Author's Note: Okay i was mistaken ... this isnt the last chapter. It ended up taking me two chapters to finish this off lol Enjoy :-)

Chapter 21. Stubborn

Sam couldn't help but wonder why hospital chairs were always so uncomfortable. Although he had a sneaking suspicion that they were made that way to discourage people from hanging around longer than they were suppose to. Regardless of what the reason was, it wasn't doing any good for his back or butt for that matter.

Looking over at Dean he was grateful that he was actually resting like he was told to do. He had been asleep for at least half an hour and Sam was now starting to get board. He was also anxious about discussing Rachel with Dean. Especially when he had no idea what was going through Rachel's mind.

Since the young mother hadn't been back since his discussion with her the other night he was going to assume that she was blaming them for her brother's death. Sam understood how she might be upset and might need time to think things through but he just hoped that she understood that there was nothing that they could have done to stop it. Like he told Dean when they found out that Marshall had died in his place, he probably would have died anyway and someone else would have been healed. As much as Sam was sorry for her loss he couldn't help but acknowledge that he was glad to have his brother around regardless of the ramifications.

Sam sat forward in his chair and stretched his stiff muscles. His small tumble down the hill hadn't exactly done him the best either. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a piece of plastic sticking out of the top drawer of the bedside table. Being bored and curiosity getting the better of him he opened the drawer. Looking inside he found a clear plastic bag containing the personal belongings that had been taken off his brother when he arrived. Lifting the bag out of the drawer he saw his brother's necklace. The only time he remembered the protective charm being off his brother's neck was when that shape shifter had turned into Dean stealing his necklace. Also in the bag was Dean's silver ring that he always wore on his right hand and his cell phone.

The cell phone peaked his interest. Dean had saved Rachel's cell phone number in his phone when she had called him. He started debating whether he should give her a call. He had no idea whether she would even want to talk to him but maybe he could at least try and get her to see that of all people to blame for her brother's death, Dean was the least.

One last look at his brother and he decided that he needed to get some more coffee anyway. Picking up the necklace, he placed it in his brother's hand and then left the room carrying Dean's cell phone with him.

Sam walked out to the outside eating area of the hospital cafeteria, coffee and cell phone in hand. He had been inside for nearly two days and it was nice to be outside again. He sat down and took a long drink of his coffee, making a face. The coffee here was just as bad as every other hospital he had been in.

Flipping open Dean's phone he opened up the contact list and searched for Rachel's name. It didn't take long to find and Sam hesitated before finally pushing the send button.

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Rachel scooped a bunch of clothes out of the dresser drawer and dumped them on the bed and began packing away her and her daughter clothes ready for their trip home.

The Ranger's had done a search of the area again at her request but could still find no sign of her husband. She knew a new search would be fruitless, especially after she had come face to face with the monster she had thought was only in her daughter's dreams.

Once she got back home to Nebraska she was going to have to plan her husband's funeral. Well more like a memorial service considering they didn't have a body to bury. Rachel's eyes began to tear up again for what felt like the millionth time since she had accepted his death.

Telling Katie had been the hardest thing she had ever had to do. She had had no idea where to start or what to say and in the end she hadn't had to say anything because Katie knew by her actions that her Daddy wasn't coming home.

The little girl had been even more reclusive since her mother had been back with the news and Rachel was at a loss. She realized that for now the only thing she could do is be there for her and let her grieve.

Rachel realized that she had stopped packing when he heard her phone ringing. She walked over to where it was sitting on the bench and picked it up looking at the screen for the caller id. She was surprised to see the name Detective Morrison come across her screen. She was so not in the mood to talk to him right now.

She had been shocked when he had confessed that he was sorry for killing her brother. She had been confused because her brother had died of a heart attack. Although it was strange for a fit, 27 year old guy to die of a heart attack, she couldn't think of how Dean had felt himself responsible. Once at the hospital she had searched Sam down when her curiosity got the better of her. She just had to know.

She almost hadn't believed what Sam had been telling her but then she remembered about what Dean had told her down on the mountain. How him and his brother messed around with the supernatural frequently.

She let her phone ring out making it go to voicemail and continued her packing. She wanted be out of Colorado Springs as soon as possible so that her and Katie could move on with their lives.

She finished her packing and then went into the small bedroom to check on her daughter. Katie was curled in a ball on the double bed clutching the bunny rabbit her father had bought for her years ago.

Not wanting to wake her daughter she moved back into the main room and began packing up Katie's small amount of toys. Once that had been accomplished, Rachel found her eyes straying back to her phone that was blinking at her telling her that she had voice mail. Knowing it was from Dean she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to listen to it. But after a couple of moments trying to ignore the phone she gave up and flipped open her phone. She opened up her voicemail and put it on loud speaker.

"Hey Rachel its Sam, Dean's brother."

There was a pause like he was trying to think of the right words to say.

"First of all I'd like to tell you how sorry we are that we weren't able to find your husband. Dean woke up and is on the mend, he'll be driving the hospital staff crazy soon enough"

Sam laughed a little and then continued.

"Look what I really called to say was that I know what I told you was probably a lot for you to take in and that you're probably really upset or hurt or angry … hell maybe all three but you gotta know that what happened to your brother wasn't Dean's fault."

"He had no idea what would happen when he was healed and he hadn't even wanted to go there in the first place, I was the one who pushed him to. So blame me if you want but please don't blame him. He is definitely beating himself up enough already. I know I already told you all this but I just really wanted you to know that I know if he could go back and change it he would. I have tried to get through that thick skull of his but he wont talk to me and when he does I know I'm not getting through."

Sam stopped again to take a breath.

"Long story short It would be great if you could find it in you to come and talk some sense into him because him believing that you blame him is only gonna make him worse and out of everyone he is the least to blame. Okay … if we don't see you again I hope you and Katie are okay."

