Why?
Mindful of Anthared's paranoia, Jahra knocked instead of walking right in. The bony old Warder answered, with, naturally, his hand on his sword. When he saw her he eased perhaps half a notch and bowed his head, widening the crack of the door until she could enter. She thanked him, and he closed it again behind her.
"Yamela is in her sitting room, Jahra Sedai," he told her, with that perfect blend of deference and distance that Warders used towards other Aes Sedai. They would be polite and respectful, but tell them to do something and they would simply stare expressionlessly at you, or at best tell you to take it up with their bond-holder. Some Warders would not as much as hold open a door for anyone but their own Aes Sedai, unless she explicitly told them to. Very curious men, Warders.
Most days she gave the matter no thought, but today was different.
She made her way to Yamela's sitting room and took a seat without announcing herself. There was no need. And sure enough, half a moment later…
"Yamela, Jahra Sedai has come to see you," Anthared announced from the doorway, with a curt bow at Yamela.
"Thank you, Anthared," Yamela murmured, her attention absorbed by her bookshelf.
She actually had a bookshelf now. Jahra knew there had been a time when Yamela had read only if forced to. She had hardly been able to read, either, and too proud to admit it, which likely accounted for her reluctance. The tale went that she had driven several Accepted teachers into screaming fits, and one Aes Sedai into a cold fury, before the truth came out, but that had been before Jahra herself set foot in the Tower.
"What are you looking for?" Jahra asked.
"It's on the counter in your sleeping chamber, beneath your shawl," Anthared said, as if he could read Yamela's mind and already knew. "Your shawl which, I should add, you have not folded properly, and it's hanging over the counter's edge and touching the floor."
Yamela turned quite coolly to her Warder. "Then by all means, my dearest Gaidin, go and fold my shawl for me and bring me that book."
Anthared bowed his head and left the doorway.
"What book?" Jahra asked.
"I had an unpleasant encounter with a librarian this morning," Yamela grimaced, and flopped in a very non-Aes Sedai manner down on a couch. "Apparently I should have returned Studies of the Tearen Horse yesterday."
"Be glad they didn't raid your room and have you ask your Ajah Head for a penance," Jahra told her blandly.
"They do that?" Yamela wondered with a frown.
Jahra nodded. "Sometimes."
"Then I got off easy." Yamela studied her for a moment. "What did you want me for?"
Jahra considered. "Talk," she said finally.
"…about?"
"Jored. He asked me to bond him."
Yamela sprang to her feet and clapped her hands together. "Congratulations, Jahra!" she exclaimed, her face beaming. "Your first Warder. I knew you'd come around, soon or late."
Anthared came back into the room and wordlessly handed Studies of the Tearen Horse to Yamela. She thanked him with a pat on the arm and examined the book to make certain it was undamaged. Satisfied, she sat it down on a table and turned back to Jahra. "So how does it feel?"
"I told him no," Jahra said.
Yamela froze. "You… told him no? But why?"
"I don't need a Warder. What would I do with him? Have him carry my books?"
"Nonsense. Everyone needs a Warder. Only the Reds are too thick-headed to see it. You haven't converted to Red, have you? I've never seen you bite a man's head off for looking at you." Yamela chuckled at her own joke. Then shot a sharp look over her shoulder, and her voice landed like the crack of a whip. "Leave the wine cabinet alone, Anthared. You've already had two glasses this morning. That will be enough."
Anthared closed the cabinet as silently as he had opened it; not even the bottle and glass in his hand clinked when he put them back down. Just as quietly, he placed himself at the wall, roughly half-way between Yamela's couch and the exit. His stance was relaxed, but his eyes remained cold and wary. The eyes of a hunting hawk. Or perhaps a snake.
Jahra wrenched her gaze from him, and stopped wondering what was going on in his head. Yamela was obviously very fond of her eldest Warder, but Jahra still wasn't used to him. Not used to the new him. She had known him before, by acquaintance, but he was not the same. He'd been warm and outgoing then, before he lost his first Aes Sedai. Very proper, but never as indifferent to the rest of the world as many Warders were.
He still walked, still talked and breathed, and was still an image of courtesy; but having him near made Jahra feel as if a dead person watched her. She didn't know how Yamela could stand it.
"You'd better take young Jored up on his offer," Yamela went on. "Won't be long before some Green snares him. I know Rovella has her eye on him already. She had his brother, and she sort of wants the set."
Which showed how the Green mindset reduced Warders to nothing more than collectable items. Jahra wasn't surprised. Greens were odd.
For her part, Jahra felt… defensive. "He told me," she said. "Rovella asked him, and he turned her down." Jahra was proud of him for that. The nerve of the woman… coming to Jored and in one breath announcing that she'd managed to get his brother killed, but would like to bond him instead? No sense for proprieties. It was all well and good that Jored had turned her down.
