Title: There's No Such Thing as a Hot Grandpa
Summary: Grandpa, an old man who is two generations older than you and turns up to family events smelling of tobacco and scotch. Doesn't really describe Edward does it? It will now. Follow Edward and his fifteen year old make their way through life as patterns of family history begin to repeat themselves.
Rated: M because well we're going to be talking about making babies here!
Pairings: EXB and RX? Everything will be clearer in the end.
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are those created by Stephanie Meyer, but Dylan is all mine people!
Edward
"You are going to be the death of me." Ness said as she pinned a flower to my suit pocket.
"Enlighten me on why that is?" I asked her running my hands through my hair to no avail of it behaving.
"This. You being all spontaneous and romantic where was this when I needed a Mommy to do my hair for school?" she asked moving onto my tie. She realise I knew how to dress myself right? I did it for eight whole years before she came along and five more after that. It was then she took over actually...
"You did your own hair from the age of four and when I had to I did well" I shrugged.
"But why now?" Ness asked tying my tie and straightening it.
"You pull out all the stops for the person you really love" I told her. She smirked stepping back.
"Well I just want to say Bella's great and if I could ask for a perfect stepmom she would totally be on my wish list" Ness said and I smiled checking my appearance in the mirror again, why is it these occasions make you as vain as hell. "And if I do say so myself I can get a bridal party together rather fast" She smiled and I wrapped my arms around her.
"Thank you" I whispered.
"Ah well you know your my favourite Dad and all" She murmured into my chest. "Now let me go I better go get my dress on. I left it till the last minute in case a certain grandchild of yours decided to spit up on me"
"Why is it when he's cute and cuddly it's your baby but the minute he start spewing or pooping it's my grandchild?" I asked her as she stepped back.
"I don't know, just lucky I guess." She shrugged before walking towards the door "Love you Daddy" She called.
"Love you Nessie-bear" I called after her. Instead of the door clicking shut I heard it being pushed open again.
"Can you do my tie?" Dylan's voice asked and I turned around to see him standing in a suit somehow similar to mine.
"Sure" I said and he came over to me. I lifted him up onto the book case; I was getting ready in my study while the girls had gotten the rest of upstairs.
"So Danny got sick on Jake" He said as I pulled the tie through the not.
"Was he in his suit?" I asked knowing Ness would kill him if there was baby puke all over his suit.
"No but it was really funny" Dylan said as I straightened the tie and tried to fix his hair. "Mommy looks like a princess" He added as I ran the comb through his hair.
"She always does to me" I told him truthfully.
"But she's really gonna be the queen and you the king cause Nessie said she's the only Princess in this house" Dylan said and I nodded trying to keep up with his fast tone. He wasn't allowed near my sister anymore.
"Yeah" I told him when there was a knock on the door.
"Edward?" Jake asked leaning in the door "The judge is here" He said and I nodded. I lifted Dylan down off the bookcase and linked hands with him before going out to the judge.
After my revelation last night about us getting married Ness had cornered me.
Flashback
"A court house?" she practically hissed at me and I flinched.
"What?" I asked shrugging.
"No father of mine will be married in a courthouse, no mister" She said shaking her head.
"Well then where are we going to do it?" I asked her crossing my arms. She seemed to think before holding up her index finger to indicate she had a plan.
"Oh Ness you truly out do yourself sometimes" She said talking to herself in the third person.
"Care to clue me in?" I asked her but she shook her head.
"You won't be getting married in that dreary courthouse" She said.
"Then where?" I asked her.
"Fear not Daddy, for I have plan" She stated and I felt myself get worried.
"Oh no" I said and Bella looked at me wearily.
"Don't 'oh no' me Dad, this will work." She said before grabbing Jake by the hand and running up stairs.
"I worry about her." Dylan said.
"You're not the one only Kiddo."
End Flashback
She eventually had to let the rest of us in on her plan when six very tall Native Americans arrived at the door with a giant marquee.
Whatever was in the water in La Push they should sell it to the army, those boys are huge.
I was quite impressed at Ness' planning skills and instead of the small wedding I had envisioned she had managed to get everybody we would want to be there, there and had set up a small reception afterwards.
Pretty good for a girl who hadn't slept a full night in a week
"Edward this is Justice Denali, Justice Denali this is Edward Cullen the groom" Jake said introducing us.
