*AN: Sorry for the late update. I got lost on the road of life. Also, I have something verrryyyyyy exciting coming up. It's well worth the wait, I promise XD*
Gaara's eyes opened and he sat up, looking around at the grey landscape he found himself in.
"Well, look who finally bothered to show up!"
Gaara turned, confused, to see a large cage made of iron bars. He expected to see Shukaku. It, however, was empty.
"Down here!"
He looked down to find the source of the squeaky voice only to find a miniature version of a Tanuki panda, about the size of a mouse, staring back up at him.
"You're...the one-tail?"
"Yea, I am, and it's Mr. One Tails Sir to you!"
"I...don't understand. Why are you so small?"
"Because someone made it so most of my chakra was forcibly sealed away! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to reform?! DO YOU?!"
"I apologize." It was the only thing Gaara could think to say.
"You'd better, kid! Now, no way are you going to get out of this without my assistance. Your body just took too much damage. However, if you want me to help, things around here are gonna change! First, you're gonna let me outta this cage! Second, no jinchuriki of mine is going to be friends with a damn fox! Third, I demand a blood sacrifice, DAILY! Fourth, you- Hey, what are you-! HEY! PUT ME DOWN!"
Gaara had opened the single sealed door on the cage, walked in, and picked the tiny Shukaku up with two fingers, gripping the back of Shukaku's neck, bringing him eye level.
"You were saying?" He said dryly.
Sepi is reallyyyy rubbing off on me.
It wasn't until Shukaku started chuckling that he realized he had spoken out loud. "Well, kid, she did, once." The minature tailed beast said.
Gaara turned a shade of red that would put Hinata to shame and threw Shukaku, who smacked into the invisible wall of chakra filling the spaces between the iron bars.
"OUCH!"
Gaara marched over and picked Shukaku up, preparing to throw him again.
"OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY! Look, I'll help you, but seriously, I want out of here!"
"Aid me and I'll speak to Jiraiya-sama and Sepi about changing your seal to a different environment and on that will allow possibly form in a much smaller version of yourself in the real world."
"Eh, good enough."
... ... ...
"Alright people, let's do this!" Sepi said gleefully.
"The seal is still up!" Temari yelled at her, only to be grabbed by Sakura who was running at full speed AWAY from the-
"Oh crap!" She yelled.
"Oh crap is right!" Sakura yelled back, snatching up Chiyo as well as Temari looked back in disbelief at the giant paper bomb seal that Sepi had created on the Akatsuki hideout door.
"Because art….IS AN EXPLOSION! YEAHAHAHAHAHA!"
... ... ...
"Hey Deidara, you don't happen to have a younger sister, do you?"
The blonde bomber blinked. "No, un. Why?"
"Because the blonde girl is yelling something and it sounds like she's yelling about art and explosions."
"Why would she-" Was as far as Konan's soft voice got before the hideout's door detonated.
Sharp, flying rock chunks hit the Gedo Statue, causing Pein to curse.
"Deal with the intruders!" He ordered before summoning the Gedo Statue away before it could take any more damage, causing the sealing process to be interrupted. Deidara, however, had more important things to deal with than an almost-dead jinchuriki.
"Someone who finally understands true art, un!" He yelled, dashing past Gaara and out the door, with Sasori grumbling and following at a more sedated pace.
What he found, however, was not what he was expecting.
A blonde girl was on her back in front of where the door used to be. Her left leg and right arm were blown off, and lying about ten feet away.
"Okay, okay, bad idea." She said, struggling to get up, startling the hell out of him.
"What the fuck?! How are you not dead, un?!"
She looked up. "It's just a scratch."
"Your arm and leg are off, un!"
She jutted out her chin stubbornly. "No they're not."
"Then what do you call those?!" He yelled, pointing at her lost appendages.
She glanced at them. "'Tis only a flesh wound. Wait...OHMYSWEETLORDJASHIN! Are you Deidara?!"
