belonged together and that he should never have separated us. He apologized for thinking that I was a "freak" and for driving her away from me. He also told Bella that he loved her, that he loved her and he was sorry that he wasn't a stronger man.
"Do you know how much I was hurting Charlie?! I was miserable without Edward! You took away my heart Charlie! You took away my life! I understand you lost Mom, but you found Sue! You knew love, yet you still took me away from mine!"
Bella slammed her palm on the grass.
"Did you want me to hate you Charlie? Were you punishing yourself by not telling me you were dying? You didn't want to me to come back out of pity! I would've come back because you're my father! You're my Daddy! I never wanted to shut you out, but you took away my life! You lied to me about Edward! Then you keep the cancer from me?! Daddy, why?!"
I was debating with myself whether or not I should stop her now and scoop her up and take her home. I sent a text to my father and Rosalie to come and get the Volvo. I knew Emmett would be too emotional to be here right now. I remained in my spot as I watched Bella start sobbing again and leaned her head against his tombstone. Bella and I had talked only once about why she didn't come back for his funeral. She said that she was so upset that she hadn't taken the opportunity to try and make up with him. That she was ashamed because he died without knowing that she loved him still. That he would always be her father.
"Daddy…why? I can't forgive myself for never letting you know how much I loved you Daddy. That you were always my Daddy."
I watched as she leaned back and wiped her face again. It didn't escape my notice that she was referring to him as "Daddy" again and not "Charlie". She looked so broken and I was scared of what she would be like after this. Her voice was barely above a whisper now.
"I wanted to tell you Daddy. I love you and I have missed you every day since I last saw you. And I am so sorry that I never let you meet E.J. Daddy…I regret everything. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry wasn't braver. I think you should know though Daddy…I found Edward. We've been together again for the past two months or so. I don't think I've ever been happier. I love him so much Daddy. And E.J. is so happy. I've never seen him look happier in his life."
She sniffled, and stumbled as she tried to stand. She started sobbing again and I heard her whimper, "I love you Daddy…I'm so sorry…"
I took this as my cue to step in and jogged over to her side and scooped her up into my arms. She instantly wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face against my chest. I just held her and rocked her silently in my arms as I walked back towards the car. I was relieved to see that my father and Rosalie had already picked up the Volvo. When I tried to set Bella down in the passenger seat, she whimpered and only tightened her hold on me. I sighed and opened up the doors to the back seat and sat with her on my lap.
We sat in the car for some immeasurable amount of time. I felt my phone vibrate on the seat with a text message. Bella was still sobbing uncontrollably in my arms. It was my father who sent the message. He said that E.J. was worried when they had returned with the Volvo but without Bella or myself. I quickly sent a message to my father saying that I had Bella and that we were fine and would be back soon. At least I hoped we would be. Bella was crying more than I had ever seen her cry before. I feared that she might not stop.
"Bella, love…" I whispered.
She squeezed my neck and shook her head. She wasn't ready yet. I couldn't tell her that E.J. was a mess and worried about whether or not Bella and I had run away from him. She needed the time away to take care of herself for once. I continued to simply stroke her back and place kisses on her head. It wasn't until Bella started to shiver that I pulled myself away from her.
"Bella, love, let me get you home. You're freezing," I whispered softly.
Bella was looking down at our laps as she played with her fingers. The tears had slowed but still fell down her cheeks. She remained silent as I stroked her cheek and wiped away her tears.
"Bella?"
"Take me home Edward…" she whispered.
She clung to me as I moved her to the front seat and I practically had to pry her arms off of me so that I could move to the driver's side seat. As I started driving back home, Bella reached across and took my right hand off of the steering wheel, and immediately laced her fingers through mine. I gave her a reassuring squeeze as we headed back through the town. Bella didn't lift her head once despite the people on the street that pointed and were no doubt whispering to each other. The town was small, and it was moments like these that I really hated the fact that everyone knew everyone else. Hopefully we could avoid being the town spectacle at least for today.
When I pulled the car into the garage, I saw the door connecting to the house fly open and E.J. come tearing into the garage. Bella quickly tumbled out of the car and wrapped E.J. up in his arms.
"MOMMY!" he wailed as Bella stood and held him tight to her.
"I'm sorry baby," she whispered, "I'm here. I'm sorry."
