Chapter 21 - Aftermath, Part 1 - The Normandy
There was a blinding flash of light, a moment of disorientation, and then, with no time to adjust, no time to think, really, they were back. Back on a desert planet, with a thresher maw racing towards them. Shepard spared a moment to glance around. They were all there: Ashley, Vega, Cortez, even Sebastian. Their armour had mysteriously reappeared, as had their guns, but by the same logic the archer was missing his leathers and his bow now. No matter, there were more urgent concerns now.
"Run! Quick!" He grabbed Ashley's forearm, pleased to see she already had a firm hold on Sebastian's wrist, and dragged her toward a rocky outcrop, praying that Anders' spell would work.
And it did. It was a weird feeling, not like running, more like zooming through the air. In a mere heartbeat, they were at the foot of the promontory and began climbing - not a moment too soon, though. Just as Steve, who brought up the back, dragged himself over the edge, the thresher maw hurtled itself against the rocky hillside in impotent rage before withdrawing into the ground.
"We made it." Shepard grinned broadly, but then the realization hit him.
They were back. And he would never see Fiona again. Clenching his jaw, he tried to activate his omni-tool, exhaling sharply when it snapped to life as if it had never been gone.
"Joker?" He realized he sounded shaky.
"Commander? Shit, where have you been? You dropped off the radar for almost five minutes there." There was some interference, but it was unmistakably his pilot's voice.
"Five minutes." Shepard bit back a slightly crazed laugh. "The shuttle is gone. Pick us up, Joker. All five of us."
"Five? I mean, yes, sir." There was a faint muttering in the background, no doubt EDI chipping in with additional information. And then the Normandy was on her way to pick them up.
She went to meet Sebastian in the med bay where he had been subjected to a thorough examination, probably just as much to ascertain he wasn't a danger to them as for his own benefit, Ashley suspected. Yet when she arrived, she heard Chakwas' laugh, even before the doors opened and his warm, lilting voice reached her ear. Succumbed to his charm as well, have you, doctor? Well, Ashley couldn't blame her.
"He's all yours, Lieutenant Commander." Chakwas gave her a sly look. "No problems with his health or constitution, as far as I can see, though I recommend regular check-ups for at least a few months to come. We need to make sure Sebastian adapts well to our living conditions."
Sebastian, is it? Ashley bit back a grin. "I'm sure that's a good idea," was all she said aloud. "Come on. There's a place I need to show you."
Sebastian jumped up from the examination table with a bright smile that set her heart aflutter. God, he should be illegal! He had changed out of his familiar linen clothes into a pair of fatigues and a black alliance T-shirt, borrowed from Steve, who was roughly his size and build. The outfit suited him only too well. The fabric of the shirt, a little too tight for him, clung to his well-muscled chest and upper arms and Ashley had a hard time keeping her eyes off him. She wasn't the only one. As she led him through the ship's corridors, he drew more than one admiring gaze from the other crew members, a fact he wasn't oblivious to.
She took him to the Starboard Observation Deck, her favourite haunt ever since she'd come back aboard the Normandy. On the way there she noticed a few small signs that he wasn't quite as assured as he pretended to be, a slight shaking of his hands, brief, anxious glances at his surroundings, a quick biting of his lips. For a moment she tried to imagine what this must be like for him, all the bright lights and strange noises, odd contraptions and incomprehensible routines. I'd probably curl up screaming in a corner, begging for it to stop. All things considered, he was taking it fairly well.
When they entered the lounge, she took his hand and led him over to the big observation window. "There. See? Isn't it beautiful?"
Ashley heard him draw a deep breath, but he didn't answer. For a long time, he just looked, then he turned with a sigh and sank down on the shiny black sofa, running his hands across the unfamiliar material.
"Maker. I never imagined-" He was trembling, and she sat down at his side, grasping his hands in hers.
"Regrets?" It would be only too understandable, yet she feared his answer.
But he shook his head vigorously. "No. No regrets. I've never been more certain that I'm doing the right thing."
Ashley squeezed his hand harder. "But what about the Chantry? What about Elthina? What about your vows? I know they mean something to you."
