Author's Notes: And just to make up for the fact that it's been a horribly long gap…here you get fourteen pages! A good portion of which were written with rythmteck! I love collaboration… There will be more Kendra, don't worry. Just a lot of Alex this time around.

Disclaimer: PotC is still not mine. Though I'm half afraid of what the next two movies are going to be like…sequels do have a tendency to go wrong.

Chapter 20: Scoldings

"And would you care to explain why you don't have the little missy with you?" Colin looked to his son with narrowed eyes. Alex was far less cheery and had gone silent when Colin had asked about Kendra. Obviously something had gone very wrong.

"I supposed you could give me the best advice," Alex sighed, sitting comfortably in the kitchen at near two in the morning, nibbling on the remnants of his mother's day of work. He was wracked with anxiety, but he couldn't let this show. It felt wrong to be so nervous in his own mother's kitchen. "We had a falling out of sorts."

"And how did you contribute to this? You didn't hit the lass? No, you're not of that temperament." Colin leaned back in his chair and thought. "You didn't start the argument, did you?"

"No, we never actually argued. So I'm not entirely sure what I did to upset her."

Colin eyed his son and leaned forward, setting his huge palms on the table. "You had her, didn't you?"

"What?" Alex felt the blush start to rise on his cheeks. He didn't know why he was so embarrassed. Plenty of his crew talked of their conquests and it had been weeks since Kendra had left him.

"You did." Colin's expression hardened. "And what of it? Speak up."

"What's to say?"

He shook his head. "Details, son."

"I don't need to give you details," he spat, getting to his feet. "I'm not a child anymore."

"Alex." His eyes narrowed. "If you want my help, you'll sit down and give details." He waited until Alex did as he said. "I'm not asking for all of the movements and sensations. I know of those well enough. What I need to know is the before and after. Did she ever cry out in pain? Did you not listen? Were you too harsh? Those are the things that will determine how a woman thinks of it in the future."

Alex nodded. "We were a little drunk, but only two bottles between us. But she wanted it. She even started it." He stopped, not really knowing or wanting to say any more.

Colin rubbed his forehead. "And any noises?"

"I thought you knew how it went, Father. There was noise."

"Any of pain?"

"I shouldn't think so. Not that I remember anyway. I wasn't hurting her, I know that."

Colin looked to Alex from under his hand. "And this was her first time?"

"As far as I know," Alex leaned back. "Kendra had never been kissed before. I truly doubt she'd go and sleep with a bloke."

"Then there would have been pain."

"What?" Alex raised an eyebrow. "I didn't hurt Kendra. I would never do that."

Colin closed his eyes and let out a breath. "I can't explain it. I only know that there's supposed to be some kind of pain the night a woman loses her virginity. There was blood on the sheets, wasn't there?"

"There might have been," Alex sighed. "I was more distressed about her absence as well as my absent clothing."

"What are you men talking about? When were you running around nude, Alex?" Ann leaned on the doorway and crossed her arms. "Surely you're not telling conquest stories in such dreadful tones."

"It's not conquest," Colin waved her over. "It's the reason the little missy isn't here."

Ann's expression darkened and she came over, taking her own seat. "What did you do, Alex?"

"Why does everyone blame me? It's not like Kendra hasn't broken a few laws or been cruel before. She's handed out her fair share of harm and I haven't even given her a bruise!"

"Well then," Ann set her hands on the table and interlaced her fingers, looking to him expectantly. "Do tell what happened."

Alex looked to Colin before returning his attention to his mother. "Kendra and I became intimate-"

"You made love."

"Well, yes." His arm jerked up and he tried to ease his mood by running his fingers through his hair. It ended up more like sudden startled movements tangling his already tousled hair. "She wanted it though. It was perfectly consensual."

"And had you been pressing her for it?"

He raised an eyebrow, then found his mind wandering to the last few sessions of kissing he'd had with Kendra. Perhaps his mother had a point, but he'd rather not admit to it. Kendra had been perfectly amiable. He'd never forced her. "I was affectionate if that's what you mean."

"How were you affectionate," Ann leaned forward. "Was it soft and romantic? Or heavy and lustful?"

"I was always gentle," he began, only to be cut off by Ann again.

"Answer the question, Alex."

He lowered his eyes. "I'll be honest, we were usually gasping for air afterwards."

"So, lustful then."

Alex glared at her. "It was love, Mother. I care for Kendra, not just her body."

"Ah, but did you tell her that? Even if you thought she knew by your actions, you need to voice it in some fashion."

"I've told her numerous times that I care for her. I don't want her to be ill, I'm looking out for her. Things like that. I've said them many times."