My father was standing in the doorway as I walked around the car and embraced my family. E.J. worked his way from Bella's arms into mine and Bella wrapped her arms around my waist. E.J. pulled away from my neck and sniffled.
"You scared me Mommy. I thought you weren't coming back."
Tears started to fall down Bella's cheeks again as she kissed E.J.'s face and hugged both he and I tighter.
"I'm sorry baby. I'm never leaving you or Daddy. I was just very upset by something your Grandpa Charlie left me."
"Grandpa Charlie?" E.J.'s little brows furrowed in confusion.
"He wrote Mommy a letter before he passed away. It made Mommy upset, but she's better now."
I looked at Bella and thankfully she was smiling at me and not upset that I took over and explained for her. I knew she was still feeling a bit overwhelmed from everything still and I just wanted to get her inside and get her relaxed before dinner.
"Mommy, are you better now?" E.J. asked softly.
"Yes baby. I feel much better now."
E.J. frowned, "Mommy, you're all cold."
I nodded, "Yes, let's get your Mommy inside and warmed up."
My father had disappeared from the doorway and I quickly escorted my family back into the warmth of the house. My mother and Rosalie must've been cooking up a storm in the kitchen because it smelled absolutely wonderful. My father and Emmett were sitting in front of the TV. Emmett looked much more relaxed than when I had left. He immediately stood up.
"Is everything okay?" Emmett asked. My father was looking at us expectantly and I saw my mother and Rosalie standing in the door of the kitchen. Bella blushed a deep red.
"Yes…I…I'm sorry I over reacted this morning."
"Nonsense Bella," said my mother coming forward and embracing Bella in a hug, "the letter had to be very overwhelming. Come now, E.J. why don't you finish helping your Aunty Rosie with the dough for the rolls, and let Mommy and Daddy warm up."
"Okay," E.J. said before he kissed both Bella and I on the cheeks. I set him down and he skipped back to the kitchen with my mother. Bella smiled at Emmett and my father and apologized again before I wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her back up to my room and the connecting bathroom.
Bella remained frozen sitting on my bed. She didn't even both to take off her jacket or boots. I quickly starting a hot bath and pulled out two large fluffy towels. As the water filled the tub, I started taking off Bella's shoes and socks. She complied with my movements, but still hadn't said much. We both padded into the bathroom barefoot and I shut off the water and locked the door. I knew my parents would make sure we got our time alone now, but I didn't want to take any chances. I had to help her undress and there was nothing sexual about this bath. Too often was Bella taking care of others and not enough of herself. I was more than ready to take care of my Bella.
The water burned my skin in all the right ways as I stepped in with Bella and we slowly lowered ourselves into the water. Bella lay her back against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her, running my hands up and down her arms and legs to warm her up quicker. Bella let out a deep sigh and pressed her forehead against my neck.
"This feels wonderful Edward," Bella whispered, "Thank you."
"You're more than welcome love."
I must've set the water to a scalding heat because we sat in silence for minutes and the water was still heating me to the bone. My hands now rested on Bella's flat stomach and she had moved her hands to rest on the tops of my forearms. We simply relaxed in each other's presence. I wanted to make sure that Bella was okay though, and I knew that today had been crazy.
"Do you want to talk about it love?" I asked as I moved to grab her shampoo. She nodded silently as I squeezed a small amount of the strawberry concoction into my palm. I gently massaged the gel into her hair and she hummed in contentment.
"I read the letter Bella…"
"I'm sorry I just ran Edward. I was so upset. I knew this trip was going to be overwhelming but I wasn't prepared for this. I didn't think he would make Sue hold on to that letter. I know the things like your address and what not matter very little now, but I was just so upset that he knew, that he's known for years. And then he mentions the cancer and says how he doesn't want me to come back out of pity?! I would've come back because he was my father and I love him!"
Bella was getting worked up again and I massaged her scalp with my fingernails and ran my fingers through her hair to calm her down. I knew she loved it when I stroked her hair. She sighed and her breathing calmed before she continued.
"I…I guess what really just got to me was that at the end he wrote how much he loved me, that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he'll always love me. I guess it just set me off because I never got to tell him how much I loved him before he died, and now he'll never know."
Growing up, I wasn't so sure about my beliefs in what happened to us after we died. I still wasn't sure now, but I wanted to believe, especially for Bella, that a heaven did exist and that Charlie was once again reunited with Renee. I had to believe for myself, that there was more after life.
