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Chapter 21 – Winter 1920-1921

I tried to avoid being a distraction from their time as a just expanded family as Christmas approached. I helped out with anything they needed but I swore I would not be a burden - Helen and Thomas in their generous nature always pulled me into the fold even when I tried to step back.

I was happy, the happiest and the healthiest I had been in years. I couldn't have felt more loved than I felt in this home.

It was late January, my clothes were feeling tighter, when I first felt a movement within me. It was barely more than a flutter but it was enough. He or she was letting me know they were there.

At night, I would talk to my child. I would assure him that he was safe and protected. I would tell her how much she was loved. When I had my daily story time with Laura, I would make sure I was telling it to him or her as well.

Every few weeks a telegram or a letter would come, asking if they had heard from me. Sometimes it came from Michael and even George but often it was from Grace. Helen hated lying to her. No one knew what to believe back in Ohio, although there seemed to be doubt that I ran off with another man, but without me there to defend myself, all signs indicated that they were standing behind Charles.

The winter was harsh and kept us indoors and kept visitors away. Thomas would go to work but rush right home at the end of his day. I wished I could stay with them forever but I knew my time was limited.

By the time the snow started to melt in March, my wardrobe was thinning when it came to wearable clothes. Helen offered me her maternity clothes but being several inches taller than her I had to get some news clothes made.

It was a Thursday.

"I'm going to pick up my new expanded wardrobe," I called out to Helen as I put on my coat.

"Alright dear," Helen said coming into the hallway with Henry in her arms. "It is almost naptime for us." She hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Take your time and enjoy shopping on your own while you can."

"I will darling although I'll probably need a nap when I get home."

I made a couple stops and was heading back toward the house, packages in hand, when I felt a tug at my elbow. I turned to find Thomas had come up behind me. "Thomas, you gave me a fright. What are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?"

"Esme, dear, I need to speak with you and it can't wait," he was unusually agitated and I could feel the goose bumps forming on my skin.

"Of course," he took my arm and led me into a nearly deserted park.

"I'm so sorry Esme but Grace sent me a telegram first thing this morning. Your family knows you are here and are coming for you. I've spent the morning arranging for you to leave Milwaukee immediately."

I felt like my heart had stopped as I barely breathed, "How did they find out?"

I could tell his heart was heavy, "Sadly it was inadvertently Helen."

I was shocked.

"There wasn't that much detail in the telegram but I have my suspicions. Here is the telegram."

I read the message and fear and confusion clouded my mind.

CHARLES AND PLATTS KNOW SHE IS THERE. HE IS COMING. I AM SORRY. I BROKE HELEN'S CONFIDENCE AND DETRIMENTALLY CONFIDED IN GEORGE. KEEP HER SAFE.

I handed it back to Thomas and looked at him stunned, "I'm assuming she couldn't take lying to Grace anymore and wrote her something regarding you being safe or being here. I know Helen never meant any harm and I'm sure Grace doesn't know the whole story. But from what I understand Grace has becoming closer with George and his family since Helen and I left the area. I'm sure she confided in her brother because she trusted him but I've spent many hours talking with George over the years. He is a man of honor and respect. He believes in everything being in his proper place and I'm sure he feels that the only place you belong is beside Charles."

I thought back to when Charles was courting me and knowing how displeased George was when Charles would randomly show up unannounced to take me out. He thought it improper and I believed after we became engaged he showed some signs of relief that we were getting married. He felt deeply responsible for me when he was practically my guardian while I was teaching near his home. Charles behavior irritated him greatly even if he rarely voiced it. I don't know that he truly believed that we were doing anything improper, and we certainly were not, but I think he felt that my honor was being kept intact when I accepted Charles's ring.

"I'm sure you are right," I could feel the hair on the back of my neck standing up. What was I going to do?

