Log #349936

Despite my resolution, I have not departed from the Terran homeworld.

...

It is difficult to understand my position here. At my first arrival on Earth, my confusion had no answer. For what reason had the gods so assigned me to this damnable corner of the universe? What purpose had they in doing so? And in this abidancy I remained bewildered, waiting for an answer that I feared would not come.

But come it has, I fear. Not from my own gods, whose comfort I might have expected to assign some great task in my presense here. There is no such comfort, and my answer comes only from a foolish girl. She spoke without certainty, but the more I have dwelt on her words, the less I may deny them. She claimed it may well be that her God has brought me here. In my heart I wish that this were untrue, that my own gods with their own purposes have done it, or the wild whims of fate have me in their thrall. But only with Bethany's explanation has all fallen into place. For I know my own gods well. They would not have denied my need to remain with my own kind, and serve there to preserve our race.

This God of humans, on the other hand, need have no such motivation. Whatever he may feel of the Protoss, surely his own creation more greatly concerns him. Have I angered this God? Did I hate the humans overmuch, or were my actions mistaken for wrath against these pitiful beings? I do not deny that I find these creatures repugnant. It is a mere opinion and not held by myself alone, that I alone should suffer this fate. Never would I war with the humans without need, and I have never judged them with cruelty. No indeed, my every action toward them has been well reasoned, considerate, and graceful in regard to their multiple fallacies. Anything I have done against them was done in the defense of my species, and not from hate. I swear that this is true, for does one hate the wild animal that haunts the wilderness? By all means, no, for it is a mere beast. Humans are, to a degree, raised above beasthood, and I confess I neither understand them nor why any god would have been interested in their creation. They are nonetheless his creatures, and I suppose it is to this God's credit he does not simply abandon them.

I stated fully my lack of maliciousness and sin towards the humans, and for many silent minutes I waited. For many more minutes I, ready to dismiss the existence of this God, prepared for my dormition at the planet with the uncouth name of Venus. Yet as I made the final calculations, a thought, unbidden, rose to my mind. To this day, I could not recall why I sent for Bethany, those months ago, at the exact moment she was most in danger. She is this God's creature, and he would surely use me for her rescue, as said this thought.

But I denied it, and tried to muse on other matters. I could not. For even as I attempted to do this, I recalled - quite out of my conscious memory - a piece of a book read by the believing earthborn.

'What term!...Till God forgives my sins-till then I'll be serving time.'

This was a statement made by a simple woman in a prison camp, read to me by a girl who can never have met her. But again, in what way have I sinned against these humans? Have I hated them undeservingly? Is their God merely offended for their sake? To take up offense against me is beyond reason. Have I not acted on the behalf of humans? Did I not aid Raynor and allow him to remain on Aiur? Did I not spare the four humans whom I may well have killed for secrecy's sake? What then is expected of me?

I cried out to this God of humans, "If you have any matter about which you intend to address me, then speak, and have out with it. I must have some sign, if you expect any obedience on my part."

And there was nothing. Contenting myself with the silence, I moved to my console and prepared to leave orbit. But it was that thought, that quiet interruption, and in the quietude of the Juniadros I could not fail to notice it. It was not words, but it was information. It was my task simply to find Cheonha.

I did not grieve for the girl at her passing. I did not feel the need to do so. No, it was not callousness, but a strange reluctance, a doubt. I never felt that she had died. Of course, it may well be that I am so well acquaintenced with death, I fear it now in no form. In any case, the haunting information came without surprise. I obeyed it, feeling that it was without point. Cheonha was indeed killed. I do not speak korean, but I observed more than enough to understand what had occurred.

With an uncertain dread, I searched for Cheonha's mind with the ship's computer. I knew her present location, but only through hearsay. I could not pinpoint it without a living mind. But she was dead, was she not? The quiet insistence did not vanish, and I obeyed it, if only to fulfill my own curiosity.

I received a signal.

Cheonha's item was a small plastic flower she removed from her shoe. It was of the first day when I met the four, and Cheonha was with Bethany, buying clothes. Bethany had picked out the shoes for her, it seems. And when I transmitted the image of this item, this memory vividly, undeniably appeared. Cheonha is alive.

At the time she was cold and frightened, for she was in some sort of cold sleep cell - I made no attempt to see her specific location. A worker in the facility (I believe the place is in english referred to as a morgue) was available. I sent her to see to Cheonha. I took proper precautions, and did nothing more than say Cheonha's name to the worker. This person must have been familiar with her case, and knew to whom I referred. By altering certain chemicals in her mind, I silently urged her to make haste. She would not have seen my actions as anything more than an impulse, a whim of fate, perhaps.

Since that time I have sat here, alone. If it were Aiur's gods that had sent me to this place, they would have granted me a task. Because it is Earth's, and he is enigmatic, I know not what is set before me. I know only little of what I apparently must do.

Perhaps it is that every word I have recorded here is utter nonsense. Perhaps I have spoken foolishly, or from delusion. Perhaps I am simply a coward, resorting to whatever excuse I might claim in my own personal defense. Perhaps I have so given myself over to self-preservation, that I have become too weak to bear the resolve I should have had from the beginning of this sordid ordeal. I am weak, and I have failed, and I now embark upon a path I fear is the most foolish I have yet taken. If I do wrongly, may my own gods judge me, if I shall ever dwell in their presence again.

