Chapter 20 ; Sirens,Sparrows and Wicked gods
" I'll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind
And I'll use you as a focal point
So I don't lose sight of what I want
And I've moved further than I thought I could
But I missed you more than I thought I would
And I'll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind"
- I Found , Amber Run
Thorin didn't know how to react when she started peeling her clothes. There was a pause before he could finally register what she was doing; only turning once the white fabric inched up the small of her back.
" What are you doing ?" He shouted for the second time tonight, feeling slightly insulted by her gestures.
Surely she knows how inappropriate this whole situation was, what was she thinking, undressing in front of him? Does she take him for some kind of fool? Does he regard him as someone with such little dignity and respect? Perhaps she does this in front of other men as well? His mind was jumbled with all these thoughts washing down on him like the first blizzard of winter and he didn't know which thought was worse.
" You said you were going to help me tend to my wound !" She yelled back in accusation and he could hear the rustling of her clothes, not having to turn around to know that she was discarding her pants, "Just stay that way for a while; I'm getting into the water soon."
He gritted his teeth. He had only turned around for a fragment of a second and she took it as a sign to start disrobing herself, Mahal throw some sense into this infuriating woman before he sees something he's not supposed to. She was only a Bachelorette and she already threw away her decency by traveling in a group of fourteen men and now she's further discarding it by not giving him any warning. How can a woman this knowledgeable be so daft at the same time?
Any member of the company can spot them at this very moment and he was dammed if it would be one of his nephews. He knew how they would always appear in places they shouldn't be, either way, they would share everything with each other. This wouldn't go unnoticed to Dwalin, who would tell Balin, who would tell Ori, who would tell Nori, who would tell Dori and eventually the whole company would know. What is he supposed to say against their assumptions when they see him stand behind her as she bathes, even if he was fully clothed?
He supposed her lightheartedness towards almost anything is endearing, yet in situations like this, it borders to atrocious. He wanted to scold her terribly, yet the sound of her laughter made it nearly impossible for him to do anything as close to a glaring at her. Thorin could feel himself give into his frustration, how can he be so powerless towards her?
He could hear the splashing of water behind him and she let out a delighted squeal at the cold water. He shifted in place, his boots crunching the gravel and soil underneath.
" Oh," She breathed out, remembering that Thorin was indeed still there, "You can turn around now."
Thorin cautiously moved to face her and he could feel the wind knocked out of his lungs.
Jin Ae crossed her arms and perched it by the riverbank, resting her cheek against her right elbow. She was looking up at him with nectar eyes, her thin and light hair pooling around her shoulders in an almost enticing way. He noticed the droplets of water decorating her lips, causing them to shimmer under the faint light of the moon. There was something within her gaze that made him unable to look away and his eyes trailed to the water lapping at the delicate slope of her shoulder blades.
Mahal, give him strength.
She scooped some water over her wound, washing it while she bit her lip to endure the stinging. She hissed, scraping her fingers gingerly over the dirt wedged between the scabs. Thorin finally found the ability to move forward and he set himself down on the ground. He asked her for permission, hovering his hand over her shoulder. She nodded mutely, leaning back so that the base of her skull touched his knee.
Her hair was swept to the side to reveal the already bruising bite mark and all of the sudden Thorin felt disgusted at both the creature and himself. It had punctured her dainty skin and it would surely leave an ugly scar. The thought of having her flesh marred by the foul parasite was enough to make him clench his jaws once more.
His fingers ghosted over her wound and she let out an involuntary shiver.
" I'm ready."
He picked up the new needle, twirling the clean metal between his fingers to attach it to the string. He gave it an experimental pull, "Close your eyes."
She followed his instructions before he plunged the miniature blade under her skin. She yelled out a mute scream, writhing under him. The water rippled around them, distorting their reflections as it echoed down the stream. He did what she had done to him earlier; he crooned to her, leaning his head above her ear.
"Tell me a story," Thorin commanded.
She swallowed dryly, her hand gripping onto the rock that jutted out of the waters.
" Once upon a time, there were two brothers, Nolbu and Heungbu. Nolbu was rich but greedy. Heungbu was poor but generous. One day, Heungbu found a sparrow with a broken leg. He nursed the bird to health before releasing it. Later the sparrow brought three gourd seeds to Heungbu. The gourd became so big that when Heungbo cut it open a lot go gold coins came out. Nolbu saw this and felt envious, so he caught a sparrow and broke its leg. The poor bird ran away and later brought 3 gourd seeds. The seeds grew and Nolbu cut them open, but instead of gold all he got were demons, that tormented him until the end of his days."
Thorin didn't know what to reply to her story, but he knew that it had been a story of greed, perhaps all too fitting to tell to a dwarf. He did not know if she was conscious of the implication or if she was just reminiscing a childhood story, either way, he didn't stop his ministration. Memories of his father's gold sickness and Smaug's attack flashing before his mind.
" It was a story my father used to tell me before I go to sleep," She added as if she had read his mind and wanted to quickly fix her mistake.
She gasped as he pulled the string taut before mercilessly penetrating her again, the metal dripping with her blood. He realized that she was squirming too much, so he slithered his left hand to the opposite side of her shoulders, cradling the base of her chin in place. His entire hand covered her neck and she sighed, trying to steady herself.
