Chapter 20: Adult Conversations
There was just no fucking way.
Clearly, something must have happened to my temporal lobe or to my Bowman's glands because that was the only explanation I could muster up as for why I could smell and hear so vividly the one person I dreaded to think of most.
And yet I knew that this superimposement of happy feelings could only have one root of origin.
But there was just no fucking way.
"Leah?" I questioned almost stupidly. I was wishing—praying really-that my mind was playing tricks on me; that I was finally going senile after all this time.
But there were no trick and my mind was not failing me.
"Most call me Doctor Clearwater now. But I'll take Leah from you." Her voice was smooth like the inside of a rose petal but her tone was distant. Or maybe it was dismissive?
I shifted myself on the bed so that my body was perpendicular to hers at the fame of the door. But I still refused to look at her. There was an uneasy silence between us as the initial feelings of euphoria she placed upon me began to ware off. The silence could have lasted for hours, days even. I hadn't a clue what to say to her; how to even began to share with her my feeling towards…well towards everything. Fortunately Leah broke the void.
"So, I half expected to see this house all done up in lights for Izzy's birthday. Figured she'd sweet talk someone into buying a thousand pink balloons or get Charlie to turn our backyard into a carnival of some sort: big bouncy house, cotton candy, ice cream, funny clowns…That girl always has big ideas.
So imagine my shock when I come back after five years only to find that this house is an empty shell of what it use to be. That everything that made it a home has been banished from seeing the light of day." Her voice was still smooth but now I could start to feel bite of her words and the firefly undercurrent of her tone. "Why."
It was a question that burned in my ear. I knew full well what she was demanding to know, but I felt she no longer had a right.
"Because the earth rotes on an axis," I started a little snidely. "The moon has a gravitational pull on the sea, the universe has multiple dimensions, because the stars hold the key to everything that will ever be-"
"That is not what I asked Edward," she grew impatient.
"Then say what you mean-"
"Why have you stopped?" This time it was more of a cry than a question and I was forced to finally look her way.
She wore defiance on her elegant face like it was the latest fashion trend yet her eyes—those stunning earth brown orbs, were washed over with an aching pain. Her rich olive skin was radiant against the pale yellow wallpaper of what use to be our shared room but an icy aura consumed her. Her raven hair flowed in intricate twist down the length of her spine like a river on a dark starless night that was carrying one too many secrets…
She was beautiful. And perfect. Like she had always been.
But she was no longer mine.
After a few baited seconds and a moment to collect her composer, she continued:
"You gave up on me but I never gave up on you Edward. Tell me why. After all this time it's the least you can do."
"You think I gave up on you? Tell me how I could give up on something that left me? You were the one who imprinted, you were the one that moved to Italy and you were the one who got married Leah. You did this, not I. You gave up on us."
"I had no control over that imprint. And imprint or not, you know that I loved you; I have always loved you. And when I needed you at my wedding, when I needed you to…when I needed you, you just left. You promised me that no matter what you would be there for me. So what the hell happened?"
Hearing that she still loved me—hearing it come straight out of her mouth was the worst thing. Because it meant that our love, pure and innocent wasn't stronger than fate. And I would sooner like to forget that fact and all the promises I made to her than be reminded of it daily.
"Reality. That's what happened love," I couldn't stop the coldness in my voice but I wasn't sure if I wanted too. "I'll take the blame for being so naïve. For believing that after everything we went through I could settle for just being friends. But you cannot blame me for not letting you have your cake and eat it too. I cant have you as a past lover and future friend. I need to have both in the present or nothing at all."
"You know it doesn't work that way. Edward I am powerless to his will."
"That sounds like more of a personal problem to me," I spat out bitterly before I could stop myself. "You got everything you could ever want and I'm glad for that. But don't expect me to start jumping for joy over it because honestly the whole thing makes me sick."
