Hello everyone, it's been a while! Promised thing, thing due: here is the 21st chapter of this story.

I have to tell you something: there're just a couple chapters left :/ Aw...

But these are the best of the story (I think), and I hope you will follow me until the end of this story ^^

I know I didn't update for nearly two months, but scholarship goes first, and then my hobby (my fanfictions).

Enjoy it ^^

Chapter 21: Thank you

Two months later…

Matt was anxious, and he had the right to: today, he was coming back home. Finally, after five months in a hospital, then a rehabilitation center. He was highly stressed, because he was afraid, scared to death even, that something would go completely wrong. With the heart transplant, he was still on heavy medications which he would take his whole life, and all he wanted was to take care of his two girls and soon-to-be three. Indeed, Gabby was now a seven-month pregnant woman, and because of her gestational diabetes, she could give birth at any moment. Seven months was the mean labor for women with gestational diabetes. Eliza was waiting this moment so much that, every day when she awoke, she ran into her mom's bedroom to see if her sister was born, which made both Gabby and Matt laugh when she had come to see him and told him. She was too excited to share her bedroom with Kellie, even though her mother had to remind her that her sister wouldn't be in the same bedroom as her for quite a while, at least the time for the baby to do complete nights, which would take a few months at the bare minimum.

Even Matt was excited to have a new girl into his life. He was thankful of Kelly, who decided to sacrifice his life for him, for this little Beany. He still couldn't believe it, and it was a hard process to accept it. He already had a discussion with Gabby about the middle name of Kellie, and they agreed to choose Hallie, in tribute to Matt's first crush and former fiancée who died in his arms in a structure fire about ten years ago. Gabby knew he couldn't forget her, no chance at all. And she accepted it, of course. Because even he couldn't forget her. But today, everything had to be forgotten: sadness, pain, all negative emotions. Because today, Matt was finally coming home to his family, to his wife and his daughter. Gabby wanted everything to be perfect for Matt's arrival. She wanted everything to be clean, and his co-workers had insisted on making a small party to honor his return to his family. But within a few minutes, she had to pick up Matt from the hospital, and nothing was ready, far from it. So, she decided to call Dr. Rhodes to have some extra time.

"This is Dr. Connor Rhodes."

"Doctor, it's Gabby. Dawson. Excuse me for disturbing you, but I would like to ask you something."

"Tell me everything."

"Well, as you can imagine, we're preparing a little party for Matt at home, and... And I'd like to know if it's possible to delay the exit by a few tens of minutes."

"You want me to piss him off? He's already turning around in the room, waiting for you. So, telling him to wait a little longer is suicidal."

"Just... A few minutes, please."

At the other end of the line, she heard Connor grumble and sigh, as if he did not know how to make him wait.

"Very well, I give you thirty minutes, but not more. I'll ask Dr. Rasperg to come and talk to him. I have the feeling that Matt represses all his emotions inwardly."

"As usual, that's Matt."

"But he shouldn't, at least not after what he has experienced."

"I understand. If your doctor... Rasperg, right?"

"Huh."

"Okay, if your Dr. Rasperg can do something for him, then he can. But I can guarantee you one thing: if he is a shrink, he will not appreciate this visit."

With the silence that settled down, she understood unfortunately that Matt wasn't indeed going to like this visit.

"He's a shrink."

"Yep. But he is very good, he was formed by Dr. Charles, and he usually deals with patients undergoing heavy surgeries, especially transplants. As Chicago MED is right next to us, I can bring him up for a little discussion."

"Okay. And, uh... Thanks, for these thirty minutes."

"You're welcome. See you later."

She hung up, resuming her activities as she could while everyone was telling her to rest and take care of herself because of her pregnancy. As for Matt, he was just beginning to prepare his little suitcase, a sign that he was more than ready to leave this place. After several minutes, he heard someone knock and open the door.

"Good morning, Matt."

Casey looked up and stopped the preparation for his suitcase. On the threshold of the door was standing a person whom he had never met before. He wore a blouse, a sign that he was a doctor, but it wasn't an ordinary medical blouse: it was a gray one. Suddenly, like a flash, he remembered a detail. He had already come to the ER and had already seen someone else wear one, a certain Dr. Charles, and he remembered perfectly well that he was a shrink.

"It's not a good time, doctor. I'm getting ready to get away from this hell, and no one will stop me."

"Oh, but I'm not here to stop you. You are fully entitled to leave and finally join your family. I would have just loved... To have a little chat with you before."