"He knows Bella," I stated firmly, "He heard you, he knows. He's with your Mom again and together they'll always be watching over you and always be loving you until you're all together again."
"You really believe that Edward?" she asked softly.
"I do Bella," I answered as I shifted so that I could look in her eyes, "I have no doubt in my mind they were watching over you today and kept you safe on the roads and the iced over grass."
Bella pressed her forehead against mine, "You're too good to me Edward."
"Nonsense love," I said as I leaned back and kissed her head, "I'll never be good enough, but I'll work every day at becoming perfect."
"I love you Edward."
"I love you my Bella."
I let the water drain before I finished conditioning Bella's hair and then washed her body. I was proud of myself for not "fully" reacting to her naked body. I didn't want there to be anything sexual about this and I just wanted to care for her and comfort her in any way I could. Wrapping a big fluffy towel around her, I kissed her softly on the lips before toweling myself off.
"OH!" Bella cried as she was drying her hair. I was amazed I heard her over the noise of the hairdryer.
"What is it love?" I asked, only throwing on a pair of boxers and basketball shorts. I had to help E.J. with his bath before dinner.
"I have to help Esme with the dessert and what not. Are you going to bathe E.J.?"
I walked over to where she was sitting and kissed her mostly dry hair. "Yes love, and don't worry about helping my mother. She'll understand if you don't feel up to it."
"No Edward," Bella replied with a pout, standing and dropping her towel. Now my body was reacting. When Bella stuck out her bottom lip in her pout, I wanted nothing more than to suck that bottom lip between my own teeth.
"I feel much better, and it'll clear my mind to help prepare something," I saw Bella smirk when she glanced at me, before she bent over her bag to grab her clothes. That smirk was the tell tale sign that my Bella was back and she was tormenting me purposefully. I couldn't help myself and I suddenly was behind her and pulling her against my body as she stood. She let out a squeak as I pressed into her, letting her know what she was doing to me.
"Why do you tease me so?" I growled in her ear, my hands firmly gripping her hips.
Bella pushed away from my body and turned, placing a kiss on my bare chest over where my heart was pounding away.
"You're one to talk mister," she whispered, as her fingers traced along the lines of my abs. I growled softly at her.
"Calm yourself down, and maybe I'll give you a treat later," she purred.
"You're going to be the death of me woman."
Bella giggled softly before kissing my lips firmly, "Mmmm…but what a way to go…"
And with that she ran off into the bathroom and locked the door. I groaned and flopped back on the bed thinking of the most disgusting, least arousing images that I could. Just as I my little problem was going away, the door to the bathroom opened and I groaned loudly. It was going to be a very long night. Bella was in a strapless green dress, the tint of green matching the forest outside the house. There was a black lace overlay and in her hands she held a black sweater.
"Does it look bad?" She asked as she smoothed her hands over the material.
"Hardly!" I snorted, "You're making it extremely difficult to calm my body down."
Bella turned a deep crimson and bit her bottom lip, "I'm glad the dress is doing its job then."
"You women are wicked creatures," I muttered as she came and leaned over my body.
"Mmmm…but you love us all the same," She placed a kiss on my lips before standing straight and heading towards the door, "I'm going to give you five more minutes and then I'm sending our son up here."
I could hear her laughter trailing down the hallway as she left. I had missed her laugh the most over all the years that we had been apart and I smiled at the memories I had of listening to her laugh in the mornings with my mother after she had spent the night or hearing her laugh while watching TV with my father. True to her word, five minutes after she had disappeared, our son came tearing into the room and he tackled me on the bed.
After a brief tickle war/wrestling match, I helped E.J. with his bath and got him dressed in his nice black pants and an embroidered polo shirt Alice had made for him. It was navy blue and the silver embroidery was a picture of a lion from the renaissance period and three clovers below it, like a family crest. I took a quick shower of my own before changing into the black slacks and long sleeve navy blue button down I had packed for myself. E.J. was always terribly amused when he and I matched.
When I entered the main area of the house my mouth was salivating. I knew we probably still had maybe an hour or two before we ate, but I was drooling. Last Thanksgiving, I was holed up alone in my apartment before Alice and Jasper came banging on my door with Chinese take-out from our favorite place. I was a little sad that they weren't here, but I was also incredibly thankful for the two of them. If it wasn't for Alice and Jasper, I don't know that I would've survived this long. I would be a shell of a man, lonely and broken. I shook those thoughts from my head as I walked past the couch and my father. He and Emmett were watching ESPN and they were talking about all the football action that had happened today.