I didn't mean to say that. And if I had, I certainly didn't mean to say it with so much venom dripping from my lips. But truer words couldn't exist. The mere though of Leah with Marcus every night was enough to make me physically ill. And seeing her here before me just made everything worse because it meant that it was indeed real.
Leah let out a breath as if she had just been punched in the gut and her eyes got distant as a single tremor rocked her long frame but these signs of weakness lasted only fractions of a millisecond. She took in a deep breath and set her jaw squarely before she spoke again.
"I guess that means you were right all those years ago," even though her voice now cracked with emotions and the only thing she could think of was impending doom, she still spoke with an air of pride. "When you told me that even circles had an end and eventually everything would end. I was stupid to think that didn't apply to us. I see that now. And it's not like saying this will make a shit lick of difference but, I am sorry Edward. For everything."
She reached behind her neck quickly and unclasped a necklace that had been hiding under her cloths. It was the necklace that uses to belong to my mother. The one I gave Leah after I pledged to her my loyalty, friendship and love forever. She still wore it after all this time?
She grasped it in her hand for a moment and the simple diamonds glowed marvelously against her rusted skin. Then with an ingenuous movement of her hand she tossed it over and I caught it without even thinking. The diamonds of the rounded pendant burned in my hand like blue fire.
"Goodbye, Edward." She said as if she was reading our final sentencing in the most sweet, kindest way possible. And before I could formulate a thought, open my mouth, tell her that what I said—how I said it—that I didn't mean any of it; before I could say that despite the shittyness of this situation we were in, that I still and would always love her deep in the core of my soul—before I could try to even say any of that, she was gone without a trace.
In the 109 years that I had been immortal I have never needed air. And yet I found myself on the edge of the bed heaving, trying my best to fill my lung cavities. My body rocked violently as my head sank to my lap. A familiar prickle urged hot tears that would never come to cascade down porcelain skin.
Never before have I been so alone.
The love between Leah and I was truly over.
Iassue's seventh birthday party was the following night and despite the dejection that I felt about my own life, I had to pull myself together and attend for her sake.
Her party had everything that a seven year old could want; bouncy castle, ice cream and cotton candy, clowns, balloons, bubbles-Emmett even got a hold of a company that specialized in bringing 'mythical pink creatures' to life.
"Yah, for Vera's fifth birthday day she wanted pink butterflies everywhere. I don't know why, but turns out there are some creepy geneticists outside of Portland who love pink. Who knew?" Emmett said with wonder as he watched his daughter and my granddaughter attempt to trap each other in bubbles. It was an adorable sight, but it was hard to smile knowing that Leah was officially done with me.
It didn't help any knowing that she was still here too.
She was over in the bouncy house being tackled by a group of Izzy's school friends. She looked so beautiful in that moment. She was laughing carelessly as a girl tickled her stomach. It was a sound I haven't heard in years but one that still got my static heart going. I tried my best to ignore it.
Instead I forced a smiled and turned to my brother.
"Only in Portland would you ever find anything like that. But I know Ness and Seth really appreciate you finding that pink pony Em. Izzy was going crazy over having a pink unicorn and Ness won't settle for anything less than a perfect party for her princess."
"It must run in our venom then. Rose is the same way. Every birthday is a nightmare! But man, Vera is the most wonderful gift I could have ever gotten…" Emmett's mind went back to the day when Vera was born and the sacrifices that were made by Leah.
I stole a glance back over in her direction. This time she was by pink makeshift unicorn, helping her niece and surrogate daughter up on the pony. She wore the sweetest expression on her face as she held Izzy then Vera in her arms for the briefest of moments and then trotted them around on the pony. Nowhere on her face did I see the slightest hint of anguish.
It was like our argument from the night before hadn't even phased her any. Or if it did she had quickly gotten over it.
I guess having a husband who adored you and spoiled you could help with that.
I sighed as I tried to shake the negativity and the thoughts of Leah out of my head but they were going nowhere.
