Chapter Twenty-One: This Ain't a Fairy Tale

Once I got home that night, I made dinner for Ryan and I and tried not to think about the stupid thing I'd just done. Sure I thought Charlotte should have been there with the family, but who was I to go and yell at her? I just hoped that Edward would somehow find it in himself to understand and not totally rip me apart for what I did.

"Mama?" Ryan asked as I tucked him into bed.

"Yes, baby?"

"Where did you go today?" He asked.

"I went with your daddy somewhere."

"Where?" I took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say to this little guy. He didn't know Victoria super well, but it was still something I wasn't sure how to explain. And I really didn't want to scare him by telling him that someone's mom wasn't coming home.

"Your dad and I were at the hospital today," I sighed.

"Are you sick?"

"No, sweetie, neither of us are sick," I smiled at him. "But your Aunt Victoria was sick."

"Clara's mommy?"

"Yeah, Clara's mommy," I bit my lip. "Honey, Aunt Victoria was very sick and...she passed away."

"Passed away?"

"She died, kiddo."

"Like Mufasa?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah," I nodded gently and I wished I could have read his mind at that moment.

"Are you gonna die?" My heart instantly shattered into pieces.

"Not for a long...long time."

"How long?"

"You're going to be all grown up and have a family of your own," I cried. "I'm not going anywhere. Not for a very long time, Ryan."

"I love you, mama," He cried as he wrapped his little arms around my neck.

"I love you too, baby," I cried as I squeezed him as hard as I could. After a crappy day, this was exactly what I needed and I didn't want to let go of him. I held him until I heard his deep breaths and knew he was asleep. I held him for a few minutes and then gently laid him down and pulled his covers up. I turned on his nightlight and left his bedroom.

As I was tidying up the living room, there was a loud knock on the door and I just hoped it wasn't Edward. I knew Charlotte would tell him what would happen and I knew he'd be mad, but I just didn't want to deal with him. Not yet and especially not when Ryan was sleeping. When I swung the door open, I couldn't believe my eyes.

A grief-stricken James was standing on my doormat.

"James?"

"I know you think I'm this awful person and you hate me...but I don't know what to do," He said as tears streams down his cheeks. I stepped aside and let him inside. I led him to the kitchen and made us some tea and he just kind of sat there with a blank look on his face.

"Where are the kids?" I asked softly.

"DJ doesn't want anything to do with me so he refused to leave my parent's side once we found him and left the hospital," He told me. "The girls are with Victoria's parents."

"I'm so sorry, James. I can't imagine what you're going through."

"How'd you do it?" He asked.

"Do what?"

"Be a single parent," Wow I was not expecting that. "Because I've been without Victoria for approximately eight hours and I'm already failing."

"You're not failing."

"My son won't even look at me."

"He's grieving."

"I was never there," He cried. "I mean I was around but I was more worried about providing for my family than being there at soccer games and family barbeques. I barely know my children and that's my fault."

"They love you."

"They don't know me," He shook his head. "Victoria would know what to do. If I was the one who died she would know what to do about DJ."

"DJ is the only one old enough to even kind of understand what's going on," I whispered. "He's angry. But you've got Clara who just needs her dad. You just need to be there...she just wants to feel loved."

"I'm a terrible father."

"You are not," I argued. "Yes, this is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done. And you'll probably want to die. But you're their father. They love you and they need you. And little Evie...you're all she's ever going to know. You can have a fresh start with her...a start you didn't get with the other two because your priorities weren't straight."

"I'm sorry I was so terrible to you," He whispered and I couldn't believe my ears. "I had no place to say the things I said to you."

"No, you didn't. But I'm not the one you should be apologizing to," I was about to overstep again, but I couldn't help it. James needed his brother more than ever right now. "Edward loves you and you treated him like garbage."

"I know,"

"It's not too late," I tried telling him. "He wants to be there for you."

"He'd never forgive me."

"Give him a chance," I shrugged. "He might surprise you."

"So?"

"So what?"

"What's your secret?" He asked. "To single parenthood?"

