AN: I keep forgetting to mention that Fallacy's Humanization is the main inspiration for making me write this (as well as her other Tresther fics Heart Apparatus and Another Day). The other prime inspiration is ValarSpawn with The Gunslinger and the Star, and Under the Vicinity of Mistletoe. Those are two great writers! This is all over the place in comparison, I think, lol, but maybe because it's so long. Thank you for all the reviews and I'm so sorry about taking so long! I just was working on other stuff and couldn't think how to complete this chapter. But today I spent most of the day finishing this and here we are! So many, many thanks to kookey, K. Vertumno, gracymarei22, Lucadris, K'FireBurst, brainfear, Shi-P-Dream, Sasha555566, Dana89899 and ScarletKira (who also featured this fic on her wordpress blog and got my bum in gear in regards to this chapter – thanks!). You guys are seriously the best – I love hearing from you! And now, finally twenty-one!

Chapter Twenty-One

Things were bittersweet. They were breaking a lot of regulations by being together. Esther sighed, staring at her ceiling. The room was pitch black; relatively inexperienced agents didn't get the good rooms, so the moon was blocked from view. She still couldn't fully believe what had happened was real. The very idea of Tres expressing any emotion when she'd first met him was ludicrous, let alone love.

Their life in AX was in shambles, though. Both Tres and Esther had been suspended from active duty until Caterina decided what to do with them. There had been no word from Abel, and Esther couldn't help but notice with a sinking heart he'd been struck from the mission logs.

To pass the time, Esther would take walks with Tres, exploring parts of the Vatican grounds she hadn't time to look at previously. When there was no one around, they would hold hands as they walked. In more private moments, Esther would draw Tres close and they would share a few tantalising kisses before moving on. The last thing the both of them needed was their newly flourishing relationship to get discovered and used against them.

Tres was currently the one light in Esther's life. It kept her going, pushing through the hardship their actions had brought upon them.

She sensed Tres was getting impatient about being suspended; it was clear although the Vatican was his home, he enjoyed working. At the same time, he didn't seem annoyed about spending time with her.

'Quite the opposite,' she thought with a dreamy smile.

"I hope you're thinking of me," a voice said and Esther yelped, head snapping to the source of the comment.

Leon grinned at her and Esther leapt to her feet.

"Leon!" she cried, hugging him tight.

"So you were thinking of me!" he teased and Esther laughed before swatting his arm.

"Don't flatter yourself," she chastised and Leon chuckled.

"I can't help myself. How are you? I've seen the mission logs. I can't believe Abel's been struck off and you and Tres have been put on hold. What on Earth happened, Esther?"

Esther shook her head.

"The story is… too long and classified to say out here," she said, making Leon's eyebrow quirk.

"Wow, did the boss lady tell you guys off that badly?"

Esther chuckled half-heartedly.

"Something like that. Let's go somewhere less open. Where do you think would be best?" she asked and Leon paused and blinked, making Esther's brow crinkle with concern.

"Sorry. I just had to mentally censor myself," he said with a smirk and Esther laughed properly, smacking his arm again.

"Yeah, I know – I'm a big pervert who's way too old for you. You need to make some friends your own age," he teased and Esther embraced the warmth in her chest buoying her. This was how she was meant to feel.

'Like when I get to be alone with Tres… just… happy.'

"Well I did that once and it didn't go so well. I think his name was Dietrich von Lohengrin, or something," she joked and Leon grinned.

"Touché. All right, let's try the east wing. No-one hangs out in the corridors much," he suggested and Esther nodded. She didn't think she'd been in that part of AX and had no idea what was meant to be there.

"All the intelligence geeks are squirreled away there. It used to be called Intel Alley back in the day, but more of their work has fallen to us in recent years. The Rosenkreuz Orden has got more secretive," he explained and Esther rubbed her arm.

"Was I that obvious?" she asked and Leon gently stroked a stray piece of hair from her cheek, eyes soft and warm.

