Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just can't resist spending obsessive amounts of time in her world.
AN: I know you might be a little fed up with hearing this from me, but it is still true that I am so very sorry for making you wait so long. Some of you already know that the last few months have been incredibly hard for me and I have barely been at my computer at all. I would like to thank everyone who sent me messages of support; they really meant a lot. I honestly think I have some of the most amazing readers. You leave me such long, lovely and insightful reviews and I am sorry that I could not respond quicker and get the update done sooner. The only thing I can promise is that I have every intention of finishing this story eventually.
My incredible betas are TheaJ1 and OrAreWeDancers. I have made quite a few changes since they read this chapter, but didn't want to delay posting any longer so any mistakes are entirely my fault. Thank you to Mary-Alice-Brandon-Cullen for her awesome pre-reading skills. Thank you also to eli-dunbigboot for her continuing support and friendship.
I have written a short summary about Bella's family. Most of this has already been revealed within the story, but there is a bit of new information too:
In this AU hybrids age slightly differently to canon. They age at about twice human speed and reach maturity in their early teens when they appear early twenties in human age. Bella and Fred have adopted Nathan, who is roughly the same age as Renesmee (19, but they look older than this). They have also adopted Daisy who is 7 (therefore looks and is the maturity of a 14 year old girl), Alfie who is 3 (6) and Jaden who is 18months (3). There is one human, Anna, who lives in the protection of the Volturi and survived the birth of her hybrid son with the help of Nathan and Renesmee. Her son is called Daniel and his 9th birthday is coming up. All of the hybrids celebrate their birthdays' on Daniel's birthday, as he is the only one whose mother survived and the others don't like to remember their own birthdays. The party is a big event for Bella's family, but also for the Volturi politically as there is animosity between the hybrids and the more traditional vampires of the Volturi.
(A 'FY2' is a newly qualified UK doctor who is in the second year of a two year compulsory post-graduate medical training programme. They work as doctors in a variety of clinical settings to consolidate their knowledge and especially to gain experience in applying their skills to treating acutely ill patients).
20: All of these years
Our second visit to Bella's home was a striking contrast to the first. The crackling tension had been dramatically soothed and while it would be inaccurate to describe the climate as comfortable, it was certainly more relaxed.
We were outside and I wondered if Bella or Renesmee had orchestrated it that way as it was the main contributing factor to the improved atmosphere. Behind Bella's garden was a contrasting mix of sprawling, dense woodland and wide open clearings. We were congregated in one of the clearings, set far back from the house and without the constraining walls, the number of vampires and hybrids present seemed less oppressive. There were actually more of us this time, as Rose's absence had been offset by the presence of all of Bella's children. I had made promises to Bella, Renesmee and the rest of my family that I would get to know them, but in spite of my good intentions, I had absolutely no idea how to interact with them and I had settled on the side-lines again, observing them from a distance, but paying much more attention to them this time than I had ever been compelled to before.
Esme had had no such reservations and was relishing her involvement in a game with Bella's youngest two and Alice. Jaden and Alfie looked to be about four and six in human age, but I knew this meant they must be much younger than that in actual years of age. The game was hugely complex and clearly a unique design. It had a quadruple tiered board and seemed to require a range of skills and luck to progress. The most challenging thing for Esme seemed to be that the rules were shifting at the whim of the two boys who were teaching her and Alice how to play. She was handling it with delighted grace, reprimanding them without rancour only when they were trying to cheat each other and maintaining an air of competitive enjoyment for everyone playing. She was so absorbed in the game that she was unaware of the scrutiny she was under.
Carlisle was watching her with adoring pride. I could hear in his thoughts how happy he was to see her like this. It had been so long since she had been carefree and he had missed the sparkle that had now returned to her. Carrying the huge weight of Esme's barely concealed misery had been much more of a burden to Carlisle than his own despair and regret. For the first time in years he could see the shimmer of a happier future and he was more grateful to Bella than he could ever express for giving us all another chance to make things right. Not just with her, but in our family as well.
