For the Hogwarts Forum
Writing Club, Showtime, "The World Was Wide Enough" (regret)
Word Count: 585
Rowena doesn't understand. No matter how many times Godric tells her that Salazar has gone, no matter how many times he mentions the letter he's left behind, the words do not seem to reach her.
She places a hand over her heart, trying to ignore the pain that has made itself a home within her body. The worst part is not the heartache. The worst part is the uglier emotion that weighs heavily on her and makes her heart threaten to sink pitifully in her stomach.
Salazar is gone, and yet he had been in her chambers the previous evening. She should have known something had been wrong, should have realized somehow.
"It is not appropriate to continue to meet with me like this," she tells him, though she's grown to enjoy his little visits more than she'd ever dare to admit. "Imagine if a student saw us. What sort of example are we setting?"
He doesn't laugh, and it makes her uneasy. Salazar may be a serious man, a man many would call cold, but he has always been gentler with her. She's certain she's the only one he's ever truly smiled for.
She had known. Maybe she can't bring herself to admit it, but she had seen something in his eyes. Her clever mind had simply refused to process it.
Regret sours her stomach. She blinks rapidly, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay.
"Rowena?" Godric takes her hand, lips pulled into a frown. "Are you ill? You look rather pale."
"I love you, Rowena."
She hesitates, her heart skipping a beat. Rowena knows her feelings well. She's never been able to apply such a strong word to anyone before in her life, and she is afraid to do it now. "Salazar, be sensible," she says, trying to force as much firmness into her words as possible. "We have shared our beds, but there is no love there. Please…"
"Rowena…"
"Rowena?"
"It must be the shock," Rowena says quietly.
It grows worse. She pulls away from Godric, splaying her fingers against the wall to support herself. Her breathing grows uneasy, and the room seems to spin around. "Actually, I'm not feeling well," she whispers.
"We'll get you to Helga quickly," Godric insists.
Rowena tries to protest, but he doesn't take no for an answer. Godric wraps his arm around, guiding her from her chambers and into the corridor.
He does love her. She sees the look in his eyes far too late. Salazar is gone before she can feel the regret set in.
She swallows that dark emotion down, holding her head high. She will not chase after him and return the sentiment. Such a gesture is reserved for a giggling schoolgirl. In the morning, she will find him, and she will tell him the truth.
"I don't understand."
Helga offers her a warm smile. Bless the dear woman. She has always been so kind. Many would judge Rowena for her current predicament, but her old friend remains gentle and open. Rowena wonders if a cruel word has ever passed the other woman's lips.
"I'm sure this must be quite a shock for you," Helga says gently, summoning a pot of tea and pouring Rowena a cup. "The news of our dear friend leaving can't have made it any easier."
Salazar…
Rowena closes her eyes, dropping her hand to her stomach. It's just one more regret. The man she could never admit to loving will never be able to meet his child.