AN: Well, we nearly got blown away/flooded on the camping trip, but at least now I'm home. Would love to get some new reviews, let me know what you think of where the story is heading!

Chapter 20

The next few days passed in a blur of swirling snow and cold. The going was slower than they had feared it might be and their food supply was already running low. Anisi had provided them with a good sized store of provisions, but none of them had ever even considered the possibility that they would have to walk back to the city. Their trek was complicated by the occasional dead ends that they encountered. Chiara had literally run into a sudden wall of ice on two separate occasions and they were forced to backtrack and try to find a way around. In the blinding snow, this was no small challenge.

By the end of the third day, Thrawn estimated that they had crossed perhaps half the distance to the city. They came upon a large cave in one of the ice cliffs and decided to take shelter for the night there. It was almost certainly the lair of some animal, but they were hoping that it wouldn't come back while the storm lasted. Chiara sank wearily onto a small ice boulder and pulled off her helmet, grateful to be out of the blinding snow. With no visual point of reference, she was beginning to feel like she was drifting through the snow, rather than walking, and it felt like she wasn't getting anywhere, even though her feet were moving. Her shoulders ached from carrying Mitth'ixia'nith. Thrawn had offered to carry the boy several times, but it didn't make any sense for him to do so when he kept having to carry Mitth'srak'inaska whenever the snow became too deep for her to wade through.

Thrawn crossed from where he had been helping Mitth'srak'inaska settle in with one of the emergency blankets wrapped around her and sat down by Chiara. She was impressed by how little the girl had complained throughout the ordeal. It came as somewhat of a relief that her mother had also seemed to recognize that this trek was difficult for all of them and had dropped all pretenses at societal hierarchy after the first day.

"How are you holding up?" Thrawn asked in Basic and offering her a protein bar. He pulled off his helmet, tore open the package of another bar and took a bite from one corner.

"I'm okay," she told him wearily, nibbling at the ration bar. "Just tired. I haven't been sleeping well."

"I know," he said, brushing a strand of hair off her forehead with a gloved hand. "It's too cold to sleep comfortably. Your slower metabolism doesn't keep you as warm, either."

Chiara didn't tell him that it was actually because she kept having horrible dreams about them dying out here. In almost every dream she'd had, Thrawn died first and almost always died violently, cursing her and the day they had met. She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder as she ate, trying push the dreams out of her mind. It wasn't going to happen; she wouldn't let it. Thrawn put his arm around her and kissed her cheek, ignoring the scandalized look that Mitth'saml'inas gave them. Her face had gone numb enough since she had taken her helmet off that she couldn't really feel it, but she appreciated the gesture, anyway. "It will be alright," Thrawn murmured in her ear. He handed her half of his ration bar. "Here, finish mine. You need it more than I do."

"You need to keep up your strength, too," Chiara objected. "You carried Mitth'srak'inaska for more than half the time, today."

"I'm fine," Thrawn told her, putting his helmet back on. "You eat that."

She was tempted to argue, but her lips were starting to go numb from the cold, too. She finished her bar in two bites and ate the extra half that Thrawn had given her as quickly as she could. Thrawn pulled one of the blankets out of his pack and draped it around her shoulders while she ate. She washed down the ration bar with some of the snow they had melted earlier in the day and then slipped her helmet back on, grateful for the warmth that immediately flooded over her face.

Mitth'srak'inaska wandered over to them, blanket clutched around her shoulders, and sat down on the ground in front of Chiara. "May I see your lightsaber?" the young girl asked, an inquisitive look in her glowing eyes.

Chiara looked at her in surprise. "Why? It's not toy, it's a very sophisticated weapon."

"I know," the girl told her. "That's why I want to see it. I've studied all kinds of weapons, but I've never seen one like yours. It's fascinating."

Chiara hesitated for another moment, then unclipped the lightsaber from her belt and held it out to Mitth'srak'inaska. "Don't try to turn it on," she warned her.

Mitth'srak'inaska examined the hilt, turning it over in her hands. "So, you use it to cut through things?"

Chiara shook her head. "Normally, I use it to deflect weapons fire. It can be used for cutting through things, but I don't use it for that very often."

"Do you cut through your enemies with it?"