Bella was watching the scene very closely too. Her tightly closed mind gave no indication of the mystery that was her conflicted expression. She was almost enthralled, but also troubled. I longed to feel able to talk to her about whatever she was in such deep thought about. She was standing with Fred, leaning against him for support whilst he was engaged in a conversation with Jasper. Emmet was standing alone, as I was, but on the opposite side of the clearing. He seemed immersed in his own melancholy and I knew exactly how he felt. It hurt me to see him suffering, although he was trying to put on a brave face and attempting to distract himself by watching the others. I wanted to comfort him, but in all honesty his emotional state was a mirror of mine. I could hardy tell him that he would feel better with time, because I knew it never would. I hated Rosalie for inflicting such misery on him and then considered that I had done the same to Bella. I hated myself for that, so at least I was not being unfair or discriminating.
The more time that passed, the more incredibly awkward I was feeling just standing there, doing nothing. I cast my gaze around for some way I could begin to integrate myself. The least likely option was Nathan and yet he somehow drew my focus. He was sprawled out on the grass, surrounded by piles of books, papers, notes, diagrams, an iPad and a laptop. It was fortunate for him that there was no wind. He was engrossed in whatever it was he was doing and I deliberated what it might be. According to him, he was already a qualified doctor. I wondered what he was studying for now. Carlisle was curious too. He had drifted closer to Nathan, even while he was still watching Esme. He kept glancing over at what Nathan was doing, trying to decide what he was working on. He would be loathe to interrupt as Nathan seemed so absorbed in what he was doing and also because he was wary of Nathan, having heard from Jasper and Alice how much damage he was capable of inflicting with his telekinesis.
Nathan seemed to pick up on the fact he was under scrutiny. He looked appraisingly at Carlisle, his expression solemn.
"Sorry if I interrupted you," Carlisle broke the uneasy silence first. "My curiosity got the better of me." Nathan seemed distrustful, but not openly aggressive which Carlisle took as a good sign and continued. "What are you working on?"
Nathan considered the question a while before answering and I got the impression he was deciding whether or not to answer at all. "I'm in the early stages of writing a reference text for hybrid medicine," he replied eventually. If Carlisle had been mildly interested before, he was beyond excited now. He was having trouble containing the gush of questions that were rushing through his brain.
"That's fascinating." He edged closer. "I'd love to look through what you have so far."
"It's all pretty disorganised at the moment, I'm not sure there's anything readable." Both Carlisle and I sensed that that wasn't entirely true. Carlisle's disappointment was crushing and evident. It was like a personal form of torture to him to be on the precipice of a wealth of new knowledge and mysteries to be solved, and yet unable to dive into the middle of it. Nathan seemed moved by his obvious regret too. "Honestly, most of it is not put into writing yet. I have very limited time to work on it and it's a complex thing. I need to build on my knowledge base of human medicine as well, if I am to make the most of what is already out there and make effective comparisons. But working as an FY2 takes up a huge amount of my time, even if it is essential."
"We heard you worked abroad. Did you study in England too?" Carlisle probed, eager to glean any details he could. Since first meeting Renesmee, he had been captivated by the idea of vampire-human hybrids, especially as she was my daughter. He had immediately considered her to be family, even if she had not instantly felt the same way. Now that his attention was no longer diverted by a threat to us or by Esme's unhappiness, his curiosity was insatiable. He wanted to know everything about Renesmee and her adopted brothers and sisters, both as a species and as individuals, including what had prompted Nathan to split away from his family to study medicine.
"I did." Nathan's closed response was uninformative, but Carlisle was not deterred.
"How do you manage to gather the necessary information you need on hybrid physiology and development when you are so far away from your family?" Carlisle asked, hoping to encourage Nathan to divulge more information.
"Anna collects data for me, and if I need more, or if I'm needed here, then Daniel can cut down travel time to instantly," Nathan seemed defensive. "If I'm going to practice medicine here in the future, I need to be unknown to the local Doctors. The medical community here is close-knit and it would be difficult if I became known to some of them, which inevitably I would be if I trained in Italy. I'm sure you are more than aware that the last thing I need is someone perceptive to notice I'm not ageing."
"I didn't mean to sound critical. I'm just in awe of awe much you have taken on." Carlisle said apologetically.
"I don't really have a choice. It's imperative that we increase our understanding of our physiology as quickly as we can. We are not immune to disease or safe from injury, as vampires are. And we can hardly rock up at a regular hospital if one of us gets sick or hurt; there are differences between us and humans that would be immediately obvious on even a cursory medical examination. And even if we did, we metabolise medicines very differently to humans, so it would be very likely that they would be unable to help us anyway. Even the knowledge I have is basic because there are so few of us and I have to keep invasive tests to a minimum, although thankfully it's been enough to treat everything we've encountered so far. But I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and then someone would have to start again from scratch." Nathan was trying to sound flippant, but his voice was laced with a hint of worry.