The dial tone sounded indicating that Sam had hung up. She hadn't been expecting Sam. She didn't know because why because until now she had had no idea how Dean had faired. She had been too angry and upset at the time to worry about that.

"Mommy?" she heard a little voice coming from the doorway to the bedroom.

A sleepy looking Katie was standing their holding her stuffed bunny rabbit, rubbing her eye.

"Hey sweetie,"

"Who was that?"

"It was Sam … you remember those police officers that came here?"

Katie nodded as she walked over and sat down at the table next to her mother, "They were nice, especially Dean."

"Yeah they were." Rachel replied looking down at her daughter. She had a decision to make.

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Dean woke up to once again find that his brother was no longer in the room. He felt something in his hand and looked down and saw that his necklace was sitting in the palm of his hand. /Sam must have put it there/ he thought as he pulled the necklace over his head, letting the gold pendant hang against his chest. He felt like he had been missing something before and now he knew what it was. He never took the thing off so he definitely felt weird when he wasn't wearing it.

He was back to wondering where Sam had went when something hit him. His Impala, it wasn't exactly missing but it wasn't exactly with him either. His precious car was still sitting up where they lad left it on the mountain road. He hoped that it was alright.

He looked over at the clock on the wall and saw that it was almost two in the afternoon. He had only been asleep for a few hours. He looked up when Sam came in holding a tray of food and coffee.

"Sam you haven't been to get the Impala by any chance, have you?" was the first words out of Dean's mouth

"Well hello to you too," Sam joked as he sat the food down on the table over Dean's bed, "No I was actually more worried about how my brother was doing."

Dean gave him what was supposed to be a scary look but had no affect.

"Dean the car will be fine, now eat something will you." Sam ordered, pushing Dean's late lunch towards him.

"Dude I don't eat hospital food."

"That's good coz this ain't hospital food. I went to a café down the street and got us sandwiches and real coffee."

"Really?" Dean asked lifting his eyebrows.

"Yeah so never say I'm not a good brother." Sam said laughing, digging into his own sandwich.

Dean picked up his sandwich and started eating. His stomach was already feeling better now that he was putting food in it.

"So you never finished telling me about Rachel." Dean commented, while chewing.

Sam stopped mid chew. He was hoping that he would at least get through lunch before this conversation came up. He had made the phone call to Rachel a couple of hours ago. She hadn't picked up but he had left her a message on her voicemail and she hadn't answered him back yet. Sam wasn't expecting to hear from her now; he just hoped that this didn't send Dean's guilt trip back packing.

"About Rachel … I explained to her about Marshall."

"What? Dude why? … I think that's my business." Dean stated, raising his voice slightly, putting his sandwich back down on the tray.

"Dean, you gave me no choice. She came to me looking for answers."

"What do you mean she came to you looking for answers? How the hell did she even know about my connection to Marshall's death?"

"You don't remember?" Sam asked with a surprised look on his face.

"Dude, remember what?" Dean asked becoming exasperated.

"Okay … well after we defeated the Manticore … before you were raced to hospital you apologized to her for killing her brother. She came to me while you were in surgery asking what you meant."

"Oh." Dean said wincing. He hadn't wanted to tell her like that. And he definitely hadn't wanted Sam to tell her the story either.

"I didn't feel right telling her but she wanted to know the truth so … I told her the truth."

"What exactly did you tell her?"

"That you were dying, I took you to a faith healer, you were healed and that we found out later that Marshall had died, but it wasn't your fault."

"Sam …"

"Dean don't start with the whole I killed him thing okay … any sane person would be able to see that there was nothing you could done about it." Sam stated forcefully putting his own sandwich down.

"Fine I won't start it but we both know that it was my fault … if I hadn't been stupid enough to fire a tazor while sitting in a puddle of water then we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

"Dean it's not like you had a choice. The thing was coming right at you. You had to fire."

"It was a stupid mistake Sammy, Dad would be so proud." He added sarcastically.

"Screw Dad Dean. It's not like he's here so he doesn't get to have an opinion."

"The point, Sammy, is that people aren't supposed to die because of me okay … I'm not that important."

"Say's who? If you weren't around Dean a lot of people would be dead … you risk your life all the time for others but … what … it's different when it's the other way around?"

"That's not the same thing Sam and you know it." Dean said angrily.

"No it's not the same thing but what is it going to take for you to realize that your life is just as important as the next person?"

"We're not having this conversation."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to, that's why."

"Oh that's mature."

Dean stayed silent. Sam sighed.

"Dean if you keep this up the guilt is going to kill you. You keep telling me that I shouldn't blame myself for Jessica's death … well the same goes for you man."

Dean looked up at his brother when he heard him talk about Jessica. He could see what Sam was saying but it didn't make the guilt go away.

Sam got up and ran his hands through his hair, walking back and forth to calm himself down.

"Sammy I'm gonna be okay with this … I just don't wanna discuss it anymore okay. At least Rachel knows what happened."

Sam sighed and thought that maybe it was a good thing that he had been the one to tell Rachel what had happened and not his brother. At least in his story no blame was aimed at Dean.

"Okay I guess this is over for now."

"For good … now about my car …"

Sam rolled his eyes. After that whole heartfelt argument between the two brothers, Dean's mind still went back to his car. He had the terrible thought that if something actually ever did happen to that car his brother would be lost. Hopefully he would never have to witness that.

"Oh and see if you can find Doctor what's his name … I wanna get out of here."

"I'll go find him and then if all goes well I'll go and get your damn car." Sam agreed, feeling very much like getting out of here and on their way again as soon as possible.

"Thanks Sam."

"I'll be back." Sam said walking out the door. Arguing with Dean always made him tired.

TBC

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