Billy was released a few days later. His wound had already healed but the doctor's wanted to make sure everything else was ok. When everything was fine they let him go. We went back to the old apartment and cleaned up. I washed all the clothes and dishes while Billy wiped everything down.

"So how was Charlestown?" he asked as he sat down at the table.

"Ok. We got jobs. We bought the car. Just tried to keep busy." I told him rinsing off the dishes. I felt him come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. His hand landed on my stomach and I shivered. I still hadn't told him about the whole 'I'm having your baby' thing. Heather was constantly pestering me to though.

"I'm sorry I sent you away but I'm glad I did." he told me. I nodded and continued to wash the dishes.

"I understand. I didn't for a while but I do know. You were protecting us." I told him as I pulled the plug for the drain. I turned around and smiled up at him. He leaned down and kissed me. He grabbed my neck and pulled me closer. I rested my hands on his chest and kissed him back. Our tongues fought for a few minutes until he picked me up and set me on the counter. I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him hungrily. He slid his hands up my shirt and I sighed feeling his hands on me. I threw my head back as he kissed his way down my neck. He picked me up and walked off to the bedroom. I giggled as he threw me down and took off his jacket. I had missed this. He crawled on the bed and started to take off my pants. He snatched them off and kissed his way up my legs. I laid my head back and smiled. He wrapped his fingers around the sides of my panties pulled them down the length of my legs. He placed hot kisses on the inside of my thigh which made me shift. He pulled off his shirt and threw it by my pants and his jacket. He got on top of me and kissed me. He reached his hands down my sides and pulled my shirt up. He kissed my skin as it was uncovered. Making sure to pay special attention to the top of my breasts. He unclasped my bra and leaned up. He stared down at me and tilted his head.

"I've missed you." he told me. I smiled and reached for his belt. I unbuckled it and pulled it out of the loops. He smirked at me and pushed me down. He slid his jeans off and got in between my legs. I started to get nervous as he pulled his boxers down. He placed himself at my opening and leaned down to my ear.

"How do you want it?" he asked huskily.

"Like old times..." I whispered. He smirked and slammed into me. I let out a scream and gripped the sheets beneath me. He gripped my hips and thrust into me time and time again. He looked down at me as he moved inside and I saw all the passion in his eyes. I saw the sweat drip from his face and down his bare chest. He leaned down and kissed my chest and up to my neck. I gripped onto his shoulders and dug my nails in I moaned his name. I felt his nails dig into my hips and I scratched across his shoulders. He grunted and slammed into me. We smiled at each other. Like old times. Before the drama, before the love. When there was just lust. We could still have that. I felt my stomach tingle and my toes curl as he went deeper and faster. I was about to scream out his name when his mouth covered mine and kissed me. I came at once while he was kissing me but he didn't stop. He thrust into me as I came around him. I shuddered and screamed in complete ecstacy. He thrust in and out until I came again. This time he couldn't hold back. He buried his face in my neck and bit down as he came. He pulled out and collapsed next to me. I smiled as he lit a cigarette and took a long draw. I laid my head on his chest as he exhaled. He wrapped an arm around me and closed his eyes.

"I saw you." he told me after a few minutes.

"What?" I looked up confused.

"After I got shot and when I was out. I saw you. You said you needed me." he told me softly. I scooted up so I was laying on the pillow with him and smiled.

"I do. Always will." I told him. He looked over at me and was about to say something but stopped. "What?" I asked. He shook his head and put the cigarette out.

"It's nothing." he told me and rolled over. I laid there for a minute and looked at the ceiling. Suddenly, it hit me.

"Damn it." I cursed as I got out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I picked up the toilet lid and let my dinner go. Billy came in after me and held my hair back. I leaned on the tub as he wet a rag and wiped my face. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"It's alright. Feel better?" he asked wiping my forehead.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Maybe you should make an appointment to find out what's wrong." he told me. I sighed and sat on the bed as he laid down.