"Ah, friendship then."

"No," he leaned back again. "Friends don't kiss like we did."

"So friendship in word, but lovers in deed."

He felt his blush rising again. Why did his mother have to get involved? She only made the whole situation much more embarrassing. Colin, of course, was silent and examining the grain of the table intently.

"So it began friendly," Ann cleared her throat to regain everyone's attention. "How did it end?"

"As it's supposed to, I would think." Alex fidgeted in his seat. This was not what he had expected to talk to his mother about. Least of all tonight.

"Details, Alex."

"It felt great, we curled up together and went to sleep. I woke up alone, with a knife and note in her place."

Colin lifted his face. "She left a knife there? No doubt the note wasn't affectionate."

"It was cold," Alex sighed. "She said that I should be proud to have accomplished my goal and we were never to be associated again."

"Your goal?" Ann asked. "What goal is this?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. That was all it said. I'd never mentioned any goals to her."

Colin looked to Ann and then back to Alex. "Kendra seems rather temperamental. She ever mentioned her opinion on whores?"

"Quite adamantly against them," Alex sighed. "She took one comment of mine too far earlier and gave me that black eye for it. She jumps to that conclusion with ease." He paused and looked to Ann. "She couldn't have thought that. I never treated her like that."

"Any careless words afterwards? That's a time when Kendra would no doubt be very vulnerable. Did you say anything?"

"I might have," Alex thought back to that time, finding the memories all rather confusing. "I was a little drunk, but so was she. I likely commented on it, but I can't remember what I said."

"Women are notorious for taking things out of context and manipulating them so they sound terrible or grand," Colin sighed. "No offense intended, Ann. You know that, dearest?"

"I agree with that statement," she leaned onto the table and shook her head. "You should talk to Winn or Cat. They know Kendra far better than I. And they know that lifestyle more than I do. But you'll need to be careful the next time you see Kendra. If she's as much like Winn as you say then she could ignore your existence or want your blood."

"That's encouraging," Alex said, getting to his feet. "I'm exhausted. See you in the morning."

"No thanks?" Colin stood and yawned. "We did just wake up in the middle of the night to discuss you and Kendra."

He let out a heavy breath, shaking his head. "Thanks, and good night." Alex wandered to his room and laid out on his bed, staring at the ceiling and sighing. "Where are you, Venus?"

Alex exited his family's inn and waited for his eyes to adjust to the bright noonday sun. He'd slept in as he always did, but he felt more tired than usual. His talk with his parents likely didn't help any. Not in any way he could tell, at least. Though perhaps if he let himself think about things without getting agitated at the idea that he was largely to blame… He shook his head. He needed to think. To accept. To make a plan of action.

Finding Kendra was getting hopeless, though he had to remind himself it had only been a month since she'd disappeared. There was time yet. He couldn't give up. He narrowed his eyes as he saw a familiar figure in the distance.

It was Winn. Weighed down with a few wrapped bundles. He froze and couldn't decide if he should go help her or stay out of sight. She could use the help, but he wasn't sure if he'd be asking for an interrogation - which would likely turn into a scolding - about Kendra's absence.

He might have escaped unnoticed if Winn hadn't been tangled up in her daughter's leading string. Meredith was toddling rather proficiently these days, and preferred her faltering steps to her mother's arms. She never strayed far though, and often managed to wrap Winn up like a Christmas package. And the only way to get untangled was to turn around in circles. It was on one of these revolutions that Winn looked up and spied her friend. She waved, then finished trying to free herself from her daughter's diabolical clutches.

Alex forced a smile and put up a hand in greeting. Too late to flee now. Maybe Winn wouldn't scold him, though that was as likely as Kendra running back to him. "Having a bit of trouble there, are we Freddy?" He walked over and allowed himself to laugh. Meredith really had her mother wrapped around her finger, especially since she was walking - or toddling anyway.

"Ha ha. Catch Mere for me, would you? She thinks I'm playing some kind of game and keeps going around me."

"Sure thing," he snatched up the grinning toddler and held her in his arms.

"Unca!" the child declared, her little hands bracketing his chin. She seemed supremely unconcerned that she was probably going to spend the rest of the trip in someone's arms.

Alex merely laughed and ruffled up her hair. "Feisty lil' girl, aren't you? If I'm not mistaken she wasn't walking last time I saw her."

"I think Pige would be happy if she still wasn't walking, considering her first steps were taken while clinging to her tail." Winn looked around as if to ensure she had everything, or to check to see if she'd brought her pet or not.

Alex cringed. "And I'm sure Mere is quite glad that Pige is too even tempered to bite."