"There is no secret," I shrugged. "It's a learning process. You'll make mistakes but as long as you have their best interest at heart I think it's definitely possible," He nodded. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"Why'd you come here to ask me this?" I asked. "Wouldn't your mother have been a good person to talk to?"

"I love my mom and I feel for what happened with her and my dad, but she doesn't get what it means to be a single parent."

"Didn't she raise you and your brother alone for a while?"

"She met Carlisle almost immediately," He shrugged. "And he was there for us from the start. That's part of the reason Edward and I love him so much," He explained. "You're the only one who even kind of knows what I'm going through."

"I wish I didn't," I said as a tear streamed down my cheek. "You should go. Be with your girls."

"He loves you, you know."

"W-what? Who?"

"My brother," He raised his eyebrows at me like I was crazy. "He loves you but he's too scared to admit it."

"Your brother loves his girlfriend."

"He says that because that's what's right," James sighed as he stood up. "But it's not true. No one believes him...I'm not even sure he believes himself."

"You're crazy," I shook my head.

"Maybe," He agreed. "But even though Edward and I haven't gotten along over the last few years, no one knows him like I do. Trust me."

"If you need help with the kids while getting ready for the..." I trailed off. "Funeral let me know. I'd be happy to help."

"Thank you," He said gently. "I appreciate that."

"Goodnight, James," I said as I shut the front door and made my way to my bedroom.

Over the next few days, Edward avoided me while he spent time with Ryan. If Charlotte had told him what happened, I couldn't blame him for acting like this. I just wished he would actually talk to me about like an adult. I didn't want to confront him about it because I just really didn't want to fight with him.

Things had been so good with us lately and I knew I'd jeopardized that when I went over and yelled at his girlfriend.

The day before the funeral, though, things took an ugly turn. Edward came over to Emily's house to pick Ryan up and he was in a foul mood. I wondered if Charlotte had done something but he glared at me, I decided enough was enough and took him into the backyard away from Ryan.

"I know this is a dumb question but is everything okay?" I asked.

"You're right, that is a dumb question."

"Charlotte told you," It wasn't a question. I knew she told him the day Victoria died but he hadn't confronted me about it yet.

"I just..."What the hell, Bella?" He yelled. "I had a nice little chat with Charlotte when I got home the other night," His face was turning red, but he wasn't screaming anymore. "She said some crazy lady who claimed to be Ryan's mother came by and screamed at her."

"Edward,"

"No, you don't get to interrupt me! It's my turn to talk." He put his foot down. "What the fuck were you thinking, Bella? Why would you ever think it was okay to go to my house and yell at my girlfriend?"

"She should have been at the hospital with you and your family."

"No, she didn't have to be!"

"That's part of what being in a relationship is, Edward. Hospitals make everyone uncomfortable but..."

"Her twin brother died in the hospital after a bike accident when they were kids. She's been scared of hospitals ever since." He told me. "I told her she didn't have to come if she didn't want to."

"But she should have wanted to!"

"That's not your concern, Bella!"

"Where was she last night when you called me to come watch the kids? Why wasn't she there in the morning to see Carlisle and Esme and help with breakfast?"

"Bella..."

"You deserve better than this, Edward."

"That's not for you to decide! You had no right going to my apartment and start attacking my girlfriend like that!" He was starting to yell again. "This is none of your business, Bella!"

"Edward..."

"I'm not your boyfriend anymore, Bella. Get over it!"

I felt the floor crumble beneath me and I felt sick to my stomach. I mean I knew we weren't together anymore but what he'd just said really hurt. I could feel my eyes burning with tears and when I looked back up at him, he looked regretful.

"Bella, I'm..."

"It's time for you to go," I sniffled as I looked away from him.

"What about Ryan?"

"He hasn't eaten lunch," I whispered. "If you want you can take him for something and drop him off at my apartment when you're done."

"Okay," He nodded. "Bella,"

"Just go," I shooed him and he was smart enough to listen to me. I stayed outside until Emily came to tell me the coast was clear. When she sat down next to me on the picnic bench, I knew I was about to get a lecture. I didn't really wanna hear it but I needed to.

At least I thought I needed to.

"You have to find a way to let go, Bella," She whispered.