"Where the hell is the damn lighter!" I heard my daughter franticly scream distracting me from my own thoughts. "We can't cut the fucking cake without the fucking candles lit!"
"Well the lighter has to be around here somewhere hon," Seth said gently trying his best to clam his wife down. "We'll look for it and find it in no time."
"Maybe it was left inside. I'll go see if it's in the kitchen." I offered and in seconds I was back in the house. In truth, I was using the missing lighter as an opportunity to escape. Seeing Leah there and happy no less was harder to deal with than I anticipated. Even if I was doing it for the sake of my granddaughter.
I had no intentions on trying to find the lighter. I had no intentions on going back outside. Instead I made my way to the living room to grab my car keys. I wasn't expecting anyone to be in the house.
"You know, I figured that you would make your way here at some point," Bella's voice drawled from her lazy position on the sofa chair. "It was just a matter of when."
I looked over at my ex wife. Her body had mostly healed from her camping accident. Only her foot was left in a brace. At times I wondered if Bella even really became a vampire.
"I figured that you were outside with Nessie screaming over that damn lighter for Izzy's cake?"
Bella waved her hand with ease as she set up a bit in the chair. "Nah. I took my pictures with Isasue and then I was done with that party."
I raised an eyebrow at her.
"But you love the cutting of the cake. It really wasn't that long ago when you were in the same position that Nessie is in now."
"True. But that was until I realized that I would have an eternity of birthday's, cake cutting, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey's. Who cares if I miss a birthday or eight when we're going to live forever?" Bella stood up and smirked at me as she hobbled over to the kitchen.
It was then that I noticed the little specs of red in her eyes. I sighed.
"Carlisle has you on the human blood again doesn't he?" Drinking human blood was the closest thing to alcohol for a vampire. So it was no wonder that vampires feeding on humans were a little on the crazy side.
"Yup. O neg. infused with supplements or some shit like that. But I've got something better," She reached in the cabinet and retrieved two wine glasses and a vintage looking bottle wrapped in brown paper.
"I remember that bottle," I said idly as I finally took a seat and Bella handed me a glass. "Back in the 30's Carlisle and I were in Alaska when a native girl was attacked by a bear. We saved her life and in return her people invited us to stay with them. One way or another they figured out what we were and they decided to give us that bottle there. Five pints of AB positive, all from girls who ate nothing but nuts and berries for a week. I never tried it."
"Well I think it's high time that we crack this shit open," Bella cheered as she unscrewed the cap and filled my glass half way. "I understand how you're feeling about Leah right now and well, I think we both can use a good drink." She poured some of the dark blood into her glass and immediately began to down it. I on the other hand just looked at the blood in my hands. It had been years since I even tasted blood from a human and that was Leah's.
I stopped myself right there and instead looked at the mother of my child pointedly.
"Tell me how on earth could you possibly know how I'm feeling towards Leah Bella?" Isabella, the beautiful had never known real heartbreak or turmoil. She always had love in her life.
She took another deep swig of her blood before she refilled her cup and sighed deeply.
"I understand because today is September 29th." She said in a matter-of-fact tone. I rolled my eyes at her.
"Yes, our granddaughter's birthday,"
"And the day my mother found out I died. Fourteen years ago. Remember? It was right before our divorce."
I did in fact remember that day. How did I forget? I sat in silence and waited for Bella to finish.
"I loved my mother. Hell, I still love her. I never will stop loving her I think. But after I died she completely moved on. I know its stupid for me to wish that she'd be upset over it, but it hurt so much to see her pick up the pieces that quickly and leave me behind. I mean right away she had another kid, moved to Colorado and that was it. She hasn't come to my grave, not once!"
"Bella, you don't have a gravestone. She's the only one who thinks you're dead." I interjected.
"Not the point Edward okay? The point is, she hasn't tried. I went one night to her new home and not even a single photo of me. I'm her only daughter and yet I'm the furthest thing from her mind. And the sucky bit is; I know I should be happy for her and oh God do I want too. But I can't. I just physically can't because all I can think about is 'well what about me?'"