The doctor felt in a fraction of a second that questioning look on his shoulders. He invited himself in and sat on one of the plastic chairs, while Matt made an effort to sit on what would soon be his former bed.

"If it's to see how I am... I'm fine, believe me."

"With a new heart, the opposite would have astonished me."

Casey smiled, because the doctor was right.

"I know that physically you are going much better, and that is why you have earned the right to go back home. But I'm here to make sure that mentally you're doing well as well."

Matt was about to answer, opening his mouth, but no sound came out, as if he did not know what to answer.

"It would seem quite logical that you are... I say disoriented, especially after the shock of what happened. Especially when I understood that you literally saw how it all happened."

The flashbacks. Those he normally couldn't have because they didn't come from his past but from Kelly's. So, the shrink was aware?

"I know everything, Matt. But don't worry, this conversation will remain between you and me."

"Okay."

It relieved Matt somewhat, but talking to a psychiatrist didn't please him, even if he had to go through it to get better.

"So, how do you really feel?"

"I... Uh... I don't know," he admitted, surprised.

He really did not know what he was feeling, he was lost in his own feelings, he was turned upside down by all this.

"Maybe you're asking yourself some unusual questions right now? And they pursue you?"

Matt had a question. Well, it was not really a question, it was something that gnawed at him from the inside, slowly. At first, he began to look down at his hands, then his head came down. Maybe it would be good to talk about that? To exteriorize everything instead of keeping it just for him and trying to repress it?

"Uh... Let's just say that... I asked myself a lot about what life would be like without this decision. I mean... If Kelly had not decided to give me his heart, or if ... or if he had not been a match."

The psychologist decided to say nothing, understanding that talking about him and his feelings was already a terrible ordeal for Matt. He preferred listening to him, letting him unpack what he had on his heart.

"If none of this had been done, Kelly and Sylvie would still be together, probably for life. They would probably have had children. And... Gabby... Gabby would surely have aborted after my death and would have taken care of Eliza with the firehouse 51. I don't know."

"You are lost", the shrink confirmed. "Between what life is and what life could have been."

There was no need for words for the doctor to understand Matt's state of mind.

"Many people undergoing a transplant surgery, especially a heart transplant, feel the same way as you. They don't feel really alive. Their body is alive, but it lives by the heart of another, and therefore, they think that they have died, in some way. And they often ask themselves what life would have been without this transplant."

"So... Is that normal?"

"I did not say it was normal, I'm just saying that a lot of people in your case are asking themselves the same questions. You just have to find the answer to your questions."

"And how can I get those answers? By asking myself and answering them by myself?"

"By asking them to someone who should have the answer."

Gabby. That was his first thought. Gabby surely had the answers to the questions he had in mind. The discussion lasted several more minutes, until Gabby arrived and Dr. Rhodes confirmed Matt's discharge. Dr. Rasperg took the opportunity to slip away as the two lovers continued to pack up Matt's baggage.

"I... can I ask you a question?"

Gabby looked up at her husband. She understood that it was something important to him. His gaze seemed lost and sad, as if a part of his mind had been taken away from him.

"Of course", she said, nodding and stopping what she was doing to sit on the bed for a few moments, with Matt beside her.

"Um, it's pretty delicate, actually."

"Matt, we go through this together, as always. So explain to me what bothers you."

Her gaze and mind were calm, as if she was trying to appease the sadness of the man she loved. Finally, he took a deep breath while placing his left hand on the very rounded belly of Gabby, and he spilled everything out.

"What would you have done if... If Kelly had not given me his heart?"

Surprised, Gabby's mouth opened, but no sound came out, as if everything was stuck in her throat. It was a difficult question, one she would never have liked to face. That was the question she feared the most. Because she didn't know what she would have done. But she had to tell him the truth, the whole truth.

"When... When I knew I was expecting another child from you... I panicked. I panicked because... You were in that hospital bed and ... And you were technically dead. I didn't want that child, it was too hard. And then, I prayed. I prayed that the doctors would find you a donor, because if it was the case, we would expand our family, and... And you would have been saved."

As Matt had not really gotten the answer to his question yet, he said nothing to not tense Gabby, perfectly understanding that for her as well it was a very sensitive point. It took her several seconds to recover from this first part of the explanation.

"But... I-in the contrary case... I would have done everything to not have this child."

It was a blow for Matt, but he did not show it. Why was Gabby ready to give up this child?