"I know I am. I'd hate to part with her." She stooped to pick up a small package of hard biscuits she'd dropped. Mere was teething and when it came to quieting her complaining cries, these seemed to do the trick. She'd forever be grateful to Jack for discovering that, even if it had been by accident. "Have you been sleeping well? There're circles under your eyes." Once again put together, Winn noticed how wan her friend looked.

"Just a bit rough at sea," he shrugged. "Got in late last night."

"Oh, yes. I noticed that. I think it must have delayed Jack. He was supposed to be back by now." Winn sighed. "Mind carrying Mere? I'm done with my shopping for the time being." There was so much relief in Winn's voice that Alex couldn't help but laugh. Winn grumbled, but that was about the extent of her reaction.

"It'd be a pleasure, m'lady Freddy." He mimicked a bow and repositioned Mere a little to hold her easier. "How have things been going here? Anything exciting or scintillating?"

Winn chattered away about her family and locals, managing to inform him of one fire, one shotgun wedding, and one case of a rampaging lobster. Before long, they reached the wagon Winn usually took to town and back. It was loaded down with foodstuffs, art supplies, and other unnamable packages. "Do you have any pressing engagements or can you join me for supper?"

"Oh, nothing too pressing. Sure you've got enough food to feed me? I am a growing boy you know," Alex winked, smirking down at Mere and making a face at her - resulting in the girl giggling and grabbing at his face.

"Sideways perhaps," Winn returned tartly. "Though you don't seem to be in any danger of that at the moment."

"Hard times," he said around Mere's fingers. Was he really getting that thin? He'd have to remember to eat more - Kendra's absence was affecting his physical appearance more than he thought.

"You mean people have lost their tastes for all the expensive trivialities that make life worth living?" Since Winn didn't think highly of people who couldn't live without their silk, expensive cigars, or French brandy, there was a dose of sarcasm in her voice.

"Pirates are getting more crafty," he managed to free himself, sticking out his tongue at Mere. "Still plenty of customers, no danger of that dying out yet."

"You've been hit?" Winn glanced back at the harbor but the Fortune's Run wasn't immediately within sight.

"Not recently, but I've had to be more careful. Been getting more reports of it," Alex smiled. How deep this half-truth would go, he wasn't sure.

"So I've heard. Though I'm usually more interested in the activities of naval ships." Winn clambered up into her seat and waited for Alex to climb in too.

"Understandably," Alex handed over Mere and then got in, taking the reins. "Homeward ho, m'lady?" he grinned and flicked the reins, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Is there a reason you're taking charge?" she asked with a raised brow as she turned her concentration to keeping Meredith in the wagon.

He raised an eyebrow in return and glanced over. "Isn't it the man's job to take charge? Propriety demands a lady sit back and enjoy the soft life. Didn't you get the notice?"

"Ha! You know me better than that."

He snapped a finger. "I knew I'd forgotten something."

"Very funny. I just hope Kendra appreciates your sense of humor more than I do."

Alex stiffened and knew it was too late to recall that reaction. So he shrugged. "I get more bruises than kisses, pity that it is."

Winn turned in her seat so she could better see his face. "What is it?"

"Nothing to worry yourself about," he waved a hand.

"It's enough for you to try to brush the subject aside," she observed mildly.

Alex closed his eyes and let out a breath. He'd been hoping to avoid this. "She left me."

"I take it you mean she didn't just decide to go back to her own ship because she's got a life outside of you that she can't just let go to seed."

"No, there's a tad bit more to it than that, unfortunately." He shifted uncomfortably, trying to find the best words. "We had a falling out of sorts."

Winn sighed. "You can tell me all about it once we get to my house. We'll have a few free hours before Kit comes home for dinner."

Alex nodded and focused on the road. He wasn't sure if he should feel glad or anxious when they reached Winn's home. He busied himself with unloading the supplies. He knew his silence was a bad sign, but he honestly didn't know what to say.

Winn laid Meredith down for her nap, retrieved Pigeon from hiding, then started to sort her purchases. Most would go into the pantry or in the root cellar, but there were clothes for Meredith, and a few new shirts for Jack that would need to be washed and hung out to dry before they could be worn.

When she was done, she directed Alex to take the last packages into her studio, then put on the kettle and started preparing a tray for tea.

Alex reluctantly exited the studio, dreading the conversation ahead of him. What did he have to fear? Winn and he had been friends for a long time, she would listen. She would probably even know the best way to win Kendra back. Or at least get her to let him track her down. If she didn't wring his neck first. He sat down across from Winn and kept his eyes on the floor.