I could hear E.J.'s delighted laugh as I made my way into the kitchen. He was standing on the little steps my mother used to grab things that, for whatever reason unknown to me, she placed up high in the cabinets and couldn't reach.
"Smells good in here," I commented as I went to Bella's side and kissed her temple. She was busy preparing E.J.'s favorite pecan bars and had undoubtedly already finished the pumpkin pie.
"I'm smashing potatoes Daddy!" E.J. exclaimed as he waved around the masher.
"E.J.!" Rosalie squealed, as a glob on potato landed on her cheek.
"Sorry Aunty Rosie," E.J. immediately said.
"It's okay," Rosalie laughed as she wiped the glob off with her finger, "It's my turn for a shower anyway. Thanks for the potato facial kid."
"What's a facial?" E.J. asked as I moved to help him and supervise.
"Ask Miss Alice," Bella mumbled.
"Okay!" E.J. shouted, "As soon as I get back home!"
I laughed to myself. I couldn't decide who I thought E.J. had more of a little crush on, Alice or Nessie. He certainly loved being around both.
I continued to help E.J. with the mashed potatoes as my mother and Bella flew around us preparing our feast. My stomach was growling loudly and if my mother didn't announce soon that we were ready to eat, I was contemplating swiping a good spoonful of these potatoes E.J. and I just finished.
"Carlisle, honey," my Mom called, "Can you grab the wine? Then we'll be ready to eat."
I heard my father comply and took the mashed potatoes out to the table. My mother had really outdone herself this time with her table. Leaves in orange and red, little pumpkins, and various candles dotted the table. The little handprint turkey E.J. had made for my parents in Jasper's class also decorated the table. My father poured each of the adults a generous helping of red wine and E.J. his milk before we all took our seats at the table. My mother and father sat at the heads of the table while Emmett and Rosalie sat across from Bella and I. E.J. sat between the two of us.
My father said a prayer that blessed the food and each of us. He gave thanks for the additions of Bella, E.J., Emmett and Rosalie to the Cullen family, and also for the time we have been provided to spend with each other. I silently gave thanks for the light coming back to my life. That I had found my reason for being truly alive and not living the sort of half existence I had been leading the last 6 years. I gave thanks that my son, E.J., was born strong and healthy and that he was so smart and such a well-behaved boy. More than anything, I just repeatedly thanked the lord or whoever watches over us, that Bella was with me again.
When my father was finished, Rosalie cleared her throat. "That was beautiful Carlisle. If you don't mind, Emmett and I would like to add something."
"Please Rosalie, by all means," my father smiled.
"Well," Rosalie cleared her throat again. I had never seen her nervous like this, "Emmett and I really wanted to thank you for welcoming us to your family. You know Emmett's family situation, and I am in the same boat. We both feel so welcomed here in your house and we wanted to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for making us feel like family."
"Rosalie, Emmett," my mother sniffled softly, "Bella is family and you're her family. That instantly makes you a part of ours. Carlisle, Edward, and I all welcome you both."
"What about me?" E.J. asked
I ruffled his hair and chuckled, "You're definitely part of this family."
"Okay good," E.J. smiled, bouncing in his seat.
"We have one more thing to add as well," Rosalie said, "And don't worry, I told Alice and Jasper before we left, so don't worry that Alice will have a fit that she wasn't here for this."
We all watched silently as Rosalie glanced at Emmett and he flashed her his dimpled grin.
"There's going to be another addition to the family."
My father, mother, and Bella all gasped and I saw a tear spill down Rosalie's cheek.
"When?" Bella asked.
"I'm due sometime in May," Rosalie smiled, placing a hand on her stomach.
It finally clicked in my head, "You guys are going to have a baby?"
Emmett laughed, "Crazy huh? I'm going to be a daddy!"
My mind was swirling. Emmett and Rosalie were going to have a baby. They were going to be parents. While I already had E.J., I felt myself being a little…jealous.