He nodded, his face sober. "That's what sets you apart from all the others. You've always respected my decisions, even though-"
Sebastian took a deep breath. "I don't know whether I can explain it properly. All my life, there's been this... fire burning inside me, and I never knew what to do with it. When I was young, I let it consume me. I drank, I whored, I committed petty crimes. I was living life to the full, or so I thought, but it was never enough. Then my parents gave me to the Chantry and I realized things would have to change. I tried. I wanted to be sincere. I told myself I could subdue my passions, find serenity, burn only for the Maker. I even managed to rein in my fury over what happened to my family, eventually." He sighed. "I was fooling myself. Maybe one day I'll get there. Maybe one day I'll be as calm and detached as I strove to be. But not yet."
"Sebastian, you-" Ashley could no longer just listen. She had to tell him-
He raised a hand, signalling for her to let him continue. "You came into my life and the fire flared up again. I tried to beat out the flames, tried to tear my love for you from my heart. I couldn't. And then the Maker showed me another way, and I realized how stupid I'd been." His eyes were shining now. "All my life I listened to what others told me I had to do and I either rebelled against it or tried to follow their wisdom. But I never listened to my heart. And when I finally did I realized that my passions... They are a part of me. They need to be properly channelled, turned toward something good. I knew I had to come with you, do whatever I could to help you. I knew that at your side the heat would turn into a comforting warmth." He broke off, blushing. "And yet, now that I'm here I find that I'm scared of all the strangeness. I tremble like a child. It's all so different."
"Some things are just the same as before." Ashley caught his gaze and held it.
To her relief, he smiled at that, some of the tension draining from his shoulders. "Are they?" He cupped her cheek, drawing her closer and brushing his lips against hers. "Are they really? Because if they are, then I can deal with everything else."
She made a small, affirmative noise and he shuddered, kissing her in earnest now. His skill at kissing hadn't suffered at least, and it was only moments until she was moaning into his mouth, her fingers tangling in the curls at the nape of his neck, her whole body aching for his touch.
"Wait." When she came up for breath, she remembered something important. "EDI? Would you lock the door and give us some privacy, please?"
"Certainly, Lieutenant-Commander Williams." Sebastian flinched at the sound of the disembodied voice coming from the walls, but then he leaned in and kissed her again.
"Are you really sure? Your vows-" Ashley could have slapped herself the moment the words left her mouth, but he never even let go of her lips, murmuring against them without breaking the kiss.
"My vows had their meaning as long as my life belonged to the Chantry. But everything's changed now. And if I have a future with you..." His lips travelled down her throat, igniting small flames under her skin all along the way, until he suddenly stopped, looking up straight into her eyes with those impossibly blue eyes. "Do I?"
Ashley gasped, almost ready to whine at the loss of his hot lips. "You know you do. I... I love you."
It was as if a dam had broken. Sebastian's eyes lit up at her words and he mouthed them back at her before redoubling his caresses, so expertly he had her panting within minutes. Their clothes were discarded without further delay and then she felt him, naked and warm all along her body, and it was better than she could have imagined, so close, so real, so utterly intimate. He was kissing her everywhere, his lips scorching hot on her skin, his face intent and focussed, and she was burning for him, aching for his touch, yearning to feel him.
Isabela's remarks about his wild youth echoed in her ears when he spread her legs and bent down to taste her, because God he was so incredibly good at this! His tongue and lips found all her most sensitive places with unerring certainty, making her keen with lust. He was greedy, like a man starved for years, as if he couldn't get enough of her taste, her flesh shuddering under his caresses. She moaned helplessly, writhing beneath him, but then he suddenly pulled back, panting hard, his hands balled into fists.
"Give me a moment." His voice was unsteady, and she realized he was hanging by a thread. "Just... Too much." He took several deep breaths, his eyes closed, and when he opened them again he flashed an apologetic smile at her. "I'm sorry. It's been so long, and I want... I need to make this good for you."
Ashley swallowed, following the line of his jaw with her fingers. "Nothing you could do would make this anything less than perfect for me."
His grin turned mischievous and he quickly twisted his head, catching her finger between his lips. "That is a comforting thought." Oh God, his voice! It seemed to have dropped even deeper, rough and husky, and when his tongue began to swirl around her fingertip, with just the faintest hint of suction, it was almost enough to send her over the edge. She cried out, her hips bucking up involuntarily, and there was no missing the glint of triumph in his eyes.
