Twenty-One.
By the time our movie was over, Edward and I were both full of pizza and beer and it was getting late. I wondered if he would make a move to leave, because I wasn't going to encourage it.
We were laying back on the bed, both on our sides, looking at each other while he played with my hair. It sent little goose bumps up all over my skin. His touch often did that to me.
Suddenly he moved to sit up and before I knew what I was doing, I followed and grabbed his arm. "I don't want you to go," I whispered.
He turned and looked at me, obviously surprised. His face turned serious. "Bella, you're not the only one taking risks here. I don't want to get hurt either."
I was speechless. I was stupid. I couldn't expect him to be around forever while I continued my relationship with Jake, but for some reason, I didn't want to be without him. "I don't know what to say," I said honestly.
"Say that you're not just playing with me. Say that this has the potential to be something more than it is," he said as he moved closer to me and cupped my face in his hand.
"I'm not playing with you," I said softly. "I don't know what this is, Edward. I can't explain it. All I know is that I love being around you. I feel safe with you, and you make me smile. I don't want to hurt you, but I have a lot to work through at the same time. I cannot make any promises right now."
"Then you have to let me in; make me understand why this isn't an easy decision. Does he kiss you like this?" he said as his soft lips found mine and his tongue danced across my lips, seeking my own. He sucked on my bottom lip. It made me melt. His kisses were always so passionate and desperate.
When he finally pulled away, I said, "No."
"Does he make you feel like I do?"
"No," I whispered.
"Is there an unexplainable electricity between the two of you, like there is with us?" he asked.
I shook my head, my eyes lost in his.
"Then make me understand, Bella. Please."
I struggled for air. This subject always made my chest tighten, but for some reason it was less intense being off the ship. I owed him this much, and if this thing between us were to ever be more than it is, he had to know.
"Stay the night, and I'll explain," I offered.
"Deal."
"But you have to know, it won't be easy. I'll probably have a panic attack and need an inhaler and there will be a lot of tears. Are you sure you're ready?"
I think he thought I was kidding at first. I wasn't.
"I'm ready. Change into your pajamas, find your inhaler, and I'll get the tissues."
I couldn't help but laugh at him. He was perfect in his efforts.