"Raising Eliza would already have been difficult without you, then... Then another child?"

She shook her head vigorously, desperately trying to wipe away the tears running down her cheeks under Matt's lost gaze.

"I wouldn't have had the strength to raise our two daughters alone, without you by my side, without their father. That would have been far beyond my strength."

He realized that if Kelly had not done this crazy thing, his wife would have put an end to her pregnancy. Because sorrow would have prevailed over the love she bore him.

"You're angry with me, aren't you?"

"What? No!" Matt said in a hurry, proof of his honesty. "Never in my life I would be angry with you."

As Gabby's tears intensified, he decided to get closer, hugging her as hard as he could.

"I understand your choices perfectly, and I respect them. I just wanted to know what life would have been without me, without Kelly's heart."

They stayed like this for several minutes, the time for Gabby to recover from her emotions. Then, they took luggage and left the room, finally. Gabby forced Matt to put on a thick coat because the cold was very impressive, and when they got to the car, they put the luggage in the trunk. As Matt didn't yet have the right to drive, he had to let Gabby drive, which he didn't like because of her seven months of pregnancy. On the way, instead of turning left as usual, Gabby went straight, surprising Matt.

"Where are you taking me? I don't remember that this road is taking us home."

"You will see. We have to go somewhere before we go home."

Matt said nothing more, waiting patiently to arrive safely. When Gabby parked the car, he immediately recognized the place. It was the cemetery, where Leslie Shay was buried. He opened the door of the car, going out in the cold November, looking at the open metal grille of this place he feared.

"Sylvie and Shay's family have agreed to bury Kelly with her", Gabby explained, passing her hands through Matt's back.

He nodded, advancing quietly at his own pace in the aisles, until he stopped on the grave of Kelly, his big brother.

"Your daughter made an incredible speech that day. It was Eliza who made me realize that... That you had to know the truth", Gabby announced calmly.

Matt then remembered the day his wife had told him that the new heart he had inside of him came from Kelly's sacrifice. That day, she was dressed in black, and he remembered a little detail, one he didn't notice at the time: her eyes were red, probably because she had cried shortly before. He quickly realized what it involved.

"It was that day, wasn't it? When you told me the whole truth... You had just buried Kelly?"

"Yes."

The phrase Gabby had spoken a few seconds before hit him.

"Liz made a speech?"

"Yes, uh... At first I didn't want to, but she insisted. You would have been proud of our daughter."

"What did she say?"

"She talked about being afraid for her family, because we were firefighters. She also talked about the history of your scars, and that the one you have on your chest represented all the love that Kelly had for you, but also the fact that you are still there, able to hug her. She also cried because you weren't aware of all this, but she hoped that you would understand that Kelly was not dead, that she had just become your heart beating, stronger than before."

Gabby in fact remembered almost the entirety of her daughter's speech, because it had been so beautiful. And this beauty, Matt had felt it. He couldn't believe it was his own daughter who had told that. And she was right: his heart was still beating in him, for him. He suddenly felt a hand resting on his shoulder, and he turned his head to see Gabby at his side.

"I'll leave you a few minutes, alone. You need it, I think. I'm waiting for you in the car, and then we go back home."

Matt sketched a smile of satisfaction. Go back home. He had been dreaming of it for months, and this was about to happen. He nodded, feeling that he needed to mourn his brother on his grave. He watched as Gabby moved away, remembering the flashback he had had from Kelly coming here shortly before his death, in order to do the same, in order to get the answers to the questions he was asking himself. He turned again to the marble, engraved with his name, years of birth and death, as well as faded flowers laying on it. At first, he said nothing, but he quickly realized that he needed to talk, to put words on his suffering, on his emotions.

"Hey Kelly. I just got out of this damn hospital, so I could only come here now", he said laughing. "I know it may sound strange to talk to a marble, but... But if you can hear me, I wanted to thank you. For what you did. So thank you. Thank you so much. To have saved me, to give me the opportunity to continue my life, to have watched over my family. You were a great brother, the best you could have and dream. I know you do not regret this gesture, I feel it deep inside me. You just have to know that I am proud of you too, I am proud to have shared your life, I am happy to know that your heart beats for me, I know that you will always be there fr me and my family. Thank you."

He remained still for several minutes, until the cold numbed him a little, until he decided to join Gabby to go home. His surprise was great when he noticed the people that were there to welcome him at home with his wife and daughter. With his family.