AN: Is there anyone out there that still reads Careese fanfics? If so, can you just give a quick shout out in a review that you ARE indeed still interested in the story? If no one reads these much anymore, I'll likely wrap this up soon. Thanks in advance...just a quick line letting me know if I should continue.

CHAPTER 21

She slowly opened her eyes and for that blissful moment between sleep and waking, that moment when your brain tells you that whatever you wish for or imagine is possible…..for that moment, everything was perfect. She could remember back when Taylor's dad left, trying and trying to stay in that moment. Trying not to awake to the reality that her world had crumbled and left her standing in the rubble, a single mom with a young son to raise. Today, just like then, the world came barreling through the door, knocking her flat on her ass. Szymanski was dead, Cal was dead. Their killers were still free. And it was because of her. Her and her poor choices. Who else would pay for her shortcomings? Who would die today? She asked herself. But just like always, she pushed herself up out of bed. She had to face the day head on. Come what may. Hiding in bed would not solve anything but it didn't stop the tear from slipping down her cheek. She really wished she could talk to John. She knew he had experience with regret. Hell, she saw the remorse in his eyes every time he looked at her.

And yet he went on, he continued helping people despite the danger it presented. She tried to ease his pain when she could, tried to show him he was a good person by pointing out how his actions spoke for his character. He said often enough that she was his moral compass but more and more, he was becoming hers. Especially now, when she didn't trust herself. She stepped into the shower and shook her head at her thoughts. How the hell did she get herself into this? What happened to the woman who was able to kick ass and take names? Was that woman still inside? Joss hoped so. She wanted to be that woman again, she NEEDED to be that woman again! But when she looked at herself in the mirror, all she saw was a woman who was broken. Did everyone else see it when they looked at her? Did her son see it? Or was she hiding it well enough? And how was she supposed to fix it when she had no idea how it had happened? She heard Taylor stirring in his room down the hall and she took a deep breath. For his sake, she needed to figure it out and fast. If she continued on like this for much longer…she quickly shied away from that thought.

"Hey Mom, can you drive me to school today?" Taylor called.

"Not if it means you're going to use the extra time to go back to sleep! Don't you have a science test today?" She took a deep breath and put on her "mask" before going into his room. "I'll drive you, if you use the time to study." She smiled at him.

"Aw, Mom, come on!" He groaned and pulled the covers over his head.

"You come on!" She pulled the covers off him AND his bed and laughed at his dismayed expression. "Get your lazy butt outta this bed!"

He moaned and groaned some more but headed to the bathroom to take his shower. The minute he closed the door, the mask slipped away and she felt defeated. How was she going to keep this away from Taylor? She trudged down the hall to the kitchen to start breakfast. There was no way she would let him be hurt by her terrible choices, of that she was certain! Whatever was happening with her and her bad instincts, she would NOT let Taylor's life be negatively impacted. Hell no! Just the thought of it made her angry and she reached for that anger and held on. Maybe, if she could just hold on to it hard enough, she could minimize the damage. She straightened up, grabbed the eggs from the fridge and steeled herself for another day. Just then, her eyes caught the calendar on the fridge. Today was circled and she suddenly remembered why. It was the day that Cal was to be buried.

Joss sat staring at the large picture of Cal next to the coffin. He looked so handsome in his blues. So full of promise, with his eyes eager, looking like he was ready to take on all the bad people he could. And look what happened…he'd been killed and a small part of her wondered if it was because of her. What if she had kept him at the precinct just a bit longer when he'd come to talk to her? What if she had accepted that dinner date to Old Quarry? If she had, neither he nor she would have been on duty that night. And her greatest fear...what if the low life who shot him was connected to what she was doing with John?

Cal's mother sat in the row in front of her. The woman bowed her head, silently weeping while she held onto her daughter's hand. Joss knew she would have to say something to her. Cal had let it slip to his mom that they were dating. But what could she say to the woman who'd done such a good job teaching Cal to help others, that he'd joined the police force straight out of college? 'I'm sorry your son was killed and it might have, hell, probably was, my fault?'

As the three volley rifle salute started, she felt each and every shot deep in her heart. 'I'll never get the chance to make it right with Cal…..Bang…..If only she'd let him take her out, none of this would have happened….Bang…He never had a chance with me but he never knew I was just using him to keep myself safe and my connection to John a secret …Bang. She tried but couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Later, Joss sat at her desk, filling out paperwork, the most hated part of her job. Deep down, the thought occurred to her that by forcing herself to do it, she was using it as a sort of….penance? Maybe if she did everything she was supposed to…if she took a lot of these bad guys off the streets, so they couldn't harm others…maybe it might help balance out the harm she'd done to Cal?