"I let go a long time ago."

"No you didn't and that's okay," SHe sighed. "He's your first real love and the father of your child. I couldn't imagine trying to get over him."

"I spent so much time crying over him and I thought I'd moved past this," I cried. "And then he had to go show up and be the best dad ever and just..."

"He's still the guy you fell in love with," I nodded. "Ryan needs both of you. He didn't think he did until now but now that Edward's here...he won't ever remember a time without Edward. If you keep doing this to each other then Ryan will feel the repercussions."

"You're right," I rolled my eyes. "I hate when you're right."

"And if it's too much to be all best friends and co-parents, it might be easier for you to just be co-parents."

"What about Ryan?"

"Not being super friendly with him means you two don't get along and fight all the time. It just means that you're around each other because of Ryan but nothing else. You can be civil without being friends."

"Seems impossible."

"It might be what's best."

"I've gotten so used to this."

"And you'll get used to this new routine," She rubbed my back. "When's the funeral?"

"Tomorrow."

"Need me to take Ryan?"

"I'm going to bring him," I told her. "It'll be good for Clara to have a friend there. And the funeral home has a small room with some toys in it that they can play with."

"If you need me..."

"Could you actually come with me?"

"Of course," She agreed and wrapped her arms around my shoulder. "Love sucks, huh?"

"Sure does," I shook my head.

The next morning, I got Ryan and me up and ready for the funeral just in time for Emily to come pick us up. Once we got to the funeral home, I helped Ryan find Clara before going to find the Cullen's. James was with Esme at the front of the receiving line and I saw Edward standing with Edward near the casket. The Cullen's were always a family of great sophistication and although they looked well put together, there was something different about them today. They all look disheveled and just miserable.

Emily and I waited for almost thirty minutes before we reached James and Esme. I went to give James a hug and he practically collapsed in my arms. I had to admit, up until the other night I couldn't stand the guy. I thought he was rude and incredibly arrogant. But now, as we stood at his wife's funeral, I realized that he was just someone who had a hard upbringing. His terrible father was no excuse for how he was acting, but I was beginning to understand him more.

And right now, all he was was a grieving husband and confused father.

"Thank you for coming," He whispered as I went to hug Esme. "Both of you."

"Of course," Emily smiled as Esme gave her a warm smile. She probably could make anyone feel welcome at any place that's how great she was. I felt bad for my snap judgment when I first met her.

Emily and I waited another ten minutes before we made it to where Edward and Carlisle were standing near the casket. Edward and I hadn't spoken since our fight yesterday afternoon and Emily was right. I needed to let him go.

But I really didn't want to.

"It's good to see you, Bella," Carlisle whispered as he hugged me. "Is this your sister?"

"This is Emily," I introduced.

"It's nice to mee you," Carlisle smiled.

"Same to you. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"We do too," Carlisle nodded as Edward and I just stared at each other. I thought about what James said and what Emily said. Why did this have to be so complicated? As I was about to say something, Charlotte nudged me out of the way and attached herself to Edward's arm.

He looked more pissed off than anything when she did that.

"What are you doing here?" She whisper-yelled.

"I'm..." I remembered where I was and gained some control back. "I'm just paying my respects."

"Well...the casket is over there. Move along."

"Charlotte," Edward said through clenched teeth. She gave me a smug smile as Emily pulled me over to where Victoria was laying. I grabbed Emily's hand, said a quick prayer, and moved along. Emily left me to use the bathroom and I was about to go find Ryan when I heard soft cries coming from the janitors closet. When I pressed my ear to the door, it sounded like a child was crying and I gently knocked.

"Go away," DJ snuffled and I opened the door anyway. DJ was sitting on the floor with his knees at his chest. When he looked up at me, his eyes were red and his cheeks were puffy. I knew he'd been crying for hours. "I said go away," His voice cracked.

"Why are you in here all by yourself?" I asked as I ignored his pleas for some alone time and sat down next to him.

"I can't be out there," He cried. "Not with my mom just laying there like that."

"Yeah, funerals are not my favorite place either," I sighed. "But your dad could use your help."

"He has my grandparents and uncle," He shrugged. "Plus he's never needed me for anything."

