Oblivion

Chapter Twenty-One

STAKES

THEMES:

"The One That Got Away" by The Civil Wars ("Oh, if I could go back in time, when you only held me in my mind, just a longing, gone without a trace...") *sniffle*

"Without" by Years and Years (This one is all Inuyasha. I know I use Y&Y a TON but their songs are such angstbops I can't help it)

"Streamline" by System of a Down (INNER TURMOIL OVER UNWANTED GOODBYES PLUS KICKASS RHYTHMS AND SCREAMS YASSSS PLZ)

It really was something to marvel at, how much faster travel was when one had one's full demonic capabilities. A journey that would have taken the human army at least a week even at a full gallop, and they had arrived at the youkai stronghold in less than a day's run.

Being himself was going to take some getting used to again. He'd been so used to being Okada.

Being Okada. And being hers.

No. Thinking of her was too much right now. It would kill him.

All he could do was keep going, keep leaping through the trees, following closely behind Naraku. He could smell several of Naraku's Band of Seven behind them, probably just a few hours behind, but he couldn't tell exactly which members of the group they were. Luckily, barring a few attempts of Naraku to ascertain his state of mind that went unanswered and ignored, the journey had been mercifully silent, and Inuyasha could just concentrate on moving faster and faster away from the life he'd had for so many months. From the girl that had taken over his body and soul and who would no doubt hate him forevermore.

"Don't act like it was nothing, because I won't believe it."

"I've wanted this to happen. I knew I wanted it to happen the first time you held me in the woods. Remember?"

Inuyasha certainly remembered. He remembered all of it. All he could do was try to spend the rest of his life, however long it was, trying to forget her. And from the state of things now, it would be like crawling through hell on his hands and knees.

With a catch in his throat he remembered, foolishly, that he'd just resolved to not think of her. Surely the gods were laughing now, right? He closed his eyes and felt the pain in his chest and welcomed it. He deserved it. Every memory would bring him pain forever. He deserved nothing better than this.

Kagome. She had stared at him with such hatred. There was no hope, no going back, no way of explaining it in any way that would pacify her. They were enemies again.

So, if he had to, he would be her enemy. If only in the hopes of seeing her again, even if just for a moment. Even if it meant dying by her arrow, feeling his own life slipping away as he stared into those blue eyes just one more time...

He had no hope for anything better than that. At least, if Sesshomaru didn't order his execution first. And that would be the story of him.

He shook his head and pressed himself onward, feeling Naraku's smiling gaze every moment and wanting to vomit.

Once they passed the barrier that Inuyasha knew was there but couldn't see, the dilapidated, rotting castle suddenly thundered into view. A shadow of the former greatness it had been long ago, when it had been the summer palace of his parents, since gutted by fire and age and neglect.

And still, there were signs of life.

Youkai children playing together in the courtyard, clearly unaware of their situation. That it never had to be this way, with the entire youkai population living in exile and under cover of darkness.

Older youkai, adults and elders, were bustling about, either peddling wares at small stalls or monitoring the small bonfire in the center of the square that kept them all warm and kept the area well-lit.

Once they noticed his presence, there was a collective whispering of pleased surprise and exclamations of "Oh, Your Highness! You've returned!" as the entire courtyard, minus some of the more unruly children who weren't paying any attention, sank into a deep, respectful bow in his direction.

Please don't, he thought, swallowing a lump in his throat, feeling more alone in the world than ever. Please, please don't.

Most of the youkai refugees had always treated him differently, like an outsider, deferential but not overly affectionate. They knew the kind of blood that ran through his veins, royalty or not, and after what the humans had done to them, he supposed he couldn't blame them for their mistrust.

But apparently the knowledge that he'd gone undercover amongst the humans to try and give their kind an edge in the ongoing war, and the news of several successful campaigns against the enemy, had changed their tune a bit. It had been easy to forget the reason he'd gone to the human camp in the first place once he'd embraced his life as Okada with Kagome by his side. And now, looking at all the varied faces in the crowd, he realized what a coward he was, and how undeserving he was of any respect or thanks.

He was the worst thing to happen to both sides of the conflict. A prince in name only to one side who had been willing to give up all loyalty to his kingdom, and to the other side a general who'd been lying and betraying at every turn and had blood, so much blood, on his hands.

