A NECESSARY EVIL

And we're back to the nitty-gritty stuff. Quite a dark, heavy chapter ahead.

CHAPTER 21: OLD HABITS

Four days and Trunks was only just getting himself back on track again after Cell attacked him, not that the boy in his arms knew about it. He and Gohan were in bed together, it was about 6am. They heard Nita starting to wake up, but let her be for a while. Gohan was still feeling the effects of his latest wave of depression, he didn't sleep a wink all night. Trunks tried his best not to show it, but after his ordeal, he didn't know what to do for the best besides be there for him, but it never felt like he was doing enough to help him.

It only reminded him of the darkest times in his past. Even though he managed to recover some years ago now, one of his deepest fears was sinking back into his own state of depression again; he thought about the places he went to inside his head, he didn't think that he'd make it back if he ended up there again.

"Trunks?"

"Yeah?" Trunks couldn't see what expression Gohan had on his face; he held him in his arms so that Gohan was nuzzling into his chest.

"I can ask you anything, right?" said Gohan, closing his eyes as Trunks was stroking his hair.

"Sure."

"Have you ever considered suicide?" he asked. Gohan felt him pause for a few moments, sensing his obvious upset as he started to remember.

"Yes."

"When?"

"When I was sixteen."

Gohan felt a little better by hearing that for some reason; Trunks was the same age as him when he was having dark thoughts.

"What stopped you from going through with it?"

"My mother. She needed me," said Trunks softly. "Why are you asking?"

"I... don't know... " whimpered Gohan, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to push dangerous, suicidal impulses out of his brain. He had fought many battles in his short life, but this was proving to be the hardest one to beat back.

"Nita needs you, Gohan."

"I know."

Trunks pulled him into a tight embrace, feeling relieved when Gohan returned it. He could tell that Gohan was on the edge of something, but both him and Nita were proving to be necessary anchors for him until he came round again; he was hoping that it would be sooner rather than later. Gohan's impulsive behavior was beginning to become worrying.

"I want you to stay with Jeice today, okay? I don't want you to be by yourself."

"I'm never by myself. Not with all this stupid shit racing through my head."

"I don't want you to get hurt," said Trunks softly, pulling back to look at him properly. "You just need to hold on for a little longer."

"Okay... I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising. You're going to beat this. You've done it before."

Trunks finally got round to his shower, going back into the kitchen for his bottle of water that he left in the fridge. He walked into the bathroom, gulping down most of the bottle's contents before placing it on the counter, it was refreshing to him after his first training session in weeks. He took his jacket off, letting it fall on the floor. He jumped when the door shut behind him.

"What are you doing in here?!"

"I would have expected you to have had the brains to vacate my territory by now, but still... you refuse to see sense."

"Maybe you should stay out of our lives," spat Trunks, glaring at Cell.

"You started all of this yourself, Trunks. Why don't you just do what you should've done a long time ago; go back to your timeline and disappear forever."

"I could say the same to you, couldn't I?"

"I'm aware that I don't fit in anywhere. I don't intend to... but you? You're lost. You're trying to be a part of them, but you were never supposed to, Trunks. You'll never really belong here. So why don't you just do everyone a favor and fade away. They'll soon forget about you."

"You can't make me, Cell. I'm not Gohan."

"No... you're just like him," sneered Cell, approaching him menacingly. "Just as lost and alone as he is."

"Ow!"

Trunks didn't know why he wasn't laughing at the way Cell was hurting him; he wasn't beating him to half to death like he expected him too - he was backing him into the wall whilst pinching his arms harshly with his fingers.

"He never liked pinches either. You squirm like him too."

"Stop it!"

He finally hit the wall, feeling a little relieved when Cell took his hands back. The android smirked as he observed all the little red marks appearing on his arms. Trunks was starting to feel a little woozy, blinking hard and shaking his head. He was wondering what was happening to him.

"And you bruise the same."

"What did you do to me?" slurred Trunks, feeling the room starting to spin.

"That's just the antranide I put in your drink."

"W-what?"