"Nice to meet you" I said extending it to the man who looked about the same age as Dad.
"Eleazar Denali" He said and I nodded, unusual names to me weren't so unusual anymore. Look what my daughter's name is. How I came up with that I'll never know? I think it sounded like a nice flower or something at the time.
"Well I'll just bring you out back and I'll show you the set up" I said leading him out back. Dylan clung to my hand and followed me outside with the Judge. "Jake can you keep an eye on guests?" I asked and he nodded.
"So this was all very spur of the moment?" Eleazar asked looking around him.
"I don't think my daughter slept last night, between this and her baby" I said "I wanted to come down to the courthouse but she said no and did all this. Bella, my fiancée, and I are just amazed at it all" I said showing him to the top of the aisle "So this is your spot" I explained. "I'll be up here with Dylan and my brothers Emmett and Jasper" I explained.
"Dylan?" Eleazar asked.
"Oh sorry" I said shaking my head "This little guy here is Dylan" I said pointing to the child who wasn't letting go of my hand "He's Bella's son but I'm planning to adopt him" I explained.
"Nice to meet you Dylan" Eleazar said.
"You too" Dylan said not at all shy, I think he was hanging out with Ness too much.
"And your other two groomsmen are Emmett and Jasper?"
"Yeah Emmett is my older brother and Jasper my brother in law." I explained.
"Okay and who are Bella's bridesmaids?"
"Well Ness my daughter and my sister Alice." I said.
"And Aunt Angela" Dylan said and I looked down.
"Since when?" I asked.
"Ness is working on it" He shrugged.
"Ness seems to be working on a lot of things."
Renesmee
"Have you eaten?" Jake asked coming up behind me from nowhere.
"With what time?" I asked "Where's the baby?" I asked looking around Jake "I swear I left him with you"
"I put him down in the crib" Jake said wrapping his arms around my waist "Now do you need me to do anything?" he asked placing a kiss on my shoulder.
"Freeze time?" I asked with an expectant look.
"Sorry my time lord abilities have been affected due to lack of sleep" He said and I sighed.
"Just my luck" I murmured when I saw Angela and her fiancée Ben walk in. "You!" I said walking towards her.
"I'm scared" Angela murmured to Ben.
"You are going to be a bridesmaid, I have a dress for you upstairs and before you ask, it does fit and before you ask again no Bella does not know but I know deep down you and her and fighting over nothing at this stage and when you do kiss and make up Bella's gonna be upset you weren't in her wedding party so come on" I said grabbing her arm not leaving her time to change her mind. Or make it up for that matter.
"Ok" She said rather slowly.
"Jake mind Ben" I yelled and then I heard Danny crying "Oh joy" I muttered. "I need to go get the screaming child" I sighed "You in there" I told her opening the door to the room where Alice was getting ready "Aunt Ali this is Angela our number three get her ready" I said before shutting the door and running to Danny's room where he was crying loudly. "Did Mommy scare you with her crazy lady skit?" I asked him picking him up. I glanced at my watch I needed to start getting ready soon.
"He's not the only one" My Grandma said and I looked up. She had her arms held out to take him.
"Grandma you are a light saver, have I told you that lately?" I asked sliding the now shushed Danny into her arms.
"Anything for my great grandbaby" She said "And my best Granddaughter, if the other three ask though you didn't hear that from me" She laughed "I have him go get dressed" She said and I nodded before taking off again and running into the bridesmaids changing room.
"Where have you been?" Alice asked as I shimmied out of my jeans and pulled my t-shirt over my head.
"Planning a wedding and being a Mom to a new born" I told her stepping into my dress and pulling it up over me. They were the dresses the cotillion in the country club had gotten all the girls to wear last year. For a low price they gave them to us and with some quick tweaking they were fairly decent bridesmaid dresses, they were blue with a fairly basic silhouette and shape. Something I knew Bella would love
"Fair enough" Alice said sitting me down and quickly scooping my hair into a neat bun. Alice had done ballet for two years and was a professional at up styles. She got the curling iron and curled some loose strands of hair and I did my makeup, before I was done.
"If you collapsed before the day is out no one will blame you" Angela said and I shrugged.
"Oh they owe me, they will babysitting while I sleep this off. Well actually my grandparents are going to take me, Dylan and Danny to theirs let Mom and Dad have a wedding night at least so they'll watch them." I explained not wanting to think about Bella and Dad's wedding night.
