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Gnarley

Princess-Lazy-Chan

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TheInflictedFinger

Reviews and constructive criticism are very much appreciated.

"All done!" Yumichika sighed putting the away the unused bandages and pieces of gauze. With his right arm he pointed out into the hallway.

"Get cleaned up so we can start the make over~"

I huffed crossing my arms over my chest. I didn't like how demanding he was but he did help me out so I guess I can let him have his fun for a little while.

"Yes mom"

Yumichika gasped in horror before flames of rage spewed from behind him. I sweat dropped holding my hands in front of me in a defensive manner.

"Please do not compare me to a middle aged woman!"

I waved him off walking into the, thankfully, unoccupied washroom.

When I returned, Yumichika had a arsenal of beauty supplies. Once again, I sweat dropped looking at the giddy male.

"Where did you get all this?"

A sly smile slithered across his lips as his eyes glimmered with mischief.

"I'd rather not tell you~"

I sighed this guy is too weird sometimes. I watched him pull out a set of sharp tweezers. He clacked the tips together and moved in front of me.

Yumichika moved his free hand around my face, scanning it with a pouty frown. I tried slapping his hands off of my face and moving my head away from his prodding fingers but he was always one step ahead.

I reached for his hand and he poked the sore nerves in the palm of my left hand with the tweezers sending a spark of pain up my arm. I hissed pain but stopped my futile attempts to rid myself of his hand.

"First, I should rid you of that ungodly unibrow!"

"Unibrow? I don't have a fuckin' unibrow!"

Yumichika rolled his eyes bringing the sharp tweezers uncomfortably close to my wide blue eyes.

"Gah! You're grabbing the skin!" I hissed slapping his hand away scornfully.

"Sorry! But the hairs are soooo tiny~"

"Do you even know what your doing?" I let out a mushroom sigh already regretting letting him 're-do' my appearance.

"Yes! I know what I'm do-"

"AHHHHH!"

Ikkaku let out an annoyed groan rolling over to see what the commotion was about. He dead panned watching his best friend wiggling in front of me screaming an apology while I held my right eye a river of tears flowing down my face.

"My hand slipped I swear!"

"Damnit it hurts, Ya son of a *CLAMP*"

Yumichika covered my mouth still moving mouth with his hand shaking one finger in front of my face.

"No naughty words! It ruins the air in my room"

I stopped yelling to stare at him blankly. He hesitated taking his hand slowly from my frown lips.

"You stabbed me in the eye! I don't give a fuck about the air in your room, you damn fruit cake!" I bellowed throwing my hands into the air out of frustration.

Ikkaku let out a obnoxious guffaw deciding it was more interesting to watch us then taking a nap.

"Fruit cake?"

"What? Did I not make myself clear?"

A thick strand of lightning filled the gap between our glares. His eyes wandered back up towards my eyebrows breaking the tension with a loud sigh.

"Ok, let's see if I can wax those things you call eyebrows~"

I frowned gripping the edges of the chair and closing my eyes as he approached with the steaming hot wax a thin strips of white fabric.

Using a thin wooden stick to apply the hot wax onto a small part of my eyebrow then applied the thin white strip. With a quick jerk of the wrist he got rid of a small portion of the 'offending' hairs. I flinched, but the pain disappeared within seconds, opening my eyes to watch Yumichika.

He went to repeat the process, slowly the wooden stick covered in molten wax came closer to my face. Subconsciously, I moved my head back a little.

Drip.

"Oops…."

"Damnit Yumichika!" I hissed waving a hand over my freshly burnt cheek glaring at him while Ikkaku began to laugh again.

.

.

.

(Many pain filled hours later)

.

.

"And…."

Yumichika stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth applying the last bit of blue eye shadow.

"Voila!"

He took two steps backward looking my 're-done' body over. Yumichika gestured of me to twirl turn around, I did what he asked. He grinned in satisfaction and gained a smug gleam in his violet eyes.

"I am a genius!"

He squealed making my chest swell with vanity and pride. I waltzed over to his full length mirror glancing at myself.

A pleased smile graced my lips. Yumichika did do a good job.

Sort of.

Despite having cuts from the tweezers, a burn on my cheek and ear (straightener), little cuts from the scissors, black hair dye smudges on my neck, eyeliner poked eyes, little black lines from his attempts at applying mascara, and a sore head from his rough brushwork, I looked good.

My hair was let down in nicely trimmed layers, he straightened it and loosely curled the ends. As a style he put it in a low, loose side ponytail that hung over my right shoulder with my bangs were pushed towards the left side of my face. Yumichika dyed the underside of my hair black, making the curled ends of the layers intertwine, giving it a 'yin-yang' swirl look. My eyes brows are now up to his standards. The only bit of make up he put on was eye liner, mascara, and a tinge of light blue eye shadow, to make the blue hue in my eye stand out more in contrast to my silver hair.