"DJ, I cannot imagine what kind of pain you're feeling. I can't even begin to think about how hard this must be on you," I whispered. "But locking yourself in here all alone is only going to make the pain worse."

"How do you know?" He snapped. "Dad's never around. He's always at work and he's never made any effort to get to know me. I loved my mom and now she's just gone! How do you know what's going to make the pain worse?"

"I may not know what kind of pain you're feeling, but I understand pain. Just in a different way."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"When I got pregnant, I wasn't ready to be a mom," I explained. "I didn't think I could do it and it was really hard on me. For a long time, I kept to myself and I refused to expect any help."

"Yeah, but you got a baby in the end. Isn't that like the best thing ever?"

"My son is always going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me," I assured him with a smile. "But it was hard. And once I finally accepted everyone's help...it made it a lot easier."

"I still don't how this is supposed to help me."

"Surrounding yourself with the people you love is what will help you in the end," I sighed, remembering how young DJ really was. He was always so mature and I almost forgot he was still a kid.

"My dad doesn't love me," He cried.

"That's not true."

"He's never there. He yells a lot. He doesn't love us. Mom loves us."

"Your dad is doing the best he can."

"Yeah right!"

"He is," I repeated.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I really miss my mom," He cried as he leaned his head up against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and held him as he cried. I didn't know what else to say and knew that all he needed was to feel loved. After letting him cry and about fifteen minutes of encouraging him to go out and be with his dad, DJ eventually got up. I walked with him into the main room and teared up as he hugged James.

"Thank you," Edward whispered as he came and stood next to me. "I found him just before you got here and I couldn't get him to come out."

"I guess it's a mom thing," I smiled and looked up at him. "I know that you've got your hands full, but when you have a moment to breathe soon, I would like to talk to you."

"How about now?" He suggested.

"You need to keep your mind focused on your family," I sighed. "We have plenty of time to talk."

"I could use the distraction," He pleaded and I grabbed his hand and led him to an unused room and shut the door. "I'm really sorry..."

"It's my turn to talk," I shut him up. "You got yesterday."

"You're right. Go ahead."

"I'm sorry for butting in the other day," I whispered. "You were right. It was none of my business if Charlotte was with you at the hospital or not."

I get where you're..." I put my finger over his mouth to shut him up.

"My turn, remember?" I laughed. "You just have to understand how hard this is, Edward. Do you know what it's like to still be in love with you?"

"You..."

"Of course I still love you," I said as tears filled my eyes. "You were my first real love. The father of my child."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't," I took a deep breath. "And it's because I still have feelings for you that I need to let go of you."

"Let go? What do you mean?"

"We need to do what's best for Ryan."

"Agreed."

"To do what's best for our son, I think we just need to be co-parents to him," the first tear streaked down my cheek. "We're obviously always going to be civil with each other, but...we need to distance ourselves."

"I don't wanna lose you,"

"Neither do I," I shrugged. "Which is why we need to do this."

"No, we can figure it out. It's just new..."

"It's been three and a half months. It's not that new anymore."

"Bella..."

"Please. It's hard enough watching you be with Charlotte. I can't...I can't keep this close to you. It hurts too much."

"So just like that...our entire friendship is out the window?"

"No," I shook my head. "This isn't going to be as bad as you think. It's just going to be easier."

"How is losing you going to be easier on me? Or vice versa?"

"You're not losing me,"

"I don't wanna do this."

"I'm asking you to help me out," I begged. "Please."

"Fine," He sighed as he stood up. "I need to get back."

"Don't hate me," I pleaded.

"I could never...ever hate you, Bella. I just need to get back."

"Sam is going to take Ryan tomorrow. Emily and I will be at the funeral."

"James will appreciate that," He gave me a weak smile and walked out of the room.

I felt incredibly stupid for just letting him walk away like that.

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. I just couldn't seem to figure out what I wanted to write. I needed one or two more chapters before what I have planned can come out. And I'm going to admit that I don't really love this chapter, but it needed to be written. Thanks for your patience and I'll see you guys next chapter! Next chapter should be way better :) Thanks guys!