Chapter 20
Jay's POV
It's been four days since Patrick was arrested. I feel I've been extra…I don't know, anxious I guess you could say, since that day, and it seems to be getting worse by the day. I can't help but think that if my own father doesn't love me, and never has, how or why would anyone else? That day with Erin coming into the shower with me, and comforting me, it was nice, and she's been great but I don't feel I deserve her kindness, her comforting touches or kisses, I don't deserve any of what she's given me. I have this overwhelming sense that I don't deserve love, not from him or my mother, my brother, my best friend or my girlfriend. I don't deserve it. I know how I promised I wouldn't hurt her, and I know that she thought I deserved better but truth is it's her that deserves someone better.
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Erin just gave her birthday present to me, even though my birthday is still a few days away. She got me tickets to the Cubs game today. I gave her a smile for the first time since before. She gave me a weak one in return.
"Thank you, but you didn't have to get me anything." I say looking down at the four tickets in my hand.
"I know it's not anything like what you did for me, but I figured you like to go see them play."
"No of course I'd love to go see them, but-." I say wanting to continue but she cuts in
"Ok the game starts at three, so you still have a few hours, to find some friends to go with you."
"You're not coming?" I ask her confused
"No I figured you want to go with people who actually know what's going on." She says with a giggle, and I just take a moment to think it over, hesitating a little before answering
"No I want you to come with too, maybe we could invite Justin and Kim too, that way you have someone else who has no idea what's going." I joke with her
"Jay you should invite your friends, I just want you to have fun."
"Erin I'd have the most fun with you there." I say to her; trying convince both of us that the statement is true, it causes her to nod so I figure she didn't see through the lie
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Erin's POV
I've been trying to be everything he was for me after my attack, but I feel he's trying to slowly push me away. The way he looks or talks to me, even the way he calls me Erin instead of Er or babe. There's been a shift, so I'm trying not to be too clingy, I can tell he wants space, and I feel that if he asks for it, I'll give it to him, no matter how much it'll hurt.
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Jay's POV
Erin asks Justin and Kim if they want to go to the game with us, both of them replying yes. We all agree to meet at my house at two, and then my mom will take us all to the stadium. It's quarter to two, when I get out of the shower, and get dressed. When I'm done getting ready, I head downstairs, and wait for them to get here. When they arrive we all pile into the car and drive to the stadium. Upon arriving we go into the gate closest to our seat, which happens to be right by the store, the four of us go in, and look around. Kim and Erin go off in one direction, and Justin and I in another. We are looking at all different stuff from baseballs to jerseys, and then we get to an end cap with the dog merchandise such as Cubs toys, beds, leashes and collars. I pick out a collar for Leo, because apparently I've become that kind of person that goes to a place, and only gets stuff for my dog. We walk towards where we last saw the girls, wanting to check out, and head to our seats before the game starts. We find them pretty much in the same spot, and I give Erin a little grin, as I see that she not only has the same collar in her hand, but she also has the matching leash too.
"I guess we both decided he needed a new collar, but he can't have one without the other, that lime green would not go with this."
"No he doesn't need both."
"I agree he doesn't need them both." She says putting extra emphasis on need "but I want him to have both if he's getting one." She then says now putting more emphasis on the word want
"Good lord, you two sound like two parents fighting over whether or not their kid needs a new outfit. It's a dog guys." Justin pipes
"Shut up Justin." Kim, Erin and I all say at the same time.
"Alright, but can you go check out, so we don't miss the beginning of the game." He says throwing his hands in the air in surrender; Erin takes the two items to the counter and pays for them, before I have a chance to get back from putting away the collar that I had grabbed
"Here." I say trying to hand her money
"No, I don't want your money."
"Erin come on."
"Thank You." She says sweetly to the cashier as she hands her the receipt, I try handing it over to her again "No Jay."
"thank you again." I say and she just shakes her head, we meet up with Justin and Kim again, before walking to our seats.