He looked at her warily. "Yes, un?"
"I am such a fan! The way you blow shit up and call it art! I love it! You HAVE to show me your art sometime! Er...first, could you do me a big favor and grab my limbs?"
He rolled his eyes. "If you weren't a fan of true art, I wouldn't be doing this, un."
"She's not." Sasori said. "True art is eternal."
"Aww, why thank you." She said sweetly.
"...Huh?" Sasori asked, unsure what she was talking about as his partner picked up...the girl's missing arm and leg, apparently. Huh.
"I'm immortal, which is pretty much eternal, so you just called me true art. How sweet." She said, batting her eyelashes.
For the first time in awhile, Sasori was at a loss for words.
"SEPI!" Came a yell as a pink-haired girl and...GRANNY CHIYO?!...as well as the Kazekage's sister came running up, prepared to attack. With a chuckle, Sasori brought his tail into an attack position as his partner whirled around, holding a limb in each hand, looking confused and worried as fuck.
"HEY!" The artist duo blinked in confusion as Sepi jumped in between the two parties. Quite literally, in fact. She put her remaining hand on her hip and glared at the trio that had just arrived.
"You will not kill the two best artists in the ENTIRE FREAKIN' WORLD! Understand?!"
"Er...they kidnapped my brother, Sepi." Temari pointed out.
"He's still alive inside." Sepi pointed out reasonably. "Just reattach my arms and we'll be good to go."
"About that…" Temari said, confused.
"Long story." Sepi said. "So, we good here, people?"
"Well...Leader-sama told us to kill you, un, but…"
"He just said deal with the intruders. As far as I'm concerned, they're dealt with."
"...Eh?" Deidara asked, confused, turning to look at his partner.
"She at least understands that true art is eternal."
"Aww, you're making me blush." Sepi said.
Cue the sound of a facepalm from Sakura.
"Is she usually like this?" Temari whispered.
"All the time." Sakura groaned.
"And she appreciates my art too, un. Fair enough."
"Yes!" Sepi cheered. "Now we just have to find my idiotic teammate-"
WHUNK!
"Let it never be said that the multiverse never grants wishes." She groaned from under the unconscious body of Ibukai, which had, in the time it took to have the conversation, rolled off of the hill above and directly onto Sepi.
Everyone blinked in surprise.
"Well, see ya, un." Deidara said, forming a clay bird which he and Sasori hopped onto.
"Grandson…" Chiyo said softly.
"Next time, old woman." Sasori replied as the duo flew off.
That is the scene Kakashi came upon. (right before Chiyo spotted him and tried taking his head off.) Ibukai was unconscious and laying on a partly dismembered Sepi, whose missing arm and leg had been neatly placed in front of her, with Sakura and Temari heading into the cavern to retrieve Gaara and the old lady was staring after the retreating Akatsuki members.
"DIE, WHITE FANG OF THE LEAF!"
"WHAT?!" Kakashi yelled.
... ... ...
Sepi, limbs now reattached, Sakura both were leaning over Gaara, getting ready to heal his chakra network and do their best to replace at least some of his chakra, and Temari was hovering over them with concern clear in her eyes as she looked down on her younger brother. They all gasped in surprise trickle of red chakra formed from the kanji on Gaara's forehead, gathering sand as it went.
"OI, BITCHES!"
They looked down, surprised, as a mouse-sized version of a Tanuki formed on Gaara's chest out of sand.
"Now, heal him up and bow down before your new overlord, Shukaku of the Sand!"
"He's…" Temari started.
Sakura's brow twitched. "So…"
"CUTE!" Sepi squealed, grabbing Shukaku and bringing him to her cheek, rubbing against him like a cat.
"HEY! HEY! WHAT PART OF BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR NEW OVERLORD DO YOU MORONS NOT UNDERSTAND?! QUITTTT PETTTTINNNGGGG MEEEEEE!"