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Fusco shuffle in. He was just about to reach his desk when two guys who she recognized as IAB approached him.

"Excuse me, Detective Fusco? Detective Soriano from internal affairs. We need to talk."

"No we don't." she heard Fusco reply and start to turn away. The other guy from IAB reached out to stop him.

"I'm afraid we do. It's regarding the disappearance of Detective Stills. We're gonna have to ask for your badge and your service weapon." Fusco paused for a long second before he handed over his gun and his badge.

'What the hell is going on here?' she asked herself and watched worriedly as they lead Fusco away to an interrogation room. First Szymanski, then Cal and now Fusco! It was like someone was deliberately targeting those around her. But why? She needed to know what was going on.

Joss watched as Soriano left the interrogation room. She quickly got up from her desk and went in to see Lionel.

"What's this about Fusco?"

He wouldn't even look at her. "This don't concern you, Carter."

Oh hell no, he didn't! She was sick of people around her deciding what she should do! First John deciding she should date Cal as a cover up, and now Fusco deciding what she, as his partner for God sakes! should know.

"No?" she asked sarcastically, "I'm your partner; I think it does." He still wouldn't look at her.

"This got something to do with Cal's murder?" she probed.

"No." replied softly and shook his head.

She unclenched her fist in relief of that small bit of information. "Talk to me, Lionel. Why is IAB all of a sudden putting the screws to you?"

"Ya know I tried to come to you." He glanced up at her. "In this very room. To tell you about past mistakes I've made. But ya didn't want to hear it." He shrugged.

And suddenly she remembered. He'd wanted to tell her about the bad things he'd done before coming to work with her. But she'd cut him off, she didn't want to hear that the partner she trusted with her life and indirectly Taylor's, might have been involved in something dishonest. But she couldn't afford that now.

"I'm listening now."

He looked away again. "It's just chickens coming home to roost. Bad things happen to people around me Carter, so you should get outta here."

She was about to tell him that it was her they were after, not him, when her phone rang. She glanced at it. It was an unlisted number so she knew it was either John or Harold. She had to take it.

"We're not done here." She told Lionel as she backed out of the interrogation room and closed the door behind her.

"Finch, what do you need?" She asked quickly as she walked back to her desk. Was this about John? Oh God, did something happen to John?!

"I'm sorry for your loss, Detective."

"Yeah, thanks," she replied. She paced back and forth. So it wasn't John. Her mind raced as she tried to focus on what Finch needed and not on what was happening with Fusco at the moment.

"I just don't understand…" she took a breath, trying to hold back the tears. "How we couldn't stop this in time." She could hear the quiver in her voice. Damn! She needed to get ahold of herself. She needed to be strong, people were depending on her.

"It's a question that troubles me as well. I wish I had an adequate answer," he paused for a second, "and I know this is not the best time but…"

She cut him off; his answer was unsatisfactory. She wanted answers from SOMEone at this point. "You and John need some help. Are you kidding me? Cal is dead and Fusco's being investigated by IAB!" She let her frustration at the entire situation show.

"I understand that you're upset but we have a doctor in peril. I just need you to check on a few names."

"No." she told him. If she was going to take responsibility for what was happening, she was damn well going to take responsibility to do something about it! "No, this time you're going to do something for me."

"Ok, Detective." Finch hesitated on the other end. "What can I do for you?"

"You know that phone cloning thing you do? My turn." She was going to figure out what the hell was going on, she thought determinedly, pushing aside any doubt she might have about the legality of what she was asking.

Meanwhile, John too was having doubts about himself. He watched as the doctor they were helping hunched over and violently threw up on the floor of his lab.

"The doctor just vomited blood." He relayed to Finch. He watched Nelson stumbling around, looking at his reflection in a nearby metal tray. The doctor then reached back and came up with a large chunk of hair.

"Nelson's in serious trouble. I'm going in." He spoke rapidly to Finch. He ran to the stairs, hurrying to get to the doctor. Reese's mind raced as he replayed the entire day that he'd been surveilling the doctor. No one had appeared to be a threat to Nelson but something was wrong. He must have missed something! He must have missed the threat; he slipped up, was too careless at some point. His mind shied away from the conclusion his brain came up with that the doctor was showing signs of radiation poisoning. 'No, I simply missed something.' He'd missed the play of some other agent. Someone had gotten to Nelson, right under his nose!