Trunks hated feeling this disoriented; he'd never been high before - except 'that one time' during his mid-teens; he hated it, which was why he never did it again. His body felt weak as if it was floating.

"I'm able to still hop between the living world and the next thanks to instant transmission... and the unstable barriers of course. I thought you could loosen up a little. And... just like him... it's working a treat."

"I... uh... " Trunks couldn't focus, he couldn't feel anything.

"I wonder if you're just as unrestrained as he is?"

Trunks was staring right through him, his eyes were glazed over as if they were made of glass as if he'd left his body behind. He felt nothing, forgetting where he was and what he was doing. The android in front of him was getting closer, but he wasn't aware enough to register it, he was only vaguely aware of a cold pair of lips appearing on his own.

It took him a few seconds to realise that Cell was kissing him; with the last shred of reality that he had in his grasp he grunted with disgust and shoved him away with his remaining bit of strength. The last thing he heard was laughing.

"Well... you have a lot more self control, that's for sure."

Trunks slid down the wall as he finally lost consciousness; Cell had laced his water with enough antranide to knock him out for a few hours.

Gohan managed to hold on through the whole day just about; the more time passed, the better he felt after keeping himself busy, becoming more sociable and talkative with Jeice. No he felt like he'd worn himself out enough, he had given Nita to Chi Chi and Goku for the night, them offering to look after her while he caught up on sleep. He went into his room for the first time in days to pick up a few things before going back to Trunks' room again; only he jumped when Cell was stood at the doorway.

"Why do you never sleep in your own room?"

"The fact that you've noticed that I don't only tells me that you've been following me... do you have any idea how creepy that is?"

"No Nita?" asked Cell as he closed the door.

"No, she's not here. She's somewhere where she can't interrogate you," taunted Gohan.

"Good, I've been trying to catch you alone for some time."

"I told you I'm not interested!" shouted Gohan.

"And why's that?"

"Why can't you take no for an answer?"

"Why are you avoiding the question?" asked Cell, figuratively backing him into a corner. Gohan didn't answer, he didn't know how to without revealing his relationship with Trunks. "If you can't give me a definitive reason why you don't want to, then why aren't you taking your clothes off for me right now?"

"I don't want to!"

"Please... you are such a terrible liar. Why do you even try?"

"Just leave me alone."

"Tell me why you don't want to."

"I... " Gohan was trapped, and he knew it. He was starting to prepare himself for the beating of his life. "I can't."

"I can."

"What are you talking about?" asked Gohan nervously, his facial expression obviously giving him away completely.

"I know why you don't want to," said Cell calmly, getting closer to him. "It's because you've worn yourself out."

"What?"

"You won't touch me because you're already wearing yourself out on somebody else."

"No, I - "

"You always were such a fucking little whore," he growled, violently grabbing hold of Gohan's face. "I shouldn't really be surprised... I was unconscious for four whole months, I would have been a fool to think that you could go without it for more than five minutes." Gohan was scared, he wanted Cell to just get on with whatever he was going to do - it was what he deserved. "I should have seen it coming after the first time I saw you together."

"I only kissed him the first time so that you would finally put me out of my misery."

"Maybe so, but he's a saiyan too. And you saiyans have always been animals."

"Whatever you're going to do to me, just fucking do it!" cried Gohan, ripping Cell's hand off his face.

"I didn't come here to hurt you, Gohan."

"Why don't I believe that?" said Gohan hatefully. "Why should I believe a single fucking word that comes out of your mouth?"

"I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to make it up to me."

"Why should I?"

"You strayed while I was lying in a coma. A coma that I ended up in trying to save you, no less," said Cell manipulatively, making Gohan feel guilty again. "You've got the entire night to yourself, you might as well make use of it."

"Sorry, I've got to be somewhere - "

"Trunks isn't going to bother us," said Cell with a smirk that made Gohan feel uncomfortable.

"What did you do to him?!"

