Disclaimer: Mmm, I love me some World's End Dance Hall.

A/N: x.x I was going to post the special but apparently about half of it just fucking got lost to the sands of ti- Oh, nevermind. Kay figured out how to get it back. See, this is why I shouldn't be in a document stressed, depressed, and exhausted. Things get deleted.

ANYANYWAY, here's the chapter I've been excited for and you guys probably have been, too. After the first line break, you should be fine. XD

WARNING: THIS STORY IS RATED M FOR A REASON. WHILE THIS ISN'T THE WORST, REMEMBER, VAATI'S IN THIS. RUN FOR YOUR VIRGIN LIVES IF YOU ARE NEAR PARENTS.

Also may cause gas.

He woke to suggestive moans. It took him a minute to realize that he himself was moaning.

Directly underneath him, he discovered, hot and damp with sweat, and pressed fully against him, locking her lips with his, was a fully grown, naked woman. His shock reached its peak when he realized they were locked in more places than one, and he felt unnatural feelings in unnatural places. His eyes widened, but for a few short moments, his body continued without his consent - he could feel the soft breast he held in his right hand, and the sweat on the back of her neck dripped onto his left, which was buried in her soft, black hair. His legs were wrapped around bedsheets, and he could feel the woman's legs wrapped around him. And in a very private place, he could feel a part of the woman's anatomy that he had certainly never seen before, which was hot, and wet, pressing the right things in the right places, and invoking a feeling he'd never felt before.

Tovia let out a yelp and threw himself away from the stranger, unlocking their lips and untangling their limbs, and landed on the floor. A chill settled over him, especially on his groin, separated as he was from his only source of heat; fluids landed on him, and when he looked in the wrong direction, he saw a part of him doing what he'd rarely seen that part of him doing before. He trembled fiercely, partly from the cold, and partly from the sheer terror of what he'd just been forced to do.

You fuck! Vaati shouted in his mind. What the hell are you doing?

Tovia scrambled to his feet, unable to put a thought together, let alone a sentence. His mouth was filled with an alien taste. He found his clothes somewhere in the blurry unfamiliar bedroom, and the woman's shouts, whatever they were about, were fully drowned out by the sound of blood pumping through his ears. His breathing was labored, his heart pounding its way out of his chest, and he barely noticed whether he was wearing the correct articles of clothing as he half-stumbled, half-ran from the presence of the furious naked woman, the sight of whom he would never forget as long as he lived.

Tovia ran out of the house (fully dressed, thank Din) and spat onto the street. He took a few deep breaths, stumbling, and clearing the clouds in his vision. "What the fuck-?" he said, his voice shaking as much as his body was. "VAATI! What... WHAT WAS THAT?"

Vaati walked out from behind a cart, vastly irritated, and crossed his arms. "It's called fucking," he said spitefully. "And it was going perfectly well until... you."

"That... That was... I think... Why... Why would you do that to my body?"

"Because it's fun!" Vaati said, as if it were perfectly obvious. "Tovia, you don't know fun 'till you've had sex."

"It's my body! You can't do those things with my body! If you want to have..." He shuddered. "That!... then you can at least wait until you get your own back!" Tovia yelled. "You just can't do that!"

Vaati rolled his eyes. "For God's sake, Tovia, look at yourself! You're a sixteen-year-old man who hasn't had a fuck - or even a fucking kiss? What are you, a monk?"

He blinked, trying to get the image of the black-haired woman from his mind, and blushed even more. "I'm waiting for the right person! When I feel it's the right time, then it'll happen! It isn't any of your business!"

"If I'm going to share your body for the rest of your miserable life, then of course it's my business. I have needs, too."

Tovia took a step towards him, pointing a finger that was shaking so furiously it was hard to tell what he was pointing at. "My life is not miserable. You are not sharing this body with me. Either you'll die or I will."

Vaati was genuinely surprised for a moment. "Tovia, there are some things you need to understand. One, everybody's life is miserable." He counted on his fingers. "Two, it's quite obvious that I am sharing this body with you, whether we like it or not. Three, you will die, and four, I can't." He said this in a very calm and stoic manner.

"I..." Tovia turned away. "Fuck you, Vaati. Just leave me alone."

Vaati's glare was full of hate. He'd never given one with this much ferocity to Tovia before. His fists clenched and shook, then he disappeared.

