Chapter 21

KURT POV

It was a little past midnight and the party was in full swing. No one looked as if they were leaving anytime soon. I made my way over to Russ and Mike to check in.

"How's it going?"

"Oh Kurt!" exclaimed Russ, "Wonderful! Best party of the year!" He was flushed with happiness. Mike asked, "Where's Blaine?"

"Too much wine. He's asleep upstairs." I did not miss the worried look that passed between the two of them. I tried to reassure them.

"It's okay. I think he lost count of how many glasses he had. He only drinks when we're here. Never at home." This seemed to make them feel better.

I wandered over to the buffet table to get something to eat. When I started looking for a place to sit, Mark motioned me over to join him and Jason.

"Hey, where's your friend?"

"Too much wine." A concerned look flashed across Mark's face. I decided I'd better come up with a different answer. I didn't want people thinking Blaine was an alcoholic.

Jason and I hit it off. No surprise since it was obvious that Mark went out and found a clone of me. Jason and I looked like brothers. Jason was even into music. He taught music at an elementary school. When he excused himself to go to the bathroom, I got a chance to tease Mark.

"So, you couldn't have me so, you found the second best person you could." He blushed a little. "I like him, Mark. He seems really nice and he really likes you."

"Yeah, so far, things have been going well. I'm hoping I don't get my heart broken...again." Great. Now I felt bad. He smiled at me. "Can't blame me for being disappointed when you turned me down. How are things going with...it's Blaine, isn't it?"

"Yes. Blaine. Things are going...well, their going. It's complicated." Mark frowned at me. "You don't deserve complications. You deserve love. Love, happiness, protection..."

Damn. He hit a nerve with the word protection. Mark had always reminded me of David. Protection was a big part of my relationship with David. I looked at Mark. He was a big guy. Jason would be very well protected.

"Well," I felt the need to defend Blaine, "he went through a lot in his last relationship so, it's just taking time for him to heal and move on. We're...working through things. It's good." Wasn't it?

Mark accepted my answer but didn't look like he believed me. I was grateful when Jason came back and wanted to slow dance. I watched them on the dance floor. Mark completely enveloped Jason in his huge arms. Russ and Mike were dancing too. They were pressed close, their foreheads touching, staring into each others eyes. One new couple and one long-time couple. How does one get from where Mark and Jason and Blaine and I were, to where Russ and Mike were? I wanted what Russ and Mike had. Could I get there with Blaine?

Around 2:00 am, I decided I was tired. I said goodnight to Mark and Jason and let Russ and Mike know I was headed to bed.

When I got upstairs, Blaine was not in bed.

He wasn't in the bathroom.

I went downstairs and looked throughout the house. I couldn't find him.

I started feeling a little panicky.

I went back out to the party. There were far less people.

I didn't see him anywhere.

I was getting scared.

I sat down and tried to calm down. Blaine wasn't a child. He was a grown man. He could go anywhere he damn well pleased. But...he had been drunk. Where would he go? It was 2:00 in the morning.

I didn't want to alarm Russ and Mike.

Crap.

I didn't know what to do.

I went back upstairs to see if there was a note I had missed.

Nothing.

I decided to lay down for a while to wait and see if he came back.

Where the hell was he?

Of course, I ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, the sun was streaming in through the window. Blaine was standing there, looking out.

"Blaine, where the hell did you go last night? You had me worried!"

Silence.

"Blaine?" He turned and looked at me.

"I'm leaving Kurt."

"What?"

"I'm leaving. Going back to the city. I'll leave you plenty of cash so you can stay and then come back to the city next week but...I'm going back in the morning."

I could feel my chest tightening and my eyes welling up with tears.

"But, why? Why are you leaving me?"

"I'm...I'm sorry Kurt. I don't wanna hurt you. I'm such a mess and...you deserve so much better. I love you Kurt and that's why I'm leaving. You deserve to be with someone...easy like you are. Someone simple and not full of baggage from a previous strange and crazy relationship. You should call Mark. Despite that guy he had with him, I saw him looking at you. I guarantee you, if you call him, he will drop that guy and get with you in a second. You deserve someone nice and normal and stable. Not a fucking mess like me."

No.

I wasn't letting him leave.

I was going to fight for him.

And, I was going to win.

I slid off the bed, walked over to the bedroom door and locked it. I was taking a page from Jeremiah's playbook.

"I'm not letting you go."

"Kurt..."

