Chapter 20

A few days later Lou couldn't quit thinking about what she had shared with Buck and how it had been tarnished by what Lambert had tried to do. If Buck hadn't given her that knife he would have raped her. Every time she thought about how close he came she would start crying.

Then she would never fail to think about Buck's words after they had 'danced'. He didn't regret it but he said they couldn't do it again until they married in the white world. He didn't want her to be shamed by carrying a baby out of wedlock in their eyes.

Lou understood his reasons, she really did but what if she was already pregnant? What if she had conceived the one time they were together? Lou had already talked to Rachel about what had happened in Willow Creek, she told her everything but Lou really needed a mother to talk to. She needed Emma.

Knowing what she had to do she went into Sweetwater to talk to Teaspoon. She found him napping at his desk. "Teaspoon!" she called out startling the old man.

"Lou ya trying to give a body a heart attack?" Teaspoon complained sitting up straight in his chair.

Lou laughed, "Well if you weren't sleeping on the job I wouldn't have startled you." Lou pointed out teasing.

"Point taken," Teaspoon grinned. "What can I do for ya sweetheart?"

"I was actually hoping I could have a few days off. I want to go visit Emma." Lou said looking at Teaspoon with a hopeful expression.

Teaspoon looked at the beautiful young girl in front of him. He knew something had happened in Willow Creek but none of the guys would talk about it. "This have anything to do with what happened in Willow Creek a few days ago?"

"Yes it does … I'd rather not go into it with you Teaspoon. I need Emma." Lou replied not meeting his eyes.

"Have ya talked to Rachel? She might be helpful." Teaspoon suggested.

"I have and she helped but I need Emma, I need my mother." Lou cried, tears filling her eyes.

Teaspoon did the only thing he could think of, he hugged her while she cried. "Ok Louise if that's what ya need, you take as much time off as ya need. The boys can handle it. Did ya want Buck to go with you?" Lou shook her head no. "Ike then?"

"No Teaspoon, I'd rather just go alone." Lou insisted.

"Well if you're sure. Ya can leave out at first light." Teaspoon stated.

"Thanks Teaspoon." Lou said walking out the door.

Back at the station Lou started packing her things for her trip. She asked Rachel to fix her some food for the road. She didn't know how long she be gone so she packed several change of clothes. Buck walked in just as she was closing her bags. He had just got back from a run and had the next two days off; he was looking forward to spending them with Lou.

Buck took in the sight of her packing for what appeared to be a long trip and his heart lodged in his throat. "Where are ya going Lou?"

Lou turned to look at him, a look of panic in her eyes, "I … I was … I'm going to see Emma."

"By yourself?" Buck asked. At her nod he asked, "How long are you going to be gone?"

"I don't know yet Buck." Lou stated not meeting his eyes.

Buck tilted her chin up so she had to look at him, "Louise if I did something wrong, you'd tell me right?" Buck asked in Kiowa since Kid just walked in.

"No you haven't done anything wrong Buck, it's just with what happened between us and then with what Lambert almost did, I just need to talk to my mother." Lou replied in Kiowa.

Kid looked over at them and realized he had walked in on a private conversation quickly apologized and walked out. Buck sat down on his bunk and pulled Lou down to sit next to him. "Lou we talked about that. What we shared was right; we just can't share it again until we marry in the white world. And what Lambert almost did wasn't your fault. You did what you had to do to protect yourself. And spirits forbid if he had succeeded it still wouldn't have been your fault. Nothing would ever change the way I feel about you."

Lou gave him a soft smile as her eyes filled with tears, "I know that Buck. But he tarnished my memory of 'our' time together. Even though I stopped him he still took away something special. And I understand your reasons for not wanting to be together again, I really do and I really appreciate it but Buck what if I'm already pregnant? What if I conceived that one time? What do we do then? By the time I know if I am or ain't everybody would know I had gotten pregnant before we married in their eyes."

"I don't know Lou. I'm sorry I didn't control myself better. I'll do whatever you want me to do. If you are carrying my child we'll deal with it together. Even if it means leaving Sweetwater to start over someplace where no one would know." Buck said softly holding her hands in his.

"No Buck. I don't want to leave my family. If I am pregnant, we will deal with it together with our family to support us." Lou stated.

Buck gave Lou a soft kiss before getting to his feet, "I better go get cleaned up. We'll talk more before you leave." Lou nodded.

The next morning just before sunrise Lou slipped out of her bunk. She dressed quickly. Once dressed she grabbed her bags and headed out to the barn. She was saddling Lightning when Buck came in.

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye were you?" he asked quietly.

Lou turned and smiled at him, "no. I just wanted to get my horse ready before I had breakfast that way I could leave out right after."

"Want some help?" Buck asked stepping closer to her.

"I'm just about through. Go on back inside and get dressed." Lou told him eyeing his long johns.

