Kirsty had been working for my dad. That was the only reason she had ever come here. Daryl was probably crushed by that news, that's probably why he isn't here. He's probably out working on that bike of his. We had been infiltrated and he had fallen for one of those who had infiltrated our midst. The other infiltrators were the Reeves, but they seem to be changing. They were actually nice to me for one thing, gave me a heart attack when they actually shared their condolences with me about my brother, which in turn I apologized about breaking Trent's nose. Twice. I carefully didn't mention that in my dream world Trent had been my ex and that I got the impression that Macy had been my best friend. I moved out of the house I had lived in with Eric. Despite the short amount of time I had lived there with him, it still held too many memories. The photo I had given him of our family had been on him when I killed him and was covered in his blood, so I let it be buried with him. I've had enough of reminders from the past. I mean, it isn't like I can ever return to it. Besides, I have a good memory and I am pretty good at drawing. Perhaps I'll improve my skill and draw a portrait of him from memory? Draw a family portrait of how things would be today if everyone was still alive. If the world had not been so cruel. As for where I have moved to, well, it's nice to know that the Grimes family is willing to have me, pretty much adopt me as one of their own. Perhaps I should stop calling Rick Grimesy, you know, to show my appreciation.
I asked Carl if the pain ever goes away, if I'll ever stop feeling so broken and beat up about Eric. He said that the pain will always be there, but it gets easier. You just get used to it. Sure, I might be putting things into my own words slightly there, but he said something to that extent. I hope that he's right. I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting my decision to kill my own brother. I'll never look at that lullaby the same, now. For me it is apparently my murderer's song. Or insane song, as Rick keeps teasing me about. It wasn't exactly my fault that I went a little loopy. Maybe I should tell Daryl to sing it? It might help him feel better about Kirsty. Still hard to believe that the whole time she was working for Jedidiah. She was one person who I thought could never sink that low. But maybe her family wasn't dead after all? Maybe she's out there with them right now? It's a nicer thought than she's dead. I need to thank Daryl and Rick for looking for me. I know how Daryl will react. He'll tell me off for not telling anyone where I was going, for being so damn reckless, so stupid. Probably swearing a lot more than that though. But I don't really care. He won't kill me. Why waste the energy saving me if you're just going to kill me anyway?
I looked up from my diary, thinking. The words were weird to be writing. I wasn't used to holding a pen anymore. Once upon a time I was good at telling stories, my handwriting was the best in the class. Now? Not so much. Who needs to be good at writing when there are undead freaks groaning outside the walls, wanting to get in and eat your brains? I smirked. There were some things that Daryl might finally approve of about me. For one thing I wasn't so polite and shy in my manner of speaking. Sure, I still talked a bit posh on occasion. But quite frankly, the girl I used to be...
She can go to hell. I'll beat her there.
In a hand basket.