But then he had come to her… yes, then he had come to her. And she didn't know what to make of it. How had the lad gotten it into his head that she would want a Warder? Still… "He actually made a rather pretty speech. He said he'd just declined an offer to be bonded, and he'd thought about it, and he'd decided that if he was to be anyone's Warder, it would be mine."
Yamela came as close to looking flabbergasted as any Aes Sedai ever would – even among friends. "And you still turned him down?"
"Yes. Though I was… sort of flattered."
"You mean that you were emotionally dumbstruck," Yamela laughed. "Oh, Jahra. You don't turn a man down when he gives you such an offer. Not a man you like. You do like him, don't you?"
"He's a… friend."
"When was it you two met, again?"
"I taught him to read. I was Accepted. Five years ago."
Yamela shook her head in wry amusement. "Now listen to me, my sister, because I'm older than you and I know be–" She choked on the word, her eyes bulging, but set a hand to her throat and amended hastily; "In some things, I have more experience. If it was anyone else, I – I wouldn't argue much. But in this case… this boy wants to be your Warder, and I know you're fond of him…"
Jahra sighed. "But what would I do with a Warder?"
"For one thing, I've already seen him carry books for you. More than once."
"He follows me to the library because the librarians don't want him in there unsupervised. That's why."
"But he still does it."
"As I said, that's just because –"
"I've also seen the two of you eating and discussing in the gardens."
"He's becoming quite the fan of Joradrinda's Reasonings on the Creator," Jahra murmured with a smile. "A little philosopher. And he says I need fresh air, so we eat in the gardens. But he's a friend, not a Warder."
Yamela shook her head with a sigh, as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Then she looked up at Anthared. "Speaking of which, Anthared, you haven't eaten your lunch. It's still on the tray in the hall."
"Yamela, I'm not –"
"I don't care if you're hungry. Fetch it and eat it. Here. Where I can supervise."
Anthared bowed his head to her and left the room.
He's like a spoiled child who doesn't want his spinach, thought Jahra dryly. Or a moody teenager who doesn't want much of anything.
No, that was unfair of her. She knew what Anthared's problem was, and it was no joking matter. He'd lost his first Aes Sedai, and he still felt the pain of it. It was not just his eyes that were half dead; he was half dead.
"So he can leave you unwatched, now," she whispered, her eyes following the Warder out. Two-three years back Anthared hadn't been willing to leave Yamela's side, not even to go into the adjoining room.
"As long as we're here, home, he can let me out of his sight, at least for a few heartbeats," Yamela replied in the same low voice. Her tone had changed to a serious one. Rare enough that Yamela sounded serious. "And he's much better than he was. He sleeps at night and mostly he eats without reminders, too. But today he's been depressed since he woke up. I don't know why. That's worse when we're home. That and his drinking. I have to watch him constantly. When we're out of Tar Valon, he can't make himself leave my side, and he hardly sleeps, but he's more alive. Probably because his work keeps him busy." She sniffed. "Here he feels safer, and thus has time to wallow in his grief."
Despite her sniff, an attempt to put on a brave face, she sounded defeated, as if her Warder's depression was a failure on her part. Which was pure nonsense. She did everything humanely possible to keep him and his moods up. If anything, Yamela indulged Anthared too much.
Two years ago she had come close to earning herself Mortification of the Flesh because of it. The Head of the Green had nagged her about Anthared's condition and his unwillingness to leave Yamela's side… until all that kept Yamela from engaging the Head in a fist-fight was Anthared whispering calm in her ear. So Yamela had admitted herself. Admitted to Jahra, but likely to no one else. Jahra still found her eyebrows rising at the memory of Yamela stalking back and forth through her chamber, fists clenched as if she yearned to use them. An Aes Sedai! Engaging in fist fights! Against her Ajah Head!
Oh, she'd have been sent to a farm for a decade on top of whatever Mortification they chose to deal her, but Jahra didn't doubt that Yamela would have thought it well worth the price. For in Yamela's mind, if Anthared wanted to tag along with her… what was the phrase she had used?… "close as a wart on her behind"… that was between her and her wart, and no one else.
Surprising that the Head of the Green hadn't known better than to meddle between a Green and her Warder. Then again, Jahra also recalled when Yamela had later gleefully let slip that the Head of Green had been exchanged – and then had slapped her hand over her mouth and glared at Jahra, who had pretended to have heard nothing.
"And those twins you found?" Jahra asked.
Yamela grinned. "Anthared! How are the twins coming along?"
Anthared, coming back inside the room with a tray of food carried before him, replied sourly. "They're learning fast."
"I told you they would."
"Do they keep rooms down in the Warder barracks, or up here with you?"
"In the barracks," Yamela said off-handedly – then smiled. "They keep me updated on all the gossip." She looked at Anthared again. "Yes, food does cool if you let it stand for too long. Eat it anyway."