Winn took one look at his face and knew things were bad. No one looked that hangdog without reason. "What happened, Alex? You look like you've had your heart broken."

"Along with trampled on and dragged all around the Caribbean." He leaned back and closed his eyes. "I don't know what I did, but obviously it was something terrible." He sighed. "She left a knife in the pillow, Winn. Threw my clothes out the window, left me in the dust." He put a hand over his eyes.

"Do you have any idea why she'd be so upset? I mean, the few times I've considered throwing Jack's clothing out the window…" Winn ground to a stop, and then her eyes narrowed. "You didn't."

Alex pulled his hand away. Winn's tone was murderous. "What?"

"Don't ask 'what.' You know perfectly well what I'm asking about!" Ooohh...if he'd just casually slept with one of her friends without making his reasons...actually, his reasons didn't matter. She didn't want him sleeping with her friends.

Alex felt himself stiffen. How could he have forgotten Winn's opinion on pre-marital sex? "I-" he cut himself off. "It was consensual. She was the one to even suggest it. I swear it!"

"So? What's your point? You couldn't say no?" Winn looked disgusted. "Of course not, you're a man."

Alex sat up and narrowed his eyes. "Rejecting her would only have made things worse. You don't know how hard it's been to get Kendra to even let me touch her. She'd had a rough day, she deserved a bit of fun, Winn. Ye Gods, you should have seen how tense she was after Peter nearly mutinied-"

"Oh, so now sex is the answer to everything!"

"I wasn't saying that!" Alex got to his feet and balled his hands into fists. "Kendra's touchy enough about feeling like a woman, let alone looking beautiful. If I'd said no then-" he cut himself off and let out a huff. "She would have thought I was calling her ugly, Winn."

"And you're so thick-headed that you couldn't have sat her down and said, 'Kendra, I care for you too much than to take advantage of you while you're hurting?'" Winn threw up her hands then collapsed back into her chair. "Well obviously the both of you have managed to make a mess of things."

"All right, all right, I was distracted. It's a bit hard not to be when she's shoving a bottle of rum my way and being affectionate. She's intoxicating, Winn. I couldn't-it's," he sighed and sat down.

"There was rum?" Winn's voice was quiet but the fact that she didn't like what she was hearing was coming through loud and clear.

Her tone made him tense. "She suggested it."

"And you agreed." Winn looked up at him. "So in hindsight she thinks she needs to get you drunk to...assure your affections."

"I was plenty affectionate without being drunk," Alex stiffened. "Look, I don't understand what was going through her head. One moment she wants to have free reign of my body and the next she won't let me touch her." Alex put up his hands. "I admit it, I don't understand the female mind. But she can't have thought I needed to be drunk, I'm sure of that. It was usually her pushing me away, not the other way around."

"You'd be amazed at what the female mind is capable of thinking," Winn muttered. "What led up to this again?"

"She'd been doing some serious thinking about us," he leaned back. "Then we were out and about and she saw her ship. Her crew was glad to see her, but then one of her crew, Peter, made a few smart remarks and she took him to task for it. He'd doubted her authority and she snapped at him. Beat him thoroughly with the blade and then we went back to the inn. I took her to my room to calm down and the next thing I know she's…" he felt his cheeks start to darken.

"That would be the excitement and rush from winning her fight," Winn muttered to herself. Then she asked him, "And just what did you say to one another? I don't mean the...you know what I don't want to hear," she flustered. "But there had to have been some meaningful words exchanged."

"You're going to that conclusion, too?" Alex sighed. "I was drunk, I admit it. We didn't talk until afterwards and my memory's all fuzzy." He shrugged. "I probably said it was great, she was beautiful…" Alex shrugged again. "Like I said, it's all fuzzy."

"So you're telling me that not once did you express that you cared for her? That you love her? And I'm going to assume that you love her, because if you don't -"

Alex opened his mouth and then closed it, glancing to the side. "I suppose not."

"So what you're telling me is that the two of you…" Winn flapped her hands in a manner very reminiscent of her husband. "And not only that, but Kendra wasn't thinking too clearly due to her fight and presumable to being hurt by a member of her crew who betrayed her trust. And you yourself were drunk. And never once did either of you discuss that this was something special to you both. Not to mention that Kendra probably woke up, realized what had happened, how it'd happened, and discovered she wasn't who she thought she was. And possibly thought you weren't who she thought you were."

"Her note did say to congratulate me on achieving my goal," Alex muttered, slumping forward and resting his head in his hands.

"So I think we can both agree that she thinks that all you wanted was to bed her."

"I still can't believe she'd think that," he sighed. "How do you women tick?"

