What little I know about my birth mother, I learned from Carlisle. He met her during his internship with Volt. She was a volunteer for his pharmaceutical study. Like many homeless kids, she did it for the money. According to Carlisle, she was very sweet and pretty, with green eyes and auburn hair, like mine. Carlisle didn't see her again until she was his patient in the emergency room, suffering from pre-term labor.
When Elizabeth Masen arrived in the ER, she was wearing an oversized men's jacket. After she died, the contents of her jacket pockets were documented: She had thirty-five cents in change, a tattered copy of Jane Austen's Persuasion, and a heart-shaped rock with a white line running down the center. These were all her worldly possessions, and now they live in a box that I keep under my bed. I've made a habit of rereading Persuasion once a year. I've even taken a picture of the rock as it sat in my hand. No matter what I do, nothing fills the strange empty space that swells inside my chest whenever I think about my birth mother.
"Have you ever wondered why Aro took such an interest in you?" Carlisle spoke quietly, so that we couldn't be heard outside of the small doctor's lounge.
"I thought it was because I'm talented," I replied weakly, as I stared at the scuffed linoleum beneath my feet.
"Edward," Carlisle's voice became intense as he seized my shoulders, and I raised my eyes to look at him. "You are talented. Even more so than your father."
Carlisle stopped short, pulled his hands back, and turned away from me. At the sight of his pain, I felt a familiar sense of guilt weigh me down.
"Who is he?" I couldn't stop myself from asking the question that has haunted me since I was ten years old.
Ever since Esme and Carlisle told me I was adopted, and I learned about the horrible life my mother lived, I have always wondered about my father. Was he alive or dead? Why did he leave my mother? Did he know about me? If he did know, and left anyway; what kind of man abandons a girl carrying his child?
"Caius Gallo," he choked out the words, and combs his fingers through his hair. "Aro's younger brother."
I stared at Carlisle, while I tried to process what he'd just told me. Aro is my uncle?
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" My voice sounded strange, almost angry.
"To protect you. You're nothing like him, Edward. You're a good man," Carlisle said, spinning around to face me. His posture was defensive and his eyes were pleading. "Caius was a spoiled, narcissistic playboy whose one interest in life was getting high. He didn't care about you or your mother."
"Of course," I mumbled.
Carlisle's words hit me like a punch to the gut. I shouldn't be surprised. What more did I expect? I've always known that I was an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy, thrust upon a poor girl with no other options. It was logical to assume my father also didn't want me either. His absence made that plain. Still, some part of me crumpled at the acknowledgment of my long suspected fear. He never wanted me.
"I'm so sorry, but you need to hear this, so you can understand why I've protected you from the Gallos for all these years," Carlisle said, shaking my shoulders, to draw my attention. "They only care about two things: Preserving the family name and building the family fortune, at any cost."
"I don't understand—what does that have to do with me?" I ask, only half hearing what he's saying. All I can think about is how everything that Aro ever said to me, and everything I ever believed about myself, has all been a lie.
"Aro is the last male in the family line, and he has no children. That's why he wants you," Carlisle said, sounding defeated, as he gripped my arms.
"What about my...his brother?" I shook my head, feeling weak for wanting to know. I just needed to see him, to set eyes on my real father, then maybe this hollow spot inside of me would finally heal.
"Caius died from a drug overdose a few months after you were born," Carlisle sighed, and tightened his hold of my shoulders. "I need you to do something for me."
"Anything," I responded without hesitation.
"I want you to cut all ties with Aro and Volt, completely this time," he said it so quickly that I didn't quite absorb it at first. "Esme and I have already discussed this, and we will take over the expenses for Alec's recovery. She's already started the paperwork to get custody of the twins. I just need you to promise me that you're done with the Gallos forever."
It was a simple request, reasonable even, considering Aro's deception, the Gallo's motives, and the weaknesses for drugs that I apparently had inherited from my birth father. I should have said yes immediately, but I didn't. I just stared at Carlisle, paralyzed my own swirling turmoil.
"I...I need to think," I managed to choke out. I spun around and headed toward the door.
I had to leave, because I wasn't ready to tell Carlisle the truth. I was too afraid of how much it would hurt him, and I couldn't stand to disappoint him any further. I love Carlisle more than words could express, but I couldn't bring myself to do this for him.
Aro Gallo is the last connection that I have to my birth father. He could answer questions that Carlisle either couldn't or wouldn't. I wanted to find out more about Caius. He may have been a selfish, spoiled drug addict who left my mother and me to die, but he was still a part of me. I wasn't ready to let him go, even if it meant hurting Carlisle and the rest of my family.
I burst through the door of the lounge and right into a man holding a tray of coffee cups. The hot liquid splattered my chest, but I didn't feel it. My guilt and confusion were worse than any physical pain. I muttered an apology, and kept walking straight out of the hospital. All I could think about was the fact that Carlisle was wrong.
I am exactly like my father.