Ew, that was just gross.
"Where's Jake gonna go?" Alice asked as she quickly painted my nails.
"Oh he's going to his own house. I think he had forgotten he had one" I laughed but I was a bit saddened by the fact he wouldn't be up to help me if the baby cried.
Once I was done I walked into Dad and Bella's room to find her sitting on the edge of her bed in a silk robe her hair and makeup done.
"Ready to get dressed?" I asked her.
"Oh my God yes" She said eagerly lifting the dress out of its bag.
Now the dress was interesting. We sorta stole it.
And when I say sorta I mean there's a cheque on the desk on the bridal store for three grand.
I had dragged Bella out of bed this morning out five in the morning to go to Port Angeles to get a dress. When we got there the store was closed and we knew we had no time to wait around so with some heavy flirting and a pray to the powers that be over the invention of the Wonderbra we managed to convince the security guard to let us in.
I joked and said that was basically Bella's bachelorette party. Flirting with another guy.
But I had to admit she was good, if I was ever in a position where I needed to heavily flirt I would be channelling Bella was all I'm saying.
The dress itself was a Cinderella dress, but more simple. The bodice was a sequined corset that fell out to a skirt with just a bit of poof. I loved it and Bella looked amazing in.
Her hair was down but had been GHD curled. We had tried to convince her to go with an up style but she argued that we all had one it wouldn't look right. That and she mentioned something about Dad loving to run his finger through her hair.
Honestly I zoned out and began thinking of other things I could be doing while she was being on all mushy on our way home from getting the dress. Seems rude but seriously most people take a year to plan a wedding I had twenty hours.
I held her hand as she stepped into the dress before she pulling it up over herself and I hooked the corset at the back.
When I had it clipped I lead her to the full length mirror.
"You look great" I told her and she smiled widely at her appearance.
"I'm getting married today" She whispered and I smiled.
"You're getting married"
"Wow"
Bella
I nervously bit my lip as Ness walked out the door to see where they ready yet.
I walked towards the mirror and stood in front of it.
Who was this woman in front of me?
When I used to see myself before Edward I saw a girl waiting to become a woman, there was a dark cloud that loomed over my head, my posture always a bit slumped and my hair, while not disgusting wasn't something I was known for.
But now I saw this head strong, proud woman who beamed back at me.
Could that be me?
It was
And the feeling I had upon realising it was incredible.
"Bella, Nessie told me to tell you they're ready?" Dad said coming into the room before stopping "Oh wow"
I blushed a little bit and looked down.
"Do I look okay?" I asked as I looked back at him.
"Beautiful" Dad said coming over to me. "Hold out your wrist" He said and I did just that "This was your Grandma Swan's, now I was supposed to give it to my wife but Grandma didn't approve of Renee so I held on it. Glad I did" He said securing a beautiful silver bracelet with blue stones around my wrist.
"Dad it's beautiful" I said smiling down at it. "Thank you." I said hugging him.
"No problem Honey, now come on lets go get you married" He said and I smiled as I hooked my arm in his.
"Eager to get me married off?" I asked and rolled his eyes as he helped me get down the stairs in my dress.
When we got down the stairs I saw Ness handing Danny over to Jake who stopped when he saw me.
"What happened to my baby sitter?" he asked his eyes bugging out.
"Go on you goof" Ness said pushing him out the door "And tell Aunt Rose to start playing" She added. The rest of the guests were outside waiting. "Right it's Aunt Ali, Angela and then me..." Ness began when I stopped her.
"Ang?" I asked when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned and saw Angela in the same dress as the other two.
"Well you know I couldn't let you get married without me standing there giving your husband the evil eyes that convey 'you hurt her you die'" Angela shrugged and I laughed. I pulled her to me and hugged her.
"Thanks for doing this" I whispered.
"You owe me one" She answered.
"No one owes anything to anyone except Mom and Dad to me for this whole shindig now Aunt Rose has begun playing, Aunt Ali go" Ness said and Alice waved at me and winked before walking out the door.
I waited impatiently as Angela walked down the aisle.
Just as She was about to walk out Ness turned around to face me, she walked towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
"Love you Mom" She murmured and I smiled kissing her forehead.