So that's how I understand how you're feeling towards Leah right now. Though, I suppose it's harder for you because she knows that you're alive and tries to get you to be happy for her. It's a bitch—no pun indented there…" She finally trailed off.
Before I knew it, I was the one guzzling down the blood and Bella was quick to refill my cup.
Bella and I spent an hour or maybe two even just talking about our lost loves over that bottle of fine blood, and got too drunk to care about it. We didn't snap out of our pity party funk until Alice raced in to find us.
I was stretched out over the couch letting the room move around me as I took another sip of blood while Bella was on the floor next to me resting her head on my lap.
"Edward, get up, Leah is gone." Alice's voice was shaky but I didn't notice.
"Good riddance!" I hailed and raised my glass.
"Here, here!" Bella flowed suit and we toasted each other giggling like fools. But before we could drink, Alice relieved us of our glasses and poured the blood onto the wood floor.
"Hey! That was high quality perfectly aged positively AB blood from little girls who—Who were those little girls again Edward?" questioned Bella.
"They were brave little girls who honored us with nuts and berries—"
"Oi, shut up you two. This is serious!" Alice's voice was the most stern that I had ever heard and it demanded attention. "Someone called her, I don't know who and now she's going back to Europe."
"Alice, that's where she lives now. I mean she probably only dropped by for Izzy's birthday." Bella said easily, making complete sense for a hammered woman.
"I thought that too until I had this vision," My sister looked at me and then opened her mind up, wiling me to see what she saw.
Leah and Marcus were standing on a ledge with the rest of the Volturi a few yards behind them. Just over that ledge was a small village of people, busy going about their daily lives. Leah was pale; almost the same complexion as fine china. And as she peered upon the villagers she began to shake and doubt riddled her face. But when she spoke, her words rang clear and strong.
"I don't see the point in this. I mean there are plenty of other emotions that I can impose on them. Emotions that are less…destructive."
"Well yes you could do that," Aro interjected and came to stand on the other side of Leah. "But that wouldn't really help us out. We need to see what enough rage and fear can do to this poor group of…of um…"
"People Aro," Leah spit out. "They are people."
"Yes, yes of course they are. People. Right. Well anywho, Marcus please instruct your wife to proceed." Aro said with a wave of his hand.
"Marcus please don't-" Leah began to plead. But Marcus's features were stoic.
"Leah, do what was asked of you." He said simply. And that was the end of all argument. Shamefully Leah bowed her head, swallowed hard, and then released her assault of emotions to the people below her.
The villagers were powerless against the blind rage and fear they felt. There was no choice for them but to subsume. In less than fifteen minutes they began to riot against each other.
Within the hour most were dead.
Leah wept silently with the heads of the Volturi by her side. Marcus gently pulled her into him and apologized for forcing her to commit such a heinous murder but that it was for her own good. Meanwhile Aro and Caius rejoiced.
"Oh, my old friend at last! At last!" Caius cheered in a very uncharacteristic way. "All the powers of Didyme with none of the troubles!"
"All of her powers and more dear Caius" Aro smiled wildly as he patted his fellow leader on the back. "All of her powers and more…"
Alice's vision ended there. But I had seen more than enough to be disturbed. I quickly pushed what I just saw into Bella's mind as well. The indifference in her eyes was quickly replaced by horror. She looked to me and then to Alice clearly bothered.
"Why would they have her do that? What does this mean?"
Alice looked me in my slightly red tinted eyes. I could feel her disappointment, her anger and despair.
"This means war Bella." She answered simply.
AN: Thanks to those who still read! I know it takes me forever but between travel work and school, I just don't have much time for…well anything. But this story is wrapping up (I can see the end!). I hope you guys aren't too mad with me, and hope that you will enjoy the rest of the story as it finally begins to unfold. Reviews are lovely, and even though I may not respond, I read them all! 3