"It's Esme," Leah's voice jolts me out of my thoughts, and I turn to look at my cell phone as it vibrates in her hand.
I grab it from her and answer it, pressing the receiver to my ear.
"Mom?" It seems strange to say it, now that Leah knows the truth.
"Edward, are you on your way?" The strained tone in Esme's voice completely wipes my mind of all other thoughts.
"Did something happen?" I ask, checking the road signs; we're a few miles from the hospital exit. I had intended to go to my house first, so I could pick up my car and Leah could go home.
"Yes," she sighs, but it doesn't relieve the tension in my chest. "Just hurry, dear. I'll explain when you get here."
"On my way," I reply, as the line goes dead. I push the accelerator into the floor, and glance at Leah.
She just nods, takes the phone from my hand and turns her gaze back to the road.
I pull into the emergency room entrance, and put the truck into park. My mind was so consumed with getting us here as soon as possible, I didn't have time to really discuss it with Leah.
"I have to go," I say, turning to look at her.
She just smiles, leaning over to grab my door handle and kisses me. I allow myself a few indulgent moments to savor the feel of her as a loud creaking of the truck door opening fills the air around us. She pulls back and presses her hand against my shoulder.
"Go," she says, shoving me out of the truck.
I stumble as my feet hit the ground, and I start to run toward the double doors. I hear the rumble of Leah's truck, and take a second to look over my shoulder. She pulls out of the driveway, and into traffic without a backward glance. I turn back to the hospital, pushing down the sense of disappointment that her absence inspired, and run through the open doorway.
"I'm looking for a patient," I sputter at the receptionist behind the glass window.
"Last name?" She asks in a nasally voice, tapping her fingers on a keyboard, and snaps her gum.
"Winters, Alec," I reply, leaning my forehead against the glass, and try to catch my breath.
"EDWARD!" I look up to see Alice running at me, and brace myself just as she jumps into my arms.
"Alice," I grunt, stumbling backward a few steps as she hugs me, and pulls me away from the receptionist's desk.
"You have to talk to her!" She immediately starts to say as we approach the elevators, and punches the buttons.
"Who?" I stare at her, as the doors open and people stream out into the lobby.
"That harpy from Volt!"
I've been standing in the lobby for about two minutes. I shouldn't be here. This is crossing the line. Edward needs to handle this with his family, and I really need to go. Okay, I actually don't have to be anywhere. It's Saturday. The only plans I have are with my two bags of laundry that need to be put away, at my apartment. I should go grocery shopping too.
"Excuse me," an old lady pushes past me, on her way to the elevators, and that decides it for me.
I turn toward the double doors, and nearly run into someone that stinks like an expensive whore house.
"Pardon me – Oh, hey!" A guy with short, spiky blond hair, wearing an expensive- looking suit gives me a bright smile, as he slides his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose. "Leah, right?"
I stare at him for a long minute, trying to figure out how the fuck he knows my name. Something about him makes me want to punch him in the throat. Then it hits me—he's Edward's friend from the nightclub.
"Uh, hi," I say, staring at him as I try to remember his name. "Dominick?"
"Demetri," he sighs, and steps a little closer.
"Uh, yeah," I mutter, stepping back. Something about him makes my skin crawl.
"Are you leaving?" He steps aside, gesturing toward the door, and smiles.
I'm about to start walking, thankful for the opportunity to escape, but I don't move. Something about his wide, arrogant smile pisses me off.
"Actually, I'm meeting Edward," I snap, and cross my arms to block his view of my tits.
He blinks, and suddenly narrows his eyes at me, a frown creasing his thin, slightly glossy lips.
"What a coincidence, so am I," he replies with a wink, and offers me his arm. "Shall I escort you up?"
"No thanks," I mumble, and start to walk toward the elevators. I guess there's no turning back now.
Shit!
Somehow he makes it to the elevators before me, and presses the button with a manicured finger.
He turns to lean his shoulder against the wall, giving me an inviting smirk as he carefully looks me over with his ice-blue eyes. Every move is calculated, even the way he takes a deep breath and smoothes his hands down the front of his suit before he talks. I'm sure he thinks he's pretty fucking slick. Too bad for him that I'm not buying it.
"So, how long have you and Edward been -" he starts to speak in a casual tone, but I cut him off.
"None of your fucking business." I give him a cold stare down just as the elevator chimes and the doors open.
"Leah?" The sound of Jasper's voice is like a blessing and a curse.
He looks both surprised and relieved as he stands in the elevator with Jane tucked into his side. As soon as her red-rimmed eyes fix on me, my heart starts to crack a little, reminding me why I'm still here.
"Mr. Whitlock! What a pleasant surprise," Demetri greets Jasper with all the venom of a pissed off cobra as he slithers into the elevator.
Jasper's eyes are the only part of him that move in response to Demetri's words. He doesn't speak or react in any other overt way, except for the slight tilt of his body, turning to gently move Jane behind him.
That's all we need, a fucking cock fight. Men.