"Esther, you wear your heart on your sleeve. Even when you don't want to show how you feel, it's easy to tell when something's wrong." He carried on walking, guiding Esther through the maze of corridors. She suddenly realised something.

"This is the first time I've seen you on the Vatican's grounds."

Leon nonchalantly shrugged.

"Yeah, well I'm not here much. Last time musta been about three of four months ago."

Esther was surprised it was that long ago for him, but the look on his face made her decide to leave the questions bubbling in her alone. Leon slowed down, looking around to find the corridor deserted, and sat on a nearby stone slab windowsill. Esther joined him, briefly gripping his arm to pull herself up. Her legs dangled uncomfortably.

"So what brings you here?" she asked.

Leon stretched, muscled arms raised to the ceiling, bones popping in his neck and shoulders. Esther cringed, which made Leon grin.

"I gotta brief respite between missions, ya know? Can't always be something for me to do. I don't really like it here, though. I only came because you and Abel would be here. Looks like I missed Abel though, huh?"

Esther bit her lip.

"It's my fault," she found herself saying and Leon looked confused.

"What?"

Esther explained what happened, not caring whether Caterina would blow a fuse if she knew she'd told Leon everything that had happened. Leon watched Esther silently as it all poured out of her. By the end she was glad to have it off her chest.

He didn't speak right away, for which Esther was glad. She needed time to calm down as her mind flickered with her diminishing options in light of current events. Eventually, he lightly gripped her hand, making her turn her gaze on him.

"Esther… this wasn't your fault. That bastard Dietrich chose the most useful and dangerous piece of information to give to you. He knew you couldn't keep it from Abel. Dietrich knew it would cause trouble either way, ya know? If you weren't to tell him, and he found out… well, there'd probably be more than hell to pay and you'd be dropped right in the middle of it. So, this way was for the best." He gave her hand a pat before letting it go and sliding off the windowsill to pace.

"So you've given your heart to a man of metal," he sighed, making Esther watch worriedly, "I hope for your sake he knows how precious that is." Their eyes met and her stomach panged at the sight of his sad eyes.

"He's more human than you could know," she immediately replied and Leon simply grunted and folded his arms, his gaze sliding off to the side.

"It's all well and good having a little fun here and there, but proper relationships are punishable in AX. One of you could be thrown out."

Esther rubbed her face.

"I know. Things are a big mess right now and I feel powerless. I don't know what to do," she admitted and Leon folded his arms, eyes deadly serious. Leon being serious made Esther pay rapt attention.

"Being in AX for you isn't a prison sentence. You can leave whenever you like, Esther. Tell Caterina you're outta here and go find a nice parish, help them out until you get ya head on straight. It's dangerous to be in the field in this state. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you when you've told me all this stuff. These are the warning signs. I got it with Hugue. Man didn't talk much, but when he did I shoulda heard the alarm bells. Now he pretty much does what he pleases and the boss lady can't rein him in without probably getting a load of people killed in the process. If she thought any of us were going that way, she will put a stop to it immediately. Boss lady never makes the same mistake twice."

Esther swallowed and got off the windowsill. His words struck a note in her; a clear, decisive note.

"You're right. It's not a prison sentence," she said, blinking before smiling slightly, "I've been looking at this wrong and you just me the perspective I needed. Thank you, Leon. Lately I've been feeling like AX is a weight around my neck dragging me down. That I couldn't leave without forsaking it forever. And that's not what I want. I love the people here, I always want to do so much better, be more useful, more dangerous – whatever I need to be to succeed. That's what's made these past missions weigh so heavily; the feeling of failure, of inadequacy. I need time to get better, to 'get my head on straight', I guess. Do you think Lady Caterina will listen?"

Leon approached and pulled her into a hug.

"Like I said – boss lady never makes the same mistake twice."

