"My parents used to say I had a lovely voice," the Doctor stated downcast, "They cherished it so much, that they told me to spare it and strain it only on special occasions."

For the first time in his Time Lord- TARDIS relationship he was pleased his ship could not make fun of him.
At least she could not verbalise it, he corrected himself.
The Doctor looked around attentively.
Perhaps this flickering light was supposed to mock him, or the unusual dimmed lights.
Or this were just the thoughts of a madman whose ship had betrayed him and locked him into a corridor he could not exit, his rational part of the brain concluded.

So the Doctor decided to continue his displeasing memories and humiliating scenes his brain had happily supplanted centuries ago.

Indeed there was a new door forming right in front of him.
And indeed there was a novel entrance, its door invitingly open.
As the Doctor drew closer he could sense a strong fragrance penetrating the air.

An unearthly smell bemusing his aesthesia. It smelled like…

"…all the spices of the spice-rack you could lay your curious hands on mixed together. And there are some burnt bits sticking out on this side," Theta pointed at the wobbling monstrosity keeping his distance in case it would snap at his extended finger.

"I always thought you loved my inquisitive fingers," Koschei chuckled but continued before Theta could interrupt him, "but for you information, it is not burnt, those are raisins and various dried fruits."

Koschei had place two normal sized plates on the ridiculously adorned table as well as one saucer.
Still Theta could not take his eyes off the "cake" Koschei had…well, it would be safe to settle on generated, during his manic Christmas obsession.
He was still wearing the tasteless apron with all the jolly looking gingerbread men baking and icing small pastries printed on it.
And it was not helping that he wore the same maniacal smirk of unlimited Christmassiness.

"It's traditional," Koschei explained while cutting the cooking faux pas into two moderately sized servings, as well as one small one.
Then the pieces were sprinkled with spirit and set alight but the flames extinguished only seconds later by a viscous unnaturally yellow sauce and finally crowned by a sprig of holly.
Koschei placed one of the plates in front of him, one in front of Theta and the small one in front of the rat which was already tying its napkin around its neck.

"What's in it?" Theta asked carefully

"Take a bite and find out…"Koschei replied cryptically.

For the first time the rat and Theta exchanged knowing glances.

"That's what my parents used to say when I was a child," Theta mumbled to himself pushing the piece with his fork sceptically around on his plate just in case it pushed back, "only afterwards I never even wanted to know what had been inside."

Theta got a little bit unsettled by Koschei's displeasing grin as he was able to dislodge a bite-sized piece of the dry absurdity.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the little rodent friend sniffing the "treat" and looking both ways before it dropped the piece under the table, but licking its paws greedily as soon as it was aware of Koschei observing it.

Against his better knowledge Theta took a bite.

"A bit dry", he croaked, Koschei handing him a glass.

"I'll keep it in mind next time," Koschei stroked Theta's twitching shoulders, "but why don't you try some pudding with your holly…"