"While I would like nothing better than to sit here and theorize with you Esme, my duty to you now is to get you out of town at once. Now please listen carefully, you have a teaching position waiting for you. I started making inquiries in December and a school near Ashland, which is a couple hundred miles north of here, was looking for someone to take over their one-room schoolhouse at the beginning of the year. I inquired this morning and they have someone filling in but are still looking for someone permanent and would be happy to have you start immediately."

"What about my condition?"

"They are aware you are expecting at the end of the school year. You also are now a recent widow whose husband died suddenly this winter. You are also an experienced teacher that comes highly recommended."

He pulled a large envelope out the briefcase he carried to work each day. "In here is everything you will need, including cash, to begin your new life and you will receive another envelope from me with documents I couldn't obtain this morning." I began to open the envelope, "Forgive me darling for picking a new name for you without your input but I hope it pleases you."

I looked at the first document, a letter of recommendation for Mrs. Anne Barstow. "I tried to pick something that would still have some meaning to you. You always spoke about your grandmother, your namesake, with such love I figured your mother's maiden name and the middle name you shared with your grandmother would be best."

"It is perfect. Thank you."

"I will take you to the train station. A Mrs. Mason will meet you at the train station in Ashland and get you settled. Abby is packing up your things as we speak. I sent word to her this morning to wait until nap time and so I must stop by the house to collect your things before they wake up."

"But I must say goodbye to them."

I could see the pain in Thomas's eyes as he firmly shook his head, "No Esme. I can't let you. It pains me greatly to separate you two but it will be too hard and take too long for such a farewell. She is going to blame herself and I know she would try to convince you to stay. She would try to come up with some type of solution and by then your husband will be breaking down our door."

I felt hot tears pooling in my eyes, "I'm so sorry to bring that horror to your door."

"No need to apologize. We brought this on ourselves. But," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small item, "we don't have time for this and I have one more thing to give you." He opened my hand and dropped a golden band into it. "I know you left your ring behind but you are a widow and as such would not be without this. It is barely more than tin but it is an important prop. Use it to ban yourself to your new life or your child but don't take it off."

"I'll use it to remember those I am leaving behind."

"Now that is one thing I hope you don't do."

I looked at him quizzically, "Esme forget about us. Forget about your family that has failed you over and over again and hasn't loved you as they should have. Let this life go and embrace your new one. I promise you that Helen and I will defend your honor until our last breaths but you can not dwell on that."

"I don't want to be the cause of friction between you and the family."

He smiled, "I believe it is a little late for that dear but even if we had to do it all over again, we would still stand by you. Whatever rift there is, which is now inevitable, is ours to bear and we have known all along that it would probably be the case. We will never reveal the condition you were in when you left us. We will never let them know what direction you headed. Besides the last envelope that I promised you will receive, you will never hear from us again. We will not try to find you. We will not try to contact you and I encourage you to move on after the baby is born. Head west as you once spoke of, although I know your family knows of your past fixation on heading that direction. Consider going north to Canada or maybe escape further to Europe, but take your new name and your new child and begin life again. Be free and be happy."

I couldn't speak but instead threw my arms around Thomas and hugged him tightly. He held me firmly to him for a moment and then released me and took my hand to help me up, "We have to go now."

I nodded and followed him out of the park and toward my soon to be former home. We turned a block early, down the street that ran a block behind the house. We cut through down the alley and came to a stop near the edge of the backyard. Thomas looked up and my eyes followed his gaze. The shades were drawn on the nursery window, indicating that the children were still sleeping. "Stay here and I'll retrieve your bag."

Just as he went to move the backdoor opened and we both froze. Abby suddenly poked her head around the doorway and motioned for us to stay there. She disappeared for a moment and then was out the door with my suitcase in her hand and rushing over to us in the alley. "I tore through your room quietly but thoroughly Mrs. Esme. I don't think I could have possibly missed anything."

"Thank you Abby."

"You're welcome ma'am. I'm sorry you have to leave us so suddenly but wish you the best."

