Chapter 21

Kelly was frowning at the datapad, her green eyes scanning the list of names.

"Well," she said finally. "I'm sorry to say none of these names really ring a bell. I mean..." She paused and glanced at Asura. "I joined Cerberus shortly before the Omega-4 relay mission. I did some work for them beforehand, but I only became actively involved once they finished the Normandy. These names..." She motioned to the list. "Some of them looked familiar, but I can't tell you who they are."

Abby could feel Asura's disappointment as she nodded and carefully reached out to take the datapad back. The Ardat Yakshi, Kelly, Dr Chakwas and herself were all sitting in the Starboard Observation room. It felt strange to be there without Samara as this room was almost synonymous with her presence on the Normandy to Abby. It had made her think of the justicar and wonder where she was on Omega exactly. If she was still on Omega at all. It was clear that none of the Normandy crew besides Garrus had seen her.

"That's... alright," Asura said quietly, but seemed surprised when Kelly held the datapad back for a moment. "It was a bit of a long shot. We're just unsure of where to begin." She hesitated. "You had said that Office Lawson might have a better idea?"

Kelly's brow rose. "No," she said then stopped. "Yes, actually, she would." She glanced behind her. "I can go and call her?"

From her position, Catherine Chakwas shifted. "Just make sure she's not still busy with Jane's mum," she pointed out. "I know she was out a few moments ago, but I believe they are still in a session."

Both Kelly and Abby glanced at the older doctor. "Session?" Abby queried. "About?"

Catherine shrugged, but looked uncomfortable. "If I have to guess, I'd say about Jane," she said quietly. "Hannah has been asking me about her... recovery." Resurrection, Abby thought, but didn't say anything as the woman continued. "I can't answer half her questions. I had started consulting for Cerberus during their final phase, but they were very secretive about what they did exactly." Chakwas's eyes grew darker. "I don't think Hannah should ask, but I can't stop her. Jane is her daughter."

Abby thought back to the night she and Jane had spoken about their families. "Jane said her father died," she pointed out. "I can imagine... that it was very hard on her mum when she died as well."

Chakwas looked unwilling to discuss her friend, but nodded slowly while Kelly studied the older doctor then glanced behind her lest either of the two absent women snuck up on them. "I can imagine it must've been even harder to hear that she is alive," Kelly said softly. "You're just starting to accept that a person has left your life and then..." She made a motion with her hand. "You hear rumours that she has returned." Kelly glanced at Asura, then reached out for a sandwich on the table they had brought in. "I've been trying to encourage Jane to see her mother for months. For both their sakes. I've forwarded one or two letters to Jane, but I doubt she replied."

Chakwas said nothing, but her eyes also travelled to Asura who was sitting very quietly listening to all of them. Occasionally her eyes went to the datapad on Kelly's lap, but she made no motion to take it back. Abby tried to gauge if she was still alright, but didn't sense anything worrisome.

"What is this investigation about, Asura?" the doctor asked. "What significance do the names hold?"

Asura grimaced and Kelly took the initiative to pass the datapad over to the doctor. "Maybe you can make sense of it," the yeoman murmured softly.

"I'm... doing an investigation for Aria," she said. "There are some bodies turning up that look like Ardat Yakshi kills. Quite a lot. But, they're not. It looks as if someone has been experimenting on various species. Possibly with biotics, but it's hard to determine. One of our leads led us to a Cerberus facility."

Chakwas raised a brow. "Our?" She queried. "Is Aria attempting this with you?"

The Normandy's crew must've seen the look on both Asura and Abby's face, because the two frowned as one. "What is it?" Kelly asked immediately.

Asura grimaced and glanced at Abby. "The rumours of Ardat Yakshi involvement drew a justicar here, named Phora," she said. "She and I are looking into this matter."

Kelly looked very surprised at the news. "Isn't that dangerous for you?" she queried to which Asura shifted awkwardly and shrugged. Abby decided to answer, nodding her head sharply as she too reached for a sandwich.

"It is," she confirmed. "But, Asura can't avoid her. She has to work with her." She didn't say it, but she was still angry at Aria for putting the two together. "If she brings any more attention to herself, this asari would be on it in a heartbeat."

