Chapter 21

A/N: GUYYYYYSSS! I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in over 5 months. I went through a lot in those five months. I suffered from depression the first quarter of this year. Ugh. I'm really sorry. But I'm okay now.. hopefully I can update this as often as possible.

I know I should've updated this first before writing another multichapter fic.. sorry.. I really couldn't help it… infinity war wrecked me.

Just bear with me okay?

Thank you for all of your patience.

-S, xoxo

Steve has been gone for 2 days, and Natasha refused to leave her room or speak to anyone.

She heard a knock on her door.

"Nat." it was Clint.

She remained quiet.

"Natasha! You need to go out! For goodness' sake, you need to eat!"

Natasha has stopped crying, she couldn't cry anymore, it's as if her system could no longer produce tears, but her heart still ached. It hurts so bad.

"Natasha! I have kept my distance, and given you the space you needed, but this has been going on for too long, this isn't healthy anymore, you need to go out!" Clint yelled.

Still… no response.

"Natasha! I swear to God… if…."

Clint was cut off by Natasha opening the door.

His mouth was still hanging open.

Natasha's hair was messy, eyes bloodshot and he knows she has a pretty bad headache based on her facial expression

""You better have prepared me dinner, Clint. I'm hungry."

Clint smiled and put his arm around her.

"Of course." Was all he could say, then he kissed her forehead.

Natasha and Clint ate their dinner in silence.

Natasha clearly doesn't want to talk, and Clint respects that, she will talk when she's ready, but for now, he's glad she has come out of her room.

When they were done, they ate dessert at the couch.

Natasha was resting her head on Clint's shoulder. She was absent mindedly shoving one spoon of ice cream after another into her mouth.

"I miss him." She said, almost a whisper.

Clint didn't respond to that, he just held her hand, as if assuring her everything will be okay.

"I'm so stupid. This is all my fault." He heard her say, then he felt a tear roll down his arm.

Clint lifted her chin and wiped her tears away with his thumb.

"Hey… don't blame this all on yourself. Steve will come around, he just needs a little time to think."

"I should've just stayed away. I should've just ignored my feelings, I knew it will eventually come down to this." She said with another tear rolling down her face.

"Don't think like that, Nat. I have never seen both of you so happy until you both decided to be in this relationship. I know it's hard, but it's all a part of this relationship, trust me, it's gonna work out just fine. Steve loves you so much and what you both have, it's real. He just needs timeto think all of this through, okay?"

Natasha remained quiet.

Then she saw James enter the room, their gazes met.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" he stuttered. "I thought no one was here since it's already late."

Natasha and Clint both stared at him from across the room.

James felt the awkwardness in the air.

"I should go." He said and turned to exit the room.

"James." Natasha called out.

He stopped and his shoulder tensed, it has been so long since he heard her say his name.

"Stay." She continued.

He turned to face her.

"we need to talk."

He swallowed and nodded.

Natasha and Clint stared at each other for a while. As if Clint was telepathically asking Natasha if she was sure, in which she nodded lightly.

Clint stood and caressed Natasha's back before leaving the room.

Natasha smiled at James.

"I'm sorry." She said then tears rolled down her cheeks once again.

James strode across the room to close the distance between them. He wiped her tears and wrapped her into his embrace. She fits perfectly against his body. He missed her. He missed her so bad.

A tear fell down his eyes.

"I'm sorry, James. I really am." She said and he can hear her sobbing.

He pulled away just a little and made Natasha look at him

"No. I'm sorry." He said, looking into her eyes.

He missed those beautiful emerald eyes. And now, those eyes are crying because of him. It hurt him, seeing her like this.

"I'm sorry, Talia. I'm sorry."

Then more tears rolled down his cheeks, they were flowing endlessly.

"This is all my fault. I shouldn't have come back… i…"

"James…" Natasha cut him off. "Don't." she said, her eyes were begging him. "Don't ever say that." She continued as her hands were cupping his face and her thumbs were wiping his tears.

He leaned into her touch.

"I want you to be happy. I'm sorry if me coming back to your life is ruining that right now." He said and took one of her hands and kissed her palm.

"Hey… I'm happy you're back, okay?" Natasha replied. "I really am. I nearly lost my mind when HYDRA took you away."

James cried harder at that. The thought of Natalia suffering and him not being there, broke his heart. The worst part is, he didn't get to grieve when he was taken away from her, because they immediately wiped his memory. The thought of Natalia being broken and losing her mind because of him tortured him harder than anything he had ever experienced with HYDRA.

"It took me years to move on from you, to accept the fact that you're gone, that what we had is over."

He could feel his chest tighten at that. He had difficulty of breathing.

"James…" she said.. her voice soft.

He met her gaze, another tear threatening to fall down her eyes.

"I'm sorry I fell in love with your brother." She said as tears streamed down her cheeks.

It hurt when he found out about Steve and Natasha from Clint. But nothing compares to the pain he is feeling right now. It was one thing finding about them from Clint, it was another thing hearing it from her. It killed him.

He couldn't utter a word to respond to her.

It was as if his entire body was numb and he couldn't move due to the pain he's feeling.

He thought he was okay.. he had two days to process everything he found out… but hearing it from the woman he loves killed him… it hurts. Everywhere.

He felt Natalia hug him, caressing his back.

He didn't move or say a thing for a couple of minutes.

Natalia did not, either.

He understands that it was a long time ago. He understands that she needed to move on. But for him, it was only weeks ago.

"Talia…" he called.

She looked up and met his gaze.

"I still love you."

He could see the shock in her face.

"…and I'm sorry for that."