"Billy..." I started. "I had a reason for coming back. It was to see if you were alive but it wasn't just for me."

"What are you talking about?" he asked sitting next to me. I felt tears fall my from eyes.

"Billy, I'm pregnant." I whispered. He looked at me wide eyed and stood up.

"You were with someone else why you were gone?!" he screamed. I violently shook my head.

"No! I was pregnant when I left. I'd never do that to you." I yelled at him. He paced the room and rubbed his head.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he yelled.

"I didn't know. I found out when I passed out in the library."

"You passed out, why?" he asked.

"I wasn't eating and I was stressed. I couldn't bare to be without you and it was taking its toll on my body." I told him. He continued to pace.

"How far along are you?" he asked.

"8 weeks." I told him.

"That's why you said we." I mumbled. I didn't quite hear him though.

"What?"

"Nothing. You gotta get rid of it." he told me. I lost my breath and dropped my jaw.

"W-wha-t?" I stuttered.

"Get an abortion. Do you need me to spell it out, Vanessa?" he yelled. My tears fell more freely. He got on his knees in front of me and held my face so I would look at him. "Vanessa, think about the past 8 months? We fought, you've left, I've hurt you, you were and kidnaped and attacked, I was nearly killed. It's not that I don't want it but I also can't say that I do want it. But it's not fair to bring a...a baby into this lifestyle. It's not safe."

"It'll never be safe. And we'll never have another lifestyle." I reasoned. He shook his head.

"No. Not now. Not for a while."

"Not never!" I screamed at him. He grabbed my arms and yelled at me.

"Get rid of it!" he yelled. Tears fell and I let out a sob. "See?! This here is a prime example. I can't have a baby, Vanessa. You know this. We don't even know what we want how could we make decisions for a child? You're 19 and I'm 25, we just can't." he told me. As hurt as I was, I knew he was right. It wasn't fair to bring a baby into this lifestyle. But it also wasn't fair to not give it a chance. I pulled away from him when he tried to hug me and crawled under the covers on my side of the bed. I heard him sigh and lay down. He didn't try to touch me or hold me, but that was okay. I didn't want him to.

Billy's POV

I laid awake and looked at the wall. I knew she didn't want me near her so I stayed away. That's what 'we' were in my dreams. Maybe that's what 'he' was? The baby. A boy? I sighed and rolled onto my back and looked over at her. I saw her shudder and knew she was crying. It killed me inside. But it just wasn't fair. Yes, I was scared and yes, that was part of it. But I did wholeheartedly believe that it wasn't fair. It would be dangerous. If I ever had a kid I'd want it to be safe. My life isn't safe. It probably never will be. Great! Now I feel guilty. I knew she was the type that wanted kids. She'd be a great mom. Now I was taking that from her. We'll talk more in the morning. And boy did morning come quick.

I woke up to Vanessa jumping out of bed and running to the bathroom. I sighed and got up. I looked in the bathroom and saw her holding her head.

"Can you get the bottle from my purse?" she asked. I walked into the room and grabbed the bottle.

"What's it for?"

"Nausea." she said and popped the pill in her mouth. She stared at the ground and then back at me. "You're right." she said. My heart sank. "I'll call a clinic today. I'll get the abortion." she said wiping tears away. I nodded and held out my hand. She looked at it and stood up on her own and walked past me. I sighed and walked out. She sat on the couch and turned the tv on. I watched her from the doorway. She'd look cute all round and pregnant. I shook my head and heard a knock at the door. I opened it and Heather walked in.

"Hey, Billy. Feelin' okay, Nessa?" she asked casually.

"He knows, Heather." Vanessa said coldly. I sighed and sat down in the chair. Apparently, Heather didn't catch her tone and jumped for joy.

"Isn't this great, Billy?! I'm so excited." she squealed.