"That's uh…that's great you guys!" I saw Bella glance in my direction and I knew she was the only one who could tell that there was something off about how genuine that statement I just made was. Rosalie and Emmett smiled brightly and went on to talk a little more about the pregnancy. I also felt a little guilty because they explained how they had put off telling anyone until they were sure Bella and I were back together. They weren't sure how the news was going to affect either one of us if we were still separated. I smiled and convinced them I was genuinely happy for them. I saw Bella glancing at me and I knew she could see right through me. It felt so wrong of me to be sitting here on Thanksgiving, the day we're supposed to give thanks for what we have in our lives, and have so much to be thankful for in my life, but still be jealous of Emmett and Rosalie.
Over dinner we discussed our plans for Friday and Saturday. Tomorrow, my mother and father were going to take Emmett and Rosalie to Port Angeles for the day. Bella and I were going to take E.J. around to see some of Forks and La Push before meeting the rest of the gang in Port Angeles. Saturday, my mother, father, Emmett, and Rosalie were going to take E.J. to Seattle for the day and night so that Bella and I could take care of her father's affairs. We stayed up late into the night, talking about the past and telling stories. E.J. got a surprise when my father told him they were going to take a tour of the Mariners' stadium on Saturday. We were all stuffed and ready to give in to our turkey comas for the night. E.J. had passed out not long after my father announced his surprise and Bella and I bid the others good night as I carried him upstairs and we tucked him in. I was not looking forward to explaining myself once Bella and I were alone.
Bella had remained silent as we entered my old room and we both began our bedtime rituals. Her silence completely unnerved me. Was she mad at me? It really seemed like it. I really didn't want to have this talk after the morning that she had, but I knew she wouldn't just let it sit for long. If there was anything that Bella never hesitated on when we were in high school, it was calling me on my bullshit. While there hadn't been many reasons to be doing that since we've been together again, I knew she wouldn't let this go without making me come clean.
When she stepped out of the bathroom, she had on a white tank top and long blue silk pajama pants. I couldn't help it, but my body was reacting to the way that her body was reacting to the cold. I gripped my hair tightly as I passed her and went into the bathroom. Like she would really be in the mood for any of that kind of alone time tonight. As I brushed my teeth, it was driving me crazy not knowing what Bella was thinking. She knew me so well, so I already knew that she could tell that I had been jealous tonight. What I was desperate to know, was what she thought of my jealousy.
I took slow steps as I came back into my room in my pajama pants and t-shirt. There was no desire in me to have this conversation despite the fact that not knowing what Bella was thinking was making me crazy. Did I even know what I was thinking?! I was jealous…that much I could identify. Was it because I had dreamed of being a father and missed out on being there for E.J. and Bella? It had to be. I had missed seeing Bella's belly swollen with our son. I had missed her weird cravings (so I'm told), missed hearing the first cries of our son, his first smile, his first word, his first step…I had missed everything…and Emmett had been there for it all. That's what it boiled down to. Emmett had already gotten to experience this once with Bella and E.J. and now he was going to get to do it again.
Finally glancing towards the bed where I had expected Bella to be, I was surprised when she wasn't. My gaze quickly flew around the room and found her. She was sitting on my black leather sofa. Oh lord, that meant she meant business. All of the big major talks we had growing up had been in my room and always on the black leather sofa. In 5th grade when I first asked why she was friends with a freak like me. When we were 13 years old and I asked to her to be my girlfriend. When I told her I loved her for the first time. Where we discussed me having the surgery. And quite possibly the one that changed life as we knew it, where we fully discussed having sex, since she sprung that originally on me at the beach in La Push.
I swallowed heavily and ran my hand through my hair a few times as I sat down next to her. She had her feet curled up underneath her body and her hands were playing with the end of the black open hoodie she had added while I was in the bathroom. When I leaned my head back against the sofa, she finally spoke.
"Are you not happy for Rosalie and Emmett?"
My head shot up, "Of course I'm happy for them!"
"Then explain to me why you sure didn't seem that way at dinner! You can fool everyone else Edward, but you can't fool me," She looked me straight in the eyes, not backing down, waiting for an answer.
I leaned forward and pinched the bridge of my nose. She wanted me to admit to the jealousy.
"Don't hide from me Edward."
I sighed heavily, "I was jealous okay."
We sat in a long silence after that. Bella didn't move or say a word and my head remained in my hands. Right about when I wasn't going to be able to take not knowing what she was thinking anymore, she started talking.
"You were jealous?"
I simply nodded.
"About what Edward? That they're having a baby?"
"Yes," I whispered.
I saw Bella move from the corner of my eyes and I finally lifted my head to look at her. She had brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, resting her chin on top. She was biting her bottom lip and looking down. I couldn't believe how young she looked in this moment.
