Chapter XXI

Solitary Path

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.

- Dante

Ulquiorra stood in his chambers, eyes set on the window beyond which he viewed the sands of Hueco Mundo. They were out there, drawing closer.

It had only been a day since the arrival of Inoue's friends, and since his last encounter with the woman he had not returned to her cell.

Clutching a hand, he closed his eyes and attempted to cast all thoughts of her aside.

However, the image of her hair, billowing within the sunlight from the other day and the smile she had reserved only for him continued to plague upon every vision within his mind.

He felt an unusual longing to feel upon his hand her skin, soft as it was, and to run his fingers through the scarlet tresses he had come to intensely admire.

Angry with the woman for choosing her comrades, yet still holding onto the allure she had instilled within him, the Espada was both frustrated and confused.

It did not matter that she couldn't escape him, for if she no longer desired his presence it was an empty victory, of which he took no pride.

He never thought it possible that his disposition and entire existence could arrive at such a point. He was completely weak and entirely different from what he once had been.

He found himself resenting Inoue for that.

He was ashamed of himself for allowing her to infiltrate his soul and mesmerize his mind to such an extent.

She had seemed happy with him, but he also knew that her emotions resided at different levels, of which she was not always aware.

Kurosaki Ichigo arriving in Hueco Mundo had reminded her of all she had once felt, and in doing so, her feelings for himself had been eclipsed and forgotten.

Were feelings really as unreliable as that, or was it simply due to her whimsical nature?

Ulquiorra hardly knew, as emotional experience was still a brand new concept to him.

However, the one consoling fact about the entire ordeal was that her friends would not survive for long. Already, Nnoitra and Grimmjow were readying themselves for a confrontation with the intruders.

They would not serve as a hindrance to he and Inoue much longer.

He had to wonder if things would ever be the same between them though, even after all of that.

There was something so remotely despicable about the darkness that had consumed his soul. He detested in it and…reveled in it.

He far preferred the warmth and light that she had previously instilled, and found himself longing for that with surprising intensity.

Again, he felt tempted to rush to her and hold her within his arms, to stand in such a way for the entirety of eternity. He recognized his desire as one of the only actions he still had that could potentially redeem him within her eyes.

However, the darkness was so overpowering that it denied him even that. He hungered to make her feel the same pain she had inflicted over him.

Turning from the window, Ulquiorra opened his door and stepped into the hall, casting his eyes briefly in the direction that would bring him to her.

Faltering but a moment, he abruptly turned and ventured opposite, intent to focus his mind and reclaim all control of himself before seeing her next.

She was his prisoner and yet he felt as if it were the one with his hands shackled.

None of it made any sense.

Despite his resolve for revenge over her, and the desire to wash his hands of her image, he still knew, if she were to reach out to him, that he would break and reach right back.

Detesting his own flaws most of all, Ulquiorra again clenched a fist within his pocket.

He briefly wondered at where his steps were leading him before returning to his own contemplations.

Lost within his turmoil, Ulquiorra wondered at his own existence, and the meaning of.

He had been made to observe and destroy and yet…Inoue believed it was his true calling to protect.

Something about that had triggered a reaction deep within, as if pulling at a memory that was no longer there. Had it something to do with his long forgotten, human past?

So many strange occurrences within his core had been inflicted, and all at her hand.

The resentment grew.

Placing a hand upon the door he had arrived at, Ulquiorra hesitated momentarily before pushing it open and allowing the sunlight to engulf him.

Stepping out onto the terrace, he closed his eyes and pictured her standing there in front of him, as she had mere days ago.

He saw all the colors the sun instilled within her enticing strands, as the wind danced through and caressed both her and all that he was.

Opening his eyes then, he gazed out at Las Noches and beyond, as the wind continued to surround him, billowing through his coat and dark tresses.

The same dark tresses Inoue had described as 'beautiful.'

Stepping to the ledge, and the railing parallel, Ulquiorra looked to the ground far below.

'Will you jump with me?' Her voice echoed within his mind and throughout his entire core.

Closing his eyes another moment, he allowed the air to fill his lungs before placing a hand firmly upon the banister and subsequently flinging himself over and downward, the wind rushing past his ears as the adrenaline filled his being.

He imagined she was still there, held securely within his embrace, a grin gracing her features and her heart pounding spellbindingly within her chest.

It was the first positive experience he had enjoyed since before the entire ordeal of Inoue and her comrades.

Opening his gaze and appropriately repositioning himself within the descent, he landed upon the ground gracefully.

Looking to the terrace high above, Ulquiorra pictured Inoue falling, as Nnoitra had threatened, and at how a fall like that would've broken every bone in her body. He also marveled that he had not even hesitated a moment before moving to protect her and that it wasn't simply for Aizen's sake that he had done so.

"Jumping from great heights now, are we?"

He looked to the owner of the voice and tensed slightly upon spotting Hallibel leisurely leaning against the wall opposite.

Of all the Espada, she seemed most able to decipher his actions and thoughts.

Opening her eyes, she regarded him with detachment a moment before her gaze softened.

He looked away, unable to hold such a blatant emotional stare.

"You're different, Ulquiorra," she voiced, "It's a shame it had to end up this way."

"What are you speaking of?" he replied flatly.

With a sigh, the woman closed her eyes. "I won't elaborate; you know what I'm referring to."

Ulquiorra's eyes drifted downward, to the gravel beneath his feet, his gaze unfocused and removed.