"Hey, Jasper. Hi, Jane," I say in a casual tone, waving at the thin, fragile-looking girl, and step into the elevator. It seems like it's been a million years since I met her and her brother at Pyramid Brewery.
"Hi," she mumbles, leaning against the wall, and pretends to look bored.
Awkward elevator ride, party of four.
"I'm sorry, but that's all that I know," Cynthia looks tired and frazzled as she talks to Esme.
"What happened?" I interrupt them, touching Esme's shoulder.
"We're not all that sure," Esme says, looking worried, and tired herself. "Everything seemed to be going well. We were even going to see him a little earlier than planned, and then the nurses said that he hadn't been moved from post-op. We've been trying to find out why, but no one will tell us anything."
"Including her," Alice sneers as she points at Cynthia.
"I've told you. I can't get any more details, because -" Cynthia starts to say, but Alice jumps up.
"You're a total bitch, and you can't be bothered to do your job," Alice says, rolling her eyes. I sigh at Alice's complete lack of tact.
"I don't write hospital policy," Cynthia snaps at Alice, and I step in to try to prevent the fight that Alice seems determined to start.
"I understand, but isn't there a way to work around it?" I ask, giving Cynthia an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry Mr. Cullen, the nurse told me that someone would be out to tell us his status soon," she sighs, just as her cell phone rings in her hand. "I'm sorry, but I need to take this call."
She turns away from me, and I clench my jaw shut to keep from screaming at her.
"See, that's exactly what I'm talking about!" Alice starts to complain, flailing her arms at me, as she scowls at Cynthia.
"Alice, please," Esme scolds, setting a hand on Alice's shoulder to calm her down. "Where are Jasper and Jane?"
"They went to forage in the cafeteria," Alice replies, rolling her eyes. "I don't know how they can eat right now."
Esme turns to me, and I instinctively smile at her, in the hope that I can bring her some comfort.
"You look tired," she says, touching my forehead.
"I'm fine, Mother," I sigh, gently pushing her hand away.
"Where's Dad?" Alice asks, moving up to crowd in next to me.
"He went to speak with one of his friends," Esme answers, giving Alice a wink.
Carlisle wouldn't need to wait around if something's going wrong—not when he knows half the doctors in the building.
"How you holding up?" I turn to Jane, mostly because I'm tired of Demetri staring at me.
"Piss off!" She turns to glare at me, and folds her arms in front of her chest.
"Whoa," I say, raising my hands and taking a step back.
"Settle down, killer," Jasper chuckles, placing a hand on Jane's shoulder, and she visibly relaxes immediately.
"I hate fucking waiting," she grumbles, shrugging off Jasper's hand. She pretends to look interested in the display above the elevator doors, while it slowly counts the floors.
"I'm sure everything is fine," Demetri says from the other corner of the elevator.
Jasper and I both look at him.
"I'm trying to be positive," he pleads, taking a step back, and tries to look apologetic.
"Try doing it with your mouth shut," Jasper says in a low and threatening tone.
I watch as he turns his back on Demetri, looking as ruffled as a wet cat. Jasper is rarely this openly hostile to anyone. It's kind of funny.
"Hey, cowboy," I say, giving him a raised eyebrow to show I'm wondering what the hell crawled up his ass.
"Hey, sweetness," he smiles, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
Apparently, he doesn't want to talk about it. I still file it away to bug him about it at a more appropriate time.
"You actually let him call you that?" Jane's voice catches my attention, and I turn to see her regarding me with a look of disgust.
"Yeah," I reply with a tilt of my head, trying to match her attitude.
"I thought you were with Edward," she challenges me, stepping closer to stare up at me.
I want to laugh so hard, I feel like I'm going to explode, but I suppress it with all of my strength.
"We're just friends," I reply, putting my hands on my hips, and leaving her to figure out which one I'm referring to.
She stares at me for a long moment, then takes a deep breath and turns back to watch display above the door.
"I believe the term is fuck buddies," Demetri says with a sarcastic chuckle.
Before I can move, Jasper swivels around, slamming his hand against Demetri's chest, and pushes him up against the wall.
"Watch your mouth," Jasper hisses, leaning in close to glare at Demetri.
I've seen Jasper in a couple of dust-ups when we've gone out drinking, but seeing him in action never ceases to amaze me. He's got Demetri pinned to the wall with one hand, and the poor douche bag looks ready to have a stroke any minute.
"It was a joke!" Demetri explains, trying to wrestle free, but Jasper doesn't move his hand.
"Keep it to yourself," Jasper replies in the same chilling tone.
"Alright," Demetri relents, as the elevator chimes and the doors open.
Jasper slowly removes his hand, and Demetri rushes out of the door like his ass is on fire, with Jane following close behind him.
"I think he's going to need to change his shorts after that," I laugh, stalling before I start to exit the elevator.