Down on the street, Nelson stumbled out of the building, pushing by people, looking confused and disoriented. He was almost run down by a bus as he staggered towards the street.

"You look like you need some help." He called to Nelson as he approached him.

Nelson turned to him but faltered back when he obviously recognized Reese. "You! I know you from the reception." He swung his briefcase at Reese who easily deflected it with his arm. "Get away from me! Who are you?"

"What are you talking about?" Reese tried to calm him down enough that Nelson would listen to him. Behind him, he heard someone shout.

"NYPD! Who called 911?" Shit! He had to leave the doctor in their hands and get out of there. He watched as the officers gathered around the doctor, who was doubled over in pain.

"Finch, things just went completely sideways." Seeing the doctor up close, he had to finally admit it to himself. "And judging by his symptoms, we're already too late." He'd failed once again. He'd failed to see the threat and he'd failed to save the number. And now, a man, a good man, a man who helped countless others, was going to die. And it was HIS fault.

Reese followed as they took the doctor to New York-Presbyterian. He needed to see if there was something, anything he could do. He spoke to Finch as they tried to identify the source of the polonium that the doctor must have ingested.

"How is the doctor?" Finch asked.

"I'm about to find out."

"You! Wait, you're that waiter. You had something to do with this!" Nelson reached for the call button as Reese approached the bed but Reese grabbed his hand before he got to it.

"I'm not a waiter. I'm here to help you." He told Nelson.

"But you were at the reception. You slipped something into my drink!" Nelson accused.

"No I didn't. But someone else did." Reese couldn't bring himself to look the doctor as he admitted, "I was supposed to save you." He took a deep breath. "But I was too late." He paused in shame and then said, "You've ingested polonium, Doctor. You're dying."

"But this….this is insane!" Nelson protested. "How do you…who ARE you?"

"Nosebleeds, jaundice, hair falling out." He avoided the last question. "It's radiation poisoning."

"I'm aware how radiation affects the body. But how do you know all this?" Nelson continued to be suspicious.

"You were poisoned a few hours ago. Which means in less than 24 hours, you'll be dead." Reese hoped the man could forgive him. "I'm sorry, Doctor."

"I…I don't understand….How?...Who would want me dead?"

"You would know better than I. Look, you can stay there and die in that bed. Or you can get up and help me find the bastard who murdered you." Reese bit out angrily. He handed Nelson his bag. "Clock's ticking, Doc."

The first thing Reese did was take Nelson to see his daughter. He watched as one last time, the man spoke with her. 'At least I can say I gave him the chance to say goodbye.' Reese thought, wishing he himself had had that with the ones he loved. First his parents, then Jessica…he shook off the thought that maybe he wouldn't get to say goodbye to Joss either when his time came. He knew his time was coming, sooner rather than later if he continued doing what he was doing.

There and then, he vowed to do anything possible to give her that chance, that sense of closure. She deserved that from him. Hell, she deserved better than a broken man like him, but for some unexplained reason, she saw something in him; something worth saving. It made him want to be a better person, just because she thought he was.

Back at the precinct, Joss listened in disbelief as Soriano accused Fusco of stealing drugs and covering up murders. She decided to investigate this Azarello, the dirty cop who was feeding IAB all this info. If there was anything to it…. She left the thought hanging. She wasn't sure yet if she could trust herself enough to figure out if Azarello was telling the truth, and if he was…..what she was going to do with that information.

She got nothing out of Azarello when she went to visit him in Rikers except maybe the need to take a shower. The man had been so nauseatingly slimy and repellent; she had to ask herself how anyone could have missed the fact that he had been the type of cop who would dive right into the pool of corruption. The idea that Fusco was involved with such a repulsive person jarred her perception of him. If Fusco had been involved with Azarello and Stills, then he deserved everything he was getting. They were accusing him of working with cops who stole drugs and killed people for God sakes! She was just having such a hard time believing the Fusco she knew was that same man. And then it hit her…it was just her instincts telling her that Fusco wasn't that corrupt man they thought he was. She'd been wrong about Cal, wrong about that kid Washington, wrong about a lot of things lately that she'd accepted on instinct. So why couldn't she be wrong about Fusco?