"Bella?" I waited until she looked up at me before I continued, "Will you let me explain? I am jealous, but not quite in the way that you think."
She nodded and continued to gnaw away on her bottom lip. I moved my hand up and let my thumb slowly pull it from between her teeth. I cupped her cheek, letting my thumb brush along her soft skin before I lowered my hand.
"I feel terrible for feeling jealous, especially today of all days. I'm supposed to be thankful for what I have in my life not be jealous of what my friends have, and I am thankful for what I have, beyond thankful! I just couldn't help it though. Emmett got to be with you the whole time you were pregnant with E.J. He experienced everything that I missed out on. The first cries, the first words, the first steps…everything. And now he'll get to do it again."
I stood up and walked to stand at the French doors that led to the balcony. I pressed my palms and forehead against the glass. This was a crappy topic to have to discuss with Bella, especially after this morning, but I knew she wouldn't let it go and we had agreed to be honest with each other always, no matter how brutal. The muscles in my body tensed when I felt Bella's presence behind me. They didn't relax when she wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her cheek against my back. She still hadn't said anything.
"Do you want to have another child together?" Bella finally whispered.
I sighed and closed my eyes, "I'd be lying if I said 'no'."
Bella didn't say anything in response as I felt her move around me and squeeze herself into the tiny space between my body and the window. I pushed back a little so I wasn't squishing her, but she wrapped her arms around my waist pulling me tight to her. Her lips brushed against the base of my throat and I shuddered.
"I'd be lying if I said 'no' too," she whispered against my neck. I pulled back and finally looked down at her face. She smiled and raised a hand to trace my lips softly with a finger. "Not yet though Edward. We're not ready for a baby. Not yet."
I nodded and rested my forehead against hers, "I know love. I'm sorry…I just…I just couldn't help what I felt. I am happy for Emmett and Rosalie though. Honestly."
Bella moved her arms up to around my neck and hugged me tightly. "One day it'll be us Edward."
I nodded and lifted her so I could bury my face against her neck. Her legs wrapped around my waist and we held each other tightly. I walked us back towards the bed and gently laid her down. We lay on our sides and Bella stroked my jaw softly before placing a kiss on my lips.
"I love you Bella," I whispered as her lips lingered over mine. She pulled back to look in my eyes and smiled as she raked her hand through my hair. I could tell from her face that sleep was going to overtake her very soon. I rolled onto my back and Bella immediately followed, burrowing herself into her place at my side.
"I love you Edward," she said softly as she nuzzled her face against my chest.
I stayed awake as Bella slipped away to the land of dreams. I ran my hand softly through her strands of hair on the sheets and simply watched the rise and fall of her back. It had certainly been a strange Thanksgiving. With everything that happened this morning with Charlie's letter and my reaction to Emmett & Rosalie's news, my poor Bella had been through a rough day. I pressed a kiss to her forehead, whispering my apologies for causing her to worry. I had to believe that she was right, that one day it would be us letting our friends and family know that we were expecting an addition to our family. I was surprised E.J. hadn't said anything. I'm thinking he just didn't understand what was going on.
Bella mumbled something unintelligible and rolled onto her back. While her hand that was now resting on her right breast initially caught my attention, I saw that her shirt had ridden up and revealed her smooth flat stomach to me. I let my fingertips ghost along the flesh of her stomach, imagining the day when my child would be growing inside her once more. She would be even more beautiful and glowing like in the pictures she had shown me. I traced her cheek lightly with my knuckles and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"Edward…" she mumbled, rolling back towards me. She found her place and snuggled deep into my side, a small smile on her lips. I wrapped my arms around her and let my eyes close. She was right…one day, but for now, I was more than thankful for holding her here in my arms and for our son sleeping in the room across the hall. The thoughts of who and what we might encounter tomorrow didn't even cross my mind.
Well? Yes? No? I felt like Bella needed to "resolve" her Charlie issues. I'm thinking no one really guessed it was him who wrote the letter? If you did, good job! And yes…the last sentence is hinting at the next chapter.
Hmmmm…should Emmett and Rosalie have a boy or a girl? It's a far ways off still, but I'm pondering it now. And what do you think about Bella & Edward's talk?
Well, thank you for reading. Let me know what you think (good or bad) if you can! Pretty please? Have a good weekend!