Suddenly, I remember that Edward doesn't know that I've stayed, and I'm worried that I might be intruding. I can see his back from here—his square shoulders and narrow hips—as he talks to Alice and Esme. He looks so different with them there. Something in my stomach curls into a cowardly fetal position and screams for me to leave, now.
As I take a step backward, ready to punch the button for the lobby, a warm hand slides against my palm.
"Come on, he needs us," Jasper whispers, threading his fingers with mine, and pulls me out of the safety of the elevator.
"Thank you," Cynthia closes her phone, and turns back to us, looking more stressed.
"Please, isn't there someone else that we can talk to?" I step forward, my heart is beating so fast I feel as though I might pass out. She sighs and starts to shake her head, but then stops abruptly.
"What's the status?" Demetri appears next to me, out of breath and looking stern. I turn to smile at him, and I see Leah talking to Jasper a few feet behind me. She glances at me and I smile, despite my concern. Something expands inside my chest at the sight of her.
She stayed.
"Mr. Crawford, I've been trying to explain to these people that –" Cynthia starts to speak, but Demetri cuts her off.
"Ms. Lawson, I'm afraid that you've misunderstood your place in the grand scheme of things," Demetri has a smile on his face—he's using his open, friendly smile. This is his business smile. It makes my skin crawl a little when he uses it around me. "You see, these people are the Cullens. Not only are they one of the wealthiest families on this side of the Rockies, but also they are close personal friends of Aro Gallo. I am sure our CEO would be distressed to hear that you are embarrassing him, and insulting his friends, by not doing your job. In fact, he would probably take back your plush Bellevue condo and new Mercedes. So, if you don't want me ship you back to New Jersey, and the shitty social services job where I found you, you better get your ass in there and find out what's going on."
Cynthia flushes crimson and disappears from our sight. Demetri lets out a slow breath, then turns back to greet us with his normal pleasant smile.
"Thank you, dear," Esme gives him a cordial smile, but I can't tell by the way she's fidgeting with her rosary beads she's embarrassed by his rude display of rank. I don't think she realizes she been clutching them so tightly that there are small round imprints running across the knuckles of her hand.
"It is a pleasure to be of service, Mrs. Cullen," he greets Esme with one of the most sincere smiles I have ever seen on his face, and takes Esme's hand in his own. "How have you been?"
"Good, now that you boys are here to help," She replies, smiling at both of us, as she pats the side of Demetri's face with her free hand. "How is your mother?"
"Forever bemoaning my bachelorhood," he laughs, releasing her hand with flourish, and breaking the intimacy of the moment to turn and greet Alice. "Hello Beautiful," he winks, earning the usual response from her.
"Uck, no," Alice groans, turning her back to him, and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Where have you been?"
I'm about to answer when I see the double doors marked "restricted" open, and Carlisle walks through them. He's talking with a man in blue scrubs, who looks like he might be a surgeon. They both have stern looks on their faces as they talk. Carlisle nods gravely at the something the surgeons says, and I watch in numb silence as the man walks away. He's careful to never look in our direction. Carlisle looks at us.
As I stare into Carlisle's pain-filled eyes, I remember something he told me when I was trying to decide what branch of medicine to go into. My professors had been telling me that with my hands and attention to detail, I would make a great surgeon. Carlisle had sighed when I'd asked him what I should do.
"Surgeons are good with the nuts and bolts of the body. They are like artists, using the body as their palette, but many of them never truly understand the heart of medicine—that the body has a soul, and loved ones who care for them. There is always a person behind the patient that they fail to see. When they lose a patient, many surgeons can't look at the family, because it makes them realize that they lost a person. It's why they don't always have the best bedside manner. Some will even have a nurse talk to the family on their behalf. A doctor however, will look you in the eye and tell you the truth, no matter how bad it is. He will face you with the best and worse news. He should be there for his patients and their families. You have the skill, and talent to be surgeon, Edward. There's no doubt about that, but you have the heart of a doctor.
I step forward, removing Alice's arms from my neck, and start to walk toward Carlisle. I sense a strangling pain come to life inside my chest. His expression tells me the answer, but I need to hear it from his mouth—even though I know it will destroy me.
"Tell me!" I close the distance between us in a blur. Carlisle grabs me, his strong hands gripping my forearms as he slowly shakes his head. His eyes are shadowed by pain and sympathy, but it doesn't ease the sting, it merely amplifies it.
"He's gone," Carlisle's voice rings in my ears, as my throat closes, and my breath leaves my body.
"No!" Alice screams.
I pull free from Carlisle's grip and take a step back, trying to catch my breath.
"What happened?" Demetri asks, and I notice the room starts to spin around me.
"His new heart failed—it had simply been out of the body for too long a period of time, and his body began to shut down. It became calcified, hardened, and they couldn't get it restarted. By the time they figured it out, it was too late—the new heart was transplanted in him, and the damage couldn't be undone." Carlisle's voice is low and strained as he speaks, but I can't focus on him over the sound of Esme reciting "The Lord's Prayer."