"Did you do anything - besides not convey your undying love and respect," this aside was supremely sarcastic, "to make her think this was nothing but sport to you? Were you gentle with her? Did you give her time to...to adjust?" Winn's cheeks were pink with embarrassment, but if he'd been a complete clod, that could explain some things.

"I didn't push her," Alex said. "I bought her things, I gave her space when she looked uncomfortable or asked for it. But I, no, we both got…" he felt his own cheeks start to darken and he cleared his throat. "We like to be affectionate."

"No. Not your behavior in general. While you two were in bed." Her words were short and sharp because she'd very much like to get this part of the conversation over with.

"I didn't hurt her," he stiffened. "I'm quite sure she was a virgin, so," he cleared his throat. "That hurt, I'd think, but I don't know." Alex let out a breath. "I was gentle as far as I know."

"Hmph. Yes, I'm sure you and your rum addled mind were very good judges of your behavior," she muttered.

"Look," Alex sighed. "Kendra wouldn't have been willing to listen to me if I started expressing feelings verbally. She wouldn't even admit to my family that we were anything. And there wasn't a threat of her losing her authority there. She just…" he sighed. "She refused to acknowledge anything was there if anyone else was anywhere nearby. And even when it was just me," he shook his head.

"Then you two shouldn't have slept together!" Winn exploded.

"I realize that now!" he hissed, letting out a heavy breath. "Somehow I think Jack would rather prefer this situation compared to his wedding night. Now that, Winn, was a piece of work."

"That," she all but growled, "is not the point. But at least I realized what I wasn't ready for. And if you now realize that perhaps you both rushed things, why are you acting as if you can't figure out what went wrong?"

"Well, I'd like to talk to Kendra, but she won't let me. Winn, you should see the route she's taking. I can't make a pattern out of it! She won't let me catch up to her." He let out a heavy breath. "I wake up and just hope that she'll be there. But she never is." Alex ran his hands through his hair. "I know I screwed up, all right Winn? But what do I do now? I'm half afraid she'll run me through the next time she sees me."

"Yes, well, I'd make sure to give her a good talking to at your funeral. This nearly is as much her fault as it is yours. But you had the most experience, so I'm blaming you the most." Winn sighed. "As for what to do? Think long and hard about what you're going to tell her the moment you see her again - and it'd best be along the lines of how you love her more than life itself and can't imagine never being able to have her by your side for eternity - and wait. Because she's not going to let you find her until she wants you to." Winn paused, then added, "And a lot of prayer might not hurt."

"Right, prayer," Alex scoffed and slumped again. "Is this normal, Winn?"

"Is what normal? To make such a mess of your personal life?"

"Feeling this miserable," he let out a soft laugh. "I was half tempted to not even approach you today. I knew it would come to this if I saw you."

"You're asking me? I moped for two weeks before you decided to toss me off your ship."

"If I remember right, it was Jack who came and threw you over his shoulder."

"You're the one who dropped anchor so he'd catch up faster."

Alex shrugged. "I could see heartbreak when I saw it. Now I just wish I didn't know what it felt like."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," Winn comforted since she was still just a bit peeved with him.

"I guess I really do deserve the title of 'cad' now." Alex shook his head. "I hate patience."

Winn was going to reply when the front door burst open. "What's this? Not only is there no light in the window to call me home but my wife's consorting with other men in my own home?"

"Jack!" Winn jumped up to give her husband a hug. He would have preferred a bit more action, but she was conscious of their audience.

"Thompson. Good to see you. You were leaving, were you?"

Alex had been starting to stand, but stopped as Winn spoke.

Winn stepped back and fixed a stern look on her husband. "If he leaves, you have to wash the supper dishes, Jack."

"Good to see you, too, Jack," Alex forced a smile.

"Thompson, always glad to have you around!"

He shook his head. "Enjoy the rough waters?"

"Not particularly. We had to survive on hardtack and cold meat." Jack grimaced. "I've been longing for something hot, even if it is Winnie's cooking." He dodged Winn's blow, then hung up his hat, coat, sword, and pistol. "What about you? Looks like you could use some shut eye."

"Oh, just reveling in the joys of being a git."

"You too, eh? I take it that means all's going well between you and my former cabin boy."

Winn rolled her eyes. "Jack, when will you learn to keep your nose out of other people's relationships? Go find your daughter and wake her up, if you'd be so kind." Jack left the room, and she called after him, "And change her if she's dirty!" Grumbles met that, but Jack didn't have time to further quiz either of them about Kendra.

"Thanks for that," Alex sighed. "I can't wait to hear his reaction to the news."

"As if it's any of his business," Winn muttered, then she sighed. "I guess I better get supper started. Will you be staying?"