Asura nodded slowly, embarrassed and picked up the conversation. "So, I have to play along, be careful. I don't think she suspects," she glanced at her partner. "Abby helps. I don't know how she came to hear of the rumours, but I suspect that Aria might've let the order know as she suspected me of the killings."

Chakwas, who had glanced over the list with a frown, nodded slowly. "Although I know there is no need to say it, I hope that you will take the liberty to come here if you are ever in trouble, Asura," she said. "This is your sanctuary as much as it is Dr Gable's. One of these names rings a bell." She frowned and looked to the door. "I just can't... Hannah, come and have a look at this."

Everybody in the room blinked startled when they saw the doctor look behind them. Hannah Shepard had been quietly standing by the door, listening to their conversation. Abby could feel surprise pulse through Asura and it made her nervous immediately. She didn't like it if the Ardat Yakshi felt threatened and unconsciously shifted closer to her, calming herself in the hope that it would calm her partner. She could not deny that it was Jane's mother, the resemblance striking. The older woman didn't move immediately, but looked at all of them, her gaze first touching Kelly, who blushed and scrambled to her feet, before it moved to Asura and Abby.

Following the yeoman's lead, Abby stood up quickly, but faltered when she almost collapsed again, her one knee refusing to lock properly. Asura was up a second later, steadying her until she had her balance. Of all the times, why now? Abby thought embarrassed as she met Dr Chakwas's gaze. The woman had not missed her fumble.

"Captain Shepard," Kelly said quickly, her tone cheerful if a bit flustered. "Allow me to introduce Dr Abigail Gable and her... partner Asura."

Abby felt a chill in her as Hannah Shepard's crystal clear eyes turned to hers. They were lighter than Miranda's but seemed to carry more weight.

"The veterinarian you told me about," Hannah said simply, addressing Dr Chakwas rather than Kelly. "What a pleasure."

Abby couldn't place her tone, wondering whether the reserve in it was from disinterest or practiced formality. Even though she wasn't in uniform, Captain Shepard's body language spoke of a lifetime in the military. A little bit intimidated, Abby moved forward regardless, pulling away from Asura and holding out her hand in greeting.

"Abby, please," she said quickly. "I'm ahm... A friend of your daughter, Captain Shepard." She wondered how they had explained her presence on the Normandy as clearly they had spoken of her before. Hannah stepped forward and took her hand, her gaze softening slightly.

"And you can call me Hannah," she said, her grip firm. "A civilian? Jane has never had many civilian friends." Her gaze turned to Chakwas and Kelly. "Till she joined Cerberus of course."

Feeling a touch of unease, Abby glanced back at Asura to make sure that the Ardat Yakshi would remain where she was. "I am not with Cerberus," she said politely. "I've never been. I'm just a vet." She couldn't help, but feel that the way Hannah Shepard pronounced civilian bordered on an insult.

To her surprise, Chakwas chuckled warmly. "Don't let her fool you, Hannah," she said with a light humour that suggested she was trying to ease the tension that was slowly filling the room. "I've seen her practice emergency medicine on a drell that would put most field medics to shame. Vet or not," her gaze touched Abby with fondness, "civilian or not, this one has the heart of a lion."

Abby blushed, aware that Hannah still had a hold of her hand. Catherine's attempt had worked as the tension eased when Hannah smiled. "Well, I presume you need one in order to treat one," she pointed out. She let go of Abby and the loss felt... powerful. The older Shepard seemed to have the same allure as her daughter had. "You don't see a lot of vets these days. Most have gone to the classification of multi-species. What's your speciality?"

Vorcha, varren...

Abby shrugged and smiled, moving back to the chair so that she could sit down. "Omega," she said honestly. "My practice is new, I take the patients I can." She met Asura's gaze. I'm okay, are you? "It's an honour to meet you. ma'am." She didn't know what else to say and was madly relieved when Captain Shepard simply shrugged it off.

"So people keep telling me," she said. "But, I am not my daughter." She turned back to Chakwas, holding out her hand. "What name did you want me to look at Catherine?"