People move around me, talking and crying, but I can't get my bearings straight. I feel like I can't breathe, nauseous and weak. Blackness starts to close in on me, narrowing my vision to a pinpoint view of the bright, white wall behind Carlisle's head.
I failed.
My legs collapse beneath me, sending me crashing painfully to the hard cold floor. The impact jars my whole body, causing me to grunt, while tears burst from my eyes and a horse whimper of pain escapes from my mouth. I cower on the floor like a useless piece of shit.
"Edward!" Several voices call my name, but I only truly hear one.
Leah's warm hands touch my cheek, and I flinch away. I don't want her comfort, I don't deserve it. I want to scream and slam my head into the floor. The pain in my chest is stealing all my strength. I don't fight her as she takes hold of my face and lifts up my head.
"Breathe," her voice carries over all the noise around me. I can't resist obeying. I suck in air like a drowning man. The blackness pulls back from the corners of my vision and I stare up at her.
"In and out," she says with a nod. All I can see is her beautiful face, her dark eyebrows pulled together, and her lips are turned down at the corners.
I want to tell her I'm sorry, but I'm not strong enough to speak, not yet.
I continue to breathe as she holds onto me, her touch filling me with strength. I start to focus on the voices around me.
"She was just here," someone speaks; it sounds like Esme, but I'm not sure.
"I think she made a run for the stairs," Jasper says from behind me and I turn to look at him.
He looks out of breath, like he's been running, and I wonder how long I was on floor. How long I was wallowing in my own grief, not even considering what this means to Jane? I tighten my grip on Leah's wrists, feeling stronger by the minute.
"We have to find her!" I insist, and they both nod.
"Jane, what's wrong?" Felix whispers, and tries to touch my face.
I don't know why he has to make it hard by being so fucking sweet.
"Don't talk!" I hiss, slapping his hand away, and work my way under his blankets.
"Okay," he sighs, leaning back and trying to look casual, but I can feel the tension in his muscles.
The dim light from the windows makes his naked chest look like it's glowing. Sometimes I wonder if he sleeps like this in the hopes that I'll visit. The first time, he was wearing a t-shirt, as well as sweat pants to bed. It took forever for me to get it off him, which is how we got caught. I was smart enough to only wear long t-shirt, so I could just slip it off, and I was naked in a second.
Not that I wanted to actually fuck him that night. I was just paying around, seeing how far I could get, and how bad he really wanted me. Felix always looks at me in a strange way, like he's in on some kind of secret or something. I mean, people look at me all the time, but they don't really see me. Felix is different, when he looks at me I feel like I'm real, which is fucking crazy.
He's doing it again, right now. His finger traces small circles on my thigh. I can tell by the shadows on his face that he's smiling, like he's won a fucking prize, and for once he's right. I slide under the thin wool blanket, and slip my hand under the waistband of his sweats. He's hard and smooth, same as he always is, but something feels different this time. Maybe it's because I know that I'm not playing around. This time I'm serious.
"Remember the deal," he says, grabbing my wrist, and stopping my hand.
I raise my eyes to look at his face. It's so dark it's hard to make out more than his eyebrows and full lips, but I know him well enough to understand that he's probably wearing his stern look. Felix has never wavered on this one fucking condition.
"I know," I reply, sighing heavily, but he keeps a tight hold on my wrist.
He's never going to let up, until I say it. So, why am I not just saying it? Fuck!
"We don't have to go all the way," he sounds funny, like he's got something stuck in his throat.
He covers the side of my face with his meaty hand, and strokes my chin with his thumb. That's not fair. He shouldn't be this nice. Sure, that's why I chose him, because I know he's clean, and he won't hurt me, but I can't deal with this...touching.
"You got to take care of yourself, especially if something bad happens," Alec's voice was a strained whisper.
It wasn't enough that the bright hospital lights made him look half dead, he had to be talking like we were planning his fucking funeral.
"Don't even start," I growl, leaning down to wrap my arms around his frail shoulders.
"I love you," he whispered in my ear, just as I was pulling away.
I stared down at him, and all I could think was that it wasn't fair. I'm the liar, methhead, piece of shit. Alec has always been the better one. He doesn't deserve to suffer, but that's how this shit works. I get to fuck up at every turn, and Alec pays the price, every time.
This time was supposed to be different. Edward promised that it would be, but he was as full of shit as the rest of them. He tossed us this bullshit dream, and we took it, because it was all we had. I should have known better, and walked away. I could have saved us the trouble. Maybe bought Alec a few more years.
It doesn't matter now. Nothing matters now.
"I love you," it comes out so easily that I almost believe it.
Felix's hand tightens around the back of my neck, and I can feel his dick twitch in my hand.
"I love you, Jane," he whispers against my lips.
I feel dead inside.
He kisses me and I try my best to respond, but it still feels wrong. Felix continues to touch me, his beefy hands slide down my back to cup my ass, and pull me against him.
"Stop!" I push back and he releases me.
