PSManiac: Chapter twenty! It's the big 2 and 0. Special thanks to PhantomBen, CrashFad13, and Captain Liam.4000 for their ideas. I own only stuff that I created
myself, nothing more and nothing less. Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty: Racers of the Lost Ark
The racers and their karts lined up at the starting line. Crash looked to his left to see Turbozuma in the Wheels of Discombobulation. Turbozuma's custom made kart
had a golden color and a golden skull at the front with headlights in its eyes. The skull in the front also had four large exhaust pipes coming from the mouth, and on
the back of the kart were four rocket engines. He looked at the dark clones of Pasadena, Von Clutch, Velo, and Oxide. They looked exactly like their counterparts
except with glowing red eyes.
"The race will begin," the announcer… well… announced, "In 5… 4... 3… 2… 2 ½… 2 ¾… 2 7/8… 2 15/16…"
Hey guys, that was your cue.
The racers realized this and finally yelled, "Get on with it!"
"Fine!" the announcer yelled, "3 2 1 go!"
The karts shot off, with Turbozuma in the lead.
"Here we are! The race has started!" Chick exclaimed, "It's Turbozuma in the lead, and following closely is Velo. The rest of the racers in order of position are Crash,
Coco, Pasadena, Aku Aku, Oxide, Crunch, and with Billy Bob and Von Clutch fighting for ninth place!"
The karts leapt over fire pit and rammed through the first line of item boxes. Von Clutch drove next to Billy Bob with a Bowling Bomb in hand. He was about to throw
it when Billy Bob shot off the German racing champ's tires with his musket.
"This ist very dizzying, ya?" Von Clutch asked himself as his kart spun out of control and careened into a boulder. He got up, with cartoony tires spinning around his
head.
"And Billy Bob takes ninth place!" Stew announced, "This is just like last week, when I put an Aerosmith CD in a blender and set it to frappe!"
"Wait a minute," Chick said, "I lost an Aerosmith CD last week."
"And it makes a great smoothie," Stew told his co- reporter, "Although it smells like Uncle Salty."
Crunch jumped over a lava pit and launched a missile at Oxide. The Gasmoxian avoided at missile and turned to Crunch.
"Ha! You missed me!" he yelled, not noticing the missile hit a rock and release a huge boulder. He turned around to see the boulder falling straight towards him. He
swerved out of the way.
"Phew, that was too close," he said before he crashed into a palm tree. 1253 coconuts hit his head.
"Palm trees don't have that many…" Oxide stated before his head was hit by 1253 more coconuts, "… coconuts."
"And Crunch passes Oxide by a landslide!" Stew announced, "Get it? By a landslide, because there's the boulder and…"
"We get it, Stew," Chick said, frowning at Stew and then smiling at the camera, "Let's see how the N- Team is doing!"
"So that's who this Turbozuma guy was?" Neo asked Plat after the platypus told them about the racing emperor, "I know someone else like that, but whom?"
"Is it that Velo guy?" Nina asked.
"Wait, it's on that tip of my tongue," Neo said, "Who was it?"
He leaned on the statue, and it fell apart. Cortex fell to the floor along with the rubble that was once Turbozuma's statue. A rock-like thing went down the poor
doctor's throat, making him choke on the object. He clutched his neck and made various hand signals to say, "Help me! I'm choking!"
"I love charades!" N. Gin said, "It's a movie! It has two words. First word sounds like hair, or is it hairy? Yes, it sounds like hairy. Um… The Matrix!"
Neo shook his head and pointed at his neck, and then he pointed down his throat.
"Gagging? Choking?" N. Gin asked as Neo nodded, "Choking… it's a really bad movie. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead?"
Nina rolled her eyes and gave her uncle the Heimlich maneuver. The object flew out of the mad scientist's mouth.
"I can't feel my spine," Cortex told his niece.
Tropy caught the object and immediately recognized what it was.
"It's a power crystal!" he said before dropping it in disgust, "With spit all over it."
Cortex picked up the crystal and stuffed it in his pocket.
"Well, at least we're all…" he said before a trap door opened beneath them, "…safe."
They fell down into the pit. Tropy grabbed a hold on a branch, N. Gin grabbed Tropy's leg, Neo grabbed N. Gin's leg, Plat grabbed Neo's leg, and Nina grabbed Plat's
tail, much to Plat's discomfort.
"Don't look down, guys," Tropy advised.
"Why not?" Neo asked, and he looked down.
He saw that the bottom of the pit was covered in spikes with several skeletons impaled upon them.
"Oh, that's why," Neo said.
Suddenly, there was a loud crack.
"The branch is braking!" Tropy yelled.
"Guys!" Nina called, "I can see a large opening on the wall. We can swing over to it and jump in!"
"Is that a good idea?" Tropy asked.
"Is there any other way?" Nina asked back.
Tropy thought for a moment, opened his mouth to say something, and closed his mouth.
"I thought so," said the evil niece, "Now swing!"
The N- Team swung back and forth, and the branch began cracking even more. They jumped through the opening and onto a tiled floor as the branch fell into the
spikes.
"So what do we do now?" Neo asked.
He noticed a large door in front of them. He opened the door to see a long hallway filled with huge swinging axes.
The evil doctor sighed and said, "This just isn't my day."