Dr Chakwas stood up, slipping the datapad into Hannah's hands. "I'll get you a fresh cup of tea," she said. "Lee Harrison. It rings a bell but maybe I'm getting old and senile."

There was real humour in Hannah's eyes this time. "Spare us," she said. "You've been senile for years. Coffee please, Catherine." She turned her name to the list and frowned, clearly thinking while Chakwas took the time to slip out of the room and Kelly retake her own seat. Abby took a steading breath, shifting closer to Asura and carefully slipping her hand into hers. So far the older Shepard had not acknowledged her presence at all. She was interested to note that Chakwas didn't move to the commissary immediately, but rather went in the direction of Miranda's room.

To see if she's alright?

Abby tried to imagine what it must be like to be questioned by this woman in a session and decided that it could not have been pleasant, whether you were Miranda Lawson or not.

"I presume that you are an Ardat Yakshi." Abby pulled her gaze away from the corridor to see that Hannah Shepard had finally turned her attention to Asura. "As you spoke of being a suspect in these murders. I am not familiar with the term, could you explain it to me, Asura?"

There was a pause in the room as all eyes turned to Asura. The asari seemed unfazed, sitting back calmly and crossing her legs. "My culture forbids me to speak of it," she said calmly and then her voice dropped and with it, Abby's stomach. "I apologise if it sounds rude, I hope you can understand that it is a delicate matter." Asura truly sounded apologetic, even remorseful as if she wanted nothing more than to speak of it. Abby knew that she didn't and this manipulation was simply the Ardat Yakshi in her at work.

Hannah Shepard never stood a chance as she blinked at Asura as if seeing her for the first time. She shifted ever so slightly as the will, the need to adhere to Asura slipped into the room. Kelly looked as if she wanted to apologise, to fuss but one look from Abby stayed her mouth and she blushed profusely as she realised what was happening. The older Shepard shifted back, tapping the datapad. Her features appeared calmer, even sympathetic.

"Culture has always been a delicate matter," she said simply. "We have so many within our own species and it has always been used to commit... so many atrocities." Her eyes grew sharper. "I believe this society cannot truly progress until we shake of those shackles, but I know that it will not happen in my time."

There was a noise behind them as Chakwas came back carrying a tray of cups. She smiled at all of them, but her eyes were sharp as if she suspected that something had happened in her absence. "I've brought some tea and coffee," she declared, turning her attention to Hannah. "Any luck?"

Captain Shepard seemed to relax a little, smiling as Chakwas placed the tray down and brought her a cup of coffee.

"I have found evidence that you are getting old and senile," she pointed out. "Lee Harrison was a colleague of yours, Chakwas. He worked for the Alliance about thirty years ago. Are you sure you don't remember him?"

Chakwas made a murmuring sound and took up a seat close to Abby. "I can't say that I do, Hannah," she pointed out. "As I said, the name sounded familiar, but I was a field medic in those years. I was rarely stationed anywhere for longer than a few weeks. If I remember correctly you were assigned to desk duty in those years. Jane was... still quite young."

Hannah nodded slowly, her gaze becoming more intense at the mention of her daughter's name. "It's because of Jane that I remember him," she pointed out. "He worked on the... what did they call it? Human development project." The way she said it showed her contempt for the project. "It was in Research and Development. I had nothing to do with that, of course. I was on statistics." Her contempt for that was just as clear. "But he approached me as he did several female Alliance officers in those years. He was spear heading the project for attempting to procure more biotic talent within the military. Jane was a very good candidate to be incorporated into such a program."

Abby shivered, remembering how one could choose the talents of one's Shepard when playing the game. She had always gone for the infiltrator route, her lack of coordination stopping her from the more intricate button mashing melee that involved a biotic. Her shiver was noticed and all attention turned to her, Hannah's particularly sharp.

Abby quickly cleared her throat and leaned forward. "Jane could've been a biotic?" she queried. "How... how is that possible?"