"What's wrong?" He shifts up as I crawl backwards on the bed.
I'm shaking, and my eyes are stinging. This isn't right. It should be different. He should be distracting me, not making me feel worse.
"I can't do this, any of this," it comes out in a choked sob, tearing up my throat and chest as it comes out.
"Jane," Felix calls out in a hushed tone, as he reaches for me, but I dodge his hand, and run back to the window.
I'm through it, and climbing down the drainpipe as fast as I can. It was a mistake to come here. He can't help me forget. There's only one thing that can.
We've been driving around the city for hours, trying to track down Jane. She wasn't at any of her normal spots in the parks or bus tunnels. I even check the downtown police station to see if she'd been brought in, but she wasn't there. We were running out of options when Heidi called me.
Heidi was frantic. Apparently, Jane had snuck into the shelter, and then left. Felix had tried to leave to go after her. Heidi had convinced him to stay in the shelter while she called me, but she was still concerned that he would sneak out to find Jane.
"Felix won't say anything other than she was really upset when she left," Heidi sighs, sounding a little shaken.
"Tell him that I'm on my way to pick her up, right now," I tell her, trusting that she not only knows it's a lie, but also that it's better to keep him safe than to tell him the truth. He has a bright future, and enough lives have been ruined tonight.
"I will, if you tell me what the hell is going on," she whispers, and I weigh my options.
I'm going to have to tell her eventually, and I wanted to do it in person; she needs to know.
"Alec...he didn't..." my throat constricts around the words, like my body can't even accept the truth.
I can't hear anything but silence for several seconds, and I'm worried that I might need to head to the shelter. The kids need someone to be strong for them right now.
"I understand," Heidi replies with a shaky voice, and takes a deep breath before she continues to speak. "Don't worry about us, Edward. Just bring her home."
"I'll call once I've found her," I reply, pulling Leah's truck in a pay lot. I quickly find a parking spot and turn off the engine.
"Be safe," she says softly.
I can almost hear the tears she's holding back, and I remember all the times that I saw her with Alec. She was always checking his homework, reminding him to wear a hat, and constantly taking him to the nurse's office if he was breathing heavily. I never really thought about how many other people's lives he had touched.
"I will," I whisper, and hang up before my own grief can distract me.
Leah's sitting on the other side of the bench seat, silently staring at the bright lights of downtown.
"She left the shelter about an hour ago," I tell her, unbuckling my seatbelt, and try to think of my options.
"Shit!" She exhales in a rush, and slouches back into the backrest. "What do we do now?"
I stare at the steering wheel, not answering her question. There is only one thing left to do, and I really don't want to do it. Leah sighs heavily, shifts closer, and sets her warm hand on my arm.
"Edward," she says my name softly. The tenderness in her voice only makes it worse, but I don't have any other choice.
"Do you have any cash on you?" I ask, pulling my arm away to grab my wallet from my back pocket.
"Uh, a little," she stutters, digging into her jeans, and producing a small wad of crumpled bills.
I quickly count our combined money—two hundred and fifty dollars. It should be enough. I carefully fold the bills into a neat, tight packet, and tuck into my pocket. I pull off my jacket, and place it under the seat.
I open my door, and a violent wind whips into the cab of the truck. The cold cuts right through the thin fabric of Seth's t-shirt, leaving me shaking, and stinging my eyes. It's good, actually—I need it to keep me focused. It will also help me to look the part. Laurent needs to believe that I'm using again, or I don't stand any chance of getting him to help me find Jane, before it's too late.
"Where are we going?" Leah appears beside me, looking curious and a little concerned.
"There's a club a few blocks away." I stop, realizing that I didn't think this through; Leah is going find out that I used to do drugs.
There's no avoiding it, even if I could convince her to stay in the truck, which I can't. I don't know explain to tell her why I'm going into one of the most notorious clubs in the city. I'm ready for Leah to know about this part of my past, but I don't really have a choice anymore. Finding Jane is more important.
"Okay, lead the way," she says casually, taking my hand and waits for me to start walking.
I take a deep breath, and give her hand a squeeze as I start walking. As the wind whips around us, tossing her hair across her face, I wonder if she'll ever want to see me again after tonight, once she knows the whole truth about who I am.
This club is right out of one of those shitty rap videos that Embry loves to watch. Women in scraps of spandex are shaking their asses all around us as some overpaid shithead brags about his yachts in time with a rhythmic beat that's giving me a fucking headache. This is the last place I would ever expect Edward to take me.
He's got my wrist in a death grip as he leads me through the club, toward a row of booths set against the back wall. There are several heavy looking thugs standing in front of the booths, and I think that we're going to have to walk around them, but Edward walks right up to the biggest motherfucker in this place.
"Hey, Dre," he says, with a nod and his trademark smirk.
"Whitebread!" The biggest black man I have ever seen gives Edward a wide, friendly smile, and steps to the side to allow us to pass.