Reese spent the next few hours getting Nelson's legal affairs straight and going through his penthouse in search of clues as to who might have killed him. It wasn't until they had searched every room, gone over every scrap of paper from his patient files, the book he was writing, even his old receipts in the hopes they would find some type of connection; that Finch found the link they were looking for. Apparently, Nelson had mentioned something in passing to a friend of his while they were playing racquet ball. Information about a failing drug trial that the friend had then turned around and used to make $500 million.

It wasn't easy telling Nelson that he was dying due to an innocuous comment he'd made to a man he'd considered a friend. Nelson tried at first to minimize his role in the trading incident but then turned around and taken responsibility for what he'd done.

"Oh, it's just an excuse. What I did was wrong. And now I'm a dead man all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut."

The hopelessness in Nelson's eyes as he said this tormented Reese. Here was a doctor, who had helped save the lives of thousands of people, dying because of a few unguarded words. If the fate of such a man was to die, what about Reese himself who had committed many more numerous and more heinous acts? Wasn't it therefore Reese's fate to die a much more horrible death than this gruesome and unjust one?

"You made a mistake." He spoke quietly to Nelson. "That doesn't mean you deserve to die." Reese wasn't sure if he was saying this for the doctor's benefit or his own.

Nelson took a deep breath, sat up and looked him in the eye. "You're right." He paused. "I need to talk to Boyd."

Before they could begin to find Boyd, Finch broke in with the news that he had discovered how the doctor had been poisoned. They now had a motive and a method for Nelson's death. All that remained was for justice to be served.

They picked Boyd up at a nightclub and questioned him about the stock tip and his insider trading. At one point, Reese smirked as he heard Nelson almost shoot Boyd in an effort to get the information they wanted. It was a small spark of what had made the doctor so successful in pioneering his heart research.

Joss continued to listen in on Soriano as he questioned Fusco. Her brow furrowed as she heard something unbelievable; they thought Fusco himself had actually MURDERED people.

"Azarello flipped on you. We thought Stills was halfway to Belize but now we know different. You got rid of him because you had to."

"All you got is lies from a dirty cop. It'll never hold up in court." Fusco replied with a calm, almost bored voice.

"You know what will hold up in court? Evidence. You see when dirty cops want to eliminate DNA from a crime scene, they use bleach. But bleach stains things." Soriano said in a cocky tone; he was obviously ready to go in for the kill. "Like the carpet in the trunk of the vehicle you signed out on the day that Stills disappeared.

"No idea what you're talking about." Fusco continued to stonewall as Soriano presented him with cell phone records showing he was out at Oyster Bay the night Stills went missing. And then, finally, the most damning evidence she heard; they had satellite pictures of places where the earth had been disturbed. It was obvious they had done some good leg work on this case. She just couldn't understand how she had been so wrong about Fusco. OK, he might have made some mistakes along the way. No good cop got through as many years of police work as Fusco had without SOME things he wished he could do over but killing someone? That was wrong! Sure the guy was as dirty as the day was long but murder? What Fusco did was wrong…..wasn't it? Her mind just spun in circles as she tried to reconcile the Fusco she knew, ok, thought she knew with Fusco the murderer.

"Hey, Carter, you alright?" Tierney asked as he walked by her desk and stopped.

"Um, yeah. Yeah I'm fine."

"Well you look like someone just ran over your dog." He commented.

Her mind quickly searched for some excuse she could use to get Tierney off her back. She couldn't let anyone know what she'd just heard. "Nope, I'm good." She gestured to her cell phone. "I just found out Taylor lied to me about his homework last night." Sorry, baby. She silently apologized to Taylor in her head. It was the only thing that she could come up with at the moment.

"Ah, yeah. Well he's a teenage boy after all." Tierney warmed-up to the topic as he sat on the corner of her desk. "You gotta give the kid some slack. He was probably just talking to some girl last night and blew off his homework. It happens."

'Maybe in your house.' She thought. Everyone in the precinct knew that Tierney's oldest son was headed down the wrong path. She'd lost count of how many times Tierney had been called away by a fellow cop to come "take his son home" rather than have him booked for underage drinking or recently, drug possession.

"Yeah, you're probably right." She agreed with him, trying to get him to move on. She needed to concentrate on Fusco's problems.

"Ya know Carter, you shouldn't be so hard on your kid." Tierney started to warm-up to lecture mode, "Kids these days, they got it tough."

