The Truth To Onew's Past

That evening, Onew called all the other members into the living room with a sombre look on his face. The others could tell this was a serious conversation but they couldn't guess what it was about. When they were all seated and looking intently towards their Leader, he finally spoke.

"Dongsaengs, I have never lied to you about my past, but I never told you the whole truth either. I know you often question why I have never told you but I feared you would turn away from me if you knew. My past isn't pretty nor is it bright, everyone has a dark side and this is mine. I know I'm risking a lot by telling you this. But after what we have been through lately, I realise I owe you this much but I would ask that you let me tell my story without interruption, it is hard enough without questions along the way. If you don't want me to stay after you have heard it, I will understand and I will leave." The others just looked on, unsure of how to react. They had always wondered what Onew's past held but to hear him start his story so seriously told them that maybe they would have preferred not knowing, but if he was willing to tell them then he deserved their attention and respect. He took a deep breath before sighing, then he started his dark tale.

"When I was young, I had a happy life, an Umma and Appa who loved me, a comfortable place to call home and everything I could ever need. But then one day, my Appa was framed for something at his work and was immediately fired from his post. He was so angry and when he struggled to find employment, he turned to alcohol. He drank and drank until he became addicted. My happy life was coming to an end and I lost my Appa forever, I was then only left with a cold harsh Father in his place. After a while, my Father started to become violent. He went after my Umma on many occasions, coming home drunk he would storm upstairs and beat her senseless. In the mornings, she would come and hug me and make me breakfast, bearing the marks of her lover's abuse, always trying to keep up a smile for me but I could see her pain and fear behind it. Soon, my father's attention became interested in me. During his drunk evenings, he would try and find me to inflict some pain towards, yet my Umma always hid me before he came home. I could always hear her screams, pleads for mercy as he struck her over and over. I wanted so desperately to go to her but she made me promise to never move from my spot, until she came to get me." Every member had his eyes fixed to their Leader as he told his tale. They were already feeling such pain and sadness to know what environment he had had to live in but they had only just started. There was a lot worse to come. "Then one day, Umma didn't here him coming. She didn't have time to hide me like before. I was there when he came stumbling through the door, beer bottle in hand, clothes in disarray, reeking of alcohol and sweat. I was frozen still as he focused on me and walked clumsily, yet still terrifyingly towards me, he raised his fist, yet it never connected with me, not that time. Umma had realised what had happened and flung herself in his way, pushing him away from me and also taking the punch at the same time. They both hurtled to the floor and I heard my mother scream to me, "Aegi, quickly run and hide! GO!" I raced up the stairs but instead of hiding I waited, hiding behind the corner, watching. I watched as he punched her in the face and gut, I watched him kick her while she was down, I watched as he pinned her down and continued to punch her, despite her screams. I even watched as he reached up and smashed the beer bottle down on her head... I watched as she went limp and he eyes flutter closed, her chest stopped moving." They were all stunned silent as they listened to his account of his Umma's death. They never could have imagined it happening, and certainly not to Onew or his Umma. Onew had tears in his eyes as he stared at the wood of the table in front of him, completely lost in the memories as they flowed before his eyes. There was a terrible pause of silence before Onew carried on with his story. "When he finally got off her, his hands were coated in her blood, it spattered across his clothes and his face. He turned to face me and I had never been more terrified. He stomped towards me, climbing the stairs, getting closer and closer. My instinct was to run, so I turned and ran straight to my room, however when I closed the door, my hands couldn't turn the lock so he easily bashed through the door. That was the first night he abused me" At this news, all the members somehow reacted. Key brought his hands to his mouth as his eyes became damp, Taemin tried to wrap his arms around himself as his own tears threatened to fall, Minho gritted his teeth but also wrapped his lover in a secure hold when he noticed his condition, Jonghyun just put his head in his hands and gripped his hair firmly. They didn't want to believe that Onew had been submitted to such parental abuse but there was also no denying it. But poor Onew still had a lot to say.