Life was hard. It was weird to think she hadn't understood this properly until now. Things didn't always go your way. You couldn't always have your cake and eat it. Sacrifices needed to be made. But Esther still had hope that in the end, perhaps things could be better, even if it hurt right then.

She stood outside Tres' quarters, unable to summon the courage to knock, let alone simply walk in. Sacrifice. Her chest felt tight at the thought of Tres' expression as she explained herself. The words she planned to say wound around her mind like a long mantra.

'I wonder if he can sense me outside the door?'

She seriously hoped not.

Whatever the case, it galvanised her into lightly tapping on the door. There was a pause before it opened to reveal, but Esther got the paranoid feeling he'd been waiting and really wasn't good at deception, acting programs be damned.

"Esther," he greeted, stepping back to let her pass. His dark eyes glinted with that look that Esther treasured more than anything as she walked by him. He closed the door and Esther immediately nestled in his arms, desperate to feel his warmth, his arms slide around her, experimentally brushing her waist.

"Are you all right?" he asked, studying her carefully. Esther wondered what conclusions he drew, but decided not to ask. Instead she led him to his sofa and sat down. His hand, as ever, was slightly warmer than a human. It was comforting, so she couldn't bear to let go as he sat beside her quizzically.

"I need to talk to you. About what I plan to do, since… everything. With us, with Abel, Caterina and AX."

He sat patiently, but Esther couldn't help but notice how his eyes were fixed in her direction.

"I can't in good conscience remain a nun anymore," she said, her brows bowing with sorrow, "I… I don't know what I want to be. I was raised a nun, so I just always believed it would be that way. Even when I met Dietrich and we spent time together, in some ways I didn't take it too seriously. It wasn't until… all the trouble with the Star of Sorrow, and Bishop Laura… and Abel that I began to realise my life wasn't going to be easy. That perhaps I couldn't remain a simple nun, even if I wanted to."

Esther looked down at her feet, her heart pounding. She'd never dared to voice these fears she'd been having for so long. Her feelings for Tres were what pushed her into finally confronting them. Tres simply watched her, silently but carefully. Esther drew in a breath, squeezing his hand for reassurance.

"So, I'm going to speak to Lady Caterina. I'm going to tell her why I don't think I can remain with the Vatican anymore. I won't mention you, though, Tres. I don't want to get you into trouble on my account. I just need time to think about what I want to do, gain experience. AX hasn't suited me right now, though I enjoy helping people. And I met you, Abel, Leon, William, and Kate… so many kind people. It doesn't mean I'll be gone forever. I'm going to come back when I'm prepared and capable. This all happened so quickly, I got lost in the adventure, the joy and the pain of it all. And really, I could have done much better. I think I could have maybe even brought Dietrich in. There's no point going on about what ifs, though, is there? It's done now. But if I didn't learn from all that's happened, Tres, I wouldn't forgive myself. Understand?"

Tres stiffly nodded. She could see how tense he was, as if he already knew what she was about to say.

"I'm going alone, Tres. I can't take you away from this place. This is your home, where you're most comfortable. I loved my church and I never thought I'd leave it. But when everything I loved had been taken away, it wasn't a home anymore. I hope one day this place will truly feel like home; that I'll feel that way again about somewhere."

She sniffed, blinking in an attempt to prevent herself from crying. Her throat was constricted but she held herself together. She couldn't bring herself to pull him away from this place, his sanctuary. She couldn't tell him that he was her home now, that she loved him and wanted them to go away together. Tres kept staring at her and it was breaking her heart the look he was giving her. She'd never believed he could ever look at her like that.

"Look, it's okay," Esther said with a smile, caressing Tres' cheek, "I don't want you to follow me because you feel you have to. You've given me something… I can't even put it into words. You've helped to set my mind straight, to make me realise what's important and what I need to do. For a long time I thought I didn't belong here, that I'd been carried off into AX. But I understand that the people I've met in AX have never told me I don't belong here, or that I'm not good enough. I realise that they're sure I'm AX material. It was just me who didn't understand that the skills are in here, they're just not quite ready to be put to good use. Now that I know that, I know that this is how it's got to be. I won't be gone forever – I will return, I promise."