Chiara winced at the question. "Sometimes. I usually try to talk my way out of things before I resort to that, though."

The girl studied her for a moment, then handed back the lightsaber. "Is there anything it can't cut through?"

"There are a handful of substances it can't cut through, but they are very rare," Chiara told her, returning it to its familiar place on her belt. "I haven't seen any of them in this part of the galaxy, so far."

"I see. When we get back to Csaplar, could you show me how it works?"

Chiara smiled at the girl. "If your parents are okay with that, yes. Now go lay down and go to sleep. We have another long day ahead of us, tomorrow."

The girl crossed obediently back to her mother and crawled under the blanket she shared with her brother. Chiara watched her for a moment, then turned back to Thrawn. "I suppose we should be going to sleep, too."

"That would be wise." He helped her spread their one of their blankets out on the flattest spot they could find and put his arms around her as they lay down. She leaned back against his chest, wishing she could feel his warmth and listen to the sound of his beating heart, again. The environmental suit's helmet made her feel isolated, unable to hear anything but the screaming of the wind outside and the occasional voices of her companions over the comm. "You really are quite natural with children," Thrawn observed, breaking into her thoughts. "Have you considered that it is likely we will never be able to have any of our own?"

Chiara twisted around in his arms to look at him in surprise. "Children?"

"Yes, children. I highly doubt that our species are biologically compatible," he told her. "Although, if this is an issue for you, we could possibly adopt..."

"Thrawn, no, it's... I hadn't thought about it, to be honest, but it's not something that I have ever been concerned about. As a Jedi, I was raised with the knowledge that I would never have my own children and I'm okay with that," she assured him. "Now, if you want to have children, then that is a different story, but don't think that we need to have them just for me."

Thrawn seemed to relax a bit. "Children are not terribly compatible with a military career. At least, not if you are to stay with me - children aren't allowed at military installations. Almost every officer that has children spends most of their life separated from their mate and children. I've always thought that I wouldn't have children, either."

"I am happy with just us," she assured him, turning back over and trying to get comfortable on the uneven ground.

Chiara woke part way through the night to find Thrawn shaking her gently. "Chiara? What's wrong?" he asked her, his voice full of concern.

It took a moment for her to orient herself in the darkness. She shook her head, trying to clear the horrific image that still lingered before her eyes. "It was just a bad dream," she choked out.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, pulling her gently to him and folding her in his arms. "You were saying something in your sleep that sounded upset, but I couldn't catch what it was."

She rolled over to face him, looking at the two red points of light in the darkness that she knew were his eyes. "For the last three nights, I've been dreaming about you being killed out here, although this was the most vivid one. This time, you were crushed by a falling ice boulder. The snow lifted just in time for me to see it, but there wasn't enough time for me to deflect it with the Force. You didn't die when it hit you, though," she told him, her voice crackling with strain. "I used the Force to move it aside, but your entire lower body was mangled and crushed. Your suit was torn, too. I don't know if you would have died of the cold or from your injuries, first, but neither one would have been pleasant."

If it bothered him that she had been dreaming violent deaths for him, it didn't show in his voice or sense. "That's why you haven't been sleeping, isn't it?" he asked, a hint of sudden understanding in his tone. She nodded. "Chiara, what am I going to do with you?" he said, shaking his head at her. "Stop worrying. You are just making this harder on yourself."

"I know. It's not that easy, though," she told him wearily.

"Yes, it is," he countered. "You are not responsible for my safety and well-being. I have agreed that I won't try to hold you back from participating in battles because I'm afraid of what might happen to you. Now you need to agree to stop putting pressure on yourself to personally guarantee my safety. I may not have survived 300 years on my own, but I have made it through quite a few dangerous and difficult situations without you. I think I can continue to do so without your help."

Chiara sighed. "I know you can. It's just in my nature to make it my personal responsibility. That's probably why the Council always gave me the personal protection assignments. I was always an exhausted wreck by the end, but I never lost a single person I was given to protect."

"You can't go through our lives like that, though. It will destroy you, sooner or later," Thrawn told her gently.

"You're right, as always. It's not something I'm going to be able to change overnight, but I will work on it."

"Good," he told her. "Now, go back to sleep. We have a long day ahead of us."