Until my sins are forgiven, whatever they may be.

-t-

I'm really tired of starting out each of these journal entries with something like, "life really sucks right now," or "things are really hard." I'm just adulting, and apparently complaining is a normal thing to do. I'm just sick of money issues, of work issues, of school issues, and of losing aliens and friends issues.

Honestly, when I got home today, all I wanted to do was watch my Project Runway DVD for the tenth time - television sets and the internet cost money, so again, money issues. So for the moment, if I'm bored, all I get is a choice between Project Runway and Mortal Kombat (1995). Project Runway has more episodes, so it looks like I get to see the blow up between Kara Saun and Wendy Pepper again.

Man, old Project Runway is so good. All the new stuff sucks.

Anyway, despite the fact I have money woes, trinkets at work are significantly cheaper than internet, especially plus employee discount. I work at a place that sells used books and geek trinkets, and somehow we ended up with a Blizzard-themed mystery box. Given that the only one of their games that I actually played was Starcraft, I only recognised the little Zeratul and Kerrigan figures on the side of the box. But I bought it anyway, risking it being one I don't want. Hey, I've got coworkers. If I don't want it, one of them probably will.

In any case, I bought that thing right up. The thought of opening it up nagged me all the rest of the workday, and I couldn't wait to get home. Finally I did, and I plopped into my green chair and opened up that bad boy. And grinned. Yay! I got a little plastic Zeratul! It's just too bad they don't let you have the old, cool-looking one. Instead we only get the Starcraft 2 new one. Lame. Oh well, it's a fun new thing anyway. It even came with a little loop attached to fake Zeratul's head. I swung it around on my finger and thought of a cute little song and sang it. Oh hush, stop judging me. Work any amount of time in childcare and you'll do it too.

"When things are sad, I won't whine, I'll

Get out my Protoss made of vinyl,

Now every day will be so cool,

Just me and my fake Zeratul!"

Before I knew it, there was the sound of overwhelming laughter in my head.

"Uh...Charlie?" I thought this rather than said it outloud, because my house is probably still bugged. But screw italics, for now.

He instantly vanished from my mind, and I grinned. Hey, at least somebody likes my singing. Oops, I hope my upstairs neighbor isn't home. Aw, who cares? I made Aldaris laugh!

"For your information," Aldaris, apparently back and definitely still amused, replied. "I am vulnerable to your juvenile humor only due to my highly stressful circumstances."

"Hey, Charlie, whatever I can do to help." I grinned some more, but then I wondered. Why was Aldaris alive? Wasn't he going to...I mean, the last time I saw him, he even said he was going to...

"Be at peace. I have every intention of continuing to live."

I jumped out of my chair, forgetting all mention of neighbors or bugs.

"YEE-ESSSSSSSSS!"

"...If you can restrain yourself from any such further outbursts, I have further things to discuss with you. As well as further good news."

I put my hands over my mouth and thought back at him, "I'll be good."

"We shall see. Prepare yourself for recall."

One of these days, I'm going to ask him what he means with all that "prepare yourself" crap. But it is not this day, because the instant I teleported back to Aldaris' lounge, I had a "further outburst."

"Cheonha-shee!"

\\\\\\

Author's Notes:

- So I brought a character back from the dead. Sue me. Or don't, because it's not like I have much in the way of money.

- I'm sorry it's been forever since update. Again. Real life has been on me. I started a second job, and I'm going to be starting school in the spring. So...yeah. Man, I had such grandiose plans for this story. I still do, really. Thing is, I'd like to do some things to get published, too.

So, here's how it's going to be. Before the end of the year, I'm going to put up one more update, which will end this segment of the story. After that, I'll work on the next segment over the next year. I won't post it until I have a significant buffer, so that there won't be any long "real world" delays. However, I can't promise that that part of the story will come any time soon. Honestly, I kinda like it that way. With Starcraft 2 being wrapped up, excitement for this section has gone down. I want to wait a bit, and perhaps another peak for Starcraft will come. Granted, I'm not going to specifically wait for that.

It's just...

It's like Mega Man, actually. One of the reasons why fanfic writers in that section like to write Mega Man stories is because Capcom never specified what happened between the Classic and X series. People could make that nice, beautiful gap whatever they wanted. Honestly, that's why I managed a five-part story in it. I feel like Starcraft 2 rounded things out too well, ended too many mysteries (among other things). For stories, and in particular stories in games, there should always be gaps of information, places where the audience can speculate or create their own answers to questions. Void is one of the most important things in storytelling, and not the Dark Templar kind, either.

Well, I do have void, and that's the question, "what will happen when Aldaris becomes known on Earth?" Hopefully the answer to that question will be interesting. More interesting than this particular story, as I don't feel this segment lived up to the potential I'd planned for it. But besides real life, that was due to me being really excited by what I could do in later stories. I even have notes for those parts. Here's hoping to having notes for the next story, to actually get something up.

- Aldaris has what humans in the western world would call an old-fashioned view of the gods. He sees gods as local, like, each one happens to be attached to a specific area of a world, though there are a few nature gods on Aiur that are gods of trees, gods of rain, etc. He copes easily with the idea that Earth has its own gods in their own localities (and is ready to dislike every one). And is quietly offended that I believe in the omnipresence of my God, but we haven't really had a deep discussion on that yet.