"Thank you again."

"Abby," Thomas said, a seriousness and a slight nervousness to his voice, "Remember what I said in my note earlier. Do not let my wife know about Esme's departure. I will be home soon and I will let her know about it then."

"Yes sir," she nodded her understanding. "Good bye ma'am," she said and turned and head back into the house.

"Let's go. I don't want you to miss your train."

We headed back down the alley and moved briskly through the streets, being careful not to move so fast that we drew attention to ourselves. When we reached the station, there were only a few minutes before my train would take me away forever from the people I loved most. Thomas could sense my agitation and my grief as again the tears threatened to spill over.

He stood across from me and took my shoulders between his hands, "Esme, look at me." My face tilted upwards to meet his compassionate eyes. "I know this is so much to take in and so difficult for you as it is for me. If I could go back and change anything, I would have made sure you danced with my friends at our wedding instead of Charles Evenson, for several of them would have worshipped the ground you walk on if they had ever been given the chance to court you. You deserved to be loved and adored and honored as a wife. While I know your marriage may make you doubt the necessity or the authenticity of such a union, I hope you will find a man truly worthy of you some day."

"No, it is just me and my child now. I won't let a man rule over me again."

"But that is what I am saying Esme. When a marriage is what it should be there is an equality to it; it is a partnership not a dictatorship. It is based on mutual respect and love. There are good men out there dear and my greatest wish for you is that one finds you and makes you whole again; that your new life will include a new family and love, passion and respect, for you deserve it all. Let love into your heart because it is what makes you complete. Your ability to love is your gift and too many have tried to destroy it. Forget them. Forget us. Open your heart to someone new."

"If it is ever meant to be, I will try to remain open to it but my only priority now is the little one growing inside me."

I could feel my face flushing as he placed his hand on my stomach. "I am sorry that I will never get to meet him or her but it is for the best. This child will be loved though through space and time from Milwaukee."

"Until the end of my days, I will never be able to thank you for everything you have done for me Thomas."

At that moment, they called for my train. He pulled me to him once more. "Don't forget what I said darling. You are a treasure - sunshine and light and love. I pray that we meet again in the next life or, if God's grace will allow it, in this life, but I pray for your safety and happiness and please do as I say and forget us and move forward by moving on."

I sobbed, "Tell Helen I love her and Laura and Henry."

"They know you do," he said softly in my ear.

"And my brother."

"I will."

"I love you my dear friend."

"As I love you," he looked me straight in the eyes for a moment, pressed his lips lightly to mine and then released me. He took my arm and walked me to the edge of the platform and handed my suitcase up to the conductor and turned to me once more, "Good bye Mrs. Barstow and good luck."

"Thank you Mr. Cooper. My best to you and your family always."

The conductor held his hand out to me and I took it, stepping up onto the train, without a look back. I went inside and took a seat by the window. As the train began to pull away, I looked out to see Thomas, his eyes glistening, standing a few yards back watching the train and I disappear.

"Are you Mrs. Barstow?" asked a stout, tired looking but smiling older woman a moment after I stepped off the train.

"Yes I am. Mrs. Mason I presume?"

"You can call me Ida."

"Ida it is then and please call me Anne."

"Welcome to Ashland then Anne. I hope your journey wasn't too bad."

"I had to stay in Green Bay overnight but continued my trip without incident this morning."

"Do you have a trunk?"

"No, just what you see," I said holding up my suitcase. "I travel light."

"I should say so. Well come on then. I'll take you to your new home."

I was surprised when we walked over to a Model T parked nearby and she took my suitcase from me and put it in the back. "Do you drive?"

She nodded and warmly chuckled, "Don't look so surprised Anne. My husband died several years back and left this in the garage. I figured it should not go to waste and in your condition, it would be best for you to be driven."