"Nothing that bad. I just slipped some antranide into his drink. He's going to be out for quite a while... "

"You bastard... "

"That's the fire I've been missing. I thought fatherhood had mellowed that attitude for a second there," taunted Cell. He brought his hand out to the dresser and put two grey pills on it.

"Don't tell me you're back on that stuff."

"Not at all, they're for you."

"Fuck off... " spat Gohan.

"In case the guilt starts getting to you."

"What makes you think that this is going to work on me?"

"To secure the safety of the ones you love the most." Gohan opened his mouth to spew something vile back at him, but was too taken aback by the situation; instead, he just glared back at him in disbelief. Cell was emotionally blackmailing him. "Don't look at me like that... not after everything you've done," snarled Cell.

"You'd really kill the people I care about just for this?"

"You really have to ask that?" snickered Cell with an deranged look in his eyes. "But the real question you should be asking yourself is.. do you love Nita?"

"Why are you threatening her? She has nothing to do with what you want from me!" shouted Gohan angrily. "It's not like you can physically hurt her anyway, I've seen you try and you can't! She's your daughter too, or have you forgotten that already?"

"You're right, she is. And I can't physically lay a finger on her without good intentions. But there's nothing stopping me from accidentally dropping a lit match nearby... " That last threat earned Cell a hard smack across the face.

"Don't you dare touch her!" seethed Gohan. "Or Trunks, for that matter." He didn't care if he was going to get that slap back ten times as hard; even Cell didn't realise to what lengths Gohan would go to to prevent Nita from getting hurt.

"I'll ask you again... do you love her?"

"Yes, I do. More than you'll ever realise."

"And you want to protect her? More specifically, do you want to protect her from me?"

"Yes."

"Then protect her," said Cell, eyeing the pills that were still on the dresser. Gohan looked at them as well before sighing to himself. He did want to protect both Trunks and Nita, but at the sacrifice of himself and the remainder of his sanity.

"You'll leave them alone?"

"If you give me what I want... what we've both been wanting for so long."

"I can't just... " Gohan's head was starting to spin, he didn't know what to do for the best.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes... " he said, hating himself for admitting it.

"Then take the pills," said Cell quietly. Gohan sighed, defeated and overtaken with confusion and guilt - and the desire to protect Trunks and Nita from Cell. He didn't know if that even justified what he was about to do. Gohan walked towards the dresser, picking up the grey pills and putting them into his mouth. He hesitantly swallowed them. This was the first time he'd taken antranide for over six months. "I knew you'd see sense."

Gohan could feel him whispering against his ear, but he could also feel the antranide working it's magic, making him feel light and taking all of his worries away. Cell's arms slid around his waist slowly, one of his hands slipping under his shirt. Gohan felt a cold hand on his bare stomach, another undoing his jeans before pushing them down. Cell was kissing his neck, his lips trailing over the mark that Trunks gave him; whenever Trunks did that it always made him feel good, but it wasn't him, it was like his body automatically knew it and his skin crawled.

Cell turned Gohan around, causing him to step out of his jeans, though he still had his boxers as well as his black tank top. The android pushed him against the dresser before finally kissing him. Gohan, heavily under the influence of the drug he'd taken, melted into the way he was being kissed; he unintentionally moaned as he started to lose himself.

"You taste exactly the same... " he whispered, pulling back.

Cell pushed his boxers off him and led him towards the bed, Gohan becoming lost in his delirium; nothing else existed apart from this room anymore. He didn't know whether his thoughts were his own any longer. Cell sat on the bed against the wall, Gohan unconsciously following him to instinctively sit on top of him. Gohan put his knee on the bed, then went to straddle him until Cell turned him around on top of him to face the rest of the room. Gohan was unaware of much, but did as he was told as Cell leaned closer to him to push him forwards until he was on all fours in front of him. The android caressed one of his inner thighs softly, getting a shaky gasp in return.

"Has it kicked in yet?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the display in front of him. "Well? I didn't give you enough to mute you completely."