"I'm getting an abortion, Heather. So please, shut up." Vanessa spat and turned the tv up. I was shocked. She has never talked to Heather that way. Heather turned toward me with tears in her eyes and slowly walked out the door. I was about t yell at Vanessa until I saw tears streaming down her face. I walked over to her but she stood up and backed away.

"No. Don't touch me. Just get the phone book." she told me. I nodded and grabbed the phone book. I set it in front of her and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. I stepped out the shower and saw Vanessa sitting on the counter. I wrapped a towel around myself and walked over to her. She was crying. I wiped a tear away and she wrapped her arms around me and cried.

"I go next week." she told me. I swallowed hard and nodded. I pulled back and kissed her forehead without looking at her. I couldn't.

"Take a shower. Relax. I'll fix lunch." I said and walked out. I saw the note on the counter and sighed. I hoped this was the right thing to do. I really did.

Vanessa's POV

We ate lunch and I called Heather back over. We walked out on the balcony and sat down.

"I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to snap at you like that." I apologized softly.

"Why? Why an abortion? Is it because he doesn't want it?" she asked.

"No. It's because it's not fair bringing a baby into this lifestyle." I told her.

"Then get a new one!" she yelled. I raised me hand at her and shook my head.

"Stop. The decision and appointment is made. I go next week."

"Do you really want to do this, Nessa?" she asked. My mind screamed no but my mouth said otherwise.

"Yes. I do." I lied. I was so conflicted. It killed me inside to do this but I knew Billy had a valid point. I just hope this was the right thing to do. Heather left a few minutes later and I walked inside. I felt my stomach growl and I sighed.

"What?" Billy asked walking up behind me. I but my lip.

"I'm hungry." I told him softly. I saw a small smile in his lips as he walked into the kitchen and fixed me a sandwich. He set it in my lap and sat down next to me. I sat crossed legged on the couch and ate my sandwich. I saw him glance at my stomach and look away rubbing his face. I decided against talking about it. I figured it would be easier. But he didn't.

"Do...do you wan me to go with you?" he asked shakily.

"No. I'll go alone." I told him. He nodded and turned back to the tv. We sat there the rest of the day avoiding the obvious and tried to keep sane. It only got semi-awkward when my medicine wore off and I ran to the bathroom. Joe came home about 4 and noticed my bathroom trips.

"Jeeze! Vanessa, peeing and throwing up! Someone would say you were pregnant. "Joe joked. Me and Billy nearly choked on the air and stared at him. He laughed but didn't notice as he walked into his room. It took a minute before he came running back out. He finally saw the looks on our faces and paled.

"You're...you're not...you are aren't you?" he finally spat out. Billy buried his face in his hands and I sighed.

"No, Joe. I'm not. Just a little sick." I lied. Billy looked up at me confused. Joe nodded and walked out. "It would hurt him and you know it." I told Billy when I heard Joe's door shut.

"Yeah." he agreed. This was going to be hell. I couldn't believe was having an abortion in a week. What am I doing?

Nothin seems to be the way
That it used to
Everything seems shallow
God give me truth, In me
and tell me somebodys watching
Over me
And that is all I pray is that

Someday I will understand
In Gods whole plan
And whats Hes done to me Oh but maybe
Someday I will breathe
And Ill finally see
See it all in my baby

Dont you run too fast my dear
Why dont you stop
Just stop and listen to your tears
Theyre all youve got

Its in you
You see somebodys watching
Over You
And that is all I pray is that

Someday you will understand
In Gods whole plan
And what he does to you
Oh but baby
Someday you will breathe
And youll finally see
Youll see it all in your baby
Youll see it all in your baby

No moment will be more true
Than the moment
I look at you

Its in you
You see somebodys watching
over you
and that is all I pray is that

Someday you will understand
In Gods whole plan
And what He does to you
Oh but maybe
Someday you will breathe
And youll finally see
Youll see it all in your baby
Youll see it all in your baby

Youll see it all in your baby
Youll see it all in your baby...

Song: Someday(I Will Understand) by Britney Spears