My hand instinctually flew to my rounded stomach as I climbed up into the passenger seat. She started the car and nimbly started down the road, "So Anne, I'm anxious to hear all about you and I'm sure you want to hear all about the situation you are now taking over. I can't tell you how grateful I was to receive the telegram yesterday morning inquiring if the position was still available and then that you could get her so quickly."

"Oh? Why was that?"

"Because our last teacher, Miss Gibbs, got engaged late last summer and promised to finish out the school year but then changed her mind in November and decided to leave at the end of the year. Well, who wants to take over a teaching position in the middle of a school year in northern Wisconsin? I'll tell you who, absolutely no one. Besides that the weather makes it near impossible to get here anyway. So in the meantime, who ended up filling in? Well me of course."

"Of course," I smiled. I liked her already.

"My late husband, God rest his soul, was a man of influence and we were very involved in the community. People naturally come to me for things and I often feel obliged to assist. You see he was the proprietor of the local general store. My two boys are grown and run it now with their families and I help out when they need it. I've also spent many years teaching Sunday school and that led me to filling in as a substitute teacher for the school many times over the years but usually only for days at a time not months. That's a bit more time in front of a classroom than I like. Plus, I have other responsibilities - I'm also the local midwife, which is very convenient for you."

"That is convenient. Do you live near the school?"

"Just a stone's throw away. After I show you the school you are coming over for a bite to eat. I'll make sure that baby is well fed and healthy."

"That is too kind of you."

"I have my own motivation," she chuckled and I looked over at her to find her smirking, "I want you happy enough that you stay."

"Well if it is the right situation and the children are agreeable then I will. I can promise you that I am definitely not going anywhere through the end of the school year."

"How far along are you?"

"About six months. I'm due in June."

"So I have to make sure you hold it in until school lets out the second week."

I laughed, "I'll do my best. Maybe I can try to accelerate the lesson plan a bit so they get out a wee bit earlier."

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea. Here it is."

We pulled up in front of the school. It was a decent size. I could see my quarters, my new home, poking out from the left rear of the building.

As I stepped down, I asked, "Shouldn't school be in session today?"

Ida shrugged as she came around the car with my suitcase. "The current teacher had to go retrieve the new teacher from the train station so she cancelled class today."

She unlocked the door and let me inside. It was slightly larger than the school I had taught in before. "How many students are currently enrolled?" I asked as I walked up to the front of the room, taking in the smell of chalk mixed with the many years of burning wood in the stove.

"Forty-one students, ranging from ages six now to fifteen. A couple not so bright ones at the top but they are good kids for the most part. I rarely have had to use a switch this year. Luckily it is Friday so we'll have the weekend to get you up to speed."

She pushed open the door that led to my quarters and I entered. Again, it was slightly larger than the space I had before, which was good since in a few months I would not be alone in it. There was a bed, a desk, a dresser, a half empty bookcase, a sitting chair and few other scattered pieces of furniture. It would do for now.

"I'm sorry it is a bit dusty. I didn't have time to air it out with you arriving so quickly. I hope it will do. We raised the money to rebuild the teacher's quarters just three years ago. Only Miss Gibbs, or should I say Mrs. Greene now, lived here prior to you. You even have a real bathroom and electricity."

"And that is truly appreciated."

"I'm sure it is," she said, as she put my suitcase down on the ground. "Believe me if you had seen the old place, you would be on the first train out of here."

"I'm sure it was just fine."

"I'm sure it was a hole and that we lost several good teachers because of its severe conditions. Believe me, if it still looked like that, I would have never let an expectant mother take the job."

At that moment I felt a small kick within in me and I smiled as my hands once again ran over my stomach, "I believe the baby agrees with you or the baby is telling me it's hungry."

"And I'm sure mama is too," she reached out and took my hand and started leading me to the door. "Come on Anne, there is plenty of time to chat about school and look over your new home later. Let's head over to my house and get you something to eat."

I glanced over my shoulder at the space once more to admire the space that was my new home in my new life.