"Uh huh... " mumbled Gohan nervously, not knowing what was going on behind him, but also hitting a comforting high that left his with a fuzzy feeling throughout his body, clouding his thoughts. He felt two lubricated fingers push into him slowly, making his elbows threaten to cave in under him. They felt as cold as he remembered, which only added to the sensations. Another cold hand began playing around, gliding over his skin underneath him and gripping onto his length. Then came the third finger as Cell pushed deeper into him before bringing them out and jamming them back in again repeatedly.

Cell could hear him quietly moaning to himself, smirking as he began rocking his hips back and forth to match his movements. Gohan was foolish to think that he could have held back what was threatening to take him over - Cell knew exactly what gave him the most pleasure. This time, Gohan's elbows did cave in as the top half of his body collapsed onto the bed. Gohan buried his face in his arms, his hands clutching onto the bed covers as he finally let him be heard. He didn't want it to end, both the drugs and what Cell was doing to him were filling his body with warmth and ecstasy. He was disappointed when he stopped, removing his hands from their intimate positions.

Gohan could feel his legs shaking under him, the skin on his backside stung when Cell dug his fingernails into him, squeezing him hard before nudging him to the left. He took the hint, unsteadily getting off him and moving to the side. He felt disoriented under the influence of the antranide, his lower body was still vibrating from what it had just experienced. He closed his eyes before he felt Cell take his hand to lead him around in front of him, the android could see how out of it he was as he still hadn't opened his eyes yet. He let go of his hand and lowered him down by the back of his head.

Gohan felt something hard and wet try to make its way into his mouth. He opened his eyes again when he realised what it was, unintentionally parting his lips to let it in. Now he could hear Cell moaning; instead of making him feel guilty, it made him feel good just like it used to as he introduced his tongue. He could feel him twitching with pleasure as well as his fingers combing through his hair. He stayed down there for a good few minutes, giving it everything he had; he was getting carried away, something nagging him in the back of his head, but the drugs were blocking it out.

Cell finally let go of his head. Gohan brought himself back up again, quickly enough to make him feel dizzy. He looked at Cell in front of him; it was as if nothing had changed at all, the past four months never happened and it was just the two of them again. Gohan went forwards, Cell pulling him up to straddle him again, only this time they were facing each other. Cell pulled his shirt off over his head before moving his hands up and down his sides and tasting his chest. Gohan was automatically lowering himself down onto the length that was attempting to push into him. Cell held him close, triumphant as Gohan was doing it all by himself at last.

Cell lay back a little, admiring his body - he hadn't seen him at this proximity for a long time. His hands moved down to his hips, subtly moving them around when a smile crept across his lips.

"I've actually missed this," said Cell quietly, obviously referring to his body more than anything else. Gohan just stared down at him, trying to control himself. "You going to dance for me?"

"I don't dance," drawled Gohan, no longer able to form a single rational thought.

"Sure you do, you always loved dancing on me."

Gohan complied anyway, despite the doubts still trying to break through the drug-filled barrier inside his brain. He started grinding his hips downwards, snaking his torso. He got some sounds out of Cell that he hadn't heard in months. His movements soon began to increase, getting so aggressive that he was bouncing up and down on him vigorously... or as much as he could without the bed breaking as he could already hear it creaking. Gohan was doing the one thing he promised himself that he wouldn't do - slip back into his old habits, he was enjoying himself.

He soon started moaning out loud, gripping onto Cell's shoulders as he sped up. Cell stopped him by grabbing his hips and halting his movements. Gohan finally had a chance to catch his breath, beads of sweat were beginning to appear all over him. Cell brought his head down into a passionate kiss before pushing him sideways until he fell off him.

"Well, that was an energetic performance," panted Cell as he rolled onto his knees, dragging Gohan onto all fours again in front of him. "But then, I expected nothing less from you."

Cell dived back into him again mercilessly, Gohan grunted from the force he was using. The android could feel him trembling under his fingers as he leaned over and whispered to him.

"Are you going to come for me?" he asked in a low voice. Even though it made Gohan shudder, the antranide seemed to be wearing off a little.

"Ah... n-no... " he stammered, forcing the word out.