Buck smirked and went back into the bunkhouse. He got dressed and woke the others up so they could dress before Lou came back in. A few minutes later Lou walked in with Rachel right behind her. Rachel had breakfast on the table in just a few minutes.

After breakfast everybody lined up on the bunkhouse porch to say goodbye to Lou. They all had messages for Emma and Sam. Buck was the last to say goodbye, the others slipped away to give them some privacy. "Are you sure you don't want me or Ike to come with you?"

"No, not this time Buck." Lou stated. Buck looked down at his feet; Lou put her hand to his cheek forcing him to look at her. "I love you Buck Cross, nothing will ever change that. I'm going to miss you." Lou said as she hugged him tightly.

Buck pulled back and tilted her chin up with one finger. His lips claimed hers in a gentle kiss. "I love you too Louise. Don't stay away too long." He whispered after he broke the kiss.

"I won't." Lou promised and then kissed him again.

Lou mounted up and headed for Fort Kearney. When Lou arrived, she was utterly beat. She wasn't sure where Emma and Sam lived at so she went straight to the marshal's office. Lou had a strange sense of Déjà vu when she walked in to see the law man sitting in his chair with his back to the door, foot propped on the desk.

"Cuse me mister, I'm looking for Marshal Sam Cain." Lou said in her gruff boy voice.

Then man let his foot drop as he slowly got to his feet and turned to face her. "Marshal Sam Cain at your service but ya already know that Lou." Sam said with a grin.

Lou smiled as Sam crushed her in a big bear hug. "Emma is going to be so glad to see you Lou, but what are ya doing here?" Sam asked after he let her go.

"Just coming for a visit. I missed Emma." Lou stated not quite looking him in his eye.

"How long do ya have off?" Sam asked.

"Teaspoon said I could take as much time as I needed. Not sure yet how long I'm going to stay." Lou replied.

Sam held the girl at arm's length looking her over, "What happened Lou?"

"A lot … I'd rather not get into it right now Sam. I just want to see Emma." Lou said quietly.

"Alright let's go then." Sam grinned as he grabbed his hat off a peg on the wall.

Lou followed behind Sam. About ten minutes later they were riding up to a house that looked a lot like the home in Sweetwater. Lou's sense of déjà vu returned when she saw Emma on the porch shelling peas.

Emma looked up to see her husband arriving with a visitor. "Who ya got there … Loulabelle!" Emma cried when she realized who was with Sam.

Lou quickly dismounted and rushed to meet Emma. The two women met halfway between the horses and the porch embracing each other tightly. Lou broke down and cried against her mother's shoulder.

"Aw honey it's alright. I'm here. You just come inside and tell me what's wrong." Emma said to Lou, she looked over her shoulder at Sam asking him for answers. He had none to give.

Sam took Lightning into the barn and took care of him while Emma led Lou inside so she could talk to her. Emma sat Lou down at the kitchen table and poured her a glass of fresh lemonade. Emma poured herself a glass and sat across from her.

"Alright Loulabelle tell me what's wrong." Emma said taking Lou's hand in her own across the table.

"Are you and Sam familiar with marshal Lambert out of Willow Creek?" Lou asked.

"Yes word came he was killed a little over a week ago by a saloon girl. They said it was self-defense, he would have killed her. He was a corrupt lawman." Emma stated her forehead wrinkling trying to figure out why Lou was asking about him.

"That's right … I'm the one that killed him." Lou said.

"What? How's that possible?" Emma asked shocked.

"Kid took a guy in that had tried to steal Katy; the man was wanted for murder. Two days later his daughter showed up in Sweetwater and accused Kid of helping Lambert murder him. She told us that her father had been falsely accused and that Lambert had murdered him to keep him quiet. Kid felt awful so he went back to Willow Creek to try to set things right. Teaspoon sent Buck with a letter to the governor telling him about what was going on. Me, Jimmy, and Noah all went with Kid. I got a job at the saloon to try to find answers as to who really killed the saloon girl. I found a witness who had seen Lambert do it. I convinced him to talk to Kid but Lambert followed Kid and murdered my informant. He arrested Kid for it. I came up with the plan for me to distract Lambert while the boys busted Kid out. I had Lambert in my room at gunpoint but I was momentarily distracted watching to make sure the boys got away. He got the drop on me. He started beating me, ripping at my clothes. He was going to rape me Emma!" Lou cried while Emma listened quietly to the story.

"What happened Loulabelle?" Emma asked softly.

"Buck had given me his knife to wear. He had tied it on my thigh under my dress, I managed to get a hold of it and I stabbed him. I killed him Emma, I didn't mean to I was just trying to stop him." Lou pleaded with her for understanding.

"Ya did what ya had to Loulabelle. Nobody is blaming ya for that. It kept him from taking something precious from you." Emma said patting her hand in a comforting gesture.