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Erin's POV
Everything seems to be going good, Justin and Jay are intently watching the game, and Kim and I are just talking amongst ourselves, every once and a while taking a glance at the game, when the everyone else seems excited. I take another glance at Jay, and I can't help the grin that takes over my face at seeing a smile spread wide across his somewhat stubbly face, his green blue eyes having a hint of their usual sparkle back. It's not until after the game ends, that I see the sparkle becomes dimmed again, even though the Cubs won five to one. The four of us were heading towards the exit, and Jay decides to go to the restroom. While we were waiting for him, Kelly Severide walks up to us.
"Hey guys." He says
"Hey Kelly." Kim and I say to him at the same time, causing us to look at each other for a second before turning our attention back to the blue eyed guy in front of us.
"What a game, hey Justin." He says looking at my brother
"Yeah it was awesome." Justin answers, and they talk about it a little more
"hey can I talk to you for a second?" He says looking at me, I just nod shyly
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Jay's POV
I walk out of the restroom, and back over to where I left Justin, Kim, and Erin. When I get to them, I only see Kim and Justin.
"Where's Erin?" I ask them, and they both look at each other, before Justin looks at me, and says "Over there." Looking behind me, I follow his gaze, and I see them. Kelly Severide, and Erin standing there talking to each other. Usually I'm not the jealous type, but when I see his hand on her arm, obviously saying something funny, as those dimples I loved so much deepen, and she laughs so loud, it seems to echo through the area we're standing in. Before I can tell myself not to, I walk over to where they're standing, and pushing his hand off of her arm. He looks at me with a look of confusion and anger.
"Come on Erin, my mom's here to take us home." I say, not taking my eyes off Kelly
"Ok I'll be out in just a second, Kelly and I were just talking about something really quick."
"NO I don't want to have to ask her to wait."
"Ok I get that, I'll be right behind you, just go ahead."
"Well then I'll wait right here with you." I say, and she huffs at me before saying
"Fine I'll text you later Kelly, thanks again." She says to him with a smile, before roughly brushing past me to get outside, I open the door for her, and she gets in. We don't anything to each other on the ride home. When we arrive home, we go to her house, and go straight to her room. Justin and Kim, ask her sister to come pick them up to go back to their house. Once in her room, I close the door behind me, and stand there facing her and she sits on her bed.
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Erin's POV
"What the hell was that Erin?" He yells at me
"What the hell was what Jay?" I yell back "We were just talking about something."
"Well last time I checked there was difference between just talking about something and flirting. I know Kelly and he's not one to just talk, he's always going after a new girl, and from what I saw it didn't seem like you were exactly rejecting his advances." He yells
"Are you serious right now?" I say, and he looks like he's thinking, so I continue
"Look Jay I don't know what you're going through, or how you're feeling, but I want to help. I want you to talk to me, and let me in, but that, that's not ok."
"I'm fine, I don't need to talk. I'll be just fine." He says to me a little quieter now
"No Jay you're not fine, and that's ok, that's understandable, but you need to let out your emotions. Don't bottle whatever it is that you're feeling up, please just let me help you get through this."
"I can get through this, I can get through it without you." He yells at me
"What are you saying?" I ask already knowing where this is going, and my hearts starts to break at the thought, tears already forming in my eyes.
"I'm saying…" He says looking down at the floor. "I'm saying that we should cool it." He says, then looking me in the eyes. "We should take a break, maybe you'll find someone better." It's as if I don't recognize the pair of green blue eyes that appear to be more of a grey now. I can't stop the tears from falling, as what he just said sinks in. I have no words to say to him, and it seems that I'm frozen in place, as he nods his head; turning around, and opening the door. He stands there briefly, looking down at his feet, and that's when I say the only thing that comes to mind, hoping it'll get him to stay
"Jay please, I'm not trying to force you into anything you don't want. If this is really what you want, then I can't change your mind. But know that I don't want someone else, to me there's no one better. I want you, and I'll always be here for you, when you're ready." I say, before pausing briefly then continuing "I love you." And that's when he walks out of my room completely, closing the door behind him. I stay there on my bed, just staring at the door, before laying down, and crying into my pillow.
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A/N: I apologize for any mistakes, and I hope you won't be TOO mad at me for this ending. Hope everyone is having a great week so far. Please leave reviews, or reblog, thank you.