Who in the hell am I, anyway?

Inuyasha knew his hands were trembling, but he fought to keep them steady as he closed his eyes and returned a bow back to them, a bit shallower as his rank demanded, but a bow nonetheless. Some of them looked a little surprised at the gesture.

"Your Highness, really, there's no need for that," Naraku said, "They're clearly unaware of what you've done, but I'm sure they'll find out soon enough. Rumors like that never stay quiet for long. But you should maintain the dignity of your station for now. Bowing like that makes you look so guilty." The words were syrupy and soft, said out of the corner of the other man's mouth through a deceptively kind smile.

Inuyasha stood back up, sighing and feeling utterly empty. "I don't care."

"As you say," Naraku said, stepping backwards and folding his hands into his cloak.

It would be over soon. And despite all their gratitude and respectful displays now, there was not a soul in this world that would mourn his absence if Sesshomaru did the obvious thing and had him killed.

"Lord Naraku!"

At Jaken's shrill voice calling out the greeting, Inuyasha turned with narrowed eyes, his hands hanging at his sides.

Jaken didn't greet him at all, didn't even acknowledge him.

Here we go.

"Jaken," Naraku said gleefully, "As you see, I've done as ordered. The prodigal prince returns."

"We thank you, Lord Naraku," Jaken said with a flourishing bow, still refusing to look at Inuyasha, "If you please, I'll take him to Prince Sesshomaru personally. His Highness wishes to meet with his treacherous brother alone, for now."

Inuyasha's face screwed up in a venomous, defiant glare. Naraku looked ready to laugh with glee as he placed a hand on Inuyasha's shoulder.

"Such is the price of love, eh, Your Highness?"

"Take your hand off me," Inuyasha growled, feeling the hair on the back of his neck standing up, "Now."

Naraku left his hand there for just a moment longer, his smile showing no trace of concern at Inuyasha's anger, before taking his leave. "I do hope he doesn't hurt you too badly, Your Highness."

"Miss?"

Sango looked down from her perch on horseback to see a young woman, her hair wrapped in a kerchief, a sleeping toddler bundled up on her back. Her face was stricken with clear concern for the girl sleeping against Sango's shoulder.

"Your friend," the young woman said, as she walked alongside the caravan of horses keeping pace through the snowfall, "She looks wounded."

Sango gave her a weak smile. "She'll be alright," she said. I think. I hope. Though the toll taken on Kagome's psyche was likely more than they could handle right now. Her eyes had reminded Sango of her own, just after the raid on her village…

"She's a member of the army, right? And she healed those men, didn't she?" The young woman stared at Kagome with curiosity, maybe even a little apprehension. "That's what they're all saying. That she's got some sort of power."

Sango didn't answer, just gripped Kagome's arm a little tighter where she held the girl around her shoulders. The bundle of armor sat in Kagome's lap, and it seemed like she was using the only strength left in her body to grip it tightly to herself. It broke Sango's heart to see it. And it also made her furious.

At Sango's pronounced refusal to answer, the woman held up a dark bundle of rolled-up cloth. "So she won't freeze," she said quietly. She tossed it in the air, and Sango caught it, and then before any further words could be spoken, the woman fell back into the crowd and disappeared amongst the sea of people.

With one hand holding Kagome, Sango fumblingly set the bundle in the other girl's lap and used the hand holding her horse's reins to unroll the wrapped-up cloth.

A long-sleeved kimono. Not very thick, but protection enough. Frankly, for Kagome, Sango would take what they could get, with the wind chill growing by the hour. All her clothes destroyed in an explosion, and it was shaping up to be a frigid journey to the shogun's castle.

And it was black. Normally Sango would have thought the color a bit morbid, but it seemed fitting for the situation.

Black. All black. Like she's in mourning.

Very fitting indeed.

Feeling a lump in her throat again, Sango exhaled and looked up to the head of the caravan where she knew Miroku was leading the charge. He was speaking orders she couldn't hear to the remains of the bedraggled troops, clearly trying to keep them all moving and perhaps sending a scout out to seek a good location to camp for the night before the snowfall started up again. At the altitude they were currently at, there could be no productive travel in a winter storm, no matter how desperate they all were to reach the safety of the castle.