I don't have time to look as dumbfounded as I feel, because we're already walking up to a booth with a scrawny black dude lounging like a king, his arm around an even skinnier redhead.
"Holy Shit! Am I seeing a ghost?" The black guy yells and claps as the redhead starts to giggle.
"It's been a while, Laurent," Edward laughs good naturedly, and gives them a sly smile.
"Shit, boy, I'd given up on you. Demetri said you were in rehab," Laurent says, waving his hand, and two chairs appear behind us.
"I was doing it to keep the father happy, and keep the money flowing," Edward replies, taking a seat, and pulls me down into the chair next to him.
As I watch them chat, it dawns on me how Edward knows this guy, and my mind is blown for a moment. Everything I thought that I knew about Edward has been flipped on its head. He used to do drugs, and judging by the appearance of the sketchy dealer, the drug in question was meth. Edward was a methhead? It doesn't mesh in my brain, but I guess it doesn't matter, because it's the truth.
"Ah, but what's a little time between friends?" Laurent says, reaching out a hand toward Edward.
"Precisely," Edward chuckles, taking Laurent's hand. For a brief second, I see a small patch of green in Edward's palm, and I suddenly realize what's going down.
The hand-off. Edward just stuck me in the middle of a fucking bad cop movie, and I'm pissed off. They shake hands for a second, and as Laurent pulls his hand back he looks down at it.
"Trust me, friend, it will be like old times in no time," he smiles, nodding his head, and the redhead leans across the table.
Edward nudges me, and nods toward the scrawny, yellow-toothed bitch that's polishing the table top with her saggy tits. I give him my best "eat shit and die" glare, as I sit there. I can't believe that he's pulled me into this, and didn't at least warn me ahead of time.
"Leah, please," Edward tells me, brushing his lips over my ear, and pressing his palm against my lower back.
I sigh, shake my head, and lean forward. The redhead grabs my hand, pulling me closer to her, and gives me a fake smile.
"Better watch that attitude if you want to keep your man," she says. Her breath stinks like shit, and her nails dig into my palm as deposits a little plastic bag into my hand.
"What if I don't?" I give her a smile that's all teeth and evil.
"Someone younger and hotter might snatch him up," she replies, looking smug and satisfied.
I don't know if it's the combination of the stress, the fact that she's winking at Edward or just this whole fucked up situation, but something in me snaps. A cold rage washes over me as my fingers close around the little baggie, and I curl my hand into a fist.
Everything was going so well. Laurent was the same old laid back businessman that I remembered. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss him a little. We have always felt a strange affinity for one another. While on the surface it would seem that we have nothing in common, especially now that I no longer use. Still, Laurent and I share a similar sense of ethics.
He calls it his code of honor. Discretion, mutual respect, and payment upon delivery. These are the simple but effective rules that Laurent follows. If at any time these are violated, the business relationship is severed, and the appropriate consequences are enacted. In truth, there was very little difference between the corporate world and this one, except here, people are a little more explicit when they threaten your life.
Still, the transaction went well, and I was waiting for the right moment to bring up Jane. I was in the middle of complimenting Laurent the remodel of the club, when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to look, I felt every hope I had die in an instant as Leah's fist collided with the side of Laurent's girlfriend's face.
"Leah!" I stand up, trying to grab her, but she is already crawling across the table, trying to get at the screaming redhead.
To his credit, Laurent handles the situation with his usual regal grace. He climbs out of booth, being careful to not get hit by either of the fighting women, and waves Dre over.
"Nothing like a cat fight to liven shit up," he chuckles, elbowing me in the ribs, while we watch Dre struggle to pull Leah off of the redhead.
"I'm sorry," I tell him, moving to intervene, but he grabs my arm, holding me back.
"You're only going to get hurt," he says, shaking his head. "'sides, that's what he gets paid for."
Dre finally steps back, having captured Leah in his thick arms. She has red hair in both of her fists, and a look of smoldering rage on her beautiful face.
"That's quite a woman you got there," Laurent comments, shaking his head.
"I won't argue that," I reply, as I give him another apologetic smile.
"Better get her into bed, let her work out that shit on your dick," Laurent says, giving me a friendly smile, and pats my shoulder.
I turn to look at him, and realize that this is my last chance to ask him.
"Can I ask you a quick question?" I say, as we start to walk toward Dre.
"Better make it real quick," he replies, gesturing toward Leah.
"Put me down, you fucking asshole!" She screams as Dre struggles to keep his hold on her.
"Have you had any younger girls come through lately? Short, blonde, kinda pretty?" I ask as casually as I can manage while Leah nearly kicks over several tables.
"I would think that you have your hands full with that one," Laurent comments with a raised eyebrow.
"No! It's nothing like that. She's just a kid, a hoodrat, who ripped me off a while back," I say with a shrug, and resist the urge to grab hold of Leah as she struggles in Dre's arms.
"I don't deal to kids," he says, looking insulted.
I panic, realizing that I may have just made bad situation even worse.