"Only if you want me to. I know that one of the dinner party would rather that I left, but I must admit that…" he sighed. "I don't relish going home to my scowling parents."

"You're free to stay. After all, parents of young children do not get to retire immediately after the evening meal." A small smile softened Winn's lips. "Jack will want to spend time exclaiming over his daughter in any case."

"I think I'll stay, then." He got to his feet. "Anything I can do to help?"

"I've got a pile of vegetables with your name on them. And it's about time to throw them in with the roast. Grab a knife." Winn pulled on an apron and started pulling out ingredients to make biscuits.

"With pleasure," he managed to locate a knife and quickly set to work. Being raised in a family that ran an inn had its benefits.

The next morning Alex leaned his head back against the building and let out a slow breath. Winn's reaming was still running through his head. Jack had shooed Alex off after dinner and he'd had a long walk home to think over what had been said. And now all he wanted to do was talk to Kendra. He'd run through thousands of different things he could say to apologize. Alex had even considered how to express his love for her - something he hadn't imagined doing. Perhaps running into Winn had been a good thing. It certainly was getting him moving again. His parents had left him alone, which he was grateful for, and he'd managed to escape out of doors, but hadn't wandered any further than a few feet past the front door of the inn. He sure hoped he didn't look like a lost vagabond looking for spare change.

Untold minutes later, a hand clapped him on the shoulder and a rough voice said, "Com'on, Thompson. I'll buy you a drink. Looks like you could use it."

Alex opened one eye. "Seems you had a good night's rest, Sparrow." He eased himself off the wall and stretched. "Why the sudden generosity?"

"Funny story, that." Once Alex was moving, Jack dropped his hand and put it back up to balance his daughter on his shoulders. "Last night Winnie was nodding off over her book. So I put Mere to bed and came back and asked Winnie if she was ready to go to bed. She immediately charged me with being a selfish, blackhearted scoundrel and accused me of trying to push her to do things she wasn't ready to do. Needless to say, the rest of it came out in short order."

Alex stiffened. "So you know then." He paused and looked over at Jack. "She thought you pushed Kendra into it?"

"What?" Jack pulled his hair out of Mere's tight grip. "No. Winn thought I was trying to bully her into bed or something."

"Oh," Alex shook his head. "Sorry. Everything seems to relate to Kendra with me. And then I just feel miserable again." His smile faded. "Waxing poetic again, sorry."

"I understand, mate. I understand." Jack stopped in front of a thoroughly disreputable pub, then walked inside, making sure to duck down so Meredith would clear the doorway.

"Is it really the best idea to bring Mere in here?" Alex glanced up at the happy toddler. "I doubt Winn would condone this."

"Can't leave her outside, can I? Besides, what Winnie doesn't know won't hurt me."

"True," Alex nodded and found an empty table, seating himself and glancing over the establishment. He hated being so quiet, but he found it difficult to think of what to say. This never happened. Usually he was brimming with conversation.

"So, want to tell me what really happened?" Jack asked after he'd ordered two mugs of rum. "All I got out of Winnie was some garbled story that I didn't have the patience to put up with in the first place. Silly woman." The look on his face was one of fondness no matter what he said. "She should know better than to talk to me about serious matters on my first night back in port."

Alex let out a half laugh. "Kendra had a rough day. Her crew nearly mutinied. Well, not really. One of her crew mouthed off to her and Kendra took it to the extreme. Reaffirmed her captainship and then stormed back to port. I tried to calm her down and…" he shrugged. "She got us both drunk and I woke to a knife in the pillow next to me. The rest is all a blur."

"Ahh…" Jack muttered sagely. "I've been there. Not anytime recently, but I've been there. Luckily the knife wasn't stuck someplace more delicate."

"Indeed," Alex sighed and rubbed his temples. "Winn gave me a thorough scolding when she found out yesterday. She thinks I wasn't delicate enough with the topic and pushed the issue. Let alone that I hadn't expressed my feelings for her." He let out a sigh. "This is all forgetting the fact that Kendra would have laughed at me or given me a black eye for daring to say that."

"Women. There's no winning with them, Thompson. You just gotta learn to take the lumps. Though I agree that a lack of prose on your immortal love for the lass might have helped smooth things over afterwards."

"I'm sure I would've been plenty poetic had I been given the chance. By the time I woke up she'd been gone for five or six hours." He sighed. "Shipped out with her crew and I've been trying to trail her, but blast it all. She's impossible to follow. No pattern to it at all."

"What's that island the French fluff lives on again?" Jack asked suddenly.