Hannah frowned and made a gesture with her hand. "Do you understand how human biotics are created?" she queried. "Yes? Or... No." Abby had shaken her head which made Hannah turn to Chakwas for an explanation. The doctor shifted so that she could look at Asura and Abby together.

"In summary, humans aren't naturally born with the ability to conduct dark energy," she said. "Not like asari. Like the krogan, we need implants and a certain predisposition to be able to do so. It's not genetic. It requires exposure to element zero while still in the womb and some exposure later." She turned back to Hannah who continued the explanation.

"Jane wasn't planned," the old captain confessed. "Both my husband and I were really just starting on our careers. John was..." She trailed off. "We were busy. Not even married." She smiled at the memory. "Protocol for female alliance officers dictates that, in the event that they plan to 'procreate' as the document stated, they have to declare the time to minimise the child's exposure to element zero. Or, that had been the case, now they're all too eager. As I didn't know that I was pregnant, I worked in the fleet for the first term of my pregnancy. My exposure levels to element zero hadn't been lethal, but, as explained to me later but this Dr Harrison, it was enough to enable Jane to become a biotic upon a second exposure."

Asura raised her brow and seemed to consider this. "And you refused?" she queried to which Hannah nodded.

"I wanted my daughter to learn how to handle weapons," she said. "Not become one herself. If you look at statistics, the most soldiers killed in battle are the vanguards. I didn't want that for my daughter." Her eyes were sad. "As it turned out, she was meant for greater things."

Abby sat very still, trying to suppress a grimace – feeling, for a moment, very alien in this group of people. Meant for greater things, a hero who could've been anybody. That was the theme of Mass Effect in a sense, an ordinary soldier that just had that something extra that turned his or her into the saviour of the galaxy. And at what cost? The love of a mother or perhaps the trust of one? Love? The ability to have a normal life?

Everything that her mother wanted for her, everything that the woman tried to spare her from by trying to keep her from becoming a weapon, was made void when Cerberus revived Jane so she would become the greatest weapon that the galaxy had against the coming reapers.

And I'll be here to see it.

It scared her suddenly and this time she felt Asura slip her hand into hers, squeezing it gently as if she had followed her thoughts, saw into her mind.

"So this Dr Lee Harrison was involved with that?" Asura queried. "Turning human children into biotics? Experimentation?"

Hannah looked up and met Asura's gaze, nodding as she did so. "I remember receiving a bulletin that he had left the Alliance, that his program was shut down. His... need for advancement had grown beyond the ethical."

On Abby's other side, Dr Chakwas snorted, her eyes dark. "What the Alliance had deemed ethical," she pointed out. "Their definition of it. I remember reading about him now, I didn't approve of these programs. I've worked very closely with those first biotic soldiers. Human beings weren't meant to..." She trailed off and sighed. "But, Cerberus does the same."

Hannah glanced at her, saying nothing before she turned her attention back to Asura. "I would wager that it was his interest in these projects that made this man find Ceberus," she said. "Him and some other scientists. If your victims show biotic damage, it could be that he is still working to improve the mould. To improve the human race."

Abby's stomach dropped and suddenly she realised that they had been going at it all wrong, that they had asked the wrong people. Miranda could help, yes. Chakwas and the older Shepard certainly gave them a lead. But, if it came to the expert, the person who would know what is happening at the heart of Cerberus's biotic testing there was only one true expert on board.

She grimaced and stood up slowly, holding out her hand to Hannah Shepard. When the woman gave her a questioning look she bit her lip and glanced at Asura.

"I... I know who else to ask," she said. "There might be more on the list. More candidates. This is just one. And then we have to find them."

Asura frowned at her, shaking her head. "You're not getting involved in this," she stated. "Who are you going to ask, Abigail?"

Hannah Shepard relinquished the datapad curiously, studying her as Abby took it and instinctively clutched it to her chest to keep herself from dropping it as she made sure her hand had a decent grip.

"Jack," she said simply. "I'll go down to ask Jack."

She had not come down these stairs since that day. Abby still remembered it, even dreamt about it sometimes. The day Jack was so mad at her that she lost control and almost attacked her with her biotics. That flash of power, the way it made her arms prickle, would wake her up sweating. Yet, that wasn't what remained in Abby's memory. It was Jack's face.

