For the past couple of days Hunnigan had been forbidden from talking about Helena, and to Shannon's amazement, she hadn't objected to the rule. Shannon knew Hunnigan would probably want to and need to talk about it eventually, but for now Shannon had decided that they had important things to do, things that they should've done long ago and way more often than they ever actually did. Tonight, they were going to hang out, like sisters.
Emily had gone to stay at a friend's house for the night (after being almost visibly disappointed that aunt Laina wasn't going to come over because "she wasn't feeling well"), they had the house to themselves, it was an ideal moment.
"So... what are you going to do with her?" Shannon finally broke her own rule. Frankly, the past couple of days making no contact with Helena and not even talking about her had been eye-opening... but Hunnigan wouldn't admit that to Shannon; she didn't think she could tolerate the victorious smirk on her older sister's face if she told her that she'd been right about this and that not talking to Helena had actually been the right thing to do.
"Right now, I really don't know what I'm gonna do. I love her, but as I'm sure you know, in the real world it takes more than that for relationships to work. Even if I would eventually be able to look past what she did, I know this whole mess will hang over us regardless. At the very least it'll certainly ruin our sex-life, and that's gonna bother me more than I'd want to admit. I suppose it's strange considering my experiences, but..."
"Don't talk like you're not allowed to enjoy sex because of what happened. You have the right to want to get fucked hard, just like anyone else," Shannon commented and Hunnigan rolled her eyes at Shannon's lewd way of putting it.
"In all seriousness, I get that a lot of people wouldn't necessarily get over something like what you experienced, but you did, and that's a good thing, you shouldn't have to feel guilty for that," Shannon then shook her head.
Truthfully, after what happened, she hadn't enjoyed any of that part of life until she'd met Helena. That alone spoke volumes of how weird it was that she'd slept with Helena after knowing her (in person) for less than half a day. Weird, but not wrong.
"She made me feel like myself again, like something just fell into place. Everything's felt right ever since, which is why the thought of just walking away... I don't feel like it's something I should do."
"So, I guess that in the end it comes down to whether you can forgive her or not... and whether she can move past what happened to you and not let it affect your future together. Sounds easy when I put it like that," Shannon shrugged and Hunnigan sighed, nodding a little. It did sound too easy to be true, but at the same time, it really was the obvious answer.
"This might be the booze talking, but if she really does make you happy, then you should be with her, who the hell am I to judge? I will, however, continue seriously questioning your taste in women..." Shannon then teased and Hunnigan chuckled.
"Thanks, I guess."
"Okay, so allow me this question, what the hell do you see in that brat? She has no impulse control..."
"Yeah, and you're a paragon of impulse control yourself, are you?" Hunnigan interrupted, her eyebrow quirking.
"Hey, I never said I was. But she's selfish, she's impatient, she's bitchy..."
"...still sounds like you're talking about you."
"Well, now I'm questioning why you'd fancy someone who is so much like me."
"Ew."
"Exactly!"
"Helena is reliable and passionate. She's smart enough to actually challenge me intellectually too, which doesn't happen very often, so that's also refreshing. She's funny as hell. She makes me feel safe..."
"Safe as in if there's a noise, you can send her to check it out, or safe as in she doesn't have a dick?" Shannon inquired and Hunnigan sighed.
"Her not having a dick is an added bonus, I'm not 'choosing' to be in a lesbian relationship because I'm afraid of guys, if that's what you're implying," she narrowed her eyes and Shannon smirked.
"Well, implying such things would be pretty damn ignorant of me, now wouldn't it?" she said innocently and sipped her drink.
"Exactly, so don't even start with that nonsense, that's not how it works," Hunnigan rolled her eyes. Admittedly, prior to her relationship with Helena, Hunnigan's experiences with same gender lovers was limited to that one awkward threesome with her best friend and her boyfriend, and she'd never really thought twice of it, but she certainly didn't agree even with the implication Shannon was making.
"She's loyal, I've never had any reason to think she'd ever cheat on me, which is kind of a big deal. I don't think I've ever seen her even look at another person the way she... looks at me," Hunnigan trailed off.
"Like she's the luckiest person in the galaxy because you're perfect in every way, a goddess sent from Olympus and you're there just for her," Shannon said and Hunnigan frowned. Shannon didn't sound like she was being a sarcastic bitch which was strange considering her words were the kind she'd never say in all seriousness.
"No need to look so damn surprised, I've had someone look at me like that once upon a time, I can be a delicate, feminine flower too, you know!" Shannon commented and they both burst out laughing at that.
"Well, we can debate that, but what you said is actually pretty accurate. Not only that, she actually makes me feel like I am the... goddess sent from Olympus, as you put it."