She tried not to roll her eyes but she knew once Tierney got started, he would continue to lecture her in a patronizing tone until he was called away. In fact, he'd done it so many times, Joss had developed an escape plan. Under her desk, she surreptitiously pressed speed dial #9 on her cell. On a nearby desk, a phone began to ring. When Tierney made no move to answer it, she quickly interrupted him as he took a breath before he could pontificate to her any more.

"Hey Tierney, isn't that your phone?" She asked him.

"Yeah, they'll call back. What was I saying? Oh yeah, you know Taylor is…."

"Sorry to interrupt you, Tierney." Hell no I'm not! She thought. "But the Cap said something about needing you to give them your take on the crime scene down on 99th and 3rd? Maybe you better see if that's him?"

"Ah, I figured Cap would want me to look things over with a different perspective than what you and Fusco came up with." He got up off her desk and then seemed to realize what he'd just said. "Not that you and Fusco did a bad job, you underst…."

"Don't worry about it Tierney." She interrupted him before he dug himself any deeper and onto her shit list. "Just don't leave the Cap waiting."

"Yeah, just give me a minute." He turned and walked over towards his desk. Meanwhile, Joss took the opportunity to get up and duck down the hallway. She saw Fusco going into the head and decided this was the perfect time to question him about what IAB was after him for.

"You wanted to talk?" Joss said as she walked up to Fusco at the sink.

Fusco knew this was going to be a tough conversation. He had to be careful how he handled things with Joss. He was gonna down for Stills and he knew it. He just didn't want to lie to her or drag her down with him. Problem was, what he was going to tell her would probably do just that. It would make her question her judgement even more than she already was; and that would get her killed out there on the streets.

He took a deep breath before he spoke quietly, "So….the questions you asked me earlier…the ones I didn't answer…." He stalled, playing with the paper towel in his hands, knowing this would change things between them from now on. "I didn't kill Stills. But I'm gonna go down for it just the same." He couldn't look her in the eyes as he said, "And I deserve it because of…." He just couldn't force those words out. He didn't want Joss to meet THAT guy, the guy who was a dirty cop and who looked the other way for too long as Stills murdered all those druggies. He wanted her to see him as the good cop he was NOW.

"Because…." She asked as he faltered off.

"Because of the other bad things I've done. Ya see back at the 51st…."

"Alright, wait," she interrupted him. "What do you mean the other bad things?"

God! He didn't realize until now just how much her opinion meant to him. He truly hadn't realized how far he'd come, how much he'd changed thanks to her.

"You see…at first…I..I, um thought I was helping to clean up the streets. Ya know, who's gonna miss some drug money from a low-life dealer. And then it became who's gonna miss the dealer?"

Joss shifted, praying this wasn't going where she thought it was.

"Me and Stills, we were friends. He was there for me, like a brother ya know? He had my back." Fusco needed her to see that he'd done it out of loyalty, not 'cause he was some low-life bad guy. "And then…um…you find yourself in a situation….a bad situation that you shouldn't be in….I killed people Carter."

Joss gasped as her worst fears became true. Fusco WAS a murderer and she hadn't seen it. She had missed all the signs; she'd been so wrong about him!

"I was a dirty cop. But, since I met you and our friends, that's all changed. I'm not that guy anymore." He looked her in the eyes and WILLED her to see that. "You always told me that um….if my past came back around, you wouldn't cover for me. And I'm not asking you to." He rushed to say. "I just need you to understand…"

"STOP!" She interrupted him. She didn't want to hear his reasons, his justification for what he did and what he'd lied to her about. "I can't….I can't, "she shook her head, not wanting to hear his rationalization for deceiving her. "I don't want to hear any more. I don't know who you are, Lionel."

I don't know who Iam anymore. She turned and walked out, her world and her faith shattered.

"Doc, stay with me." Reese said as he looked in the rearview mirror. Nelson looked like he was fading fast and just barely opened his eyes.

"I just wanted to look the bastard who killed me in the face."

"Don't give up yet."

"It's ok, it's time to face the consequences."

"We all make mistakes." Reese told him quietly. Even me. Especially me.

"But I…." Nelson's voice trailed off.

"Man, did he just die?" Boyd spoke for the first time in hours.

Reese looked back and saw Nelson's head lolling around and he stood on the brakes, the car skidding to a halt in the snow. He quickly released Boyd and had the man drag the Doctor out of the car and onto the roadway.

"Oh man. Is he dead?" Boyd asked again.