"Being hit by a bus is a genuine concern?" Carlisle asked.
"I live and work in central London. It is not unlikely. It's more common than you'd think. Pedestrian or cyclist versus bus is a regular presenting condition in our A&E."
"But with your enhanced senses and speed…and your gift…?" Carlisle probed.
"All of those are potentially useless to me on crowded streets with blanket CCTV cover. I would never compromise the safety and security of my family by exposing us." Carlisle and I both considered this; however it still seemed unlikely to us that buses were an actual danger to him. But there was a certain raw and painful honesty to his tone which suggested there was something he wasn't saying. Could he be honestly concerned that something might take his life? Suddenly I was as interested as Carlisle in Nathan's research. How vulnerable were the hybrids to injury, disease and death? How vulnerable was Renesmee? The thought that anything could threaten her life was unbearable. And if something were to happen to Nathan, Bella's family would be deprived of the expertise in hybrid medicine he was trying to build. And if it wasn't a random stray bus that scared him, then what was it?
"I could help you know," Carlisle offered. "I have studied medicine on numerous occasions and I do have years of experience. There is not much about human medicine that is unfamiliar to me. If we worked together and combined our knowledge, then at the very least you would not be the only one able to document any information we determine."
Nathan was very conflicted. It was obvious he did not want to accept anything from any of us, but this project was clearly more important to him than his dislike of us and he seemed very tempted by Carlisle's offer. He looked past Carlisle and over to Renesmee, who turned as if he'd called her; which he probably had. They had a long silent interchange and I got the impression that they weren't the only ones participating in it. Finally, Nathan turned his attention back to Carlisle. "If you're serious, then have a look through these and see if there is any insight you can offer." He handed Carlisle the messiest and most disorganised pile of scrawled notes, which Carlisle took without hesitation and dropping into sitting on the grass alongside Nathan, he began to read.
Emmett's burst of laughter startled me. While my attention had been on Carlisle and Nathan, he had joined in the game to try and help Alice, who had been about to lose spectacularly. Alfie and Jaden were delighting in wiping the floor with them both, using less than scrupulous tactics.
I gaped at him, unable to process it. Since the day I had left Bella, twenty years ago, I had not found anything anywhere near that amusing. I couldn't envision a scenario where my thoughts weren't constantly so dark. Yet merely days after Rosalie supposedly tore his heart out, Emmet was enjoying himself with virtual strangers. I was frustrated and jealous and furious with him and myself. What was wrong with him? Or should that be what is wrong with me? Why was I so immersed in my misery after so long that I wished that my brother was experiencing it too?
I felt Jasper materialise at my side and with his help I was able to grapple my emotions under control.
"What do you make of it?" I asked him quietly. I did not need to elaborate, as he knew I was referring to Emmett's mood.
Jasper shrugged. "He is sad and hurt, but just not anywhere near the magnitude that I would have expected, especially after…" he gestured at me, struggling to find a way to describe my situation that would not be hurtful.
"The mating bond is practically indestructible. He should be incapacitated by Rosalie's desertion of him," I said bitterly, cutting him off.
"There's no way on Earth those two were mated."
Jasper and I wheeled round to stare incredulously at Nathan. His quietly delivered but assured statement hung in the air.
"What?" Jasper demanded.
"They weren't mated," Nathan repeated, as if we were intellectually challenged.
"Of course they were," I contradicted him, keeping my voice low so as not to attract the attention of anyone else.
"I have seen many vampires in a variety of co-dependent relationships and I am absolutely sure that those two weren't mated. The way that rude, vindictive Rosaleech behaved towards him was shocking and there is no way she could ever have treated him with such disrespect if they were truly mates."
"But they have been happily married for years," Jasper said, although I could sense he was already beginning to doubt himself and his assessment of their relationship. We had huddled closer to Nathan and were all trying to conduct ourselves so as not to draw the attention of the others. Carlisle, Jasper and myself were reeling.