She wished he were riding back here with them. He no doubt would have volunteered to hold on to Kagome himself, and at Sango's adamant refusal he would have smiled warmly at her, like he was proud of her. But as it was, and as Kagome had said earlier, there were bigger issues at stake than comfort and camaraderie.

"You're certainly in for it now, Your Highness," Jaken hissed with no small amount of satisfaction as he opened the door to Sesshomaru's room. This was the first Jaken had even spoken to him; no doubt the imp had waited until they were practically in Sesshomaru's presence to avoid any bodily injury that might result from running his mouth. Smart of you, you little bastard, Inuyasha thought with a low growl under his breath.

"Get out of my way," Inuyasha said quietly through gritted teeth. Apparently his expression was effectively murderous, because Jaken's green skin seemed to pale slightly even as the imp stood his ground and turned, clearing his throat to announce their presence.

"Prince Sesshomaru - " Jaken began, but from the darkened room a low voice, eerily calm, cut him off.

"Jaken, leave us. Now."

Jaken clammed right up and immediately stepped out of the way to let Inuyasha pass, and with a silent, fearful-looking bow he backed out of the room and slid the door shut.

The only light source in his older brother's room was a small, flickering lantern at the far end, but Inuyasha's eyes in this body, his true body, were made of tougher stuff than his human ones had been, and he could see Sesshomaru sitting there at a small yet ornate table piled with scrolls and documents. Sesshomaru was writing something on one of them with delicate, precise movements and was clearly as unconcerned with the darkness as Inuyasha was.

Inuyasha fixed him with a stare, waiting for whatever was coming.

The silence was pronounced as Sesshomaru finished whatever he was writing, put down his ink brush, and transferred the paper further back on the table's surface. The only other sound was the halting footsteps of Jaken heading back down the hallway.

Sesshomaru seemed to wait for the footsteps to completely fade before he turned bodily in his seat to face Inuyasha.

Inuyasha felt himself tense up despite himself under that steady, narrowed gaze as golden as his own. It once again reminded him of being scolded as a child. Inuyasha had always expressed his own anger in screams of rage and perhaps a few well-aimed punches; he couldn't remember Sesshomaru even raising his voice once. Sesshomaru had never seemed to see the need, because a single look could reduce pretty much anyone to a quivering mess.

There were a few more tense moments of silence as Inuyasha stood there motionless. And then, Sesshomaru gave a small sigh and sat back slightly in his seat.

"Are you unharmed?" His brother's voice was low, calm, steady as always. "No ill effects?" With a clawed hand, he motioned toward the seat across from him, inviting Inuyasha to sit.

What the hell?

"That's what you have to say to me? After all this?" Inuyasha snapped his gaze up to meet his brothers, feeling his claws prick his own palms and wincing a little. Yet another thing about being himself that would take some getting used to again.

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow that said, don't make me wait, and with bewildered outrage causing him to tremble, Inuyasha stumbled forward and collapsed into the chair.

"I thought it prudent to ask," Sesshomaru said testily, "After all, when you get a potion like that, there's no telling what you're really getting."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Did you seriously not question it when the vial was given to you?" Sesshomaru pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, as if there were an unpleasant noise giving him a headache and nothing much further wrong. "You simply took it as fact that I decided to change my mind about our entire plan, our entire strategy, without speaking to you personally? You really are a foolish child, brother."

Inuyasha stared at him incredulously. "So it wasn't you who - "

"That should be fairly obvious at this point." Sesshomaru was staring at him as if he were an idiot child again. "What exactly did you think was going on? That I'd decided to just leave you amongst the humans for weeks at a time while getting no information back? Without any personal contact between the two of us at all?"

"I - I didn't think - "

"Exactly," and here Sesshomaru's tone of voice became a hiss, a sign that despite the strange course this conversation had taken, the elder prince was still very, very angry with him, "You didn't think. Too busy burying yourself in some human girl to realize you were undermining everything we've been working for. You truly are Father's son, aren't you?" There followed a knowing smirk.