"Shut up or you're next." Reese growled. He didn't have time to deal with Boyd. He had to revive Nelson and fast. He grabbed ahold of the doctor's shirt and pulled it apart to expose his chest. Boyd looked on, his eyes widening as he watched Reese's efforts. Reese reached inside the Doc's bag and pulled out a syringe of epinephrine he'd had the foresight to prepare earlier.

"Oh my God!" Boyd commented when he saw the size of the syringe. "You're not gonna…." He looked away as Reese stabbed Nelson in the chest with it.

"Come on….come on…..come on…."Reese willed Nelson to start breathing as he injected the drug into the man's circulatory system. He needed to give Nelson the chance to face his killer. He couldn't let the doctor drift away without it. It was the only thing he could do for the man. He hadn't been fast enough to save him and now… suddenly the doctor gasped and started choking.

YES! He pulled Nelson into a sitting position so that the man could catch his breath and then helped him to stand. Reese held him upright and quietly urged. "You can't die yet. We've got one more mission to finish."

Just as he'd done in Tikrit, Reese exhorted his fellow comrade in arms to keep going. Because to give up was to die unavenged and Reese just couldn't live with that on his conscious as well. If he let this good man die without achieving this one last goal, then what hope was there for Reese and his own goal of restitution and redemption?

He helped Nelson to get back into the car and then delivered justice to Boyd in the form of a right hook that laid him out. He felt no remorse as he drove away and left Boyd behind.

Back at the 8th, Joss was waiting anxiously for a call from John. She'd reached out to Finch. She'd asked him what they were planning to do about Fusco but Finch had just said that he'd get back to her after consulting with John.

Joss's mind was a maelstrom. She couldn't believe she'd misjudged so many things! And Fusco, he deserved everything he got. She'd become a cop just so murderers like him were locked up! And yet….and yet Fusco had worked so hard with her to put so many bad guys away. He'd risked his life and limb plenty of times to help others. What should she do? Oh God, either way she chose, she'd be wrong! She no longer trusted her own judgement; she just needed someone to tell her what she should do!

Tired of waiting, she dialed John directly. "What are you doing about Fusco?" She demanded.

"At the moment. Nothing." He could hear the desperation in her voice. Just what he'd dreaded would happen, had. Her fear was bigger than her faith. In any other person, that fear could be compensated for but not in Joss. In Joss, that indecision and fear would bring about her eventual death and he couldn't have that. What he said to her next would be the hardest thing he'd ever done in his entire life…."I'm busy."

"After all we've been through, I thought he was your friend!"

"I always thought he was your partner." He HAD to get Joss to make a decision. Otherwise she would never regain her faith in herself.

"Not after what he just told me! Do you know what he's done?! He deserves to be behind bars." She said harshly. She couldn't believe John was just going to leave this on her shoulders. Didn't he realize that she would choose poorly?

"Listen Carter, no one has ever looked at me as the moral benchmark. Guess you'll have to make that call yourself." He tried to reach that part of her that knew unwaveringly what was right and what was wrong.

Shit! He REALLY was going to leave this on her! She closed her eyes and tried one last time. "I'm….a cop, ok…..but it's Fusco. It's not as simple as that."

"I always thought it was." He couldn't have her running back to that black vs. white mentality. She'd been realizing that there were gray areas too before she'd lost confidence in herself. If she backslid, it would eventually mean that she would cease working them and he'd have to go back to protecting her from the shadows. And look how he'd fucked up that with Nelson!

"In your book, once a dirty cop, always a dirty cop, right?" And in his situation, once a remorseless killer, always a remorseless killer. He closed his eyes….please don't let that be her choice! He could change, he could! ….especially for her. Either way, it was out of his hands now. She was the one who needed to make the call.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work." He told her, cutting off the call.

He heard the glass fall from Richard Nelson's hands and he closed his eyes. He'd been thanked with the dying man's last breath but it had come so undeservedly. He turned and set his own glass down before righting the doctor's slumped over body.

He touched his earpiece. "We lost Dr. Nelson, Finch."

"He was a good man." Finch said softly and regretfully.

"We arrived too late to save him." I arrived too late to save him. Reese thought.

"That seems to be a common occurrence of late. First Szymanski, then Beecher, now Dr. Nelson."

"Is something wrong with the Machine, Finch?" Or is it true, the fault lies with me? He left the words unspoken.

"I don't know…." Finch said, sounding lost and defeated.

The words scared Reese. His last call from Joss….maybe he shouldn't have left her out there on her own…..what if….

"And who else are we missing?" God! Don't let HER be hurt! His walk turned into a run back to the car; back to his Joss who needed him.