"And we're back," Chick announced, "We are near the end of lap one of three in Turbozuma Prix. And now, here's Stew, trackside, for the latest race coverage. Stew,
can you hear us?"
A screen appeared beside Chick, showing Stew next to the track.
"Can you hear us, Stew?" Chick asked.
No reply was made by Stew.
"It seems that we are having technical difficulties," Chick said, and then Stew started picking his nose.
"Ugh! That's so wrong!" Chick screamed.
Stew pulled out a booger, receiving another "Ugh!" from Chick.
"Well, at least the worst of it's over," Chick told his audience before Chick ate the booger.
"Ugh!" Chick screamed again.
Stew looked up at the camera.
"Oh, hi Chick!" he greeted, "How long were you watching?"
"For far too long," Chick answered, "Anyway, is there any news from the race track?"
"There is, Chick," Stew said, "It was like the time I shot off a firework with a barrel of sausages attached to it. Here come the racers! Crossing the finish line and
starting lap two. The current positions are: Turbozuma in first, Velo in second, Crash in third, Pasadena in fourth, Aku Aku in fifth, Coco in sixth, Von Clutch in
seventh, Billy Bob in eighth, Crunch in ninth, and Oxide in tenth."
"Thank you, Stew," Chick said, "It looks like as if Crash Bandicoot has a win in reach. All he has to do is pass two racing emperors, Dark Velo and Turbozuma himself.
Let go to the Crash Cam and see what's going on."
Crash wove his kart past the huge swinging axes trap. He jumped over a lava pit and landed safely, with Dark Velo in his sights. Dark Velo saw Crash catching up
with him, and snarled. He picked up an item crate.
"It's time for me to exterminate this pest infestation," he said, throwing some Nitro Crates behind him, "Haha! That's a good one. I've got to start writing things like
that down."
Crash noticed that the line of Nitro Crates was blocking the track off completely.
"Oh no!" Chick exclaimed, "How can Crash go through those Nitro Crates without losing his chances of winning? Find out after we check up on the N- Team."
The N- Team watched the blades swing back and forth.
"How are we supposed to get through that?" Captain Plat asked.
"We can use that shortcut over there," Nina said, pointing to a nearby hallway that went around the axes.
"Why do I never notice anything convenient?" Neo asked himself.
They walked down the hallway and soon came to a large, floating, red orb of glass with a yellow "pupil" in the center.
"What is that thing?" N. Gin asked.
"If I remember my history classes correctly," Plat said, "Then that thing is the Eye of Truthiness. It has the ability to make anyone it gazes upon to speak any secret."
"I'll go first then!" N. Gin told them as he ran up to the Eye.
The Eye of Truthiness looked at N. Gin, and the half-robot scientist found himself saying, "It's my dream to be a German banjo-playing clog dancer!"
"Why am I not surprised?" Tropy asked himself as N. Gin walked past the Eye, blushing. He walked up to the Eye.
"My skin isn't naturally blue!" Tropy blabbed out loud.
Neo walked up.
"I have a pet rabbit named Little Fuzzy Buns!" he yelled, and Plat walked up.
"I cheated on my final piloting exam!" he told everyone.
And now it was Nina's turn. She walked up to the Eye of Truthiness, and punched it. The Eye shattered into a million pieces. Nina blew the dust and glass shards off
her metal knuckles.
Neo turned N. Gin, Tropy, and Captain Plat and asked, "Why didn't we think of that?"
"Welcome back, folks!" Chick said, "When you last saw Crash, he was in a big dilemma. Give us the details, Stew."
"I will, Chick," Stew answered, "Crash Bandicoot is faced with a whole mess of Nitro Crates that has blocked the track. What will he do? Let's go the Crash Cam."
Crash looked at the line of Nitro Crates in horror. He thought for a moment, and a cartoony light bulb clicked on above his head. He took the light bulb and threw it at
the Nitro Crates. All of them exploded in a chain reaction.
"Wow! It looks like as if Crash has pulled through!" Chick announced, "Using an overused cartoony gag, Crash has detonated all the Nitro Crates without being hurt.
The chain reaction also caused a conveniently placed giant, swinging hammer trap to swing down and knock Dark Velo far away."
Dark Velo heard this and said, "Wait… what did you say?"
The giant hammer swung down and struck Dark Velo, sending him far away and out of the race. Dark Velo crashed into a wall and exploded, and Tiny Dark Velo fell
out of the smoke and onto the ground.
"I'm okay!" he called before his kart fell on top of him.
Crash drove up to Turbozuma as they crossed the finish line and started the third and final lap.
"You're mine now, bandicoot," Turbozuma said, whipping out many weapons, "I, the great Emperor Turbozuma, have never lost a race, and never will!"
"Oh no," Chick said, "It looks like as if Turbozuma has an ace up his sleeve."
"I thought that he had weapons up his sleeve," Stew told Chick, "Does he even have sleeves?"
"It's a figure of speech, Stew," Chick said, "Will the bandicoots defeat Turbozuma? Will the N- Team make it out of the catacombs alive? Find out, readers, in Chapter
Twenty-One: Tomb Racer!"
PSManiac: Review and suggest! And I have an exclusive scene from the next chapter! Here's the new…
Stew: PSManiac? What does this button on this remote control do?
PSManiac: Stew! It turns off the chapter! Don't press…