Inuyasha slammed his open hands onto the table's surface, feeling his claws dig into the wood. He moved to stand up with a snarl, ready to strike out, ready to be struck at -

Sesshomaru merely held up a hand, eyes closed, as if this were the most boring conversation he'd ever had. "That's quite enough," he said, "Keep your voice down."

Inuyasha just stood there, hunched over the table, panting furiously. "Take it back," he ground out through gritted teeth.

"You don't order me to do anything," Sesshomaru said with the closest thing to a venomous glare Inuyasha had ever seen him approximate. "Sit down."

With a growl, Inuyasha did, keeping his white-knuckled grip on the edge of the table.

Sesshomaru placed his elbows on the surface, locking his long fingers together and resting his chin against them. He looked simultaneously annoyed and deep in thought, and the brief silence that followed was maddening to Inuyasha.

"The question is," Sesshomaru mused finally, staring at the wall on the far end of the room, wheels clearly turning in that intelligent mind of his, "what Naraku's intentions were when he gave you that vial. What does he have to gain by keeping you out of contact? By letting you galavant off with your little false brotherhood and play human unimpeded and un-reminded of who you truly are?"

Inuyasha felt himself bristling again at the dismissive way Sesshomaru summarized it all, but he forced the rage downward as the curiosity and uncertainty won out. "That vial," he said, fighting to keep his voice down as ordered, "it was from Naraku? Where did he learn to - "

"There are several things that Naraku is capable of that I'm sure none of us know," Sesshomaru said shortly. "But clearly your little infatuation with that human female dulled your judgment enough to play you right into his hands. I suppose I should never have trusted you to stay true to your mission, but then again, I didn't take into account that one single human female of breeding age, hiding amongst the ranks of the shogun's army and willing to let you rut inside her, might turn you against us. A foolish mistake that I won't be making again."

Once again, it was bait, and Inuyasha had to fight not to take it. Sesshomaru, despite his cold and unfeeling reputation, did seem to take pleasure in unsettling his younger brother, and always had, since Inuyasha had been just an orphaned child. It had always been a solid reminder of the human blood running through Inuyasha's veins, that hot temper and the chip on his shoulder, the quickness with which he angered.

"Tell me something, brother," Sesshomaru said, cutting his gaze back to Inuyasha's as he placed both open palms gently on the tabletop, "I'm merely curious. How did you think this situation would end up? I take it your little human wasn't aware of your true identity, otherwise she wouldn't have come near you."

Inuyasha stared at his knuckles on the edge of the table, his heart racing. "No," he said finally, feeling that telltale pain in his chest again and grimacing at the feeling, "No, she didn't know. I was going to tell her, I was going to - "

"You were going to compromise your entire mission, endangering all our lives," Sesshomaru's voice was angry again, "And all for what, exactly?"

"You wouldn't understand," Inuyasha said, slumping back in his chair and feeling like his chest had lost all air, "You've never - "

"Please don't start spouting tales of true love," Sesshomaru spat, "I don't have any desire to hear whatever childish excuse you have. You could have been killed, and I would have been forced to retaliate even though you would have deserved it."

Inuyasha closed his mouth and sat there in sullen silence, knowing his brother had a very valid point. He hadn't been thinking.

He'd been so caught up in loving her, in feeling at home in her arms, that he'd foolishly thought love would win out and...and what? She would have immediately defected for him, betraying her family, her friends, her own kind, just for his sake?

If she had, he knew now, it would have disappointed him, because then she wouldn't be the Kagome he knew she was.

And on the other side of the coin, how could he have possibly defected to the humans' side looking the way he did? One only had to look at the carnage the shogunate armies had left in the youkai civilian villages to know what the general consensus was amongst the humans. To them, the youkai were animals. And it had always been that way, hadn't it?

After all, when my mother married my father it was enough to spur on a massacre.

Inuyasha ran a hand over his face, cursing himself for being so stupid, for thinking there had been any chance of himself and Kagome enduring through this conflict at each other's sides. He'd done this to himself. To both of them.

"Frankly," Sesshomaru's voice spurred him out of his chaotic thoughts, "I'm surprised Naraku didn't bring the girl back with you by force. He seemed extremely interested in her powers."