Then his hands were back on her thighs, and he was spreading her legs again. All conscious thought was lost as he slid a long finger deep inside her. All she knew was she was his, and she wanted him, needed him, needed all of him and she was dimly aware she was telling him, babbling in a voice she didn't even recognize as her own. But he soaked it all up, and his eyes turned dark listening to her, dark with a desire that was furious and tender at the same time, a combination she wouldn't have believed possible.
Sebastian kept holding her gaze while he moved between her legs and arranged them around his slim hips. His eyes never left hers as he carefully positioned himself and then suddenly thrust forward, burying his length inside her, so deep that she could do nothing but scream at the sheer perfection of the feeling. So full, so complete, so gloriously perfect! And he didn't look away when he began to move, a soft rolling motion of his hips that made her come utterly undone.
It was almost embarrassing how quickly she clenched around him, too shattered to even scream, her whole body consumed with white-hot fire, racing through her veins and making every inch of her burn with sheer, naked pleasure. He laughed, a low, triumphant laugh, and just kept going, grinding into her at a steady, rhythmic pace. There he was, propped up on top of her, his movements so utterly graceful, so sublimely beautiful that she couldn't take her eyes off him as he led her to yet another peak, even more overwhelming than the first. This time she took him with her, though, shuddering and gasping through the final aftershocks of pleasure until he collapsed on top of her, completely spent.
It took her a while to become aware of her surroundings again. When she did, Sebastian was lying next to her on his back, eyes staring at the ceiling, a hint of worry already returning to his expressive features.
"Will you be okay?" Ashley gently traced his cheekbone with her fingertips, marvelling at the perfection of his bone structure.
He nodded. "I think I will. With all this..." He made a sweeping gesture with his hand, including their bare bodies, wrapped around each other. "How could I not be?" He pulled her hand to his lips, breathing a kiss on her knuckles. "I'll need something to do. Maybe I can help the good doctor, to start with." He sighed. "I miss my bow, though."
Ashley couldn't help but smile. "We will get a bow for you. It may take a while, but we will find one. And in the meantime..." She disentangled herself from his arms and rolled off the sofa, reaching for her clothes. "You will come with me to the shooting range and I will introduce you to my sniper rifle. I'm sure the two of you will hit it off immediately."
The mess hall was almost empty at this time of the night, but James actually preferred it that way. Easier to be alone with his thoughts and memories, easier to avoid the curious gazes. He finished his plate quickly, then sat back for a moment, closing his eyes in contemplation.
"Feels strange to be back here, doesn't it, LT?" Shepard dropped into a chair opposite to his, picking at his food with an expression of disgust.
"Amen to that, Commander." James made a valiant attempt to smile. "And not just in a good way."
"I know." Shepard sighed. "How is Steve taking it?"
James shrugged. "Hard to tell. He misses Anders, but I think he's doing okay. Sad, but not broken, you know."
"And you? Miss your pirate queen?" Shepard's tone was light, but his eyes were alert, ready to pick up on anything that would indicate distress.
"Sure do." James snorted. "Especially at night, if you catch my meaning. But hey," he said, aiming for the same lightness, but failing miserably. "It was too good to last anyway, wasn't it?"
Shepard closed his eyes for a moment. "Yes. It was."
Shit. It must be worse for him. True love and all that. James threw all caution to the wind. "What about you? How are you holding up?"
To his surprise, Shepard didn't tell him to back off. He just sighed again and shook his head. "You heard Fiona. We both have a job to do. With so much at stake, what else could we have done? Besides... No, that sounds ridiculous." He broke off, almost blushing.
"What, loco?" James reached out for Shepard's hand on the table, squeezing it briefly. "I'm sure it's not."
Shepard took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "In a way, she's here with me, James. Not in the way I want her to be, obviously, but her love... I can feel it. I know I'm not alone." He blinked. "There. I told you it sounds ridiculous."
"Not at all, Commander." James shook his head. "Not at all."
Many thanks to zevgirl for helping me with this! And I do apologize for the delay in posting, but I was away for a few days.