"Can I ask you a question?" She asked almost too breathlessly.
He gave her a grunt.
" When we talked about the elves earlier," She sucked in a breath, opening her eyes," Do you think there's ever a way to reunite your kingdoms and end your disagreements ?"
" No," He replied dryly.
" Why not ?" She pressed on.
"Because I do not want to."
She tilted her head to look at him, "Alright, then tell me the different ways to create diplomacy."
He tightened the string, sewing the wound and her eyes flew shut. Her head lolled to the side to give him more access. Her wounds were deep and there were multiple of them, forcing him to spare her his mercy and dive deep into her skin. There was no other choice and he knew despite the tears forcibly falling down her lashes, she was not asking him to stop. He was asking her to not be gentle with her, from the way she was gripping his other arm for support.
"There are a few," He ignored the droplets of blood falling into the water, " There are trades, payments, marriages and more. Although, I highly doubt any of these will sway them. It will neither sway me to hand over my kingdom or my favor."
She paused at his words, her body rigid and brows furrowed in deep thought despite the metal working its way through her flesh.
" Marriage is used as diplomacy?" She repeated, twitching at another pull, " Does that mean arranged marriages ?"
" Aye," He nodded.
" I don't want to be rude," She chewed on her lips anxiously, " But does that mean that you might have to do that too, you know, marrying someone for diplomacy ?"
" You have a sharp mind, Lady Jin Ae," He replied nonchalantly and she swatted him on the side of his shoulder, causing him to stop his demonstration. She stared up at him with her beetle eyes, her lips pulled into a tight pout that demanded him to be serious with her.
" I'm sorry to hear that," She confessed genuinely, before turning her back to him.
"There is no need to feel sorry for me, "He continued, " It is what I owe to my people, nothing but a small price to pay."
She decided to divert their conversation and he figured out that she was more chatty when she's nervous, the words tumbling off her mouth like wildfire. Oddly enough he wasn't the slightest bit vexed as he listened to her voice.
She was beginning to adjust to his pace and she no longer jumped at every movement, the pain rolling off her in sweet sighs and sheepish laughter. He no longer finds himself worrying about getting caught anymore, having a difficult time to focus at anything other than the woman before him. Her breathy giggles and strangled humming however nearly drove him over the edge, making his head whirl.
She strangely reminded him of the stories his cousins would tell him in the ]far East, where sailors would catch mermaids in their nets. The stories were as impossible as they sound, stories about half women and half fish creatures that lure sailors into their deaths by drowning them. They were called sirens, if he remembered it well, beautiful and enticing creatures that will be the death of him.
She laughed once more, recalling a fond memory from her childhood.
Perhaps his cousins were right, how can he ever say no to her now, after he had seen the way she moves between the waters and under the moonlight. Only when he finally finished patching her wounds did she finally ask him, her voice almost fragile as they crawled out of her mouth.
" So you'd give it away ?" She spoke in a hushed tone, " You'd give up your heart for your duty ?"
Thorin never wanted to answer her, yet he knew that if he doesn't he'll forever doubt himself of his birthright. He imagines himself above an iron throne, wasting away with the castle walls with nothing but his forge burning underneath him. He also occasionally imagines himself with a woman in his bed, but they lay apart from one another as if their touch burns. Nothing more than a couple of strangers forced into diplomacy by their families and tied together by a sense of duty instead of unconditional love.
Was this what he was truly here for?
Was this the debt he owes?
There are rare moments where he imagines neither. When after a few pints of ale he is not conscious to hold back his dreams and in his sleep he envisions himself having the life his sister has. In his dream, the weight of the crown was almost meaningless as they lay above his head. In the mornings, he'd despise himself for his wishful thinking, as he knows it is a dream not worth chasing.
Yet, he was only a man and he could not help but wonder what if he had a choice?
When he told her 'yes' she didn't reply with her usual quips, she stayed silent as if she had missed his answer. The fresh stitches on her shoulder gleamed red above the waters and the shadows of the night hid what's beneath the wicked curves of her collarbones.
She stared at him like a creature of the night, full of emotions he could not comprehend.
Only a few nights ago did she stared at him as if he was the last thing she'd like to bestow her eyes upon, as if he was a vile creature; no better than the one that had attacked her. He could still recall their bickering and nights where it was impossible for them to go near one another without debating over petty matters. How wicked are the gods' sense of humour to make him so fond of a woman he initially despised?
They stayed there for what felt like an eternity, until she ducked her head to wrap her arms around herself, submerging her body further into the water until it bordered over the bride of her nose. Her eyes peeking out at him in what he perhaps have mistaken as an invitation. The warmth blooming under her bottom lashes matched the colour of the flowers scattered around them; the crimson lilacs singing a secret song with the wind.
" Well," She challenged, showing him her teeth," Try not to fall in love with me then."
" That is no challenge my lady," He smiled at her.
It was only then in the confines of his bedroll did images of her plagued his dreams; her rosy lips, the curve of her back and the dried tears staining her cheeks. He could also hear her vibrant laughter and dreamy sighs as he imagined his hands running down the expanse of her battered skin, soothing the wounds off her flesh.
He was right; it was no challenge when he finds himself losing, much to his horror.