Yumichika disposed of my clothes giving me a pair of his Shinigami pants, undergarments, he had for some odd reason, and a white kimono-style blouse with no sleeves, with black kanji for 'endurance' on the back, held closed by a silky silver obi.

If I learned anything from this experience I has to be that the eleventh squad is filled with sadists, masochists, and sociopaths.

After Ikkaku got in the first couple of laughs at my expense, he waved in a couple of his fellow squad members who all sat watching and drinking Sake like it was the Super Bowl.

They made bets on what Yumichika would injure or mess up next. Yumichika was highly offended and threw a pair of scissors at them, which ended up in them making a game of pissing off Yumichika.

Moving my eyes away from the mirror to finally get a look at the group of men who watched my metamorphosis.

Surprise lit up my features, for all the rumors I heard about the eleventh squad, they all looked the most normal. So far, they just seemed like immature men not blood thirsty war mongers.

"Rangiku you are way over dramatic"

"I'm surprised Yumichika did a good job"

Agreements spread through the room making me blush in embarrassment and half-heartedly glare at the thrilled Yumichika.

"So girly what's your name?"

"Karissa Evans"

"We hear ya beat Ikkaku-sempai!"

I blinked watching the men lean forward watching me with interested eyes.

"All right! Get outta here all of ya!" Ikkaku yelled punching the man who asked the previous question in the head.

I sweat dropped looking at the seething bald Shinigami.

"I wanna rematch!"

Ikkaku turned towards me with a smirk, I gave him one back "Yeah"

"Save it for later you two! I didn't go through all that work for you" Yumichika jabbed a accusing finger at me "to run off an get all beat up again!"

"Jeez, you really are like a mom!"

"I thought I told you to stop that!"

I grinned, Yumichika was so easy to tick off. One of the men from earlier poked his head into the room mouth full of noodles and a bottle of sake in his hands.

"Ay, yof fivs finnfer ish meady!"

"Oi, what the did he just say?"

"He said 'hey, you guys dinner is ready'"

I blinked staring at Ikkaku in surprise, it didn't sound remotely the same but whatever. He smirked, again, and walked out the door dragging Yumichika and I with him.

I sweat dropped gapping at the thrashed dining hall filled with aggressive, testosterone driven men.

Bottles, plates, Zanpakutous, pieces of clothing and shoes, unconscious and bloody men strewn across the floor and on top of the wooden tables and benches. Broken pictures were hung unsteadily on the walls along with a half of a dart board and impaled Zanpakutous.

A large burly, hairy, and scarred man wearing a stained off-white apron take a broom and proceeded to shove everything into one corner of the room.

Bloody fights broke out over nothing, bottles flew, and instead of talking everyone one was yelling and letting out booming laughs.

I grimaced watching the broom man spit onto the middle of the wooden table to then wipe the table with a stained dish clothes. He turned towards me, giving me a almost toothless smile and patted the spot he just 'cleaned'.

"There ya go, squeaky clean!"

I sweat dropped scratching the back of my head. Yumichika placed a hand on my back and pushed me towards the long table.

With a hint of hesitation, I sat down keeping my hands in my lap. Not daring enough to look let alone touch the table. Yumichika plopped down next to me while Ikkaku took a seat across from me, both unaffected by the condition of the room.

The table were soon filled with loud muscular men shouting curses and butchered grammarless sentences smashing sake bottles and arm wrestling.

The giant toothless cook slash maid brought out a pig on a platter while his smaller helpers brought out plates of takoyaki, fried shrimp, sashimi, and various other things. Bottles of sake slid up and down the table but I decided to stick with water.

Plates and chopsticks flew through the air only stopping when they hit something or someone grabbed it. Ikkaku caught a plate and tossed it at me.

For what seemed to be the hundredth time today, I sweat dropped watching plates shatter and men, even Yumichika, jump on the tables fighting like starved dogs over the food.

Like an infection, their mirth and fighting attitude washed over me shaking off any feeling of nervousness.

With a smile, I yanked away the bowl of fried shrimp out of two glaring men's hands. I just ate out of the bowl using my plate as a shield from flying objects and anyone who tried to take a shrimp.

"Ay! She's not bein' shy anymore!" a grown man laughed sliding me a over filled bowl of white rice.

"Saito and Ikeda, it's your night!"

Said men stood from their seats and walked to the entrance area standing a few feet apart facing each other.

"What are they doing?"

I asked slapping a invading hand with the plate.

"Entertainment, every night two names are drawn along with non-lethal weapons and they fight"

I blinked raising my eyebrows leaning backwards so I could get a better view of the men. The giant chef brought out two wooden spoons.

"And began!"

Both men let out battle cries and charged at each other waving the spoons like they were Zanpakutou.

