God, I miss Sophie so much. There is no one to explain things to me, no one to answer my questions or tell me I'm ok. The couch is so empty and I can't pay attention to the briefing. I just want Sophie to come back. I need her. I missed most of this briefing until I hear diamonds. I tune in, snatching the controller from Hardison and then when they don't seem to be taking me seriously - sometimes I think only Nate really gets what I'm capable of because he's the one who chased me and I'm the only one he never came close to - I list a few of my exploits. I know diamonds, they run a very close 2nd to cash money in my are pretty and easily converted into case money. Nothings better than that. I explain how to deal in diamonds. I get the feeling that none of them have ever stolen diamonds before and immediately my thoughts return to Sophie. She would get it. Even though art is her thing, she totally gets the value in a good piece of jewelry. I wonder if maybe this is a girl thing. I'm going to ask Sophie next time I see her. Maybe this is the thing I share with other women, a thing I didn't lose like shopping, clothes and shoes.

I try to get Nate to call Sophie as soon as he mentions the grifting that we will have to do, but of course he totally blows that off and I start mentally falling apart as soon as he says I'm going to be the roper. He's insane, the only things I've been able to pull off are with Sophie in my ear instructing me. I've hurt every guy that ever tried to lay a hand on me once I was big enough to do that. It's like an uncontrollable urge to protect myself. I can't stop it. Hell, I don't want to stop it. I know it's a con and the team needs me to play along, but I don't think I can. I cannot stop the racing thoughts in my head. How am I ever going to do this?

I call Sophie as soon as I can get away. Sophie will know what to do. Sophie starts talking about some random shoes. I don't know why they are important, but I will do exactly what Sophie told me to do. I ask her not to tell Nate that I called. He would not be happy with me. I don't think he understands how difficult it is for me to do these things. I don't want some guy looking at me or touching me. I just don't like it.

I find her dress and her shoes where she told me they were. I get them out and retrieve my diamond necklace. Sophie's right it is pretty difficult not to look at that diamond. I get dressed. Sophie isn't here to fix my hair so I just pull it back into a ponytail. It's the best I can do. When I walk into the room all the guys turn and stare at me for a full minute. I start to mentally freak out even more. I don't know why they are looking at me like that until I hear Hardison's muffled exclamation about how good I look. That snaps them out of it and Nate quickly ushers us out of the office and to the mark.

As I enter the bar I chant my new mantra over and over, "say nothing and trust the diamond". I can do this. Sophie believes in me and as a result I believe in me. Sure enough, Sophie is right. The guy looks at the diamond before he actually looks at me which is strange. Guys are always looking at me. People think I'm oblivious to these kind of things but I'm a thief it's my job to be observant of my surroundings and to know what's going on. Of course I notice that people look at me. I just choose to ignore it because I don't really understand why they are looking at me. The guy is totally enthralled by the diamond. I can work with that. Diamonds I know. I get him into the back room with Hardison.

Almost immediately Hardison starts laying it on too thick. He always goes just a little too far with his roles. While I have trouble getting into a role and staying there, Hardison seems to have trouble not getting overly immersed in his. When Hardison starts listing my achievements as his, I start getting angrier and angrier. I am going to kill him. As soon as this is over, I'm going to kill him. No one gets credit for my work not even my team. I have to turn away and pick up a glass, something to occupy my hands so I don't reach out and strangle him.

When we get back to the office, I grab my locks and start picking them. I have to calm down. If I kill Hardison, the team will be mad at me and I would probably miss him. There wouldn't be anyone to watch movies late at night with me when I can't sleep. I'm so angry I almost give away that I spoke to Sophie. I just barely recover and I feel my anger evaporating. When Eliot leaves the room, I glare at Hardison until he looks at me and says he's sorry for saying he pulled all my jobs, but he needed a cover story that would hold up and I know he's right. People don't know me. I don't have a file anywhere. I could be iceman for all anyone knows.

Hardison pulls off the diamond switch and I get a little diamond reward, but then it all goes wrong. I feel a little panicky when we find out Hardison's been taken. I was angry at him earlier, but I'm allowed to be angry at him. Other people aren't allowed to hurt him. We have to get him back. I know we'll get him back. I hand Nate the hairspray. I know he knows what to use it for. This vault is difficult, but I can do it. I can get into the vault ahead of Hardison and let him pretend to break in. I mean he's been taking credit for my work this entire time. We may as well let him finish it out. I rappel down the side of the building - no reason other than I wanted to, though I told Nate that I just had to look for potential escape routes.

Eliot clears the way and I break in. It was too difficult after I had thought about. I clear the sensor and crack the code. I write the code down for Hardison to read. He better get this part right. The rest is pretty simple since I'm going to turn everything off for him so he can just waltz right in. I'm so irritated by their arguing I have to tell them to shut up so I can actually get my work done. Apparently no one gets what I actually do or how sensitive it is. I swing in the door and make a perfect leap onto the piping in the vault. I crawl across the pipe, hanging upside down to disable the sensors and feel myself start to grin. God I love my job so much. This is so much fun. I can hear Eliot trying to slow Hardison down. He's going too fast. This isn't going to work out, but we have of course another plan in place. Nate would never have just one plan. I nearly finish before Hardison gets inside, but I can't crack all of the boxes in the time I have. I don't know which one it is and there are just too many. So we move to plan B or whatever Nate is calling it. I hop in the large box we have set up and wait for Hardison to set off the alarms. I can hear when Nate brings the mark into the vault and wait patiently for Hardison to get to me. I can't stop grinning even with the danger. Nothing feels as good as getting into a secure vault and taking things.

Then I yank Hardison into the box with me and almost immediately I stop thinking about the break in I just accomplished. Hardison is so close to me. The only time he's ever been this close to me before was when we kissed for the con last year. I thought I was over that, but as soon as feel his body heat right up against me I start thinking about what it was like to kiss Hardison. I want to kiss him again. I hear Hardison ask me how we're getting out and then what is on the floor and I remember that the floor is about to fall out from under us. I take a breath and swallow hard. I tell him to pull his arms in. I put my hand on his shoulder pulling him just a little closer into safety. I don't want him to hit the any part of the floor as we fall down. He's not very good at 's so close our foreheads are touching and I can feel his nose against mine. I have to tell myself to breathe and then the floor crashes in and I snap out of it.

This is bad, I mean really bad. I can't go around thinking about kissing Hardison. I don't know why I am thinking about that, but I definitely don't want to be thinking about it. We have to work together. I won't mess this up. I can't mess this up. I need the team especially if Sophie doesn't come back and I'm really worried that she won't come back. I think she might be broken like me, but in a different way. I wish I could help her.