Her powers? Inuyasha felt his blood turn to ice in his veins. How does Sesshomaru know - oh, of course, Kouga would have said something. Then that means Kagome -

Inuyasha stood up so quickly that his chair crashed backward to the floor. "No," he said, clutching at his own head with both hands, "If he so much as touches her, I swear - "

"Well, that would certainly explain why he didn't just grab her right in front of you," Sesshomaru said drily, placing his elbows back on the table and returning to his contemplative pose, eyes narrowed in concentration. "Did he force her to demonstrate in front of him?"

"What the hell does that matter?" Inuyasha was ready to bolt for the door and fight his way back out, punishment or arrest be damned. He could track her easily in his true form; he'd be able to get to her in a matter of hours, before -

"At the risk of repeating myself ad nauseum," Sesshomaru growled, eyes closed in irritation, "Try for once to use your head and not your ridiculous sense of self-righteousness. Did he make her demonstrate her powers, yes or no?"

Inuyasha stopped short, feeling himself shaking with rage.

She was being held upright by her hair in Bankotsu's fist, and her eyes were frozen open in stunned shock. There were huge spirals of dark purple on one cheek, like a strange, ashen tattoo. She'd healed herself. She'd been hurt. They'd hurt her.

"Y-Yeah, he did."

"Do they work on demons?" Sesshomaru cut him a sideward glance.

"How the hell should I know?" Inuyasha felt his voice rising; he was growing more and more frustrated, more enraged -

He doubled over, raking his claws through his hair, feeling the panic in his chest and feeling the anger rise to meet it. No. No. No. Hurt him before he hurts her. Kill him. Feed him his own heart. KILL. HIM. No. MINE.

"What I mean is," Sesshomaru continued, seemingly undisturbed by Inuyasha's distress, "Has she ever healed you?"

The memory crashed back into his head almost forcefully, and Inuyasha felt his almost feral rage calm ever so slightly.

Kagome's head slumped forward onto Inuyasha's shoulder. "I fixed him," she said, sounding as if she were dreaming, "I took it away."

He remembered how frightened he'd been at that moment, how scared he'd been of what she could do. Scared for her.

This is bad. This is too much. Too much power. Too many ways it could be exploited.

"Yes," he said quietly, his voice scarcely above a whisper.

The pointed look Sesshomaru gave him was telling Inuyasha that none of his fears had been unfounded.

"I'm out of here," Inuyasha said, turning again to the door, "I have to get to her first - "

Quick as a flash, Sesshomaru was out of his chair and blocking the exit, a stern look on his face. "You're doing nothing of the sort, brother. You brought her into this and you regret it, very well. But this is a key opportunity to see where Naraku plays his hand next. I gave him leave to bring the human back, but it's what he wants done with her that I'm interested in."

"You're not going to use Kagome as some sort of experiment," Inuyasha growled, feeling the hair stand up on the back of his neck, "I'll - "

"You'll what, exactly?" Sesshomaru's lip curled upward in a slight snarl. "You'll finish what you started the moment you buried yourself deep in her - "

Inuyasha swung. He missed, colliding with the wall behind where Sesshomaru had been standing a split second before. And then his brother's hand was at his collar, lifting him bodily off the ground.

There was red bleeding into the corner of Sesshomaru's eyes, and his fangs were bared in a true display of rage now. "If Naraku's goal with all this was to divide us," Sesshomaru spat, his face inches from Inuyasha's own, "then perhaps he succeeded more than I had hoped. I have cleaved men in half for less, and you know it."

"So kill me," Inuyasha snapped, struggling against his much stronger brother's grip, "That's the only way you'll stop me from saving her."

"Tempting, but not entirely necessary."

Sesshomaru flung him backward, and Inuyasha felt his back collide with the table, splintering it in half and leaving him in an unceremonious heap on the ground. As he gave a roar of rage and scrambled to stand again, Sesshomaru ended it all very quickly by striding forward and applying a very swift, vicious kick to the side of his head.

The world went gray and hazy, and Inuyasha could only clutch at the sides of his head as the doors were slid open to reveal palace guards filing in.

"You understand, brother," Sesshomaru said, looking slightly out of breath but otherwise calm and collected, "that I'm only doing what I must at this point. There are bigger matters at stake here."