"I understand," he replied, standing. Esther heart sunk when she realised Tres' face betrayed nothing, but by doing so said everything to her.

"Tres… I love you."

He closed his eyes. A hand brushed his chest and he took hold of it, gently holding it in place over where his heart should have been. But he was simply a shell for wires and machinery. It was no place for these foreign emotions.

The hand slipped out of his grasp and he remained still, even as he heard her walk away.

"Goodbye, Esther," he said and the door clicked shut.

Esther slept badly, but she expected it after her talk with Tres. She wasn't angry; she was certain she understood a lot of Tres and his inability to communicate at times. He was still learning, still dealing with everything she'd brought up to do with his origins. She couldn't expect him to suddenly become human before her, though she couldn't pretend how wonderful it would be. Patience eluded her at times.

The fact she was sitting outside Caterina's office at practically the crack of dawn was a testament to this. It was another hour before she was allowed in. Esther entered as confidently as she could. Once she'd set her mind, nothing was going to change it now. Caterina sat at her desk, unmoved by Esther's appearance.

"I am informed you wish to speak to me about something important," Caterina said as Esther drew closer.

Esther nodded, desperately trying not to wring her hands.

"Our last mission was a disaster. And I have picked apart everything I have done with AX, every decision, every reaction," she said, her mind briefly flitting through all the various disasters. Methuselah trying to kill her, Dietrich's torments, Abel's reaction to Dietrich's 'help'.

"And I presume you have come to a conclusion?" Caterina questioned, though Esther could tell from her expression she knew perfectly well she had. Esther took a deep breath before launching into the details of her plan.

"I realise that I'm not ready to stay in AX. I have some things to do first, some growing up to do. When I'm ready, I'll return to you, Lady Caterina, a proper member of AX. Then I promise you can do what you want with me."

Caterina's eyes bored into Esther, but she remained calm.

"You think you will benefit AX in the long run then, by taking this leave?" Caterina asked and Esther nodded.

"I'm promising you my life, Lady Caterina. All I'm asking is a free reign to become what I need to be to serve AX to the best of my ability. It's no good being skilled if mentally I feel ready to break. I need to strengthen that mental fortitude otherwise I'm just dead weight. I want to be controlled, precise."

'And happy,' she mentally added with a soft sigh.

Caterina was silent for an unnerving amount of time. She stood, walking to stare out of the window. Esther had begun to think Caterina had forgotten she was there until she turned to look at her.

"AX was built to safeguard the Pope and his people. Many who come to us do so out of necessity. The few who dedicate themselves wholly to this cause have always stood out and become important members of this unit. Abel is one such individual, though he has a few tricks most of us don't. And Tres was another. I know you are responsible for turning his head from here," Esther opened her mouth to try and protect Tres, but Caterina raised a hand, "I know you did not mean to, but the damage is already done and out of my control. But I believe this promise you have given me will allow you both to perform to the best of your abilities and gift AX with two agents unsurpassed in time. I will grant your request, Esther Blanchett, but in return you must swear to be gone no longer than two years. You may redress this issue in two years time. You know I must have you brought in if you don't comply."

Esther smiled regardless of the warning.

"I understand, Lady Caterina, and accept your conditions."

Caterina gave a slight smile, her harsh gaze softening. Esther couldn't help but notice how sad she looked.

"Then go, Sister Esther Blanchett, and may the Lord bless you and keep you."

Esther inclined her head and left, her heart finally feeling free.

She had spent the last several hours walking around AX's grounds almost five times, exploring pathways she'd never even walked down. It was strange; she'd never spent enough time there to even know where everything was, but it was still going to be a loss when she left. It was one of the few places Esther felt peace.