"No! You are not leaving. You are not running from me in the name of doing it for me because you love me. If you love me then, you should want to be with me! Not leave me! I don't care that you have issues or that you're fucked up or whatever else you think is wrong with you. I love you Blaine. All of you. I'm in this to win. With you."

"Haven't I done enough shit to you in the past? Didn't you learn your lesson? Just let me leave Kurt. Please."

"Okay. You look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me and you don't want to be with me and I'll let you leave."

Silence.

I was relieved he didn't say anything. I walked over to him and took his hands.

"Blaine...what brought all this on? Why do you suddenly feel this way?" It didn't make sense. He had been doing so well...

He looked at me for a moment, then he let go of my hands and laid down on the bed, looking at the ceiling. I laid down next to him. He was quiet for a few minutes and then he started talking.

"Do you remember when I asked you about, how you and David had sex?"

"Yes."

"And then you asked me about, me and Jeremiah?"

"Yes."

"And I told you that he was always on the top and I was always on the bottom."

"Yes."

"Well...there's more to it than that."

I braced myself. I had heard of all types of sexual games and strange turn-ons but, outside of my newly discovered enjoyment of watching Blaine lick my cum off of various body parts, I was pretty innocent. I did have a few bondage fantasies I wouldn't mind exploring...

"Okay. What else?"

He turned to look at me. "Promise you won't judge me or jump to conclusions about Jeremiah."

Shit. What was he about to tell me?

"No judgments. No conclusions. I promise."

He looked back at the ceiling.

"Jeremiah used to fuck me everyday. Everyday. 365 days a year."

Okay...I could understand that. I wouldn't mind sex with Blaine everyday.

"Hard."

What?

"What do you mean, hard?"

He looked directly into my eyes. His eyes told me to listen carefully.

"Jeremiah and I had hard, brutal, some would say, cruel sex. He would fuck me until I screamed and then he would fuck me some more to keep me screaming. He would hold me down and make me beg for mercy but, he was always merciless. We never made love the way most people think of making love and, it wasn't as if we started out slowly and then ended up fucking. It always started off hard. Jeremiah would slam into me from jump. He fucked the hell out of me everyday. His goal was to eventually kill me, to literally fuck me to death but, he would settle with my passing out. His sexual appetite fed his artistic appetite. When he couldn't see the colors, he would tie me to the bed and he would just...fuck me all day and all night. We would take naps, we would go to the bathroom and sometimes we would eat but, otherwise...he would just fuck me. Hard, rough and unrelenting. Everyday."

He paused. Shame clouded his eyes and he turned away from me.

"And I loved it. Every fucking minute of it."

Oh.

Hmph.

Okay.

There were two thoughts swirling through my head as I listened to him. One, I now knew for sure that he had slept with Jeremiah during the whole 12 hours in the studio drama. And two, I was totally turned on listening to Blaine describe his sex life with Jeremiah. I wasn't interested in re-creating it but, listening to him describe being fucked until he screamed and being tied to a bed, was doing things inside of me that made me feel both horny as hell and guilty.

But, I was also confused. What did this have to do with him needing to leave?

"Okay. But, I still don't understand why you want to leave?"

"Kurt...I don't expect you to be like Jeremiah."

"I don't plan on being like Jeremiah." Although, I wouldn't mind tying him to the bed...

"But...what if I can't enjoy sex any other way? I mean Kurt, I really enjoyed what Jeremiah did to me. I know that probably sounds sick and twisted but...I did. I was addicted to it. I loved not being able to walk afterwards. I reveled in the soreness. That doesn't make sense Kurt. Do you know how fucked up that sounds? I am so screwed up."

I thought for a minute.

"Blaine, did Jeremiah ever make love to you? I mean, slow, gentle love-making? Like, ever?"

"No. Never."

"Did you ever make love to him?"

"Twice."

"Did you enjoy making love to him?"

"Yes."

"So...why don't you think you would like being made love to?"

I didn't give him a chance to answer. I scrambled on top of him and starting kissing him. Deep, firm kisses that I hoped expressed how much I wanted him. I slid my tongue inside his mouth and played with his. He moaned loudly and laced his fingers into my hair, pulling my mouth tighter to his. I finally forced myself to pull away from his mouth because I had work to do.

I was going to make love to Blaine Anderson. Sweet, slow, gentle, love. But, I was also going to rock his world. And I was not going to fuck him hard to do it.

You go Kurt!