"That next morning was probably one of the worst in my entire life. My Father kicked me awake, handed me a shovel and ordered me outside. When I got out, I saw him roughly shoving my Umma's carcass into the back of his truck. He told me to sit up front and drove us both out to the middle of nowhere; I never found out where that place was. He pushed me outside of the truck and went to get my Umma's body. He took me over to a spot and threw me to the ground, commanding me to dig. He was never pleased with my work but in the end he just threw her in and told me to cover her back up before taking us home. Once we were back in the house, he pinned me against the wall with his hand at my neck, saying if I told anyone he would make my life a living hell before he would kill me and bury me somewhere where no one would ever find me. That same week, he had everything packed up and we left without a moments notice. We told nobody, just up and left. Then when he had me alone in our new home, that was when the real hell started. I was confined to the house, I couldn't go to school because there would have been too many questions about my father and the bruises and obvious signs of abuse. No one even knew about me. I cooked and cleaned and tried to help my father in anyway I could, he was never pleased with me. Everything I did deserved punishment; is what he said. The abuse was none stop. I hardly saw daylight and he often starved me for periods of time to keep me weak and dependant on him. I knew I had nowhere to go - he made sure of that. The abuse became so regular that I learned to just take it, I didn't fight or try to avoid it: just took it silently until he exhausted himself. I was constantly told I deserved it, it was all my fault and I was no good to anyone. I was locked in my room most of the time until one night after he had beaten me and gone to bed, he had forgotten to lock the door behind him. I took my chance. I grabbed whatever I thought I would need, in a rucksack: clothes, food, passport, I even took some of my Father's money, and left his house forever. I ran and ran as far away from that place as I could. I looked it up and I realised my Grandma on my Umma's side was living a little while away so I used the money I had to get transport there. When she saw me and I explained the situation she took me in and gave me a home. It was warm and cozy but I never felt safe. I constantly feared he would take me away, back to the hell hole he lived in. Grandma was a kind lady who protected me, she even hid me when my Father came looking for me. I stayed with her for a few years and while I was there I learned I had a passion for music. I was a decent singer and dancer and with nothing much else to do in the house, I practiced day and sometimes into the night. I had to be kept a secret so my Father couldn't track me. It was as if I had never existed but as long as He didn't find me I didn't mind too much. I loved my Grandma so much and I owed her everything. She was the last family I had." Onew's expression softened slightly as he remembered her but it quickly hardened again at the next point in the story.

"But then one day, she had a heart attack. It came as a surprise to the both of us. She was rushed to the hospital and it was one of the first times I had left the house in years when I went with her. She was very weak but she survived long enough to write her will, stating that everything she owned was given to me. She past away in her sleep the next day. I was left with no one. I knew I couldn't stay there so I packed up everything I would need and sold the rest at an auction. With the money I gained I moved out to start a new life. I decided to move to Seoul and as far away from my past as possible. I found a place to stay where I could be alone, I didn't want to burden anybody else and from them on I promised myself to never speak of what had happened. I stayed there for a while, learning from home and practising my singing and dancing until one day, I saw a flyer outside about the SM auditions and thought I might try out. Never in a million years, did I think I would get in but I was chosen. So I went through training like you guys, came up with my happy and silly Onew personality and I was introduced to you guys. When I found out I would be a Leader I swore to protect you and care for you. I wanted to give you the kindness, security and comforting happiness that I was denied. That day I knew I would always put you first, and I knew I would help to make us Shining SHINee." he finished. The whole while he hadn't made eye contact until those last few lines. He had finally lifted his head and looked at his beloved members in turn trying to show them as best he could how much he would do for them. Throughout the whole time, they had said nothing, only listened. They all either had silent tears gliding down their cheeks or unshed tears still lingering in their eyes. They didn't know what to say or do, they couldn't believe what their leader had gone through in his short life and still been as strong and pure hearted as he was. A part of them felt relieved to finally know the truth but the other part was horrified at his tale and the terror and horror it held. They had all lived in comfort and love when they were younger, there were sometimes difficulties but they couldn't imagine going through what Onew had. It didn't seem real. After he was finished, they were still speechless. They sat there for a moment before Taemin stood up and walked over to his Hyung, and practically threw himself into his arms, hugging him tightly. Onew seemed to have told his story as blankly as he could as if trying to distance himself from the horrific events but now he felt his maknae's arms around him, he couldn't hold it any longer. The flood gates opened and the tears fell like a waterfall. He clung to the youngest who just tried to comfort him as he broke down in front of him. The others watched as he started to crumble until one by one they all came over and joined in the hug and let their own tears for their Leader fall. They all just comforted each other until they had all regained their self-control. Onew smiled weakly behind his tears and thanked them for being there for him.

"It's the least we could do, Hyung. You have always been there for us countless times." Minho said.

"If you don't want me here anymore I will understand." he said tearfully and the others hated to see him that broken,

"Ani, Hyung. Why would we not want you anymore?" Jonghyun asked,

"I thought that since i'm clearly broken and tainted, that you wouldn't want me anymore. I'm not a good person" he said and his tears threatened to fall again.

"Ani, Hyung. Never! We never want you to leave us. Please stay Hyung, please!" Taemin said and Onew just looked up hopefully.

"You mean it? After all you know, you still want me?"

"Hyung, if anything it makes us respect you even more. You have been through so much and you are so strong, yet you are still so kind and pure. Kamsahamnida Hyung. You really are the best Leader we could ever have!" Key finished and the others all nodded with agreement before joining in another group hug. All of them smiling and finally looking like the friends they really were again.