Angry. Lost. Hurt and confused.

"Go on and make your fucking mistakes," Jack had said then. "See if anyone gives a fuck to save your ass." Abby had spent a lot of time thinking about their confrontation, thinking about Jack's attitude and came to the conclusion that she had hurt the biotic in a way she could not possibly have understood nor have predicted. Jack had not agreed that Abby should leave with Asura, accusing her of not wanting to explore other options. It had been difficult to try and explain herself to the biotic, because Jack had simply not given her the chance at all.

The truth was that Abby was tired of doctors, of tests. Even Mordin's routine examinations were sometimes too invasive for her. When the opportunity to leave with Asura came, she had seen it as a guaranteed opportunity to live a relatively normal life. All of the other options were simply speculation and now, having had time to do her own research, Abby knew that there was still very little that this world could do for neural degeneration. There were all sorts of fancy braces and equipment that would help her have a normal assisted life. There was very good medication to help with depression and dementia.

But there was nothing that would cure her disease. Nothing that would stop the symptoms from eventually taking her life. Having come to this world in the way that she did, Abby had reached to what she thought to be the best solution.

And she didn't regret it.

As she had told Kelly and Dr Chakwas the day before, she loved Asura. But she was also very fond of Jack and their discord plagued her. The mass of half-finished and unsent letters on her personal computer was evidence to that. And a part of her couldn't help but wonder whether Jack had some of her own. The woman's willingness to go with her and Kelly yesterday showed Abby that she still had some chance to reach out to Jack.

If she hadn't, Jack wouldn't have bothered coming along at all.

There was a low murmur of voices in the darkness, making the vet think of ghosts. She didn't cross over the threshold immediately, but stood at the bottom of the stairs, trying to peer into the gloom. There was a faint glow of red emergency lighting, but it didn't show her where Jack was. Worried suddenly and irrationally frightened, Abby began to move back up the stairs when a hand dropped to her shoulder.

"What do you want?"

The voice was harsh, but also... tired.

Abby jerked and pressed her back against the wall's edge, staring up at Jack who was on eye level with her.

"I... I came to see you," she said. "Hello Jack."

The biotic glared at her, then moved past her. The lights came on, but the murmur of voices didn't disappear.

"What do you want?" Jack asked again, dropping herself to the bed and shifting a small monitor to the side. After some consideration, Abby realised that the voices were coming from it. She studied it for a moment, clutching the datapad to her chest.

"I want to talk to you," she said. "I think we have a few things to say to each other."

The biotic sneered at her, a gesture that reminded her of a caged cat. "I think we've said enough," she said. "Fuck off. I'm not interested in a repeat."

Abby wasn't either, but she stood her ground, gathering her courage.

"I miss you, Jack," she said finally, unable to think of any other way to start. "And you can choose whether or not to believe me, but I have thought of you every day since I've left the Normandy. I have regretted... what happened, every day."

Jack's eyes narrowed, but there was a flicker on her features. If Abby had not dreamt of seeing it so often she might've missed it but, as it was, the regret in Jack's eyes in those few seconds was clear. She regrets it too.

"What the fuck makes you think that I care?" Jack snapped, but it felt half-hearted. Abby, smiling slightly, carefully sat down on the stairs, still hugging the datapad to her chest.

"Because you are still very angry with me," she said honestly. "And you wouldn't be if you didn't."

The fury on Jack's features was instantaneous as she rose to her feet to argue. And then... Then she paused and slowly settled back. Nothing was said as she stared at Abby, her silence acknowledging the truth of her words. Abby didn't say anything, but waited as Jack shifted and turned to the box, switching off the murmur.

"What is that?" Abby dared to ask, keeping her voice light.

Jack didn't look at her, but grimaced, shrugging. "Tapped into those fucking batarian's news channel and communication to the station," she said. "I'm... listening for any news on Shepard. Someone'd have gloated if they caught her. Nothing so far. Not from her either. It's been a fucking day. Whaddya got in your hands?"

