This by far is one of my favorite chapters, I nearly burst into tears writing it.
Chapter XX: Memories
Cutter shut the door to his office and locked it. He grabbed the picture of Claudia and held on to it tight as if it would disappear too. His talk with Stephen had shaken him more than he realized.
"They want me to forget about you, Claudia, they all do. But I can't, I won't. I never will, because you'll always be in my heart."
He had been told that grief gets lighter over time, but nothing had changed for him. He had been able to get over the death of his grandmother and his father, over time.
This wasn't the same!
Claudia wasn't dead, she was erased from time, nobody remembered her, everything she had accomplished in her life was gone forever. No, she hadn't died. He could've accepted her death given time, but this was much, much worse.
The truth was, Claudia Brown had never existed.
She had impacted his life in a tremendous way, but she still was gone.
The study he was doing coupled with Connor's admission that he had seen her sent a wave of memories that flooded his consciousness.
He felt her soft lips on his the day she kissed him in the pub when they first met. Her sweet smile washed over him like a refreshing wave.
He remembered the cold day by the reservoir when she brought him coffee, her gentle voice echoing in his mind.
"I used to sit there, praying that something would happen in my life."
"Be careful what you wish for." He had been obsessed with finding Helen back then so much that he couldn't even see what he was looking for had been standing there the whole time: someone who loved him.
He smiled when he remembered the time they were attacked by the killer birds in the hotel and he asked her for her shirt for the second time that day.
"This is becoming quite a habit."
"What? Asking for your clothes of getting us attacked?"
"Both."
He remembered painfully their last moments that they shared together.
"What happens if it closes while you're on the other side?"
"Um, then, we wait 'til it reopens." When he started to head for the anomaly she grabbed his arm.
"Don't go, Stay! I think this is a mistake. I have a really bad feeling about this."
Nick slammed his first on the table, knocking over a stack of papers that fluttered to the floor.
"I should have listened to her! She disappeared because of my curiosity to find the future anomaly! It was all for nothing!"
"It's gonna be fine." Was what he had said to her. A tear slid down his cheek as he remembered his last words to her were "See you soon."
He remembered their last forceful kiss that seemed to last forever.
He couldn't keep himself from breaking down after that. Tears fell on his one and only piece of Claudia Brown that was left.
For the first time in his life, Cutter broke down and wept over the loss of Claudia Brown, his lost love.