"You're actually more frightening this way," she continued, "before there was never a chance of you acting out or against Aizen but…" she looked to him and his downcast expression, "that's changed. You have an emotionally darkened aura surrounding you."

He clenched a fist, "it's all her doing. She did this to me."

"You allowed her to," Hallibel replied simply.

And that, more than anything, was what plagued him most.

He lifted his eyes to her, feeling belittled and detesting that realization.

He observed her another a moment before turning to walk away, his head lowered and his shoulders slumped only slightly but enough for Hallibel to see that he was more vulnerable than she had ever seen him.

She didn't like viewing Ulquiorra in such a state.

He continued his trek to nowhere in particular as the sand exfoliated his skin and the sun attempted to pierce into his shadowed existence.

Far ahead he spotted Nnoitra, perched and awaiting the arrival of the intruders. Ulquiorra quickly took a different path so as to avoid an unnecessary, and sure to be frustrating, conversation.

However, the man he next encountered was far from an improvement.

Luck, it seemed, was not on his side as of late.

"Why so down, Cuatro-san?"

"Grimmjow," Ulquiorra closed his eyes, altogether halting his footsteps.

The sixth Espada leisurely lay atop a wall, his arms crossed and his face skyward.

When Ulquiorra remained unresponsive, the cerulean locked man turned his head to smirk down at him, "What? You're not going to confide in your best pal?"

Ulquiorra opened his eyes and looked to him absently, "your delusions astound me."

"Ha!" Grimmjow replied before jumping down and landing in front of the other Espada, his grin widening. "No more than yours continuously annoy the hell outta me!"

"I have no delusions," Ulquiorra responded.

"Well, well," Grimmjow crossed his arms. "Now ain't that just the biggest load a'shit I've ever heard!"

"Is there something you want to say?"

"Hmm," Grimmjow replied, bringing a hand to his chin in thought, "there was one thing…let's see…" he then snapped his fingers loudly, "aah, yes!"

Ulquiorra continued to simply stare up at his subordinate unreceptively.

The smile faded as Grimmjow tilted his head to one side, though the malice remained within his gaze, "just wanted to letcha know that I don't appreciate the fact that you've gone soft," he glared, "as a matter of fact I find it quite disgraceful."

Ulquiorra's eyes widened ever so slightly, but the final blow came from Grimmjow's next words.

"Since when did you become so human?"

Recovering from the debilitating contemplation that Grimmjow's words had any merit, Ulquiorra looked away. "You don't understand me in the slightest; do not presume that you have the right to speak such things."

"Argh!" Grimmjow replied, "You've got to be the most aggravating individual I've ever had to put up with!"

"Likewise," Ulquiorra replied with a glare.

Silence fell between them before Grimmjow suddenly tilted his head to one side, "what exactly is it about her that intrigues you so much?"

And for some unknown reason, Ulquiorra replied as if it weren't really Grimmjow who was listening. "Everything."

Grimmjow's eyes widened then, not expecting such a response before he shook his head, "I was hoping you'd say it was merely physical attraction or perhaps some insane scientific obsession, I could've handled either of those but…" he then looked to Ulquiorra as if he were nothing more than a particle of dust, insignificant and no longer worthy of respect, "it's not either of those, is it?"

Ulquiorra turned to go, hands buried deeply within his pockets, "no, it's not."

Thus saying, he once again continued to walk down the solitary path that would lead him away from the comrades who no longer saw him the same.

He could not blame them however, for he knew that he had been irreversibly changed.

Inoue sat against the wall, fingers held to her lips and the other arm holding her knees tightly against her chest.

She had been awake for hours, simply staring into empty space.

Recognizing that she had never wanted to lose Ulquiorra completely, Inoue wished he would enter so that she could try and recover a semblance of their relationship, if that was even what one could call it.

It had most likely hurt him somehow, seeing that she still longed for Ichigo. However, Inoue could not deny what her heart truly wanted.

She would never be able to belong to Ulquiorra the same way she desired to be with Ichigo.

Despite herself however, as her eyes looked to her hand, the memory of Ulquiorra's silken strands remained, and seemed to haunt her.

Likewise, was the feeling of his lips, still lingering upon hers and the sound of his voice, saying her name so gently she could hardly believe it was him uttering it.

Closing her eyes she pictured again the moment he had led her to the terrace, showing her the sunlight and gazing upon her as if she were the one thing he existed for.

A tear slipped down her cheek as she recalled how she had clutched him, begging him not to leave yesterday, for fear of losing him…

Opening her eyes then, she shook her head.

'No! I shouldn't be thinking these things!'

Holding a hand to her heart, she concentrated. 'Kurosaki-kun…Kurosaki-kun…Kurosaki-kun…'

The chant alleviated the images within her mind somewhat, leaving but one, which had imprinted itself irrevocably.

That expression of ease Ulquiorra had worn when she glanced to him upon the terrace, that expression that had at one time given her so much hope as to his future, and of him finding the happiness she believed he deserved.

Why was it she could not seem to reprieve her mind of that one moment, of that point in time where she had believed they undeniably belonged together, despite everything?

How was it that she still could not erase the confusing and unnamable feelings she continued to hold for Ulquiorra?

'I'm in love with Kurosaki-kun,' Inoue continued to recite to herself, though no matter how many times his name crossed her mind, it did not bring with it all that it had once comprised.

Another name threatened to overshadow it….