Abby carefully held out the datapad, relieved that her hands weren't trembling. "My excuse to come and see you," she said quietly. "It's a list of Cerberus officers who are known to be active on Omega. We want to know who of them might be involved in biotic experiments. We have a few candidates. You might be able to show us more." Is the other conversation finished? Or are we just delaying it again?

Jack's face was fierce as she leapt to her feet immediately to grab it. "Are you going to kill them?" She asked with an eagerness that chilled Abby. "Is she?"

Trying to hide her shiver, Abby shook her head. "I'm not... involved," she pointed out. "It's for Asura and Aria. And no... They just want information. These people might be involved in killing others, making it look like Ardat Yakshi kills. If Cerberus is doing something..."

Jack laughed, the sound bitter. "They are always fucking doing something," she said. "And what makes you so sure this isn't your girlfriend's leftovers?"

Abby had to be very careful not to show any emotion, recognizing it as a jab to get a rise out of her.

"I'd know," she said simply. "And from what I understand these bodies weren't fed upon. If it was Asura, that wouldn't have been the case."

Jack's teeth were still bared as she looked at the list. "So you're keeping her satisfied." She pointed out as if she didn't believe it. Abby didn't comment, but motioned to the list.

"Do any of them look familiar?"

She didn't like the darkness in Jack's eyes as she shoved the datapad back into her lap. "They never had names," she said shortly. "This means nothing to me."

Abby nodded, studying Jack's features. The biotic looked very hostile as she stood there, towering over her, her hands balled against her sides. Jack seemed to wait for her to do something, but when Abby didn't react she shifted her weight, glaring.

"What the fuck do you want?" she snapped. "I told you I can't help you."

Abby tried not to grimace, looking down to her lap as she enclosed her fingers around the datapad. "I want to ask you something else," she said softly. "If you'll give me another moment of your time."

Jack snorted, but took a step back, shrugging off her words. "So fucking polite," she muttered and dropped down to her hunches. "What else do you want?"

Abby smiled sadly as she shook her head. "I want to ask you what you want," she said quietly. "What do you want from me? Do you want me to leave you alone after this, Jack? I had said that I'm sorry when last we spoke... here." She looked around, embarrassed to meet Jack's gaze suddenly. "Though, I confess, I don't think I understood why I apologised at the time. Or... not for the reason that I needed to I'd imagine." She dared to look at Jack to find that her eyes had gone wide and panicky, having not expected the question.

The petite biotic pushed herself up and moved a few steps back, her gaze fixed on Abby as if she expected her to attack.

"What the fuck could I possibly want from you?" the biotic snapped. "I don't need you!"

Abby nodded slowly, but knew that it wasn't the answer. Slowly, she pushed herself up, steadying herself against the wall when her knee threatened to buckle again.

"Maybe you should think about it," she said quietly. "I still want to be your friend, Jack. I meant what I said, I miss you. I... am very grateful for everything you did for me. Everything you helped me with. I don't want to lose your friendship, if it's not too late." She glanced at the datapad in her hand. "Which I don't think it is. But you need to want something else well. You need... to get something out of the friendship. Even if it's just security, or the knowledge that you are always welcome in my home. Which you are."

She was surprised to find that Jack's features had worn a look of anguish when she looked up, but the biotic quickly hid it as she took a step forward, her fists balled once more.

"I don't... I don't want anything from you," Jack said, but her voice was too emotional, too fierce for Abby to believe it. "Just... Just get the fuck out."

Studying the younger woman, Abby nodded slowly, but was surprised to see fear in Jack's eyes. "You're still going to be here a bit," she pointed out. "You can still come and talk to me, Jack. Or tell EDI to call me, I'll come here. I don't think this conversation is over."

Jack didn't say anything else to argue against it. She didn't deny Abby's words either. The ex-convict sniffed and walked to her bunk stiffly, turning up the volume again so that she could listen to the batarians. Studying her, Abby sighed and carefully turned back up the stairs wishing that there was something she could do to make Jack look less lost as she did in those last few moments.

But, it has to be her choice, Abby thought. I can't force friendship on her. Even if I need it, she has to want it as well.