'I wonder what Tres is doing?'

Esther's stomach clenched. She still wasn't sure if their last conversation counted as a goodbye. If it didn't, she knew she didn't have the strength to face him before she left. Perhaps that was the real reason she was still wandering the grounds even as the sun had begun to set.

'It's time to go.'

She returned to her room. Her bag was already packed. Her worldly possessions fit into a medium sized backpack. She hadn't time to exactly put down roots in AX.

Her room didn't feel empty without her things. Esther peered out of the window. It really was a terrible view, which made her smile a little. Well, at least that was one thing she wouldn't miss. She picked her bag up and left the room, locking the door and leaving the key with the woman who managed to female dormitory before heading for the entrance. The archway faced west, so the land stretched out before her was soaked in orange and gold.

'I'll be back AX, just you wait. Better than now.'

She swallowed and started to walk.

"Esther, wait."

She immediately spun around, heart pounding. She'd been committed and everything!

"Tres," Esther breathed, eyes wide.

Tres walked over to her, case in hand.

"Where shall we go?"

Esther just threw her arms around him, tears blurring her vision.

"You stupid, stupid man," she cried.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"I… I was so ready to leave you here, to go it alone. And now you're here and my resolve crumbled into nothing. Some mental fortitude I've got."

"You do not need to be alone. I will be with you," he told her and Esther gripped him tighter. How could such simple words do this to her? It didn't matter anymore.

"Thank you," she whispered into his shoulder. She could feel his warm steady hands carefully rubbing her back and she pulled back with a teary smile.

"What did you say?" She couldn't imagine Caterina had wanted Tres to leave as well.

"I told them I wanted to accompany you and that I loved you. I offered to keep you safe until you returned, but Lady Caterina was not in a position to talk. She looked angry," he explained and Esther smiled.

"You love me?" she questioned and he brushed her cheek with a finger.

"Affirmative."

Esther chuckled. He really did have a sense of humour when he wanted to. She pulled her satchel over her shoulders, tightening the straps.

"AX is losing some of its best members. You are Abel are out of her control. I used to think she set these missions to mess us about, but I understand how important maintain AX and the safety of humans is. It's not a game to her, and if she has to send us through hell, she will if it gets things done. I was so angry at her sometimes, when none of this has been personal. It's those childish ways of looking at things that made me realise I had to go away for a while and grow up. I'm glad you're coming with me. I… don't know what I would have done without you."

"You would have been fine, Esther. You are stronger than you think you are," he told her. Esther smiled, wrapping an arm around his.

"You really think so?"

He nodded.

"Of course. I wouldn't have been interested, otherwise."

Her eyes widened.

"And it all comes out now! So you were interested in me! How far back?" she questioned as they left the Vatican and set out on their new journey together.

"I am not permitted to tell you such things," he replied and she lightly smacked his arm.

"You liar! I want to know!"

He smiled at her and her heart fluttered. His face was illuminated by the setting sun, giving his eyes a warm hue.

"It may have started on a train, though I cannot be precise where these changes in me began…"

Esther grinned at his expression. He really was becoming more human with each passing day. It gave her hope for their future.

"You're such a liar. It's totally where this all began. But the fact you're trying to hide it makes you kind of sweet, so I forgive you. Come on, before AX decide they want us back whether we like it or not."

Tres nodded.

"Do you think we could keep an eye out for Abel?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied and Esther beamed.

They walked, arm in arm, towards the horizon. As they did, Esther just knew they were at the start of something strange and wonderful.

AN: So yes, technically this is the end. There is an epilogue, which I will get around to finishing, but since I actually finished this I wanted to get it out ASAP, since it should have been done ages ago and I just fail as a writer. I've given this a once over, but I haven't thoroughly checked this for spelling/grammar issues, but shall in the next couple of days hopefully! I really hope you enjoyed this!