"But he did Emma! He may not have succeeding in raping me but he tarnished the memory of something very special." Lou cried.

"What do you mean Louise?" Emma asked confused.

Lou blushed and looked down, "we lost control."

Emma didn't have to be told what Lou meant, she knew. "Oh Loulabelle, honey I'm so sorry. Buck didn't force you did he?"

"No! Of course not!" Lou declared forcibly then softened to continue, "What we shared was very special. I'm his wife now in his eyes but he says we can't be together again until we make it legal in the white world. He doesn't want people to look down on me even more than they are going to for marrying him."

"Why would they look down on you more?" Emma asked not catching her meaning.

"You know in case I got pregnant before we make the marriage legal." Lou blushed.

"Oh I see; Buck has a very good point. But you do know you could already be pregnant." Emma said softly.

"I know that's why I came to see you. I need my mother's advice. How long before I can know for sure?" Lou asked.

"A couple of months if you skip a monthly or it could just be a few weeks until your monthly comes." Emma said.

"What do I do if I am Emma?"

"Have you talked to Buck?" Emma asked.

"Yes, he says no matter what we are in this together. He even offered to move us to someplace we could start over where they wouldn't know we hadn't been married at the time. But I don't want to leave our family." Lou told her.

"Well then I guess you are just going have to wait and see. And if you are you and Buck will just have to deal with the consequences together. But you two won't be alone. I'll be there for ya and I know Mr. Spoon and the boys will support ya'll and from what ya told me of Rachel, she'll do everything she can for ya too." Emma stated with a smile.

"Thanks Emma." Lou said getting up from the table so she could hug her.

That night after Lou went to bed Emma filled Sam in on what happened. "Poor girl, that's a lot of stress to go through." Sam said shaking his head.

"She'll be fine, Loulabelle is a tough one. And Buck ain't going to let her go through this alone." Emma declared.

Lou had been with Emma and Sam for a week when she knew for sure she wasn't pregnant. Lou was extremely relieved but also strangely disappointed. She wanted a child with Buck and she knew that if she had been pregnant Buck would have married her right away. As it was now she didn't know when they would make it legal.

Lou stayed with Sam and Emma a few more days before returning to Sweetwater. Emma sent letters back for all the boys, Teaspoon, and even Rachel.

Buck was in the barn mucking out stalls when he heard Rachel call 'Rider Coming!' Buck knew there was no one on the schedule so he hoped it was Lou. He walked out of the barn just in time to see Lou ride in.

When Lou saw Buck by the barn she rode directly to him. She dismounted and quickly threw herself into his waiting arms. "Oh I've missed you so much Buck!"

"I've missed you more." Buck whispered in Kiowa. Buck captured Lou's mouth with his own and gave her a heart stopping kiss. They broke apart and Buck led her horse into the barn away from prying eyes. Lou sat on a bale of hay while Buck took care of Lightning.

"How was your visit with Emma?" Buck asked while he brushed down her horse.

"Good. It was just what I needed. She sent letters back for everyone." Lou replied with a smile.

"How are they doing?"

"Good. Emma misses us something terrible but she's very happy with Sam. She told me just before I left that she's expecting." Lou announced.

Buck turned to look at her and grinned, "Really? That's wonderful news!" Buck stated happily. "Speaking of news, do we have any?"

"I'm not pregnant. I got my monthly while I was at Emma's." Lou replied.

"Well that's good then I guess." Buck said relieved and slightly disappointed.

Lou smiled at him, "I was a little disappointed too."

Buck laughed, "You know me so well."

"As well as you know me. But at least we won't have to deal with the stigma of having a child out of wedlock." Lou replied.

"No just the usually stigma that will be associated with you marrying a breed." Buck said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Buck you know I don't like it when you talk about yourself like that." Lou reprimanded him.

"It's what I am Louise." Buck argued.

"You are not a breed. You are a Kiowa warrior who just happens to have some white blood." Lou stated with pride.

Buck smiled and sat next to her on the bale of hay. "I love you Eyes of Fire." Buck said in Kiowa, he had told Lou some months ago the name he had given her when they were younger.

"I love you Running Buck." Lou whispered back in Kiowa.

Buck kissed her softly and then stood up and offered her his hand. "Come on the guys are dying to welcome you home and I'm sure they will be glad to get the letters from Emma."

Hand in hand the young couple walked to their family. Lou was hugged by all the boys, Teaspoon, and Rachel. Lou passed out the letters after dinner. Jimmy who had finally learned to read was thrilled he didn't have to get anybody to read it to him.

Every letter Emma had written was meant just fort that person. There was only one thing she had put in all the letters and that was her news about the baby. They were all thrilled for Emma and Sam. They were gaining a new brother or sister and couldn't wait for it to get here.