"I'm going home and you can't do anything about it, you bastard. Try anything and I won't hesitate to commit suicide."

Tovia felt a dim feeling of rage the same way one would feel heat through a door. He gritted his teeth and slammed up against a wall. "Why? Why can't you just stop doing all of this? Where is it going to get you?" Tovia laughed. "You're driving me insane." The rage, alien in his heart, pounded against his ribcage. He laughed harder. "It's not going to work. I don't care if you're angry. Go throw a tantrum. See if I care."

"You don't understand what I've been through," Vaati's fierce voice echoed.

"A thousand years, a thousand fucking years, one thousand! I know! I've heard it all! You never shut up about it!"

Suddenly, Vaati appeared in front of Tovia again, his eyes dark with rage. He grabbed Tovia by the shirt and dragged him to an alley, then shoved him up against a wall forcefully.

"Do you even know what a thousand years is?" he hissed.

Tovia spat in his face. "I don't care."

"A thousand years, Tovia, isn't something you can idly cast aside. A thousand years is ten times one hundred; that's one hundred years, ten times."

"Your fault."

"One hundred years," he continued, hitting Tovia against the wall again, "is fifty times two. Math, Tovia. Do you know how long fifty is? Ten years times five." He pushed Tovia's head up when it began lolling sarcastically, shoving it against the wall painfully. "Ten years is a fucking long time, Tovia. Because one year is made up of twelve months. And a month is a long fucking time."

Tovia rubbed the back of his head, groaning. His eyes rolled up to Vaati. "You should have thought about that before."

"A month has about thirty or so days in it. Thirty is a large number. A thousand years, Tovia, isn't a simple nap. It isn't a dream. Time doesn't blur. Every single one of those thousand years is broken up into 365 days, and every single one of them is real time, 24 hours. That's nine hundred thousand individual hours, five and a half million minutes. So you can't talk to me about insane."

"I can talk to you about what I want. It was your fault that this happened to you. Maybe if you had stopped and thought about the con-con... consequences of your actions, you'd be long gone and I'd be living a normal life."

Vaati's grip on Tovia's shirt tightened. Then he let go with his right hand, balled it into a fist, pulled it back, and smashed it into Tovia's nose. The force whiplashed his head back to the stone wall.

Tovia screamed and held his nose. "You fucking bastard!" He leapt to tackle Vaati.

Vaati easily sidestepped the attack and kicked Tovia in the stomach.

"Shit!" Tovia clutched his stomach and rolled over onto his back. "Stop it. I'll stop. I'll stop."

Vaati stood over him with hate in his eyes.

"I'll stop." He wiped the blood by his nose off of his face. "We're even, okay?"

"Even?" he asked. "We're not even."

Tovia sat up and glared at him. "You're right. We're not even." He leapt at Vaati again.

This time Vaati stopped it partway through with a punch to Tovia's chest without even moving from where he stood. "You're forgetting something important, Tovia."

Tovia looked up at him from the ground. "What?" he croaked out.

"I don't exist," Vaati said, then kicked him in the side.

"Stop..." he moaned. "I get it already."

"Oh? And what, exactly, do you 'get'?"

"It isn't your fault... a thousand years is a long time... But just because I understand... it doesn't mean you can have my body."

"It isn't my fault?" Vaati asked, ignoring the rest of his statement. "Of course it was my fucking fault, you idiot! I tried to take over Hyrule, thrice!" He held up three fingers in what he invented as a rude gesture.

"Then why should I care what you had to go through?"

"Because, Tovia, every waking moment of those thousand years, I was trapped inside the body of a Hylian. I could sleep, but I couldn't sleep enough." He knelt down and grabbed Tovia by the shirt, glaring directly into his eyes. "Not one time, not once, could I twitch a finger, or perhaps use my magic, or even create projections or tricks in the corner of an eye. No. I was trapped. Entirely. Completely. Trapped. For a thousand years. Now I have a chance to do something. Anything. And just because I'm ticking you off a little doesn't mean you have the authority to take that from me." He let go and stood up, glaring down at Tovia.

He propped himself up on his elbows. "I'm your host, I have every right to take it from you!"