"San Salvador. My sister lives there as well. I'd get wind of her going there as soon as humanly possible. Janette happens to be friends with my sister, too. I doubt Kendra could keep herself hidden from Olivia."

"Good thinking. But you probably would have heard if she'd taken a berth there."

He nodded. "From what I can tell, she's going to ports she hadn't frequented before. She's all over the place."

Jack shook his head, pulled Mere out of the path of a passing man who may or may not have been a fellow pirate, and drained the rest of his rum. "You say Winn gave you a dressing down?"

"Oh yes. Likely was part of the reason you got scolded last night. I set off her bad mood." He sighed. "Accusations right and left. The usual arguments. I couldn't resist because I'm a man, sex apparently fixes everything, the whole lot."

"Better you than me," Jack said unsympathetically. "Though I was the one that had to sweeten her mood."

"My apologies," Alex took a sip of his rum. "Any ideas of how to track her down? Winn seems sure that Kendra won't let me find her until she wants me to, but I'm sure between the two of us perhaps we can figure out some sort of ploy."

"I dunno, mate." Jack sighed. "A map would help. Want to head to my ship or yours?"

"Yours, I think. My crew's seen me moping enough as is." He drank most of his rum in one big gulp.

"I was hopin' you'd say that. I'm still tryin' to get Mere acclimated to bein' on ship. I finally got Winn to agree to livin' on the Pearl for part of the year starting after the lass's birthday."

"Doesn't have her sea legs yet?" he smiled and finished the rest of his drink. "Hope she doesn't have much in her stomach."

"Doesn't have her land legs yet," Jack said as he eyed his progeny. "It's in her blood though. I'm sure she'll manage."

"She'll be fine. She's a Sparrow and a Morgan. Can't go wrong there," he stood and laughed.

Near a month had passed before Kendra let down her guard in the least. And it was not by choice. Her body had simply grown physically tired, far more than usual. She figured it was from the high level of tension necessary to keep herself guarded. Instead of closing her eyes and sleeping for a mere five hours she slept for a full nine. None of her crew bothered her, they knew she needed the sleep and held nothing against her. And this way they would not have to be on her bad side for waking her.

The crew was shocked at her retransformation. When they had last seen her - before she left with Alex - she'd been weak, unbalanced and far more compassionate than the captain she'd become. Suspicions were everywhere, including bets about what exactly Captain Thompson had done to cause this. Let alone how many pieces she'd cut him into. Or what type of torture she'd made him suffer before it.

Needless to say, rumors were rampant.

While none of the crew dared to voice their worries about what effects it was having on Kendra, all of them knew that fear was the underlying spark to the rumors. It was a covert way of spreading information gathered about their wary captain. And she was used to pointless gossip. Small bits could be slipped in here and there, then spread to the rest of the crew, all without Kendra knowing. Or so they hoped. She'd surprised them before, they only hoped she wouldn't in this case.

The crew was too scared of her wrath to confront Kendra, but Finnan was tired of her behavior. He knew she could beat him - nay, kill him - if she chose, but he believed their friendship would keep him alive or at least mostly unharmed. Every conversation had ended with him being dismissed. She would discuss business and the affairs of the crew, but never would allow the subject of her own personal life to be broached. Even if business had not been concluded, he was shushed and sent out of the room. Obviously, the wound Thompson had caused was very deep. And very personal.

Finnan had his suspicions, but he would not allow them to stay as such any longer. Whether she liked it or not, they were going to talk. About Thompson if he could manage it. And if not him, they would discuss Kendra herself. She'd confided in him many times previous, which made her silence worry him. People needed to confide in others, to trust at least one person. And who was Kendra trusting now?

He found her door unlocked, likely by her exhaustion. Finnan entered carefully, closing the door and locking it behind him. Disturbances would not be allowed. Kendra was sound asleep in her bed, the exhaustion still evident on her face. It had nearly been ten hours since she'd gone to her cabin and for all accounts, she'd gone straight to bed. Silvia had been glad of the fact, captains who slept were the best in her mind. And if that were the case, Finnan assumed she'd gotten her fill of sleep for the day. There was no better time to broach the dreaded subject. They would soon reach the midpoint of the Caribbean. They could decide if they would visit the Morgans - and possibly Thompson - or if pirating would continue and they would head back to San Salvador.

Waiting for Kendra unnerved Finnan and he bore it for no more than a half hour, using the time to compose himself and choose the particular words that would spark Kendra in just the right manner. He only hoped she wouldn't shoot him right as she woke up.

"Ken? Kendra?" he set a hand on her shoulder, shaking her a little. "Oi, Captain. Wake up."