Before the world faded to black, Inuyasha felt arms catch him and drag him upright, and he was pretty sure he heard his brother saying, "Dungeon."

Kagome awoke to find herself dressed in an unfamiliar black kimono, her head on a warm lap. As she grunted with the effort to sit up, she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Hojo, looking bedraggled and exhausted but clearly trying to give her a cheerful smile.

"Don't strain yourself," he said softly, giving her a soft, reassuring pat before glancing in front of him to the crudely built fire, "Surely you're still exhausted."

Kagome returned the smile he was giving her as best she could, but sat up nonetheless. "Where are Miroku and Sango?" she asked.

Hojo nodded over his shoulder, and Kagome followed the gesture to see several other makeshift fires, around which huddled groups of people struggling to stay warm.

She spotted Miroku with one group, spooning out meager handfuls of white rice, sometimes straight into people's waiting hands if they lacked tableware. Sango was several yards behind him, but still in the same line of sight. She had a few drops of dark red blood on her cheek and an entire skinned deer carcass looped around her shoulders, which she promptly dropped in a heap next to the largest fire and clearly barked an order at the man tending the flames to start cooking more.

Kagome immediately knew she should help them, and she stood to make her way over, but was stopped momentarily by Hojo's hand catching hold of her own.

"Kagome," he said, his concern for her showing all over his boyish face, "You should stay here. Let them handle it."

She couldn't help the annoyed look on her face as she stared down at him. "I'm enlisted with this army, same as anyone else. I don't want any special treatment, Hojo. Let go of me."

Her eyes lit on the armor bundle sitting next to Hojo. The black armor that Okada, or whatever his name was, had clearly meant to give her. And as Hojo silently, sadly released her hand, she busied herself with putting it on, as if to accentuate her point.

It fits perfectly. Just as she'd suspected it would. She had to pause for a moment at the stabbing pain deep in her chest as she ran her fingers over the smooth leather surface on her bracers.

She would wear it. If only as a reminder to never blindly trust again. To never let anyone that close, to never put herself in that position another time.

Dressed all in black with armor to match, she could surely fill the hole in her heart with hatred. It would certainly be better than feeling utterly empty.

Sango and Miroku caught sight of her as she approached them, and she didn't miss their exchanged look of hesitant concern, but she immediately changed the subject by grabbing a bucket of water and a ladle and starting to make the rounds amongst the civilians.

"Thank you, dear," said a ruddy-faced old man, taking the ladle full of water and slurping at it greedily, "Are you feeling better?"

"No," Kagome said, feeling the urge to be blunt and honest, "but I'm alive, and that's something, right?"

"It is," he replied, and smiled up at her kindly. She once again did her best to reciprocate it.

"Kagome," she heard Sango's whisper just behind her shoulder, "Are you sure you're ready to - to wear that armor - "

"I don't see anything else around, do you?" Kagome snapped, then sighed and continued, softening her tone. "Honestly, it's fine. Don't worry about me. I'll be alright."

She felt Sango squeeze her arm just once in affection, but heard nothing further.

Awww now Sesshomaru needs a new table in his room.

ANGST BUDDIES WHERE U AT.

Most of you guessed correctly; Sesshomaru is NOT buying everything Naraku's selling, but it seems he's gonna play this smart. Naraku's power and band of loyal friendos have been sort of a necessary evil in this war for Sesshomaru, but it doesn't mean our dear Crown Prince doesn't smell something rotten in Denmark...er, Japan.

TO THE DUNGEON WITH INUYASHA AND OOOH, WHY NOT GET HIM SHIRTLESS, LET'S GET HIM SHIRTLESS. (I may have been reading too many doujinshi lately, my apologies)

Kagome is going through her emo/goth phase right now I guess (Note - mine never went away, not sorry about it) She'll be okay though. Eventually. I hope. But she in DANGER, GURL. And she has no idea, does she? :(

Seems like some of the refugees are taking pity on her. Poor thing. PITY HER EVERYONE, SHE DAMAGED.

Love you guys! As always, reviews are like oxygen and I thrive on them, so if you have time, please let me know what you guys think! See you next chapter! - meggz0rz