Vaati stepped on Tovia's chest, forcing him back to the ground. "I am, in every way, shape, and form, your superior. I have better magic, I'm stronger, I'm smarter, I'm older, and I know more than you can ever imagine. Host?" he spat. "That means nothing. I can make your life a living hell."

"I can take away your chance, though." Tovia smirked. "How would you like that, Vaati?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, though he had a sinking suspicion.

"If I'm you, then I definitely have the guts to kill myself. Try me."

Vaati stood for a few moments, his rage still rolling behind Tovia's heart. Then he stepped off of Tovia.

"We're not even," he repeated, then walked out of sight.

Tovia sat up and rubbed his head. What did I ever do to deserve this?

Slowly, cautiously, a human man walked into the alley. "Dude?" he asked.

"Huh?" Tovia looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Are... are you alright, or anything?" His voice had an almost frightened tone to it.

"Yeah, I'm fine... Why?" Okay, so his nose was bleeding earlier and he probably had a few bruises, but nothing really worth worrying over.

"Well, you were just talking to nobody... and before that, you were, well." He swallowed. "Look, dude, do you have someone looking after you or whatever?"

Tovia raised an eyebrow. "No?" He could understand the talking to nobody thing... He had to stop doing that in public...

"Well, I really think you should." He leaned closer - closer being about an inch less than ten feet away - and spoke a bit quieter. "You were punching yourself, dude."

"Punching... myself?" Tovia began to laugh. "I wasn't punching myself. See, it was..."

"You're forgetting something important, Tovia."

"What?"

"I don't exist."

The townsman swallowed nervously. "Dude, you need help."

Tovia shook his head, sweating. "I'm fine... I just... I'm just having a bad day."

He nodded slowly, and began to back away. "Sure, dude. Look, just... think about it."

"I said I'm fine." Tovia snapped.

He put his hands up defensively. "Yeah. Of course. Okay, dude. No harm, no foul. Just thought I'd ask is all." When he reached the street, he awkwardly injected himself back into the daily traffic and left Tovia's line of sight.

"I can't believe this. By the time I get rid of him, the whole kingdom's going to think I'm nuts." Tovia stood up and brushed himself off. "I wonder how many people you have to have convinced that you're insane to toss you into the madhouse..."

Suddenly, Lois tore around the corner and stopped when she saw him. "Tovia!" she exclaimed.

"Lois?" Tovia's eyes widened. "You're back early."

"I know. I've been looking for you everywhere. Goddesses, Tovia, I'm glad you're alright."

He smiled. "I'm glad you're alright."

She smiled back, but only for a moment. "Come on, Tovs. We have to get to Snowhead. Link's waiting for us."

"Right. Let me just get my stuff." Tovia nodded and grabbed her hand, then pulled her back to his house. He closed the door behind them and searched for his things. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you. He's been driving me nuts the past few days."

"I thought as much," she said. "You alright, though?"

Tovia nodded again. "I'm fine, Lois. Really."

She let her gaze linger on him as he packed, then she went to get food from his kitchen.

"Alright, Lois. All set." Tovia walked into the kitchen and sat down. "Are you ready...?"

She smiled. "Of course. Come on." Then she led the way out of his house and toward the main square. When they got there, Tovia put a hand out and caught her arm.

"Hey, Lois," he started, unsure, "um... about the desert... when you tried to tell me something but Vaati took over... I... well, I love you, too."

Lois blushed, taken aback. "I... I know," she said, which wasn't what she'd meant to say. Slightly embarrassed, she stammered. "I mean, that is..." Her smile broadened as she looked at him. "Oh, whatever."

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the lips. Tovia's eyes widened, surprised, before he leaned into her and kissed back. The kiss deepened and Lois tugged on his shirt. "Tovia..." Her hand trailed to his thigh.

"L-Lois." Tovia blushed, lightly pushing her away.

Lois slapped him. "What in the name of the Goddesses are you playing at?" she shrieked.

"Lois?" Tovia rubbed his cheek and looked up at her in shock. He suddenly realized that she didn't look like herself; the girl in front of him in fact had short black hair, green eyes, and a long green gown. "Wh... What? You're not Lois?"

"Of course I'm not! Who the fuck is Lois?" She glared at him. "Guards!" she called.

"Shit..." Tovia took off running. Did you... was that you?