"You're both survivors and you understand each other's complexity, that's the kind of a connection not a lot of people get to experience."
"Are you drunk?" Hunnigan had to question.
"Probably," Shannon nodded, "but that doesn't matter; I just figured that since I obviously can't talk you into leaving the annoying bitch, I might as well try and support you. I think I owe you some support," she then added with a smirk.
"Helena has made me become more self-aware; if it weren't for her, I probably would've either remained alone or then settled for someone stable and safe just to fit some ridiculous ideal of what's expected of me."
"Yeah, you totally would've," Shannon agreed. If anyone was likely to sacrifice her secret romantic hopes and dreams just for the predictability of the simple life, it was Ingrid. It was kind of funny now that Shannon thought about it; the contradiction between Ingrid's desire to avoid conflicts and the titanium spine the woman had. She wouldn't fight you, but she wouldn't bend either.
"...I don't think I was really 'alive' until I met her, you know?" Hunnigan then said slowly when she realized it.
"I know, it was actually a pretty noticeable change in you when she came into your life," Shannon commented and Hunnigan threw one of the decorative pillows on the couch at Shannon's head. She missed.
"If you could actually literally see that she's good to me, why are you such a bitch about it?" she scoffed.
"Because I don't liiikeeee heeer!" Shannon whined dramatically.
"God, and you call her selfish when you would make my life miserable just because you don't like her," Hunnigan narrowed her eyes.
"I'm not being selfish, I'm being optimistic, I've spent all this time sincerely convinced you'll find someone who's even better for you and is not as annoying as Helena," Shannon corrected.
"You do realize that's never gonna happen?"
"And boom! There you have it, I rest my case and case closed and... a bunch of other similar terms."
"What are you talking about?" Hunnigan frowned and Shannon laughed victoriously.
"Well, did I, or did I not just make you realize that the annoying bitch is the love of your life and you really want to be with her, and that it's all you needed to decide whether or not you want to continue your relationship with her?"
"Are you trying to convince me you were playing me the whole time, and that your goal was to actually convince me to get back together with Helena?"
"Well, obviously!" Shannon scoffed.
"Excuse me if I find that hard to believe."
"No, you find it hard to believe that someone could possibly manipulate you and now your pride's all hurt."
"Oh, be quiet, if you were half as good as I am, you would've made me believe the whole thing was my idea," Hunnigan said, offering a lopsided smile.
"All right, all right, stupid jokes aside... it sounds to me that Helena is everything you'd like and want, so... be with her. Yeah, it'll be rough for a while after all this shit, but you'll make it."
"...I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
"Oh, shut it, bitch," the older sister smirked and they both burst into laughter.
Helena lied on the couch with her arm over her eyes and sighed. She reached for her phone, certain she'd heard it vibrate, but when she checked it, there was nothing. She could've just turned the sound back on, but didn't want to do that. She didn't want to hear it ring just to be disappointed to receive a call from a telemarketer. At the same time, the phantom sounds she thought she heard sustained her hope of Hunnigan calling her.
Sad truth was, no one was calling her or messaging her, just like they hadn't in the past two days.
"Wow, I really have no friends," she muttered when she realized that she had no one to call either even if she had felt like seeking out a shoulder to cry on. There were acquaintances and colleagues, but people she'd open up to and hang out with? No. Even Leon didn't really fit into that category despite the fact that he was a sweetheart who had a knack for getting her to open up a little. It had never even occurred to her to call him and ask if he felt like having a beer and chatting.
I guess not making contact myself makes me bad friend-material too, Helena mused, realizing she had no right to complain about no one calling her when she herself never would've called anyone either.
"Crap, I really am beginning to sound as pathetic as Shannon said I was," Helena muttered to herself and sat up.
Two days gone, five to go, after that, she'd know for sure. One way or another. Times like these Helena wished she had what it took to get drunk and stay that way for long periods of time. She was certain a good old drinking binge would've made the time pass a lot quicker, and if she was lucky, she'd spent most of that time too drunk or practically unconscious to have the sense to worry about her relationship falling apart.
Since she wasn't the drinking type, she'd tried passing the time by playing video games or binge-watching comedies. It worked for short moments, but eventually she was distracted from what she was doing by a random, panicky thought that lanced through her mind and reminded her of the grim reality.
Helena hugged Hunnigan's pillow to her chest tightly and buried her face into it, inhaling its scent deeply; a subtle combination of Hunnigan's perfume, body lotion and hairspray.
I miss her so much, Helena thought. She would've wanted to cry, but she honestly had no more tears left. Sighing, she closed her eyes, determined to stubbornly keep them closed until she managed to fall asleep, hoping that she'd just drift off and stay asleep for the rest of the week.