"You two have mates," he gestured to Carlisle and Jasper, deliberately excluding me. "It is clear from the way you gravitate to them how deep your connection to them is ingrained. Could you ever imagine a situation where you would be so disrespectful to them? Even when you disagree, would you ever treat them with such disdain? Have they ever treated you in such a way?"
"But to compare relationships is unfair when the people in them are such different personalities," Carlisle put forward weakly, even though he was thinking just how valid Nathan's point was.
Nathan was regarding us in astonished sympathy. He evidently felt we were deluded and perhaps a little slow as well. "I'm guessing she changed him," he prompted and we nodded affirmatively, although it wasn't strictly true. Carlisle had changed him, but it was Rosalie who had been the instigator. "I would think he'd be pretty grateful to be granted immortality and she is very beautiful. Even a Newborn could be distracted from bloodlust by her allure."
"Gratitude and sexual attraction does not explain away what I know," Jasper said. "Rosalie and Emmett loved each other!"
"Hmmm….." Nathan embellished his hesitation dramatically. "I'm sure you just used the past tense there." He looked at us all in dubious patience, waiting for the implications of that to sink in. Because if they were truly mates, then their love for each other would have been permanent, not eroded even slightly by the passage of time.
"All of these years…" Carlisle was deeply shocked that he was even contemplating that they weren't mated. "We would have known, I'm sure. Emmett was so happy with her and so protective of her right from the start."
"Again with the past tense and I'm telling you that being mated and loving each other are two separate types of relationship. And I get the impression that Emmett is just a loving and protective guy. Rosaleech just wasn't intelligent enough to truly appreciate him." Seeing that we were still far from convinced, he added, "Edward, you love Alice…"
"Like a sister," I interjected.
"Yes," Nathan agreed. "But you do love her and you are protective of her and you agree she's attractive."
"But I would never sleep with her," I hissed urgently, over Jasper's low growl.
"Of course not; you know Jasper would kill you if you even tried," Nathan was struggling to keep his voice quiet. "The point I'm trying to make is that it is possible for two vampires to love each other without being mate-bonded and it is also possible for vampire to have sex without being mated. Two vampires can both love each other and be sexually attracted to each other, but the mate bond will only form if they are truly compatible. We have seen covens pass through here that have similar types of relationships, although admittedly there is usually more sex and less love. But they undoubtedly care for each other to some extent, even when not mated. It can be a very long and lonely wait to find a mate, from what I understand."
On some level what Nathan was saying made sense, but none of us could accept it. It shook to the core what we had always believed our family was based on. Nathan seemed exasperated with our obvious inability to comprehend what he considered blindingly obvious. He called over Renesmee, waiting until she was close enough to be drawn into our hushed debate before demanding, "Will you tell them that Rosalie and Emmett were never mated?"
"What?" she stammered. She had obviously not been eavesdropping, either audibly or mentally, on our discussion.
"Renesmee won't be able to prove anything. I read Rosalie and Emmett's minds and Jasper read their emotions for years and we are both unable to say either way in this moment. How would Renesmee know after such little exposure to them? Even reading their minds does not necessarily identify whether or not the bond was formed."
"But Ness can read Marcus' mind," Nathan said in a tone of stating the obvious yet again.
"But I wouldn't," Renesmee rushed, "I always respect their privacy and it is not my place to know."
"Ness," Nathan said kindly, but firmly, "when you met the Cullens for the first time, I know for a fact you were up in everyone's minds that day. Marcus told me he can still hear the echo of you in his head, the way you were mentally assaulting him. We both know your control lapses when you are that upset and I know you would have been able to read from Marcus whether or not they were mated."
Renesmee went red and lowered her eyes. "But I shouldn't have done and I have no intention of divulging any information that I so rudely stole that day,"
"Renesmee, if you do know, I would be very grateful if you shared it with us. We are worried about Emmett and we need to know how best to support him," Carlisle pressed, very concerned.
"And you wouldn't be spilling a sacred secret, just confirming what is beyond obvious," Nathan added, exasperated.
"Are they mated, Renesmee?" I asked imploringly. She lifted her eyes to meet mine and gave a slight shake of her head.
xXx
AN: I'm slightly nervous about the reaction to this chapter. Did anyone see this coming? I know some of you might be very disappointed by my distortion of such an important canon relationship, but I'd love to hear what you think; good or bad!