Hey guys,

Had a few problems writing this chapter if we're honest, but a small bit of inspiration and my beta reader back from Spain and we're back with chapter 21!

This chapter is a bit of an insert, just Jane's thoughts on the current situation and we'll be back in action next chapter.

Thanks for review from CCJLFAN1, CR00 and 2 anonymous for chapter 20, I love the support I am getting!

Hope you enjoy,

Still own nothing.

But nobody else is going to put it right for me,

Jane ran her fingers through her hair and leant back. She recoiled off the cold, grey wall forgetting how awful these places were. Rarely did she come down here as it was, and now she was sat in one waiting for the night to pass and for this nightmare to be over. She'd had many nightmares in the past. Living nightmares, some people consider them an overreaction, but hers were never.

First there was Hoyt, he was gone now but somehow he still invaded her life. The chills, the painful moments in her life, the times where she was scared… scared more than she had ever been scared in her life. When he had her against that floor, when he placed those scalpels in her hands... When he found her the second time, when she saw him appear from the body bag and stopped breathing for what seemed like eternity she felt those feelings flood back in their entirety. And when he had her down in the hospital, when he was slicing her neck once more, when he moved over to Maura and tried to hurt her… that. That was the moment she hated him most. And since then, although she didn't tell anyone, that scene still played in her dreams if Maura wasn't around her. They were the worst kind of nightmares, the ones that felt real. When she could feel the cool metal of the scalpel, and the sharp pain she felt; but worst of all she could feel that surge of anger that flew through her and gave her the strength to save Maura, but sometimes the nightmares didn't end that way.

Then there was that day… the day from hell. The day when she nearly lost everything around her, because she hadn't seen the obvious. Marino had been with her the whole time, and he could have killed two of the most precious people she had. Then she did something stupid, not brave, not courageous as everyone else said – it was stupid. Whenever this nightmare occurred, it did not play out the same way as things had that day. Instead she felt that bullet go through her, and she saw Maura run down the steps. She felt Marino fall behind her and she beside him. Maura would always walk over, always see her, touch her, and then cry. She would cry inconsolably and then she would leave, because she saw the truth.

And finally there was Doyle. Shooting him had been the biggest mistake of her life, yes it was right in the situation and yes Maura had forgiven her… but it still left her with yet another nightmare to contend with, and yet another nightmare which ended another way. This time it would seem more symbolic, as when she shot Doyle, Maura just seemed to disappear slowly, whilst Jane could hear her voice muttering how much she had let her down.

And maybe nightmare Maura was right, because right now Jane was sat reflecting on all this in a holding cell. She had gone undercover and betrayed Maura in some sense. She had come home and brought this mess with her.

This led Jane to think about what Maura might be doing now. She hoped she was sleeping of course, but this seemed an unlikely answer. She knew her girlfriend well, very well in fact and she knew that if she wanted something done – she would do it. And Maura would always stay up all hours to protect her, or get her out of a situation.

There was that night in her apartment. She was scared, no, terrified, and Maura refused to leave. She even google mouthed about guns to persuade Jane to go to bed. Then she stayed all night, watching and waiting over her… always there like the person she was. Even after that long night she continued to work all day, not leaving Jane until the moment it was over.

Hell, Maura had even risked her job for Jane on more than one occasion. Hoyt once again clambered in to her mind like a bad penny and the time when Maura had 'taken the blood vile for medical investigations'. Or stolen it to check he really did have cancer.

She'd taken a scalpel because of Jane, she'd worked days and nights at a time to help her out of a bad situation, and here they were again – in a bad situation. Jane didn't mean to drag Maura in to these things, she just didn't think. And that was the problem. She wished she had thought, all those times when she had let down her best friend, her girlfriend, her lover. She wondered if Maura ever thought this way, if she had yet realised how awful Jane was to her at time, or if that revelation was still to come.

When morning came, Jane had been through all of this half a dozen times if not more. It haunted her, spinning round and round in her head. The door to the cell opened and breakfast was brought to her. Essentially, she ignored it, along with the questions coming from all those who seemed to have made their way down to see the spectacle of the detective in a cell. The number seemed to grow; even after the door was shut she could hear people coming to ask if it was true. Honestly she didn't care.

A long 12 hours after she had found herself in this place, someone came to escort her upstairs. Jane didn't argue, she didn't give any sarcastic comments, she just stood and followed. This wasn't to say things would change when they were questioning her, but right now she was going to do everything in her power to remove herself from this chaos and to stop Maura from having to do too much.

When they reached homicide floor, Jane knew she would be confronted with familiar faces but she ignored them all, except one. Maura stood at the side of the corridor, obviously having been talking to Korsak and obviously having been up all night.

Jane spoke to her, quickly, quietly before they took her to the interview room.

"Keep safe Maur… I love you."

There we are :) Hope you liked it, I wanted a slightly different chapter. As I say, back to the action asap.

My beta reader may be back from Spain, but she's also staying with me for the week! So I will update as much as I can.

As always, I love your review be them constructive criticism, support or ideas and I thank you all so much!

Love to you all,

Steph x x