"Stop that madman!" the girl shrieked with high-pitched ferocity. Guards sprang up out of nowhere and blocked Tovia's path. It was either turn back towards the girl or face them.

Tovia stopped short and groaned. "What a day..."

The guards ran up and gripped him by the arms. "You're going to the temporary containment unit on Southeast until further notice," one said menacingly. "Kissing a woman on the street! What are you?"

"You don't understand, it was an accident! I thought she was someone else!"

"Yeah, and then you 'accidentally' ran from us."

"You have to believe me! Please!" Tovia squirmed. "Let go of me!"

"No way in hell."

Tovia was dragged off across the town, slipping on loose gravel in the unusually fast pace. They arrived to a short, squat, stubborn-looking building with heavy doors, then went inside. Not too far into the building, they threw him into a stout cell and the barred door to his prison slammed and clicked shut behind him, signaling that there was no escape.

Tovia banged against the bars. "Please! Somebody! Lois! Link!" When the only ears in distance - the guards that had brought him here - were gone, he gave up and leaned against a wall. "Somebody, please..." Vaati? Vaati, please, help me. You don't want to rot here, do you? Please!

He turned and saw Vaati leaning nonchalantly against the bars.

"Vaati, thank goddesses. You have to get us out of here," Tovia sighed.

"Do I?" he asked.

"Yes! You do!" Tovia panicked. "We're in jail, Vaati. Have you ever been in jail before? I haven't! I don't want to stay here!"

"I thought you wanted me to fuck off," he stated.

"Vaati, please." Tovia begged. "I'll do anything."

Vaati rolled his eyes, then mimicked Tovia's voice perfectly. "Stop it! Stop it! I'll do anything! Please! I'm a whiny little pussy!"

Tovia winced. "Please, Vaati."

"You can say your Ps and Qs all you want. I know you'll bend over backwards for anything. No, I don't think you're strong enough to take your own life. You're not even strong enough to get out of this without my help."

"I can't hurt them!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh. You mean, you want me to kill those guards down the hall because you don't have the balls? Or do you not want to get your hands dirty? Let me tell you a secret. Your hands would be dirty no matter which of us does it."

Tovia took a deep breath. "I need your help, please."

"There's that word again. Tovia, moderation in everything. You can't overindulge in the word 'please' and expect to get everything you want."

"I'll stop." Tovia held his hands up in defense. "Just help me, ple-... Just help me, Vaati."

He put his head in his hand. "Just think for a moment, Tovia. Do you think I would have put you here if I wanted to let you out?"

"N...No. Vaati, p.. Vaati, just... I need your help."

"Stop saying that! You're getting on my nerves."

"I wouldn't be saying it if you hadn't gotten me here in the first place!"

"Well, if you want out, you're on your own."

Tovia gritted his teeth and looked away from him. "Fine." He kicked at the bars repeatedly. "Let me out!"

Vaati rolled his eyes. "That'll work," he said sarcastically.

"Shut up. I have an idea." Tovia continued to make noise. "Help! Somebody! Let me out! Please! It was an accident!"

After a while, and a few short minutes of heavy footsteps, the door swung open and a big, threatening guard cracked his knuckles. Tovia held a hand behind his back. "Please! Don't! I'll stop! I'm sorry!" He backed up against a wall. "Don't come any closer!"

The guard only continued, checking over his shoulder that they were indeed alone. Just then, Tovia shot out an energy ball at the guard, then bolted past him out of the cell. I'm not that stupid. I have a few tricks up my sleeve, you know.

Wow. I'm actually impressed.

Tovia grinned. I told you it'd work. He stopped short when he saw two more guards up ahead. I didn't think there'd be more...

Tovia heard a snort of laughter. And the impression stops.

I can handle it. Tovia took a deep breath. Watch this. He held out his hands, and a vortex of air spiraled at the guards. They shot to the wall on the far side of the room, smacked against it, and groaned for a moment before finally dropping to the floor. Ha! Take that!

He slowed down to a walk and quietly looked around. Fuck, where did they put my sword? I know it's somewhere around here... ...I feel like eating shrimp. What the hell is shrimp? Ha! There it is! Tovia sighed as he played with the lock. These things aren't ever simple, are they?