"Love you too Honey" I told her before she turned and walked down the aisle.
"Ready Honey" Dad asked and I nodded.
"I'm ready" I told him as we turned the corner and walked out the door.
This was the first step to the rest of forever
Edward
"By the power invested in me by the state of Washington I now pronounce you husband and wife" Justice Denali stated as I looked at Bella, her eyes beaming back up at me "You may now kiss the bride" He told me gesturing to Bella, my wife. Yeah I said it and I will say it whenever I want; so get used to it.
"Don't need to tell me twice" I murmured as I wrapped my arm around her waist and tilted her chin up before dipping my head and ghosting my lips over hers before planting them down firmly.
I pulled her closer to me and before her hand weaved into my hair.
I knew we were probably going over what was a normal time for this sorta thing but I didn't care.
"Don't make me get the hose on you two" I heard Jake call out and Bella pulled away laughing.
"Yeah the poor children you're going to scar them" Angela added.
I looked at Ness expecting her to say something but she just smiled.
"Too easy a joke by my standards" She shrugged as we walked back down the aisle, Bella's hand in mine.
"Fair enough" Bella shrugged as I turned and picked up Dylan in my arms.
"Mommy you look prettier than Cinderella" He stated as we walked into the house, Ness had instructed the others to go over to the seating area, while we took a moment together.
"Thank you Baby" She said leaning in and kissing his forehead.
"Dad, Mom's playing favourites" Ness mocked yelled and Bella kissed Ness' temple. "All better" She smiled.
We stood for the endless photos and did all the traditions required at a wedding; I spun Bella around the dance floor to Rule The World by the British band Take That while she teared up as she and Charlie shuffled to Footprints in the Sand by Leona Lewis.
Charlie would never admit it but I saw him dab his eyes afterwards when he thought no one was watching.
"Do I get a dance?" Ness asked tapping my shoulder and I nodded.
"Come on" I told her and she giggled. "You out did yourself here kiddo really" I told her as I saw Dylan up on Bella's hip as she swirled him around. He was giggling loudly and I smiled at the sound. It was freeing.
"I like to think of it as my debut into the industry" She said and I looked at her confused as I turned her.
"Care to explain?" I asked.
"I've been thinking about it event managing? PR? Bossing people around and getting paid for it? Right up my alley don't you think?" She asked returning to our hold.
"You're going to go to college and take my Grandbaby away from me?"
"Well maybe haven't decided on that part just yet, I may just live at home forever Daddy if you can't bear to see me go" She said with an evil smirk.
"On second thoughts..." I trailed off and she laughed.
"Even if I do move out for college I'll come back all the time, my new little brother is quite epic and my new Mom? Oh wows she's amazing you should like totally meet her" She joked.
"Nah..." I said "Just got married" I shrugged.
"Ah so did she" Ness laughed "Switch" She yelled before twirling out of my arms and her and Dylan began moving around the floor him standing on his tippy toes to reach her while Bella laughed.
"She just threatened to never leave" I told Bella as I placed my hand on her side.
"Well I don't know she may get sick of us" Bella shrugged leaning up to me and kissing me sweetly.
"Have I told you how beautiful you look?" I asked turning us "It's not an unusual occurrence for you but I just wanted to make sure you knew"
"I think you mentioned it once or twice" She laughed.
"But not in the last ten minutes?" I asked.
"Don't think so"
"Already I'm failing" I mock sighed leaning my forehead against hers.
"Well make it up to me now" She laughed as I spun her.
"You my lovely wife look positively radiant" I told her.
"You like said that don't you?" she asked as we moved together.
"What?" I asked her.
"My wife" She stated.
"Well there are a couple of variations I like on it but yeah I like it" I told her.
"Variations?"
"Well my wife, Bella Cullen, Mrs. Cullen..." I said when she looked at me incredously. "What?" I asked her.
"That's Dr. Cullen to you Mr." She said with a smirk as the song ended.
"My apologises" I said pulling her off the dance floor and into our seats, I scooted mine over before cupping her face with my hands and kissing the beautiful smile on her face.
"I love you" She said when we pulled away.
"I love you too" I told her when I heard a clinking of glasses.