"I am so sorry. It wasn't my intention to insult you. I was just hoping that you might know where I could find her," I apologize, stumbling over my own words and mentally kicking myself for the misstep.
"Simmer down," he laughs, slapping my back. "I not gonna lose my shit over it, but don't go assuming that I'm some kiddy fucker just because I push and pimp. A smart guy like you should know better than to get mixed up with that shit anyway," Laurent scolds in a fatherly tone.
"Now, get your crazy woman out of here, before she knocks out Dre's teeth," he continues to chuckle as he pushes me toward the door.
I open the door and Dre gently sets Leah down on her feet. She doesn't even turn to say anything, instead she charges through door, and out of the club.
"Good luck with that," Dre says, shaking his head.
"Thanks," I reply, giving him a weak smile as I walk out, letting the door close behind me with a heavy thud.
The night air is chilly, and the wind is starting to pick up again. I can see Leah waiting for me, further down the alley.
"Wait up," I call out, jogging to catch up with her.
"Please, tell me that we didn't go through all that for nothing," she speaks in a clipped tone and crosses her arms.
"I wish that I could," I reply, feeling defeated and guilty.
"Are you serious? Fuck!" She screams and spins around to shove me backwards into a dumpster.
"What is your problem?" I yell, and try to regain my balance.
"My problem is that I don't like drug dealers!" she replies, glaring at me.
"Leah, I –" I try to explain, but she charges forward.
"You what? You didn't think it was important to warn me what we were walking into? Didn't think I could deal with it? You arrogant, presumptuous bastard!" She snarls, shaking her finger in my face.
It's too much. Not only have I exposed an embarrassing part of my past for nothing, but Leah is obviously disgusted with me. She hates me. She must, if she used that word. I blink for a second, unable to speak as something cold and hard settles over me. It's comforting in it's own way.
"Well, I wouldn't say that picking a fight with the drug dealer's girlfriend shows that you're exactly prepared to handle the situation," I reply coldly, and raise my eyes to see her face flush.
"Screw you!" she snaps, looking a little embarrassed, but she quickly recovers. "What was I supposed to do? Just sit there and play stupid?"
"No, I hoped you'd have self control," I point out calmly, watching her closely.
"I did! She's still alive, isn't she?" She counters, crossing her arms over her chest, but I can see her anger morphing into frustration. "Fucking bitch! You should have heard what she said to me!"
"I think I have a pretty good idea from the way she was rubbing my dick under the table," I say, realizing for the first time that Leah is just as out of sorts as I am tonight.
I can't resist smirking at how Leah's eyes grow wide with renewed fury.
"That fucking whore!" She practically growls as her hands close into fists, and she glances back down the alley toward the club.
"You're not seriously thinking about going back," I laugh, startling myself with an odd sound. Laughter shouldn't shock me, but tonight everything seems so hopeless that this moment seems to stand out.
"No...well, maybe," she replies, a playful smile catching the corner of her mouth, even as she continues to stare at the rusty door of the club.
"You're utterly fearless, aren't you?" Seeing her jealousy extinguishes the last of my anger in an instant.
I can't stop myself as I close the distance between us, and wrap my hand around the back of her neck. The feel of her warm skin beneath my palm calms me, and helps to clear my head.
"I think you mean crazy," she speaks in a hushed tone, leaning forward to press her forehead against mine.
I need this, now more than ever. There is an undeniable gravity to her that I cannot resist, even if I wanted to, but I stopped that fight long ago. She is right; I should have warned her before we went into the club. I take a deep breath, preparing to apologize when my cellphone starts buzzing in my pocket.
"You better get that," Leah says, her strong hands gently pushing against my chest.
I groan, and pull out my phone. As soon as I see that it's Jasper, my heart rate doubles, and I immediately answer.
"Jasper," it comes out in a gasp. Leah presses herself close to my side, and I wrap my arm around her waist while I wait for him to respond.
"I've got her," the sound of Jasper's voice brings me back to reality with a snap.
"That's great news!" I sigh, and the weight that had been pulling me down lifts slightly.
"Edward," he sighs, sounding tired. "It's not good."
"Where are you?" I demand, panic making my hands shake.
"Is Leah still with you?" His voice is steady, as a cold, sickening feeling coils in the pit of my stomach.
"Yes! Now tell me where you are!" My voice is low and threatening.
"We're in the E.R.," he sounds defeated. "They're working on her now, but with as much as she took...I'm not sure-"
"I'm on my way," I say, hanging up, and that hollow feeling returns to my chest.
It's my greatest fear. Now that Alec's gone, Jane has no reason to stay clean. No reason to stay alive.
Leah's staring at me, a million questions on her face. I start to explain, but she just shakes her head.
"Explain it to me on the way," she says, taking my hand, and threading her fingers through mine.
Author's note:
Many thanks to Kimpy0464 for being a fabulous beta and friend.
I also need to thank Chele681 for holding my hand through this chapter.