He boredly sent a tiny shock through the device. Its chains disintegrated once the magic touched them, and he yawned. "This is actually pretty boring. I thought it'd be hard to break out, but, Din, it's so easy."

Vaati stood to the side and crossed his arms reproachfully. "It's always easy," he said, his nonchalant voice mismatched against his demeanor. "Nothing can hold me in."

"Hm, I believe it." Tovia grabbed his sword and strapped it onto his belt. He turned away and began to stride off. "Goddesses, this is such a cake walk."

Vaati disappeared when Tovia turned away, but reappeared at the door to the exit. "Powerful, isn't it?" he asked. "Doing anything. Being anything. They can't hold you back, they don't stand a chance."

He grinned. "Yeah, it's actually pretty good."

"You're like... what's the word? Someone with dominion over the land." He snapped his fingers, trying to remember. "Someone with unlimited power."

Tovia slowed down.

"Ah!" He smiled. "I remember! You're like a god."

He stopped and grinned wide. "I like the sound of that."

"I thought you would. It's like... nothing can stop you. You can go anywhere, do anything. And you can take care of anyone who gets in your way." He snapped his fingers. "Like that."

"Quick and easy."

"Deciding who gets to live and who has to die. Like nothing even matters anymore."

The grin started to fade. "Die...?"

Vaati nodded. "Oh, yeah. Just a wave of your hand, and whoosh! Life's right out of them. You walk the earth and it withers where you step. Isn't it awesome?"

"I..." Tovia shook his head. "No."

"No? Well, just a minute ago, you said you were like a god. You can take care of anyone who gets in your way, quickly and easily." He snapped his fingers again.

"I didn't mean by murdering someone!"

He gestured back to the hall. "Well, what did you think you were doing? Putting them gently to sleep?"

"W... what?" Tovia looked at him in horror. "I... I didn't... I couldn't have..."

"Of course not. But they're dead, aren't they? And in time you'll come to accept what you've done, and you'll do it again to protect someone you love. And after a while you'll start doing it when no one's life is at risk. And eventually you won't go a week without killing someone - just for the joy of it. Won't you?"

"I wouldn't... that isn't me..." Tovia clenched his fists. "What did I do? What is wrong with me?"

He crossed his arms. "Nothing. Just an overabundance of magical psychotic hand-me-down genetics."

"I've never been like this, though."

Vaati's face grew cold and downcast. "That's because you're only sixteen," he said.

Tovia stared at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

"This never happened to anyone else. Though, of course." He looked up at Tovia. "When I began to realize who I am, when I first picked up that magical cap, I was about your age." He paused. "Relatively."

"I'm not like that, though. It isn't me. That's you."

"I don't know, you're an awful lot like me. I'm your magical hat."

Tovia cringed. "I'm not like you. Please... just stop saying that."

Vaati stood up from the wall. "Tovia! Stop being a dull-brained moron. I used to be sane, you know. Sane enough. But then - " he stopped, then deflated slightly and turned away. "Forget it. You don't believe me anyway."

"I... I sort of believe you."

His eyes were fierce when he looked back at Tovia. "It's a slippery slope," he said.

"What? What are you talking about?"

He groaned. "Really?" he asked. "You need every little thing spelled out for you? Really?"

Tovia crossed his arms. "I said I'm not that stupid."

Vaati turned toward him and spoke slowly. "I used to be naive," he said. "I used to be in love and small and stupid. I wanted to take control of my life and do as I pleased. I picked up the magical hat." He motioned to himself. "It gave me magic. I was a god. Do you see the similarities now?"

"I... yeah."

"You," he continued in the same voice, "are naive. You are in love and small and stupid. You want to take control of your life and do as you please. You have my magic. You are a god. You know what happened to me after that."

"I'm not going to make the same mistakes as you." Tovia mumbled. "I'm better than that."

Vaati scoffed. "Whatever. Go on, escape, have your fun, go back to your preppy little Lois while you can."

"...If you ever actually call her preppy... she will kick you. Hard." Tovia shuddered. "And not in a very pleasant place."

He shook his head and gestured to the door.

A/N: ...I really do love this chapter because it really shows that Tovia's fucking bipolar as all hell. SERIOUSLY! Every few fucking seconds he changes his mood. It's annoying. Count all the quick mood swings in this chapter. Please. Someone. o_o;

O_O Really.