I laughed a little bit watching the two men go at it until someone flicked my ear.

"Earth to Karissa!"

"What?"

"I've been calling you for like two mintues!"

I grinned sheepishly scratching the back of my head.

"Sorry!"

"Did you want in on the bet?"

"yeah, but I don't have anything to gamble with…"

Ikkaku smiled pointing at the brawling men.

"Which one?"

I looked back at the fighters watching their movements closely. I grinned turning back to him.

"The shorter one"

"Hey, Chef. Karissa bets on Saito" Ikkaku said handing the burly chef some money.

I blinked then smiled a little wider looking back at the fight just in time to see it taken to the floor with the Saito guy on top of Ikeda slamming his spoon onto the others cheek until Ikeda lost consciousness.

After the excitement of the short lived fight died down everyone took their seats again and the uproar of laughter and curses started again. Sure a few fights broke out but I've already gotten used to them.

Chef handed me the money I had won in the bet. I thanked him turning to Ikkaku and holding my winnings to him.

"Keep it" he grumbled pour more sake down his throat. I cocked my head to the side but started to talk to the man beside me again shoving the money into Yumichika's unsuspecting hands.

"Heh, I think you'll like Captain Zaraki"

"Oh really?"

"Yes! He's strong!"

Once captain Zaraki was mentioned the room quieted down until they all tried to simultaneously describe their beloved captain to me.

"Very muscular,"

"Lethargic,"

"Bloodthirsty,"

"Rebellious,"

"Battle lovin'"

"Almost motherly"

"Good with kids!"

"Intelligent, a real modern day Einstein!"

"Spiky with bells~"

"Eye patch!"

"Empathetic,

"And wise, su-"

"I get it!… even though it's contradictory" I mumbled the last part gaining a glare from the not so gentle man across from me.

I sweat dropped chewing a little bit slower. The image that came to mind was a large burly man covered in scraggly hair wearing a Jester hat with the dangly bells with an eye patch knocking someone out with a dictionary then handing a kid a lollipop.

The chatter started up again and Chef brought out more and more food.

"Ugh, please slow down when you eat. Shoving it down like that is disgusting!"

I sighed bringing the glass of water to my lips. Yumichika was a decent guy when he wasn't complaining about something being disgusting.

"No way! I need to get as many vitamins as possible so I can grow to be 202 centimeters like Captain Zaraki"

I choked on the water spitting most of it out while slamming the glass onto the table making the room grow silent.

"What the hell? Is he a tree?"

The room erupted in laughter.

"Wh-why would you …think he… he is a tree?"

"Oi, I don't know! I've already fought a giant fox so a tree seemed plausible!"

Silence engulfed the room once more before someone snorted making the rest of them erupt with laughed again.

Yumichika looked down before giving me a harsh glare cheeks red with embarrassment. I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Please refrain from making silly comments! You're making me look bad!"

"Like I care" I snorted flicking more rice into my mouth listening to the war story of the man beside me with mild interest.

I jumped in surprise hearing the doors slam open. Heads turned then surprised gasps reverberated around the room.

"Captain Zaraki!" majority of the men yelled jumping to their feet and rushing to his side. I gawked at the giant man covered in blood and cuts.

Zaraki was tall, broad, and muscular. Like the said earlier he wears an eye patch over his right eye and a long thin scar running down the left side of his face. His hair was styled in the shape of long spikes with bells on the tips. The edges of his captains jacket were torn at the bottom along with completely gone sleeves.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Ken-Chan got into to a fight with Icchi!"

"Who the hell is Icchi?"

I hit my fist into my open palm after realizing who Icchi was. I grinned wondering how Ichigo managed to beat the 'Beast of the Seireitei.'

"He one of the Ryoka! Just like Ryoka-Chan over there!" Yachiru smiled pointing at me.

Zaraki's gold eye snapped onto my form, a slow animalistic smile worked it's way across his face.

"Are you that 'Evans' kid?"

"Y-yeah"

The man grinned wider then I thought possible. His large hand yanked out his jagged edged Zanpakutou. He pointed it at me a loud chuckle rumbled through the room as his massive amount of Reiatsu filled the entire room.

"He said you were stronger than him! Lets see-"

Red blood sprayed out from one of Zaraki's long gashes. His men instantly by his side trying to get him to sit down.

"I'll be better in the mornin' so be ready, Evans"

I sweat dropped mentally kicking Ichigo in the head while Zaraki went into the barracks grabbing a bottle of sake before he entered. Yachiru followed him closely bouncing up and down on her heels.

"Five bucks on Captain!"

"Alright five on Karissa!"

I rolled my eyes trying to ignore the obnoxious gamblers. Yumichika tugged on my arm gaining my attention.

"I got a room ready for you"

I smiled leaving the rowdy room to get some much needed sleep.