"Everybody listen, because I'm only going to say this once and then I'm going for a nap" Ness said holding her glass up "I'm only exhausted guys" She said holding a microphone in front of her "Because I was the only one who knew more than twelve hours notice of this shindig I suppose I shall do the speech. Emmett will also get his say along with a very cute seven year old that will make you go aw but for the moment Nessie is talking, sit down and be quiet." She said in a jesting tone getting a laugh out of the room.
"This should be good" I said to Bella wrapping my arm around her waist.
"As you all may or may not know I've known Dad my entire life" Ness began and we all laughed "Can't seem to shake the guy really can't. I came along at a fairly inconvenient time for my Dad in all honesty... he was trying to pass his driving test and a baby was cramping his style. Some might say he was a right old idiot for keeping me but I want to say I am one hundred percent grateful that you did Dad, I may not be the best of daughters example A is asleep in the arms of one of the big Indian guys walking around here somewhere" She said getting another laugh from the guests "But your definitely the best of Dads. Thanks for keeping me around, you're lucky I'm here you know. Otherwise who would keep you two from messing? Although you seem to have got in down pat this time." She said and Bella picked up a napkin and dabbed at her eyes. "To Mom and Dad" She said before handing the mic to Emmett.
Here we go
"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie... What to say about my little brother...? He's the younger brother you hate to have. Literally. I grew up with 'Emmett quit yelling Edward's playing piano' or 'Emmett stop tying your sister to the tree, Edward is building a tree house in it' or our sister Alice's favourite 'Emmett stop eating paste Edward is trying to reconstruct the white house out of toothpicks and needs it." Emmett began and I shook my head as he played the victim "But then I got a glimmer of hope... he knocked up the school bike and I was on my way to a football scholar ship to a fairly prestigious school. I had a chance I could see the light and then... he had that..." He said pointing to Renesmee who waved.
"Love you too Uncle Emmie" She called.
"So yeah I hate the... D" He said spelling out the words because the little kids in attendance "But I think Bella's the bomb, may you and my perfectionist of a brother last longer than Nessie's chastity belt" He explained and Bella bent her head she was laughing so much while Ness rolled her eyes at the joke.
"Feeling the love around here." Ness said pushing Emmett out of the way. "Right now I promised the adorable seven year old" Ness said pulling the mic down to Dylan's height as he pulled the jacket of his suit of leaving him in the waist coat and shirt instead. "The one, the only, DYLAN" She said like a wrestler announcer to which I shook my head.
"Thank you thank you" Dylan said as people clapped. "The day Nessie had Danny and we were in the hospital Mommy and me had a talk." He explained and Bella smiled at him, I didn't know about this "She basically told me I'm her favourite" He added and her smile vanished as she gaped at him. I laughed shaking my head "Only joking but it was something along those lines. I didn't have a Daddy before Edward just a Mommy and Chief and I thought I was the luckiest kid ever. But now not only do I have Mommy and Chief, I have a Daddy, a sister, a nephew, cousins, aunts and uncles and Nana Esme and Grandpa Carlisle. So now I really am the luckiest kid. But Daddy just remembers that the Chief is always going to be watching your in-tent-ti-ons." Dylan said before stepping away from the mic. Bella dabbed her eyes again as I wiped my own out of my eyes.
I picked Dylan up on my hip as Bella and I walked over to the mic
"Thank you" I whispered to him and he hugged my neck.
Bella kissed his forehead and took the mic into her hand.
"Well I think it's our turn we've avoided it long enough..." She said with a smile. "When I had Dylan I thought he was it for me, I never saw this whole scene and never did I expect to be a Grandma at the age of thirty but it's a role I graciously take. I wanted to and I'm sure Edward does too to thank everybody for being here today, we know it was short notice and it really means a lot to us all. Also we would really like to thank Renesmee, because without you Sweetheart none of this would have happened." Bella said handing me the mic.
"I had plans for all of us to just go to the courthouse in our semi formals but she decided she was already up with Danny all night and planned this whole thing, so thank you Baby Girl you are the best. Also the La Push guys you were great and you can have whatever's left of the food" I said "Thanks for coming and enjoy the rest of the night" I added before putting the mic on the stand.
I looked over at Bella as we sat back down; Danny was on her lap looking all around him curiously while Ness and Jake danced.
'Love you' I mouthed to her
'Love you too' she mouthed back
Things were good
Really good.
Wait no.
They were perfect.
Review please.
Love The Irish Cullen.