"Wha?" Kendra sat up, looking around her surroundings before straightening and rubbing her face to wake herself up. "What's the matter? Crew need me?"

"We need to talk, Ken." Finnan leaned forward. "And ye're not gettin' out of it this time."

Kendra narrowed her eyes. "What right do you have to demand a conversation of me? My words are mine. And mine alone."

"I'm only talkin' about yer sanity, here. And all of ours. We's worried about ye. When ye left ye was all vulnerable and now ye come back harder than a diamond. What happened to the captain who had mercy? Inspired the crew to be stronger and better than all the others? Where'd she go?"

"She never existed," Kendra said, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes. "I do believe you have overstayed yourself. Get back to your duties, Finn. I'll be out soon enough. And I'll let this outburst of yours slide, but only this once."

"No," Finnan held his ground and crossed his own arms. "I won't let ye push me away again. I know ye have a knife under yer pillow, but ye won't use it on me. It'd look too suspicious. And ye'd need a new first mate then. And ye aren't sure who's ye'd pick anyway."

"There are times I wish I'd never found you," she looked away. "And what did you want to talk about? The weather? Me starving again? I'm doing it less often, I'll have you know."

"Ah, but ye work twice as hard to make up for it. Still more scrawny than I like, but ye've got a bit more meat to yer gut. But it's not that I came for. It's about Thompson." When he saw her tense he knew this conversation would be hard to continue. "I don't know what happened between ye and I'm not sure it's me business. But as a member of yer crew, as yer first mate, and one of yer best friends, Ken, please, tell me what's the matter with ye? Standin' still is impossible for ye. Jokes aren't any fun. Everyone's afraid ye'll rip them to shreds for a mistake. And all we do is pilfer, pillage, and raid. No fun, no games. No chances to simply sit and talk. It's all business now. Not that we don't mind the full pockets, but it's not healthy. 'Tis not healthy at all."

"You know the rules, Finn."

"What is said in this room, stays in this room."

"Aye." She lowered her face, forcing back the torrent of emotions that threatened to loose themselves. "He cut me deep, Finn. Deeper than anyone ever has before."

"And how did he cut ye? Obviously wasn't no knife involved."

"Deep, Finn. He went deep," she looked to him out of the corner of her eyes, knowing a tear was going to escape, yet she was powerless to stop it.

His eyes opened wide. "No. Never. He wouldn't…" he trailed off and scooted his chair closer. "But ye would'a killed a man for rapin' ye, I know ye better than that. But ye-" He gasped, "Ye let him." Kendra's silence was answer enough. "Oh, Ken."

Finn sat on the bed and pulled her close, crushing her against him. "And ye didn't have the heart to tell anyone. Not even me." He loosened his grip for a moment. "Were ye drunk?"

"He was, but I told him to get the rum."

"And afterwards? He didn't skip out, did he?"

"No."

Finn raised an eyebrow. "He suddenly stop touchin' ye? Just go to his side a'the bed and snore away?"

"No."

Finn's voice lowered a little. "Did he use ye?"

Kendra could not stop her lip from shaking. Nor could she manage a vocal answer. But Finnan understood well enough. He pulled her close to him again and rubbed her back.

"Shhh, Ken. He's far away now and ye got a whole crew of sea rats willin' to rip any man limb from limb for ye. He can't hurt ye no more."

"I trusted him," she sobbed. "And he got all he wanted. I didn't," she gasped for air, "I didn't hold back with him."

"He'll learn his lesson, Ken. No doubt 'bout that. Just let yerself settle. Shh, easy. I'll be here as long as ye want."

"Thanks, Finn," she clutched his shirt and hid her tears against his chest.

"Friend to the end, Ken. And it ain't no end yet. Ain't no end."

Reviewers! I have no forgotten you! Just…gotten really busy, gotten a boyfriend, school has gotten way crazier…Utah's becoming a frozen wasteland…etc, etc. And I just discovered that apparently I can reply to signed reviews via So we'll see how that goes… anonymous reviews will still get replies here, I suppose. If the other way doesn't work, I'll repost with replies. Happy Turkey Day to all!

rythmteck: Silly Kendra indeed. But who ever said she knew how to handle this "love/relationship" thing? And I'm so very glad your mind started whirring with ideas. It was great to collaborate again! Perhaps we can do it again later…hm?

LilaElensar: Trust me: DON'T LIVE THROUGH MY CHARACTERS. Bad idea overall. Especially since I make their pasts terrible, then throw them some terrible curveballs during the stories…

The DuTchess of Doom: Always glad to oblige you. But yes, Kendra's good at building up that wall again. At least it's getting broken down a little bit…