"And one of the many things I like about you... defiance."

Cell pulled out and slammed back into him repeatedly without letting up; Gohan cried out in ecstasy, gripping onto the bed covers. His widened eyes were glazed over, fixated on the rest of the room, everything that was flowing through his body was starting to drive him insane. He forgot how resilient Cell was when he was in this kind of mood, pounding him harder until he climaxed quickly, his knees and arms finally gave way and he collapsed onto his stomach. Cell fell forwards on top of him and started hitting him where he liked it the most.

"That resistance didn't last very long did it?" said Cell arrogantly as he curled one of his arms under him. Gohan was still twitching from his recent orgasm, the calm that usually followed was interrupted by Cell's persistent thrusting. Cell was smiling maliciously at how easily Gohan had given into him once again, pulling out and flipping him onto his back.

Gohan had long forgotten the real reason he was going through with this, completely lost in a sea of pleasure and confusion. He was feeling everything and nothing at the same time. Cell was soon on top of him again, carrying on where he left off. Remembering from one of the last times they'd been together before his coma, he tilted his hips to the right slightly and started hitting him from there; as expected, Gohan was sent into an uncontrollable frenzy, no longer holding back those explicit sounds that Cell had been trying to get out of him.

Feeling that he'd won, Cell let himself go, no longer caring what Gohan was thinking and going for the finish. He leaned forwards on top of him, trying to get as deep into his as he could. Gohan's desperate moaning was starting to push him over the edge. Just as he was about to finish, he got an unanticipated surprise; Gohan's chest arched up against him and his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he experienced a second orgasm seemingly out of nowhere. Cell managed to let out a short victorious laugh before everything took him over. The way Gohan looked as he rode out his climax and the way he was clenching around him sent him over the edge, experiencing a fulfilling high as he finally emptied himself into Gohan.

Once Cell had completely finished, he let go of Gohan's hips, revealing purple grip marks all over them. He sat up, watching Gohan panting and twitching as he lay on his back. He enjoyed the sight of him coming back down to earth again as he caught his breath.

"Well, I know I would have struggled to get at least one out of you, but two? I'm flattered," taunted Cell as Gohan tried to move, but he was so spent that he couldn't even move his legs. "You've missed how this makes you feel. Deep down."

Gohan remained silent... the drugs were beginning to wear off at last. Cell climbed on top of him again, kissing him hungrily. Gohan kissed him back with just as much desire, but showed no emotion. The barriers that the antranide created in his mind were slowly crumbling away. As Cell got up again, Gohan turned onto his side and stared blankly at the wall.

"I'll leave you to it, then," said Cell casually as he went to leave. Gohan spoke up before he had the chance.

"Are you going to leave them alone?" he asked, still no emotion coming through.

"Now that I have you, I don't need to go anywhere near them, do I?"

Gohan heard Cell laughing quietly to himself, taking his latest victory with him as he finally left the room. He was left alone in the dark, naked and used on the bed.

He felt hollow as the drugs finally left him completely, leaving him feeling more guilty than ever. All that moving on he did, spending the past few months rebuilding his life and getting better - all gone. He was right back where he started. All of that work just to end up back in bed with Cell, loving every second of everything that the android gave to him but hating himself for it at the same time.

Then he thought about Trunks, and how much he'd betrayed him just for letting go for a short period of time. He was hit with the startling realisation that in protecting him from Cell, Trunks had ended up getting hurt anyway through Gohan's actions.

His wrists began to itch; he was back in his selfish state of mind, his body willing to self-destruct. Gohan ended up instantly getting up, putting his shirt back on that was still on the bed, then finding his pants on the floor to put them on as quickly as he could. As he pulled them up, he collapsed again onto the floor, his legs still not working from what he'd just done. Then he remembered that he didn't have to leave the room... he still had razor blades hidden in his drawer.

Gohan shuffled over to where he kept them by his bed, his trembling hands finding them in their small metal case. He hadn't done this in a long time, but he didn't have a single contradictory thought to stop him... he deserved to be punished. He really fucked up this time.

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