Anthared dug in without comment, and without enthusiasm.
"Jahra," Yamela continued, after looking to make certain that her Warder was actually eating, "now listen to me. I know you, and you need someone to look after you, so you don't trip over your own feet, or forget to lunch, or something. A Warder would do you good. And Jored's the perfect choice. First of all, I've seen him at practice, and he knows his way about with the sword. More than that… he likes you, and he's as fond of reading as you are. By the Light, you discuss philosophy with him! Are you actually going to sit there and let someone else bond him?"
"He said he didn't want to be anyone else's Warder," Jahra reminded her calmly.
Yamela rolled her eyes. "That's just a challenge to a Green. One of them will bother herself enough to seduce him and bond him before he knows what happened. He's pretty enough for it, with those eyelashes and that long hair of his. Likely he'll be completely besotted… and in a couple of years, or a couple of dozen years, when he dies in her service, he'll die happy."
Jahra felt a twinge of concern.
"Don't tell me that doesn't bother you," Yamela went on mercilessly. "For if someone else bonds him, he wouldn't be your friend any more, now would he? I much doubt his new mistress would want him tagging along behind another Aes Sedai to carry her books. I can't believe you didn't think of asking him yourself…" She shook her head, and her voice grew firm, just as when she addressed her Warders. "Enough prattle. Go down to the Warder barracks and tell him you changed your mind."
Jahra blinked.
"Do it," Yamela said. "Now. Go on." Then in a sharper tone; "Eat all of it, Anthared. Light! You're too thin as it is, and I won't have you throwing your food to the kitchen cats."
"Yes, Aes Sedai," Anthared agreed tonelessly, and sat back down to eat the rest.
"It doesn't make you ill, whatever you might think. That's just illusionary," Yamela muttered darkly, while glaring at her Warder. "It'll make you keep your strength up. If we're going to get through any practice today, you'll need your strength."
"Yes, Aes Sedai. I suggest the brown riding habit. It's cold outside, and you'll be glad for the fur cuffs and collar."
"I'll keep warm practicing."
"I intended to see you through the forms, today. No sparring. You'll need the warmth."
Yamela nodded ascent, then turned back towards Jahra, looking as exasperated as she did uncompromising. "Go, Jahra. Or will I have to drag you down there and see the two of you bonded myself?"
"That's not the way it's done, Yamela," Jahra reminded her. She was reasonably certain Yamela wouldn't try it, either. Reasonably certain. She stood up. Yamela would want to change into that brown riding habit and be off for her afternoon practice sessions. Jahra had reading to return to. Reading which Jored had interrupted that morning, and she hadn't yet come around to picking it up again. She'd been restless. Most unusual for her, but there it was."Thank you for your advice."
Yamela sighed. "I can never talk you into anything, can I?"
"Of course you can. When I agree with you."
"That hardly counts – oh, just promise me you'll think on it, and if you still don't want a Warder in the morning, I'll… try to keep my nagging to a minimum."
"I'll think on it," Jahra agreed. It was unlikely she'd be able to stop herself, after all, as restless as this entire matter had made her. It likely wouldn't leave her alone until she'd thought it good and through a dozen times.
"Could you take Studies of the Tearen Horse back to the library for me?"
Jahra held out her hands for the book and Yamela gave it to her. She folded her arms about it.
"Don't forget it on your counter, now," Yamela admonished her. "You don't have a Warder to keep track of it for you."
"I'll head straight for the library," Jahra assured her, and turned towards the door.
"One last thing, Jahra," Yamela called after her.
Jahra, in the doorway, turned back.
Yamela looked serious again. Serious and concerned. "You know deep down that you were wrong to deny him, and it bothers you. If it hadn't bothered you, you wouldn't have come to see me."
Jahra considered that – and finally nodded. If Jahra had been certain of her choice, she wouldn't have felt the need to talk it over with her friend. It wouldn't have made her restless.
Besides, hadn't she known Yamela would try to convince her to bond the lad? Going to Yamela, she must half have wished to be convinced.
By the time she left the Green Ajah quarters she had changed her mind. Once that was done, she was immediately satisfied with her decision. It felt right; she could feel her restlessness leaving her. She would be able to resume her studies later without any trouble. And Jored... Jored would be happy. That thought made her smile. She liked seeing him happy.
With Yamela's book forgotten in her arms, she instead aimed for the Warder barracks.
Author's Note;
This was just a scribble I did, while considering how Jahra first came to bond a Warder. It's less a short story of its own and more a chapter in a longer tale... considering all the side-tracks to Anthared and how he's doing, which makes the entire thing feel unfinished.
I wanted to add a note of humour in how Yamela keeps saying Jahra needs a Warder to look after her, while her own relationship to her eldest Warder is so ambiguous, but instead I ended up with a tangle of side-stories. If someone has a suggestion as to how I might make it more streamlined, please tell me.