A.N. Hell yeah, it's been a while. Sorry, I'm not going to surprise you with a super, epic, extremely long chapter! XD

It's just a shorty.

But it says all there is to say about our dear Ichigo's current state of mind. Please forgive me for failing to write a lot, but, just like every other teenager, I've got plenty of things to do and I have to decide where my priorities lie.

Sadly, my main priority is not writing. I try my best to find time to finish it though! I know there are quite some people who read this and I don't want to, by any means, let them down.

Also, this hasn't got any Kisshu in it, yet. Don't worry, though! Slowly, but surely we'll get there, since this is a Kishigo and NOT a tragedy, after all. ;)

Well, this is enough babbling for today, I hope you enjoy the chapter! ^^

Tears. His face looked like it was made of the water he was crying. Tears. They rolled down his cheeks, those big drops of water, yet when they were halfway, his face seemed to absorb them somehow. Tears. His skin, his hair, his entire body started to look transparent and bluish. Almost like… Tears. No, he couldn't be made of them. He was a human, like her. Then why… Those tears…

"Ichigo…" He whispered, choking on his words, as if he were drowning. He looked at her sorrowfully, smiled kindly…

And fell apart. He imploded, turning into nothing but water, rushing off in every single direction. He left her, sitting on her knees in front of the pile of soaked clothes that had been his. She sat there, alone in a huge pebble of cristal clear water. To her, it felt like blood. Her legs and hands were wet from all the blood. She tried to understand, but her mind was too slow. How, what, why? Shock wound itself around her entire being.

After a second that felt like an eternity, she opened her mouth. It was dry. But she didn't care. She screamed.

"AOYAMA-KUN!"

Another nightmare. Ichigo sat up, trying to catch her breath. She felt the sweat trickle down her back. Just another nightmare. Virtually the same as the one she had - what time was it? - Half an hour ago. It was four in the morning by now and her parents had given up on rushing to her side, only to hear that she just had a bad dream before they were ushered out of the room again. This was the fifth time Ichigo woke up screaming that night.

Probably without him being aware of it, Masaya had forever nailed himself on Ichigo. Whatever she tried, she couldn't get rid of the face, his face, as everyone got the opportunity to bid their goodbyes to Fuyou Yukka. Or her corpse anyway.

Ichigo recalled for a moment how they had stood there, Aoyama-kun and her, looking at the body of a girl her age. True to her name, she was surrounded by lotuses and yucca's, apparently some sort of lilies.

Ichigo recalled how Aoyama-kun had bent over and whispered something in the dead girl's ear, before forcing himself to stand up straight and looked down on her and turned to Ichigo, doing his best to keep his voice from trembling, while saying: "She looks peaceful, doesn't she?"

At the time, Ichigo could only nod and agree, for a second later she nearly had to drag him off before he burst into tears. Which he would continue to do during the whole ceremony. He had clung to her like a helpless puppy, cried on her shoulder and was overall nothing short for plain pathetic.

Ichigo wasn't sure if it ever would stop to haunt her. That face, those eyes… Like they dared her to anything but console him. Like they threatened her to be devoted to anyone but him. They sucked her will and life away. Through the whole ordeal, she noticed how he seemed to take over her mind. Silently, he stole every thought of Kisshu away and replaced it with pictures of him. Her childhood love. Her boyfriend. Her knight. Her… Nuisance.

Yet, she couldn't wish for Kisshu anymore. Masaya needed her. He made it clear today that she was the only thing that kept him alive at this point. She couldn't get away anymore. It all played out like she predicted in the car.

He crushed her with the weight of his love, his helplessness, his entire being. It kept her down, but she hardly allowed herself to breath. She had to carry this weight, had to endure all of it. She wouldn't allow herself to let Masaya down.

This was mainly due to what he had told her on the way back from the funeral. "Ichigo…" He had started. "Thank you. So much for being there for me. I don't know if I will ever be able to make amends. But I'll try every day. I'll be there for you too. I love you, Momomiya Ichigo and I wouldn't know how to live without you. I don't think I would see another morning without you."

That had been all he had needed to say. Then and there she decided that even when she loved Kisshu, she wouldn't leave Masaya.

But not out of love. Definitely not. Never again would she be able to love him, now that she felt what love could also feel like. Because she never did nor would she ever love Kisshu like she had loved Masaya. Her new love was, in a way, more down to Earth, more realistic. Of course, her love for Masaya had been real, but she had never seen any faults in him. He was heaven. He was perfect. The guy every girl wished for.

But Kisshu… He was not perfect at all. On the contrary, she had never met a guy with so many faults and flaws. He cared for nothing but himself and the things he loved, he was arrogant, childish, lustful, a flirt and equalled her in being stubborn to the point that it became annoying. All of that combined made him an unpredictable first rank jerk. He was hell.

But she loved him anyway. In all his sinful, flawed glory, he was the boy, the man she loved. There would never again be another, no matter how cheesy it may sound.

So, no. No, she didn't put Masaya's happiness before her own because of love. Friendly feelings towards him were only an extra motive. She mostly did it because of guilt. She was a Mew, yet she had let someone die. Consoling one of people which were struck by this death was the least she could do. . Also, she pitied him. She had never seen him fall so hard. Never had seen him this vulnerable. It showed her a side of him she never knew. A weak, pathetic, unattractive side of him.

In a way she loathed him for it. Because it formed an invisible prison inside her mind. And while she feared it and prayed that one day, she would have the courage to break out, she was positively sure that he would never let her.

For even though she lost her love for him somewhere along the line, he still seemed to love her with all his heart. How she hated it. The knowledge that once made her happy beyond sanity now robbed her of any positive feelings at all. But what could she do?

She would be trapped inside those loving arms until her dying day.

A.N. What do you think? Sad, sweet, lame, an insult to the hobby of writing?

Please, review! Because we all know that reviews make the world go 'round, the world go 'round, the world go 'round!

See ya (Hopefully soon!)!

Edit: I repeat:

Review or/and continue! (Don't know what's with me and that phrase)